Day One. Life all one long angst-fest. Am extreme nerd. Took pictures of beautiful girl with druggie name for my wall-uh, the school paper.
Later.
A super-spider just bit me. Better not tell anyone. Can't talk anyway, because am on spider-bite-induced drug trip.
Day Two.
Good thing spider-bite-induced drug trips don't have hangovers-wow! I'm hot!
Later.
A spider-web just shot out of my wrist. Good thing no one in this crowded cafeteria noticed.
Even Later.
I beat up the school bully with my fists of fury! Theme song, here I come!
Day Three.
I can shimmy up walls and jump across rooftops, even though it looks remarkably like it was computer-generated. I'm glad I don't have webbing from my little home-made machine, like in the actual comic books, because then I'd go splat. Speaking of which-SPLAT.
Day Four.
Even though I have superpowers, beautiful girl with the druggie name obviously won't like me unless I have a cool sports car.
Day Five.
Blew off Uncle Ben to go be wrestler called Human Spider. Am sure none of conversation will come back to haunt me in some ironic fashion like, I don't know, Uncle Ben dying because of my irresponsibility.
Later.
Oops.
Day Six.
I'm graduating and I inexplicably want to get over my Uncle Ben's death by punching brightly-clad criminals.
Day Seven.
Don't have shiny sports car. Beautiful girl with the druggie name is dating best friend, who is rich and probably has whole fleet of shiny sports cars.
Day Eight.
Bad News: Some guy with a green flying skateboard attacked me. Good News: Lines not nearly as cheesy as his. Awesome News: Beautiful girl with druggie name thinks shooting webbing out of wrists way cooler than shiny sports car.
Day Nine:
Newspaper editor is so much like a comic book character it's disturbing.
Later:
Thankfully, guy on green flying skateboard too stupid to know that when I'm knocked out is good time to take off mask and discover secret identity.
Day Ten:
Saved beautiful girl with druggie name from attack. Got an upside-down kiss. All blood rushed towards head, but all blood rushed towards other body part, too, so balanced out.
Day Eleven:
Guy on green flying skateboard is really, really stupid. Traps involving babies and fires? So five minutes ago.
Later.
Had to hide on ceiling after stupid trap. Is very good thing didn't sneeze, as rich best friend's dad was giving us fruitcake and dramatic irony. Would not want him to figure out secret identity.
Day Twelve.
Bad News: Secret identity has been discovered. Really Bad News: Guy on green flying skateboard discovered secret identity. Good News: Beautiful girl with druggie name has no sense of timing and has professed love.
Day Thirteen.
Had to choose between saving beautiful girl with druggie name and trolley full of kids. Saved both. Have discovered that newspaper editor and guy with green flying skateboard are only people who dislike me in entire of NYC. So the Daily Bugle has circulation of what, one?
Day Fourteen.
Killed guy with green flying skateboard who is, apparently, rich best friend's dad. He wants revenge. In case you haven't figured it out, life is angst-fest.
Later.
Beautiful girl with druggie name wants to kiss me! Yes! Something's tingling and it isn't my spider-sense...
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