Disclaimer.
Bankostu: Ooh, look who gets to be in the disclaimer again.
Hiten: Whoo…-___-
Naraku: Hey, at least I'm in this fic.
Kouga: Yeah, what happened to fucking Christmas you whore?
Watch it or you're all fucked. -.-
Naraku: *sighs* she doesn't own Inuyasha.
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"Wendy's!" Bankotsu, Kouga, and Hiten whined from the backseat of Naraku's car. Naraku sat in the driver's seat, already annoyed, and Hakudoshi sat beside him in the passenger.
"I fucking heard you!" He snapped and all three snickered. It was a Friday afternoon and they had a half day at school. "Remind me why I'm your ride today."
"Well the girls made plans, my Jeep's in the shop, and Hiten and Bankotsu are too poor for a car." Kouga explained.
"I get that but why me?" He asked and Hakudoshis rolled his eyes.
"Why me, why me?" Hiten mocked and waggled his fingers.
"You owe us for covering you last week." Bankotsu winked and Naraku sighed as he pulled in the Wendy's parking lot. Sesshomaru and Kikyou were doing things he did not want to be around for and Renkotsu had work; so unfortunately, these idiots wanted to spend their day with him. He sighed again and walked inside with Hakudoshi following. Hiten, Kouga, and Bankotsu followed soon after and they waited in line.
"What a fucking gay ass English project." Kouga scoffed as he read through the rubric he received earlier today.
"I got mines done." Bankotsu said enthusiastically and they all blinked at him.
"You actually did it?" Naraku asked in disbelief.
"Uh huh." Bankotsu nodded his head up and down and pulled out a small booklet from his back pocket. "Did it in my psychology class." He said smugly.
"How to….be a Bagger at Stop and Shop…" Kouga read as he held the book. "Do you have any idea how offensive this is?" He glared.
"Yeah, seriously." Hiten rolled his eyes.
"…I find it amusing." Naraku smirked and they all arched a brow at him and he shrugged. "I hang out with Kikyou; that stuff just grows on ya." He explained and they all went back to the booklet, ignoring the strange reaction.
"Guys, its not like its another random idea that came to mind…in my wellness health class we were talkin' 'bout poverty and then…I figured hey, why not dedicate a book to the minimum wagers?" He grinned and they both just stared at him.
"You have issues…" Hiten muttered.
"Should see him when he's talking to Kagura." Hakudoshi said casually and they sighed. Kouga handed back the book.
"Aren't you gunna read it?" Bankotsu pouted.
"Tch, no." Hiten scoffed and Bankotsu looked to his feet. "Fiiine." He drawled out, caving for his friend's pout. Bankotsu's eyes lit up.
"Trust me, its pretty impressive." He boasted.
"Mhm, suuure." Kouga sighed as they walked up to order their food.
"Uh….two baconators, two medium fries, small cokes and….three kid meals." Naraku ordered and they all glared at them. "Tch, my money mooches." He rolled his eyes. Hiten held out cash and he smiled. "Alright, three more baconator meals." He added and they rolled their eyes. They got their food and sat at the booth contently.
"So let's have at it." Kouga said as he started devouring his food. Bankotsu threw the book to the middle of the table and Naraku snatched it, reading to himself.
"Whoa…it actually makes sense…" He shrugged as he scanned it. He threw it back to the middle and Hiten picked it up.
"Recently, the amount of jobless teenagers and fat old people who are too lazy to get a real education has gone up. This has been bad for the nation-wide grocery store, Stop and Shop, because although it gives them many options, most of them are bad ones that lazy people apply for, here's how to make yourself stand out…" Hiten paused.
"How does that make sense?" Kouga stared at Naraku.
"Well…it's true." He shrugged again and ate his fries. Hakudoshi snickered to himself and Hiten shook his head before continuing.
"The main job many lazy, fat people are getting is the job as the 'bagger' because they're too stupid for the cash register. The bagger's job isn't as easy as it seems. Here's a five step guide on how you can be the perfect bagger." Hiten continued and Naraku hunched over in laughter.
