Title: Sweet Child of Mine
Author: Steph aka CaptainSwanLuver
Rating: G
Pairing: Killian/Emma
Characters: Killian, Emma
Category: Drama/Romance
Summary: Emma and Killian's dreams come true when they learn they are having a baby. But when he is born prematurely, they must face their greatest challenge together.
Note: This was written for the weekly theme prompt Parenthood for the CS Hiatus Challenge on Tumblr. Hope you enjoy it! ~Steph
...Sweet Child of Mine: Part 1/1…
It was something neither one of them ever expected to go through when they decided to have a child.
They discussed having a child together at length. Emma was nervous about being a mother to an infant, raising a child from the beginning of his or her life. She had given Henry up at birth because she knew she couldn't be the mother he deserved and she wanted to give him his best chance. She didn't have a role model growing up and she wasn't sure she had what it took to be the nurturing mother that a child needs from the outset. But, as always, Killian believed in Emma even when she didn't believe in herself. He assured her that she would be an amazing mother to Henry and she would be the same to their child. He reminded her that she would get to experience all of the wonderful moments with their child that she had missed out on with Henry. His belief in her always helped her believe in herself and deciding to have a child together was no different.
Killian experienced a similar fear. He worried that he wasn't capable of being the father a child deserved. His own father had abandoned him and he was left to wonder if he was doomed to repeat his sins. There was a time when he thought he could be a father, a good one. Milah's son, Baelfire, had come onto his ship and he imagined them as a family, sailing the open seas together. But Baelfire had quickly brought him back to reality with his comments about the kind of man he was. He knew he was right. He knew he was selfish and would never change. And he believed that to be true for centuries. But then he met Emma and she opened his heart. She made him believe he could be more, care for more than just himself. He became fond of Henry. He enjoyed spending time with him and even became protective of him. Killian began to wonder if maybe he could be a good father. Once they married, he was a wonderful stepfather to him. He missed Henry now that he was away at college.
But still the doubts persisted in the corners of his mind as they began to discuss having children three years into their marriage. Just as he had done for her, Emma calmed his fears, assuring him that he would be a great father. In time, he came to believe her words and her faith in him strengthened his belief in himself.
There was one thing they both knew from the outset. They didn't want to go on this journey alone. For the first time, they had something they didn't have when they had flirted with parenthood earlier in their lives. They had each other. Parenthood was the scariest adventure they would ever go on and they knew that they needed to do it just like they did everything else: together. They were and always would be a team.
And they would soon find themselves facing their greatest challenge yet.
...
It only took two months of trying before Emma found out she was pregnant. They both recalled staring at the little white stick, waiting with bated breath for the plus sign to appear. And appear it had. It was a joy that neither of them had ever experienced before. When Emma learned she was pregnant with Henry while in jail, she was terrified and all alone. There was no joy, no hopes and dreams for the future. But now she was having a baby with her husband, her true love, and she couldn't even begin to describe how happy she was to get to experience it with him.
They stayed up all night long, her head resting on his chest, their fingers entwined, discussing their son or daughter's future. Killian would teach him or her how to sail. Emma would teach their child how to be street smart and resourceful, maybe even magic if he or she was gifted like her. They had so many plans. The future was the brightest it had ever been for them.
...
Emma's pregnancy was an easy one. She experienced some morning sickness in the first trimester and some fatigue in the second, but nothing abnormal.
At 8 weeks, they heard their baby's heartbeat for the first time. Emma would always remember the look of awe in Killian's eyes when he heard their child's heart beating. Killian would always remember the way Emma squeezed his hand and kissed him.
At 12 weeks, they saw their child on an ultrasound for the first time. It was the most amazing sight either of them had ever seen and they'd encountered magical creatures. It was hard to believe they had created something so incredible together.
At 16 weeks, Emma felt the baby flutter inside her for the first time. She grabbed Killian's hand and placed it on her stomach, but it was too early for him to feel anything. Weeks later, they were lying in bed together when he felt their child move inside his wife for the first time. Emma would always remember the way his mouth formed into an 'o' and his eyes widened in amazement. He pressed a kiss to her forehead and whispered, "Bloody amazing," in her ear.
At 20 weeks, they learned they were having a little boy. Killian had smiled and placed his hand on his wife's growing belly. "A little boy, a son," he whispered. Emma had reached up and caressed his cheek, as they both stared at their little miracle on the ultrasound. Liam would be his name. There wasn't even a need for discussion.
