Roy's Dilemma
Lying there in the sun, Marth was more at peace than he had been in weeks. He adjusted his sunglasses, taking in breaths of the fresh, salty air. He couldn't believe that he hadn't thought about going to the beach earlier: it was so close to the mansion. He sat up, adjusted the towel he was lying on, and looked out into the sea. The waves battered the shore in a perpetual, soothing rhythm. Marth sighed.
It was so peaceful, here.
"Marth! Marth!" a voice behind him hissed.
It's all in your head, Marth. Just ignore it.
"Marth! I know you can hear me. I'm right behind you."
Just think of peaceful, happy, thoughts. Let the ocean carry away your inhibitions. Yeah … that's right.
"Oh, for Pete's sake Marth, look at me when I talk to you!"
A young man with thick, wild red hair appeared in front of Marth's vision. He had immensely blue eyes that shimmered with emotion. He also had a streak of sunburn that ran across the bridge of his nose, but that didn't change the fact that he was utterly adorable.
"Roy, I'm on vacation," Marth said slowly, taking off his sunglasses. Roy wrinkled his nose.
"You're just a fifteen minute walk from the manor, though. That's not how I would define a vacation," Roy said. "Anyway, I have a problem that I need your help with."
"Roy, you're a child prodigy and an expert military tactician. I don't think you need my help with anything," Marth said with a roll of his eyes.
Roy grabbed Marth's shoulders and shook them until Marth's eyes rattled.
"I think someone has a crush on me!" Roy shouted, his voice tinted with despair.
Marth gasped.
"Oh my God. Not again," Marth said, his eyes wide. He stood up.
Roy had been Marth's best friend ever since Super Smash Manor had been erected and the two became fighters. Roy was smart, cunning, and attractive, which made him popular among the smashers. However, Roy was completely oblivious to women and all their attempts to flirt with him. This wasn't because Roy didn't like women; the poor lad just lacked any romantic common sense. Marth was shocked that Roy had even noticed that a girl had a crush on him.
"I'm shocked that you even noticed a girl had a crush on you," Marth said. At this, Roy turned a deep shade of red, and his sunburn went even redder. Marth laughed. "Come on. I was just teasing you. Who's the girl?"
Roy twiddled his thumbs.
"That's the problem, Marth. It isn't … a girl. It's a guy."
Marth's jaw dropped.
"What? That doesn't make any sense. You must be delusional!"
"I swear on my life! He's shown all the signs." Roy began counting off his fingers. "He keeps staring at me. He touches me a lot. And he compliments me even after I kick his butt in the arena. All the books say it must be love! Love, I tell you!"
Marth smacked Roy in the face. Roy held his cheek, glaring at his attacker.
"Calm down," Marth said. He paused. "Do you like him back?"
"Of course not! That's why I need your help. I need you to help me break it to him that I'm just not interested. You're good at crushing people's hearts, so I figured I'd come to you."
Marth folded his arms and looked intently at Roy. The guy rarely lost his cool over anything, so he must be pretty freaked out. Roy had helped Marth out plenty of times before this – Marth could even say he owed the Lord a favor.
"Okay, fine. I'll help you. But can you at least tell me who the guy is?"
"Thanks a lot, man. I'll tell you. It's Link."
Link? The sword-slashing, Zelda-saving, grass-cutting elf that rarely uttered a sound unless he was slicing your face in half? That Link?
"You really are crazy," Marth said, straight-faced.
"Just help me! Please! I can't let her think that I like him!" Roy said. Marth didn't even bother to comment on the "her" part of Roy's plea, simply because he figured he was hearing things.
"All right. Where is he?"
Roy beamed.
"Last time I saw him, he was in the manor's garden … doing what elves do I guess. I've been hiding out here to avoid him."
That explained the sunburn.
The two men began to walk away from the beach. Marth pushed his sunglasses up to the top of his head and sighed.
Whether Roy was delusional or not, this was certainly going to be interesting.
