All he could see were his dreams goin' up in smoke.

So much for ditchin' this town and hangin' out on the coast.

Oh well, those plans are long gone.

Chapter 1

When had life come down to being the rowdy 17 year old that was expected of a teenage boy, or growing up in a split second, learning that the rest of your life would be devoted to one cause, one tribe, possibly one person? My dreams were not of staying in this going no where town. I wanted a life. I wanted a future. I needed my freedom. My mom was a nobody. And nobody knew who my dad was. The epitome of a life in hell is not having a say in what happens, not being able to make someone of yourself because you're destined to fail before you even try. That was my life.

What are you supposed to say when someone tells you that your life is forever in someone else's hands? That you will always have someone breathing down your neck and nit-picking at ever decision you make? I tried to run from my 'destiny', but life threw me a hard one and decided that my freedom would come when hell finally decided to freeze over. And you know what I realized? Hey, people in hell want ice water, too. I should be thankful I can live forever for the one that will complete me.

When I find her that is….

There goes my life.

There goes my future, my everything.

Might as well kiss it all good-bye.

There goes my life.

I'm just a kid! Why did these teachers expect me to do all this work when there was no way I was gonna make anything of myself? I had been told all my life that no one in our family went anywhere. After being raised only by my single mom, I guess it just kinda stuck with me that I was going to fail. So I did. Without even trying to start out right.

My life started with petty fights in kindergarten because some little punk took my crayons to-

"Paul Meraz!" Shit.

"Yes, sir" I asked as innocently as possible.

"Are you planning on failing out of my class? Because if you don't get your head out of your ass then that is exactly what's going to happen. Do you want to end up like your good for nothing, whore of a moth-" I cut off his outrageous rant by slamming my chair against the wall behind me as I stood. I was shaking from my uncontrollable rage at his accusations and assumptions. See? This is why my life will get me no-where.

This town had no faith in us teenagers, but me in particular. Maybe it was because my father left when he found out my mom was pregnant, or because he was a complete drunk, or because my mom left the day after I turned 17 since she figured I was just fine on my own anyway (which I guess was true given that I had been raising myself most of my life). So I guess the whole town could argue that my family deserved their scorn. But I was at the receiving end of a lot more than simple scorn.

"Where are you going, Mr. Meraz?" my math teacher pressed which only increased my anger.

"Well, apparently this entire god-forsaken town believes me to be a failure in the making so why should I have to put up with your bullshit?" I strutted over to the door with my classmates shocked gasps sounding behind me. I spun around in the door way with a smirk on my face and one last comment falling from my lips, "By the way, you did that last problem wrong. 6687 divided by 3 is 2229, not 1671.75. You divided wrong." Then I proceeded to slam the door behind me and run out of that atrocious excuse for a school.

Obviously my house was empty when I got home. It was a cute little cabin, well built by my dad before he found alcohol, in the middle of the wooded area off First Beach. I loved the solidarity of this house. It gave me the opportunity to pretend that everything was okay and I was happy with my lonely life. I though back on what the teacher had said about my mom and I started to shake with rage again. What is wrong with me?

I heard a howl close by the house and grabbed the shot gun that sat of my front door. You can never be too careful when you live alone in the woods near a town that hates your guts. I glanced out one of the windows to see I could see any wolves, but came up empty. Grumbling at losing the chance for some target practice I put the gun away and wandered into the kitchen for some food.

Glancing at the clock on the microwave as my cooking popcorn turned around and around I realized PonyBoy had been outside for a long time. Opening the back door I let loose a shrill whistle and listened as it echoed in the silent woods until I heard a faint barking getting louder as the animal ran closer. I let out a rare chuckle as I headed back to the kitchen, leaving the door wide open.

A minute or so later I saw a huge black and brown dog/wolf bound through my yard before he burst loudly into the house. Laughing, I waited for PonyBoy to find me before giving me a few slobbery kisses. PonyBoy is a German Sheppard wolf mix and can be extremely terrifying if he doesn't like you. That's why I let him wander in the woods while I'm out and at school 'cause I know he can definitely fend for himself. That way he can also feed off any small animals he decides to catch and it saves me money that I don't have to spend on his food.

Grabbing my food out of the microwave I plopped down on the couch and started scanning through the shows on TV. Find my favorite show NCIS I sat back to see which rerun it was. I laughed out loud when I realized it was the one that Tony and Ziva had to go undercover as married and very horny assassins. I must admit that their pretend sex sounds pretty damn real to me and I wasn't called the player of La Push for nothing. I smirked, thinking about all those girls that were simply begging for me to take them. But suddenly my thoughts got away from me.

Last night I had decided that I didn't want the next girl to be another 'Hit and Run' as I called them. I wanted a real girl. I realized last night that I didn't want to accidentally get a girl pregnant and end up abandoning the girl and baby just like my dad did. I knew that if one of these 'hits' got pregnant that was exactly what I would do because I am just too immature and irresponsible. Also, no matter how tough I acted, I so desperately wanted to be loved and appreciated.

I got up from the couch after NCIS ended and started wandering around the cabin. There were three bedrooms upstairs, but I never went into my mom's. It was almost like I thought I would be cursed with her weaknesses or something if I did. Walking up the stairs there are still pictures that my mom had hung of before and after I was born. There was only one of my dad. That one I had hung up myself after mom left. I had found it the one time I entered her room, the day she left. My parents were standing in front of this very house. Mom was pregnant, but they still looked happy and in love.

I'm no good at reading emotions and I don't believe bullshit about 'love in their eyes', but from their postures I can say that they were definitely happy. Mom was leaning against dad with his hands resting on her stomach as he kissed her forehead, not looking at the camera. Mom was smiling, but she also wasn't looking. Instead her gaze went off into the woods. I don't know who took the picture, but on the back there was writing I didn't recognize that said Blake and Maria Meraz: As happy as can be. It was sweet, but only angered me further when I realized that they were obviously not happy for long if my father left before I was even born.

Sighing, I headed upstairs and collapsed onto my bed. I felt the unwanted tears of anger and sorrow pricking at my eyes, but I refused to let them fall; until I saw the picture of me with my mom on my bedside table.

"Mommy," I whispered, before I slowly felt myself drifting into a sleep where my parents were around, and I wasn't a stranger to the world.