At 24 weeks, they finished the nursery in its nautical theme. A boat shaped crib with anchors hanging on blue walls. A mural of the ocean with the Jolly Roger floating in the distance decorated one whole wall. It was perfect.
At 26 weeks, their world came crashing down.
...
Emma was working at the sheriff's station when she began to experience blurred vision and severe headaches. She sat at her desk and closed her eyes, rubbing at her temples and taking deep, calming breaths. Then a wave of nausea overtook her and she vomited into the trashcan beside her desk. She had experienced some headaches over the last week, but she had attributed it to stress and the fatigue of nearing her third trimester. Being the savior and sheriff was certainly stressful and didn't allow for much downtime. Killian had suggested that she rest, perhaps take a few days off or shorten her work days, but Emma had assured him she was fine.
But this time she knew something was wrong. The headache was blinding and she could barely see Killian's name on her cell phone screen when she called him. She had no idea how he arrived so quickly. He rushed over to her, his hand cradling her face, while his hook rested on her protruding belly. She would never forget the look of absolute fear and worry in his eyes. Even her blurred vision couldn't conceal that. He had called 911 before he even arrived and they came moments after he did.
Emma was admitted to the hospital and diagnosed with preeclampsia, a pregnancy complication characterized by high blood pressure. Her obgyn said her blood pressure was through the roof. Emma blamed herself, knowing that stress had caused her blood pressure to skyrocket. She knew she should have listened to Killian. But her husband gently wiped away her tears and whispered that it wasn't her fault. He assured her everything would be okay. She wanted to believe him.
Her doctor said they could usually treat preeclampsia with drugs, but her case was severe. It was dangerous for her and the baby if they didn't deliver immediately. Emma remembered shaking her head violently, insisting that it was too soon for the baby to come. He wouldn't survive. She begged the doctor to find another way, to give their son more time to grow inside of her. But he was insistent. There was no choice. Killian would never forget the way her tears soaked through his shirt as she cried on his shoulder. He had stroked her hair comfortingly, but hadn't said a word, as he fought back his own tears in vain.
Since Storybrooke General Hospital was not equipped to handle her case and the possible complications that could arise, Emma was transferred to Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston. After giving birth, their son would then be transferred to Boston's Children's Hospital, which has one of the best NICUs in the country.
Liam David Jones was born on May 15th at 2:30 a.m. via c-section. He weighed 1 pound 13 ounces and was 14 inches long. He didn't cry when he was born and his parents never got a chance to hold him. He was immediately placed in an incubator and whisked away to the NICU. His parents weren't able to experience the joy that should come with their baby's birth. It was a moment they had eagerly anticipated when they learned they were having a baby, but they couldn't enjoy it, their fears and worries about their son's fate consuming them. Emma and Killian cried as they held each other, wondering if they would ever get to see their son again.
The doctor was blunt. Babies born this early can survive, but there was a very real chance he would not make it. His lungs weren't fully developed and he was only able to breathe with a ventilator. He was being fed intravenously. The doctor warned that if he lived he could develop severe physical and learning disabilities.
They were devastated. Emma and Killian feared that their hopes and dreams for their little boy would never come true. The thought of losing their son was too much to bear.
...
It wasn't until Emma and Killian were finally allowed to see their son that they began to have hope. They gowned up and entered the NICU, gloved hand in gloved hand. They were led over to an incubator where their baby boy lay inside. His skin was wrinkled and a reddish-purple color. It was so thin you could see the blood vessels beneath it. He was so small and fragile. They were allowed to touch him through two holes in the glass but only with gloves on. His immune system wasn't fully formed and he was susceptible to infections, so they had to take every precaution to keep him healthy.
Emma sucked in a breath as she placed her hand in one hole and Killian placed his in the other. Emma stroked their son's forehead, as she blinked back tears.
"Hi, sweetheart. I'm your mommy. I love you so much," she whispered.
"Hello, son. I'm your daddy. I love you with all my heart," he said softly.
Killian touched Liam's tiny hand and then slipped his pinkie finger into it. He was shocked when the tiny hand lightly gripped his finger. The doctor had said that wasn't possible at this stage. Killian turned to Emma with a shocked look on his face. Emma simply shook her head in amazement, as her lips gave way to a huge smile.
And that's when they knew that their son was just like his parents: a survivor. They knew in that moment that he would fight like hell to live and could tackle any obstacle in his way with the support of his parents.
"You're a survivor, Liam," Emma whispered. "You just keep fighting."
"You're a tough lad, my boy." Killian said. "Don't ever give up."
Emma placed her head on her husband's shoulder, as he pressed a kiss to her forehead.
