The Moment
It's the show stopping number. It's the music's swelling, curtains about to close, moment of a production. It's after the climax, but when you're still riding that adrenaline high, waiting for more good things to happen.
It's Harry, with his arms wrapped around him, bullet proof suit having just taken the brunt of an attack. After one last bullet was released from the barrel, the threat is gone.
Merlin's panting, even though he isn't the one who just finished a raid on a warehouse. He did almost just die, and that seems reason enough to be a little out of breath. Not to mention Harry's face is inches from his, and their eyes are locked.
This is the big damn moment in films where The Kiss happens. And by god, does Merlin want that to happen.
Harry smiles. "Are you all right?"
"Fine."
He's helped to his feet and that's the end of that.
"You know, when these become impact resistant, then I'll be really impressed."
Harry has stripped off his jacket, undone his shirt, and his bracers hang at his sides. Bruises are already forming from where the bullets hit, and on his forearms from when he engaged in hand to hand.
Merlin stares unabashedly at his colleague's exposed torso. Maybe he got the timing wrong. Maybe this is that moment, when everything is calm, and right with the world, where two people come together in the silence.
He and Harry have spent a lot of time together, on and off work, so it isn't as if the fantasy is completely made up. The other agent has to at least like him somewhat, to spend that much time with him.
"I'll tell R & D to work something out."
"Would you?" Harry stretches, trying to keep his abused muscles from seizing.
Getting cramps is something that the majority of people leave out of romantic encounters in most media. Not that Merlin has done a particularly extensive study or anything, it's just one of those things. Like never seeing someone have to go to the bathroom, or reload a gun.
"I'm sure they'll put it on the list, right under anti-gravity boots."
He laughs. "It isn't that unreasonable of a request."
"Physics would disagree. Especially if you still want it to be a wearable suit."
"Point taken." He splashes water on his face and runs his fingers through his hair and god damn it, doesn't he know what he's doing?
Surely this is it?
Merlin steps forward as Harry dries his face with a towel, and is at his side by the time he lowers it.
"Hand me my glasses would you? I need to contact Arthur."
It wasn't that moment either.
Merlin thinks that maybe he's gotten a little desperate. That perhaps he should get out more, if that were really a thing he could do. That maybe he's just fixated on Harry, and all his loneliness and desire is feeding him a subtext that doesn't exist.
Except Harry does bring him tea in the middle of long nights. He asks him how his day was. He jokes with him when other agents simply ask for reports. When he bumps into him at the tailor's, on the rare occasions he's actually there for a suit and not work, he recommends patterns, cuts, and colors that might suit him. He even called when Mr. Pickle died, and if that wasn't intimate, then what was? Before they had made the full switch over to digital, he offered to help him carry files through the corridors and elevators, and damn it all, it has to mean something.
Merlin is just going a little crazy trying to find out what.
"Do you want to go for a coffee?"
"What?" They are standing outside the shop under Harry's umbrella, rain pouring down around them.
"A coffee."
It's only seven at night, but Merlin has been working non-stop in front of a computer for three days; so he could honestly think of several better things to do, but it is Harry who's asking.
"All right."
They stay close together as they walk, and Merlin tries not to think the umbrella is the reason. Harry seems to have a destination in mind, as they pass several suitable tea houses and coffee shops on the road.
Harry holds the door for him when they do arrive, so that he can step inside without ever having to exit the shelter of the umbrella. They take a table for two by the window after they order, and Merlin wonders if he has perhaps, once and for all, completely lost his mind.
Was this a date?
He must have something of a shell shocked look on his face, because Harry starts to look a little concerned.
"Are you all right? Perhaps you should go home and rest, I don't mean to drag you around after all the hours you've put in."
"No, no, I'm all right. I just..."
Harry watches him, patiently waiting for him to finish.
"I just..."
He just wants to reach across the table, grab a hold of that man's tie and drag him into a kiss.
"I..."
The barista arrives, dropping off their two teas.
Merlin drops his elbows on the table and put his face in his hands. "I should get some sleep."
Did he miss it? Was that it? After all that waiting?
God damn it.
"Are you all right, old boy?"
Merlin glares and Pellinore knows to get lost, quickly.
"I know Martin can get a little tiresome, but surely that was uncalled for?
Harry, who could pop up at his side without a moment's warning. Merlin wishes he had warning, because right then he just can't take it. Not again.
"No."
"What?"
"No, I'm not... I'm not doing this anymore."
Harry's eyebrows jump above the frames of his glasses. "I'm sure Arthur will be willing to talk retirement options with you."
"What? No."
"Then what?" Amusement curves his lip just slightly, but his eyes are all worry.
"Harry, would you please have coffee with me, where afterwards you come back to my home for a night cap, which leads sex, and you spend the night, and in the morning, I'll make you breakfast?"
"Yes, yes, no, yes and homemade breakfast sounds lovely. I didn't know you cooked, why haven't you mentioned it?"
Merlin was still processing the yes's so that the no was almost lost. "What?"
Harry's amusement came back in full force. "Must we start this whole conversation over again?"
"No, just.. why was there a 'no'?"
"I don't want to have sex with you."
Quick, blunt, sincere, no malice but it still stings. Except...
"But you still want to stay over and have breakfast?"
"Yes, and while I won't stop you from having an orgasm in the middle of those events you just described, I would prefer not to be directly involved. Though feel free to think of me."
"Wha- oh." Merlin blinks. "Oh."
Everything made a whole lot more sense in that moment.
He kisses Harry on the cheek, holds his hand when possible, and wraps his arms around him at night, because that's what intimacy with that man looks like. He learns his body, not with mouth, tongue and teeth, but with questions, looks and the light brushes of fingertips.
It's a different sort of thing, and Merlin cherishes every moment.