A/N So a big thank you to my reviewers of "Fondue for Two: Jesse St. James" who encouraged me to actually write Blaine's interview. Here it is! Once again, this was written during a bit of downtime at work, so forgive me for any mistakes. And I couldn't really get cookies for those that were awesome enough to know PMC and the reference, but hopefully this will be good enough: MORE PMC/AVPM references :) Also, a shoutout to Juliet Hummel-Anderson for giving me one of Brittany's questions. I hope you guys enjoy the latest installement of Fondue for Two!
Disclaimer: Yeah, so nothing's changed in the past couple of days. I still don't own anything :(
The little red light on the camera lit up, letting Brittany know they were once again ready to roll on another episode of her internet talk show. "Hello, everyone," The blonde said brightly, waving into the camera. "This is Brittany S. Pierce and welcome to another amazing episode of Fondue for Two. My guest today is Kurt's dolphin, Blaine Warbler."
The camera backed out, bringing an amused Blaine, sitting in Brittany's room in his Dalton uniform, into the shot. "I'm sorry, did you say dolphin?" he said, laughing slightly.
Brittany, however, did not notice. "You have a very unique last name, Blaine. Is it French?" she asked, is her serious reporter voice.
Blaine may have only met the ex-Cheerio on a few select occasions, but he knew well enough that Brittany was, well…different. When he had heard Blaine was going on the show, Kurt had told him that the best way to deal with her was to just go along with it. So he did. "Well, my last name is Anderson," he explained patiently. "It's Scottish actually. But I am a Warbler. A warbler is a kind of bird."
"So you're a bird?" Brittany asked, her eyes lighting up.
Blaine choked back another laugh. He could tell she took her show very seriously and he didn't want to be the one to ruin that. "No, what I meant was that Dalton's glee club is called the Warblers."
"I had a bird in my locker once."
As much as Kurt has tried to prepare him, nothing could have made him ready for that moment. "Umm…did he have a name?" he asked, somewhat pathetically.
"Her name was Noodles."
"Did she sing?"
Brittany looked at her fingernails. "No, she was dead."
Blaine looked right into the camera with a panicked expression. However, when he received no help from the guy holding it, he knew he was on his own. "Oh. I'm sorry," he said, awkwardly patting Brittany on the shoulder.
The blonde's distress did not last very long. "Can I keep you in my locker instead?" she said, looking back up at Blaine.
Blaine liked to think of himself as someone who was good with words. With Brittany, however, it seemed as if he had met his match. "I…I don't think I'd fit."
"I think you would. You're really tiny," Brittany concluded, scrutinizing the Warbler very carefully.
"You wouldn't have any room for your books," he was really reaching now.
"But I could keep you there and you could just sing to me all the time."
It was hard to dispute that argument. But Blaine tried anyway. "What if I just sing to you now?"
This seemed to placate her. "Okay," she happily agreed.
Not used to not having the background vocal stylings of the other Warblers, Blaine began to sing the first song that popped into his head. "Umm…'Happy Birthday to you. Happy Bir-"
Brittany interrupted him. "No, not that song. That song gives me nightmares," she said, visibly shuddering.
Not to be deterred, Blaine offered up a new song. "How about, umm… "I can show you the world."
Blaine's second song choice seemed to meet Brittany's approval because she soon joined in. "Shining, shimmering, splendid!"and the pair continued through the whole song.
"That was fun," Brittany declared once they were done. "You sing really good."
Blaine smiled. He may have been too hasty to judge her earlier. She wasn't stupid- just misunderstood. "That's because I had a fabulous duet partner." he said, turning on his legendary Dalton charm.
Brittany flipped her blonde ponytail over her shoulder flirtatiously. "You're really cute. It's too bad your Kurt's dolphin, otherwise I'd totally ask you if you wanted to make-out."
"Okay, I have to ask, why do you keep referring to me as a dolphin?"
"You're Kurt's boyfriend. Kurt is a boy. You're a boy. And if Kurt's your boyfriend, that means you're gay. And dolphins are gay sharks."
Blaine paused for a moment, digesting the logic. "That makes sense," he decided.
"Cracker?" Brittany asked, offering him some from the tray in front of them.
"Thanks," Blaine said, taking one along with, unlike Jesse previously, a healthy helping of cheese. "Did you want to ask me some questions?" he asked, once he had eaten his cracker.
Brittany shrugged. "Not really."
"So this isn't an interview?" Blaine asked, his eyes narrowing curiously.
"No. I just wanted to hang out because you seem super cool. Even though you could use some work on your dancing."
Blaine's hand flew to his heart, feigning offense. "I am shocked and appalled to hear you say that! I'll have you know that the Warblers are known for their smooth dance moves."
"You all look like you have to pee."
"I'll let our choreographer know."
"That would be wise," Brittany nodded solemnly. "How do you think this interview is going?"
"Swimmingly."
After a short pause, Brittany shrugged. "I guess I could ask you some questions now."
Blaine laughed. He was enjoying the absolute randomness that was Brittany. "All right. Shoot."
"Hasn't anyone told you that you can't wear gray and blue together like that?" she asked, referring to his gray pants with his blue and red blazer.
"Unfortunately, this is a school issued uniform; I don't have a choice," Blaine paused for a moment, a big grin appearing on his face. "Although while Kurt was at Dalton, he tried to start a petition to get the administration to change the school colors to scarlet and gold."
That little story did not appear to have the same affect on Brittany. "What's your favorite animal, a chicken or a duck?"
"A duck?" Blaine answered questioningly, as if he didn't want to answer wrong.
He chose wisely. "We are so totally soul-mates right now," Brittany sounded delighted, as if she had finally found a kindred spirit. But then a worried look crossed her face. "But don't tell Kurt. Or Artie. Or Santana."
"It'll be our secret," Blaine promised, miming zipping his lips.
"Speaking of Kurt, what I guess I really want to know is," Brittany began, turning back into her reporter mode. "How do you feel about Kurt's soft baby hands? Because I really liked them when we were dating. They were even softer than Santana's hands."
"Well, I know Kurt likes to use this lotion called-" Blaine trailed off when Brittany's words made a second trip through his mind. "Wait a second, wait a second. Hold the phone. Did you just say you and Kurt dated?" he asked, a expression crossing his face that could only described as a cross between intrigued and absolutely flummoxed.
Brittany turned her attention to the camera, leaving Blaine alone to ponder this newfound information. "That's all the time we have for today. Thanks for watching Fondue for Two. Join me next week when my guest will be the creepy piano playing guy who never speaks but always happens to be around. I think his name is Bart or something."