"It's going to be alright," he said softly.
And in both of their hearts they believed it. Their belief was further strengthened when Liam's tests continuously came back positive.
…
Not long after, Liam opened his eyes for the first time. Killian and Emma felt their hearts leap as he looked at them. The nurses told them that they were just blurs to him at this point, but it didn't matter. His baby blues were the most beautiful sight they had ever seen.
"He has your eyes," Emma said, gazing up at her husband and meeting his own sparkling blue eyes.
Killian nodded and then gestured to the incubator with his hook as Liam's tiny lips turned up into the smallest of smiles for the first time. Emma's mouth dropped open in awe.
"He has your smile, love," Killian whispered.
Emma responded by smiling up at her husband, mirroring their little boy.
...
The first time Emma and Killian were able to touch their son without gloves was one of the best moments of their lives.
Emma's hand shook as she approached the hole in the incubator. Killian took his wife's hand in his and squeezed, offering her a comforting smile. They kept their hands joined as they managed to fit them through the hole together. Emma's finger reached out and gently stroked his cheek. A smile spread across her lips at the touch of his soft skin against hers. She looked at Killian as tears filled her eyes.
Killian's hand separated from his wife's and he brought it to their son's back, softly touching his warm skin. Emma looked up at her husband, at the smile that pulled at his mouth, and the love and adoration present in his eyes. She tilted her head up toward him and pressed a kiss to his lips.
"He's such a miracle," she whispered in Killian's ear.
"Our little miracle. Our little fighter," he replied softly, as he removed his hand from the incubator and wrapped his arms around his wife.
Soon after, the pediatric nurses encouraged Emma and Killian to massage their baby. They said that it helped with his growth and development. So they would take turns putting their hands in his incubator and gently stroking his back.
He would make little cooing sounds as they touched him. They wanted to hold their son for the first time, but this was enough for now. His doctor assured them that he would soon be strong enough to hold.
They would massage him and speak to him. The nurses said hearing their voices helped Liam. Emma told him about all of their magical adventures. Killian shared his tales of being a pirate. They were sure that he smiled at them as they regaled him with their true stories - stories that most parents would have to make up or read from a book.
They had seen and done amazing things in their life, but nothing was as amazing as creating this little boy together and watching him grow stronger everyday as they stood side by side.
…
The day Liam was removed from the ventilator and could breathe on his own was an amazing one for Emma and Killian. They watched as the nurse removed the machine. His mouth opened slightly and his tiny chest lifted as he took his first breaths on his own. It was a sight to behold.
People take breathing for granted. They knew they would never again take that live-giving action for granted as they watched their son breathe without assistance.
...
The day finally came when they were allowed to hold their baby boy for the first time. Emma stopped abruptly outside the NICU. Killian eyed her with concern.
"What's wrong, love?" he asked, his gaze sweeping across her face.
"I'm just...we've waited for this moment for so long, I guess I'm just nervous. He's still so small. I don't want to hurt him."
Killian smiled comfortingly as he reached up and stroked his wife's back. "He's stronger than he looks. He's proven that over and over again. You won't hurt our boy, Emma. It can only help him to be in his mum's arms."
Emma nodded and managed a smile. They entered the NICU and their favorite nurse, Nancy, offered them a bright grin.
"Today's the day, Mommy and Daddy," she said.
Emma swallowed hard and bobbed her head. Killian slipped his hand in hers and she smiled gratefully at him.
Emma sat down in a rocking chair. She pulled back her gown, revealing her bare upper chest. The nurses had told them that skin-to-skin contact was very beneficial for premature babies. Not only did it help with bonding, but it helped with their growth and development.
The nurse carefully lifted Liam out of his incubator and brought him over to Emma. She was shaking as she lifted her arms, her breath frozen in her chest.
"Don't be nervous, Emma," Nancy said. "He's a tough little guy and he has been waiting a long time to feel his parents hold him."
Emma felt her breath slowly release as Nancy placed Liam on her chest. Her arms wrapped around him, as tears filled her eyes. There was a time she wasn't sure she would ever get to hold their son. She squeezed her eyes closed and rested her head against his silky blonde hair. The feel of his soft skin against hers and the warmth of his little body was indescribable. It was incredible to know that his tiny heart was beating against hers.
Killian watched his wife and son together for the first time and he felt his heart swell so much he thought it might burst. He stroked Emma's hair and pressed a kiss to her temple.
"You're a natural, love," he whispered.
Emma smiled and pressed a kiss to the crown of Liam's head.
"I love you, little man," she said.