"Holy fuck…Bankotsu's writing his own guide for his future job." Naraku wiped his eyes and Kouga started laughing with him.
"Hey!" Bankotsu glared and they calmed down.
"Ok, ok, Step One: Your Appearance." Hiten sighed. "Your physical appearance says a lot about you…" He started but was cut off.
"Yup, Bankotsu definitely wrote this." Naraku sighed and Bankotsu glared.
"Says a lot about you." Hiten repeated in an annoyed tone. "If you want to get hired, don't dress as yourself, because let's face it, if you're desperate enough to apply here, you probably aren't all that great to look at." Hiten stopped and looked up to Bankotsu. "You expect an A?" He asked and Bankotsu happily nodded. Kouga snatched the book and started reading.
"Don't wear baggy clothes, they don't want hoodlums, and if you have belly fat, make sure it's covered, nobody likes a keg hangin' out. You shouldn't go OD business, but appear presentable. Make sure you shower before you show up. Style your hair nice and wear decent clothes." He read and sighed. Naraku snatched the book next.
"Step Two: Presenting Yourself." Naraku read with a smirk. "Presentation is key in the business world, even in grocery stores. Make sure you have a firm handshake, but not too firm so your employer doesn't think you're coming on to him/her." Kouga paused before continuing. "Sometimes if you're good looking, though, your employer may be interested in hiring you to look at."
"Whoa…" Hiten stared at Bankotsu who was still smiling innocently.
"Step Three: Advantages and Flaws." Hakudoshi peeked over Naraku to read. "When being interviewed bring up the stuff that sucks about you first, your flaws. Don't mention ones that are too personal or that will get you fired, just the ones so you don't look like you're kissing major ass by being perfect…" He paused. "You can't use ass you dumb fuck."
"Whoa, language?" Kouga stared at him and they look to Naraku.
"I gave up lecturing him when he was four." He explained.
"Ah…" Hiten nodded.
"Mrs. Redwood loves meh." Bankotsu shrugged and they rolled their eyes.
"Next bring up the things you basically pwn at doing." Hakudoshi continued. "Don't bring up bad things, like drinking, ripping people off like Stop and Shop does, gambling, sex, ect. Bring up good business qualities, like you're good at packing, I mean, how many options do you have? You're attempting to be a freaking bagger." He sighed. Hiten snatched the booklet next.
"Step Four: Experience. Every company likes an employee who's had some work experience. If you're still in school and have never had a job, good luck. Stop reading this guide book and apply at McDonald's, hopefully by then I'll be a famous book writer and have that 'How To' done. If you still wanna go for it, lie and say you've graduated or that you've had a job somewhere. It can work because I've done it before."
"Wow, you are an idiot." Kouga muttered.
"And you have a lot of grammar errors." Naraku pointed and Bankotsu rolled his eyes.
"So it's a bit sketchy, I'll fix it later."
"Tch, yeah right you lazy bastard." Hiten scoffed.
"Yeah…you're right." Bankotsu smiled and laughed with them. He grabbed the book and read the last part out loud himself.
"Step Five: Thanks. When leaving an interview, make sure you thank them for their time. Once again, if you're that desperate that you're reading this, then you probably just wasted their time. They could've been out partying and you killed that for them! Hope you're proud of yourself. But if you somehow pulled a miracle out of your ass and impressed them, make sure you leave with the same confidence you came in with. Smile and be genuine or they'll think you're cocky and give you the boot.
I hope this guide was of assistance to you in finding your bagger job. If you're unsuccessful at getting it…then well, good look at life, you'll need it m'friend.
Bankotsu Schichinitai." He finished.
"I enjoyed it." Naraku smirked.
"I don't know…" Kouga sighed.
"You're just jealous." Bankotsu scoffed.
"Oh yeah, im gunna use that in life." Hiten sighed.
"Hey, keep it, something tells me you guys will need it eventually." Naraku smirked.
-
Renkotsu: Hey I'm not in it! 8D
Kikyou: I'll make you in it ]
Renkotsu: O.o
Naraku: The whole thing humors me *shrugs*
Kikyou: Review. :3