Link readied his blade with a dramatic flourish, crouching low to the ground in order to hide himself from his prey. His enemy bowed deeply in the wind, only to rise again in the windless doldrums. His foe was completely unaware of Link's presence, and went along with its life, not knowing it would soon be cut short.
The swordsman swung his weapon with a valiant cry, slicing the long tendrils of grass into thousands of strings of green confetti. The malicious plant let out an anguished cry – at least in Link's ears – before floating to the ground.
Link had been cutting the grass since nine o'clock that morning. It was five in the evening now. Worse yet, he still hadn't found any rupees.
"Hey, Link!"
Link turned around and saw Marth crossing the gardens over to him. Link sheathed his blade and smiled at his fellow swordsman. Roy hovered closely behind Marth, his expression rather embarrassed. Link wondered why the generally-composed redhead was so befuddled. When Marth was face-to-face with Link, he issued a greeting.
"Hey, Link. How are you?" Marth said with a wave.
"…" Link said.
"Good to hear it. Listen, we have something to discuss with you. It's probably going to be awkward for all three of us, but it's best we get it out of the way." Marth paused to take a look at the grass. It was cut short all around them in about a twenty feet radius. It was like standing in a crop circle. "Uh," he said, pointing. "What's with the yard?"
"I was cutting down the grass," Link said. "It was getting too big in the head."
Marth squinted at Link, who stared blankly at the prince in return.
"Link! Are you in love with Roy?" Marth shouted, pulling the other general into Link's view. Link stared at Roy for a moment, and then took a step back.
"No. Not at all," Link said. "Isn't he a guy?"
"That's what I said," Marth said with a laugh. Roy blushed furiously.
"But – but you stare at me all the time!" Roy said.
Link stared at Roy.
"…" Link said.
"And you touch me constantly!" Roy said.
"I've been practicing my grapple attack," Link said. "You're easy to grapple."
"But you compliment me!"
"I do that to everyone," Link said. He turned to Marth. "I like your face."
"Thanks, Link," Marth said. Roy buried his face in his hands for several moments, but then jerked upright, only to bow deeply.
"I sincerely apologize! I must have misread the atmosphere! I truly thought you were in love with me," Roy said. He stood erect. "I can't believe my calculations were off. Perhaps I read the wrong books."
Marth was glad to see that Roy was returning back to his regular, calm self.
"What's going on, guys?"
The three young men turned and saw Zelda. She had beautiful brown hair that trailed down her back, and a delicate heart-shaped face. She smiled at them. Roy gasped and bowed again with such a powerful swing he might have thrown his back out.
"Zelda!" Roy said. He straightened. "What are you doing?"
"I'm here to cut the grass. Link has botched the whole thing up," Zelda said with narrowed eyes.
"…" Link said. He strode away without another word. The three remaining smashers watched him retreat. Marth glanced from Roy to Zelda and instantly knew what was going on. No wonder the guy was afraid that Link was in love with him.
Roy didn't want to give his crush the wrong idea.
"Zelda," Marth said finally. "Would you like any help cutting the grass? Roy is available."
"I am?" Roy said. "Oh, yeah. I am. I would be honored to offer my services."
"Thanks, Roy. I appreciate it," Zelda said. She raised her hand and spun around, a circle of energy emanating from her and slicing through a large parcel of grass before dissipating. She grinned coquettishly. "But do you really think you can keep up?"
Roy smiled and pulled out his sword.
"I think I'll just have to teach you a thing or two," Roy said.
Grass began to fly everywhere. Dust and pollen assaulted Marth's eyes and nose. He figured it was wise to escape there.
From a distance, Marth could see that a giant dust ball was forming in the yard past the garden, embellished with the whoosh of magic and the clang of metal.
"It's shameless the way they flirt," Marth said. He put on his sunglasses and strode back off to the beach. As he walked he passed Link, who was staring out at Roy and Zelda with a strange look on his face. Marth swallowed.
For Roy's sake, Marth hoped Link wasn't looking after Zelda.