After some time, Emma looked up at her husband.
"Your turn," she said with a smile.
Killian swallowed roughly. He had only held a baby twice. Robin's daughter and Belle's son. Both were fully developed, healthy babies when he had held them. Killian always tried to be strong for Emma, but he harbored the same fears of hurting their son. He looked down at his hook and undid the straps on the braces to remove the apparatus.
The nurse took Liam and Emma vacated the chair. Killian took her spot and took a few deep breaths. He pulled back his gown to reveal his chest.
"Ready, Daddy?" Nancy asked.
Killian managed to bob his head. Nancy carefully placed Liam on his father's chest. Killian tentatively placed his hand on his back, while using his stump to support his bottom. After a few moments, Killian felt his breath release and the tension in his muscles ease. He relaxed and allowed himself to enjoy the beautiful moment of holding his son in his arms for the first time.
He leaned his cheek against his head. "You are our fierce little one," he said. "I love you, my boy."
Emma watched her husband hold their son for the first time and she couldn't believe the feeling of love and happiness that swept over her. Their eyes met and held and she knew they were both thinking the same thing. This is what they had fought so hard for. All those times they had fought to be together, fought to get back to each other, fought for their survival and then for their son's. This was why. These moments where they were a family and they could see their future together.
Emma wrapped her arm around Killian's shoulder, as she rested her head against his. She brought her finger up and Liam immediately grabbed on.
And there they were. Their little family.
...
The nurses made sure that Emma and Killian had every possible chance to be parents to Liam. When he was strong enough to be bottle fed, they were able to feed him. They showed them how to change his diapers and how to bathe him.
It wasn't how they imagined it, but they would always treasure these moments with their son.
Everyday he grew stronger. His doctors had warned that he could have complications that could require surgery, but he never had any. His tests continuously came back normal. They were hopeful that he would not have any physical or learning disabilities, but only time would tell. They prayed that he would develop normally, but were told to expect developmental delays. The thought frightened them, but they knew they could handle anything together.
On September 15th, exactly 4 months after his birth, Liam was finally strong enough to go home. Emma and Killian stood outside the NICU.
"Are you ready for this, love?" he asked.
"I know I should be. We've waited months to bring our little boy home. But I'm scared and I'm nervous. He's so strong, but he's not like other babies. There are so many things to watch out for and be careful of, so much to monitor. I just...I want him to be safe and healthy and happy."
Killian brought his hand up to caress her cheek. "Hey, I'm frightened as well. But you're not alone. We're a team, remember? We're in this together. We'll figure it out just like we always do."
Emma smiled as he pressed a kiss to her lips. "I'm so grateful I had you by my side through this whole thing. I love you," she said.
"And I love you," he replied. "Now let's take our boy home."
Emma nodded as she slipped her hand in his. They entered the NICU and handed Nancy the baby carrier. Liam was all ready to go.
Nancy smiled at the boy in her arms that she would miss. "It's time to go home with Mommy and Daddy, Liam. You are going to have the best life with them."
Nancy placed Liam in the carrier and strapped him in. Emma came forward and hugged her.
"Thank you for everything," she said.
Killian hugged her too. "Thank you for caring for our boy," he said.
"The pleasure was all mine," Nancy said.
She looked into their eyes and saw the fear and apprehension that was present in the eyes of every parent before they brought their baby home from the NICU.
"It's going to be fine," she said. "I've been doing this 20 years. Babies are resilient. You have everything he needs inside of you. I've seen it."
Emma smiled at her. "Thank you."
Killian and Emma exchanged a glance, before walking their son out of the NICU and then out of the hospital, heading home for the first time as a family.
...
Emma kept glancing in the rearview mirror as she drove along the highway and made the journey back to Maine. Killian was sitting in the back with Liam.
"Is he okay?" Emma asked.
Killian smiled as he stared at their son. "Happy as can be, smiling up a storm."
Emma breathed a sigh of relief. Killian looked out the window as car after car passed them.
"Love, I realize I do not possess a driver's license and you've informed me in the past that my advice on driving is not needed nor desired, but perhaps you should consider at least driving the speed limit. I think our boy here would like to get home before his first birthday."
Emma met Killian's eyes in the rearview mirror.
"I don't want to take any chances. I want him to be safe."
Deep down, there was still a part of her that believed she had caused his premature birth in the first place. She would probably always harbor that guilt and she didn't want to do anything else to harm their child.
Killian reached forward and placed his hand on his wife's shoulder. "He is safe, Emma. He knows you'll take good care of him. Driving the speed limit isn't going to harm him."
