Brittany watched Santana race out of the auditorium, her face steaming with tears. Brittany looked at the slight red pigment in Finn's cheek where Santana slapped him. She bit her bottom lip nervously as Rachel began to examine to her boyfriend. "I can't believe she did that!" Rachel shook her head. "She has too much anger."
Kurt and Mercedes walked up to Finn and rubbed his arms while Ms. Corcoran and Mr. Shue talked about what they should do. Finn locked eyes with Brittany and he said, "You need to keep a better control on Santana." Brittany's blood boiled. She was in very thin ice with Finn since he called her an idiot but she could feel the ice cracking under her. She would never forgive Finn for what he did to her girlfriend unless he found some way to make this all better.
The other day, Santana told Brittany about how Finn proclaimed her secret in the hallway and even dared to say that Brittany didn't love Santana back. "Hey, Finn, I do love her." Brittany said back and ran out of the auditorium to find Santana.
Brittany found the brunette crying into the steering wheel of her father's Range Rover in the school parking lot. Brittany lightly tapped on the window with her fingernail. Santana looked up from her hands and wiped her tear stained cheeks. She opened the driver's seat door and fell into Brittany's arms, letting all the emotions out. Brittany smoothed out Santana's hair that was out of the ponytail Brittany did for her earlier that day and kissed her forehead. "Tell me everything." Brittany said.
When Santana stopped hyperventilating, she opened her car door and pulled out the flask she kept her Jack Daniel's in. She took a long sip and wiped her mouth. Brittany took the flask from her when she tried to get another sip. Santana frowned at her girlfriend and pulled a cigarette from her hoodie pocket but before she could light it, Brittany snatched it away from her. The blonde raised an eyebrow and Santana sighed, knowing there was no way to get around answering the question. A fresh wave of tears hit Santana. As they cascaded down her cheeks, they stung and burned her skin.
"When Finn outed me in the hallway, some girl heard and told her uncle who's running against Sue. In his most recent commercial, I was in it. He mentioned...he...he said that I was..."
"A lesbian." Brittany finished. Santana nodded weakly and buried her face into Brittany's shoulder. Brittany's heart ached at the sight of the girl whom she loved crying. She wanted to protect Santana for once instead of the other way around. "I'm gonna fix this, babe. I swear." Brittany promised. She tilted Santana's face up and planted a quick kiss on her lips. "We'll get through this."
"I was going to come out, Britt, for you. I swear I was. Everyone's going to know now." Santana replied pathetically.
"I know, I know," Brittany consoled. "Let me drive you home. I'll stay over, okay?" Santana agreed and got in the passenger seat, giving Brittany the keys. Brittany slipped into the front seat and started up the car, keeping a watchful glance on Santana, who was crying into the dashboard. Brittany put Santana's seatbelt on for her and rubbed her back. "Everything's gonna be okay, baby. You're with me now." Brittany reassured. She pulled out of the parking lot and she drove them to Santana's house.
Brittany managed to open the front door with Santana cradled in her arms because she fell asleep on the car ride over and Brittany couldn't bear to wake her from a dream back to her harsh reality. The smell of chicken wafted through the air and Brittany saw Mrs. Lopez cooking in the kitchen. The older brunette saw Brittany carrying her daughter and raised an eyebrow. "She fell asleep. She's really tired." Brittany replied anxiously. "I'm staying over if that's okay?"
Mrs. Lopez nodded. She wasn't one to talk, Mrs. Lopez, and Brittany wondered if she only knew how to speak Spanish because that was the only language Brittany ever heard her speak in. It was mostly to yell at Santana for doing something. At first it made Brittany uncomfortable but now she got used to it. Brittany climbed up the stairs and a pang of guilt struck her in the gut. Along the wall of the staircase were pictures of the Lopez family. None of them were of Santana. There was no picture of her learning how to ride a bike or going pumpkin picking. Nothing. It was as if Santana didn't even exist. Brittany planted a kiss on Santana's head and continued making her way up the stairs, scurrying away from the unwanted emotion.
The blonde used her back to push open Santana's bedroom door and placed the girlfriend on her unmade bed. Brittany put the clothes and magazines that were strewn across one side of the bed in a pile on the floor. Brittany watched Santana sleep, grateful the brunette wasn't crying anymore. She opened up Santana's dresser and pulled out the clothes she left over here the last time she visited. She kicked off her heels and slipped the pants under dress. Brittany tugged the dress over her head and put on her Cheerio sweatshirt. She looked at herself in the mirror and shook out her hair. Brittany saw Santana shiver in the mirror and the blonde walked over to the bed and smoothed the blanket on top of Santana.
Santana's hand grabbed Brittany's and her eyes flutter open. "Lay with me." Santana ordered pathetically. Brittany sat on the bed and stroked Santana's hand in her own. "Stay with me, please." Santana whimpered, pulling Brittany down on the bed. "Please say you'll stay with me."