Emma nodded her head, as she gradually picked up speed.
...
Killian and Emma stood outside their home with their son. They had dreamt of this day for four long months. There was a time when they feared this day would never come. But here they were bringing their son home for the first time. They climbed the porch stairs and crossed the threshold.
"Welcome home, Liam," Emma said brightly.
He smiled up at his parents. Killian grinned down at his son.
"We are going to have a wonderful life here together, son. And when you're old enough I will teach you how to sail. You will be my first mate."
Liam made a cooing sound that elicited laughter from his parents.
"I think he likes the sound of that," Emma said.
Emma slipped her hand in her husband's as they climbed the stairs to the nursery. Their bone weary bodies barely made the climb. It was late and they wanted nothing more than to collapse in their bed. They had been sleeping on a cot for four months. They finally entered the nursery.
"This is your room, Liam," Emma said.
Liam giggled as his eyes surveyed his room. Emma placed the carrier down and carefully removed her son. She placed him down in his crib as Killian came to stand by her side.
"I can hardly believe he's home," Killian said.
Emma placed her head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arm around her waist.
"We've been waiting so long that it doesn't feel real."
"It will. Give it time."
"I don't know if I can leave him all alone in his crib tonight," Emma said softly. "What if something happens?"
"We'll be right next door, love. We have the camera and baby monitor to alert us if he is need. I believe he'll wake us soon enough anyhow."
Emma bobbed her head. "I know you're right."
Together, they set-up the state-of-the-art baby monitor that tracked their child's breathing and heart rate. They also set-up the camera beside his crib.
Emma took a deep breath and then leaned down, placing a kiss to her son's forehead. "Goodnight, Liam. I love you."
Killian pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Sweet dreams, my boy. I love you."
They then walked hand-in-hand out of the room and into their bedroom.
...
Emma's head rested on her husband's chest as his arm held her tightly. It felt so good to be back in their home and in their bed together after fourth months.
"We had so many dreams for our son before he was born. And I was so afraid they would never get a chance to come true," Emma said.
"He has a wonderful future ahead of him, love. Any challenges he encounters we'll help him face."
Emma chewed on her lip nervously. "He's already been through so much in his short life, Killian. You know how dangerous this town can be. What if we can't keep him safe?"
Killian stroked his wife's back. "I don't know much about parenthood, but I do know that every parent strives to ensure their child is safe, healthy, and happy. All we can do is try our best, Emma. We can't expect more than that of ourselves."
"You're right," Emma said.
"My favorite words," he replied, garnering a soft laugh from his wife.
They lapsed into a few moments of silence until Emma broke it. "You do realize there's no way I'll be able to sleep tonight with him in another room, right?"
"You read my mind, love."
Emma smiled as they both got out of bed. They gathered their pillows and comforter and headed to the nursery. They quickly made a makeshift bed on the floor beside his crib. Once done, they checked on Liam, who was sleeping soundly.
"Can you believe our love led to this little miracle?" Emma asked, gazing up at her husband.
"Our love has defied death, Emma. It got us through almost losing our son. I don't believe there is anything it can't do."
He placed a kiss to her temple and then slipped his hand in hers. He led them to their bed on the floor and they both slid beneath the comforter. Emma placed her head on her husband's shoulder.
"This is just the beginning," she whispered.
"Aye, love, that it is," he replied softly.
They soon drifted off to sleep, secure in the belief that they had a bright future ahead of them with their son and that any obstacles he encountered along the way they would face together.
...
An hour later, they were awakened by the sound of his crying and they knew it was time to feed him. Crying isn't usually something new parents enjoy hearing and they certainly don't relish having their sleep interrupted.
But even as tired as they were, the sound of their child's cries filling his nursery was just about the most wonderful thing they had ever heard. There was no debating over who would get up and feed him. They both got up and Emma lifted him from his crib. She sat back down on the ground as Killian propped their pillows up against the wall. There was a rocking chair to sit in during feeding time, but Emma wanted to feel her husband by her side as they fed their son for the first time in his nursery, in the home they shared.
Killian went to retrieve a bottle and returned a few minutes later. He sat down beside his wife, who was cradling their son in her arms. He handed her the bottle. She placed it between Liam's lips and he immediately started sucking. Killian wrapped his arm around his wife, as she placed her head on her husband's shoulder.
And they sat there in silence, watching their little miracle eat for the first time in his new home. It was the first of many memories they would create there together.
...THE END...
Thanks for reading! I'd appreciate any feedback you'd like to give! ~Steph