"Promise," Brittany whispered, smiling weakly at Santana. Santana linked pinkies with Brittany and smiled in return. Brittany kissed Santana's nose and caressed her face. "I love you." Brittany sighed. Santana's eyes glazed over and she buried her head into Brittany's shoulder and cried again.
"This is supposed to be our year! It's senior year for Christ fucking sake! This isn't fair. It's not fair." Santana shouted, her voice muffled from the covers that she was engulfed in. Brittany nodded and stroked Santana, shushing her with it-will-okay and I-know-sweetie.
Santana finally sat up and reached to her bedside table for her ibuprofen. She shook out four and gulped them down with a flask under her bed. Brittany gave Santana a disapproving look. "I don't like when you do that."
"Yeah, well I don't like being called a...lesbian...in a hallway." Santana snapped back. "If I want to take all these pain killers I can." She picked up a bottle of acetaminophen and pulled out two. Brittany snatched them away from her and grabbed the flask before Santana could compensate.
"I love you." Santana locked eyes with Brittany as her lip quivered. "I love you to the point where I won't let you get seriously hurt from taking fifty pills." Brittany answered. She reached across Santana and grabbed the bottle. "Not under my watch." Santana scoffed at Brittany's statement as Brittany put the pills away.
"You don't love me like how I love you. Finn made me realize that." Santana said, looking away from Brittany. She crosses her arms and bit down her bottom lip. She peeked over her shoulder to see how the blonde reacted. "I'm incapable of being loved. My therapist told me. Everyday I'm starting to agree with her more and more." Santana whispered. "No one in glee club actually likes me. My parents don't even like me! My own goddamn parents. They're supposed to love you no matter what, right?" Santana let the tears stream down her face. She sniffed and continued, "So how come when I do something that I think is great, like making captain of the Cheerios or passing that really hard US Government test, they don't care. But when I'm violent and loud, they see me for once even if it's only as their bitch daughter."
Brittany scooted over closer to Santana and took her in her arms. "Don't think that way. Even if you think no one in this world is with you, I'm here. No matter what happens. I'll always love you, Santana. From the bottom of my heart, I solemnly swear." Brittany whispered.
"I just can't believe this is happening." Santana wailed. Brittany rocked back and forth with Santana and kissed her repeatedly on her head until Santana fell asleep in her arms. If only she could stay in Brittany's arms forever.
Santana woke up three hours later still in Brittany's arms. Brittany was softly snoring next to her. Her pink, parted lips called to Santana but she fought the urge. She didn't deserve someone like Brittany. She didn't deserve anyone. Her headache flared up again and she reached over to Brittany's side and got her acetaminophen and flask. Santana got up and walked to her bathroom. She took three pills and finished the burning liquor. She took a glimpse of herself in the mirror and started to cry. She was useless and incapable of being loved. Brittany lied to her. No one loved her. Santana opened her jewelry box and lifted up the small compartment and took out a razor. She turned on the faucet and held her right wrist under the scalding hot water.
Santana traced the outline of her vein with her finger and sliced it open with the razor. Her wrist started to sting as her crimson blood filled the porcelain sink. The water washed down the red liquid, leaving only faint remnants of the incident. She felt no pain and her reality started to kick in again. Santana sliced another part of her wrist, again and again. No pain. "Why can't I feel anything?" She asked herself. Santana looked over at her bathtub and turned on the water. The tub filled up quickly and she peeled off her clothing and sat in it. The blood was seeping out of her wrist down and she started to feel lightheaded. That wasn't what she wanted. She wanted to feel pain. Real pain.
She gripped her razor tightly in her hands, scratching and drawing blood. She cut her stomach and made tally marks on her legs. Pain, she was feeling it now. She let the water run, not bothering to turn it off. Santana let her blood turn the water a murky red and immersed herself in it. She held her breath as long as she could. Her mind fogged up and got very cloudy. Euphoria, she thought. No one will even miss me. I am no one.
Brittany woke up without Santana in her arms and the water running in the bathroom. Brittany got up and noticed the pill bottle and vodka was gone. "Oh my god!" She raced to the bathroom and saw Santana laying the tub in red, murky water. The water was still running to the point where it was about to overflow. "Santana!" Brittany yelled. She knelt by the tub and reached in and grabbed Santana, who hadn't regained consciousness. Brittany saw the cuts along her body and cringed at the sight. She carried Santana back into her room and put a robe on her.
"Mrs. Lopez! Mrs. Lopez, please help me! Mrs. Lopez! Oh my god!" Brittany wailed. She held Santana in her arms and tried to shake her awake. "Please Santana, don't do this. Wake up! I love you. Don't do this." Brittany begged, kissing Santana's lips, hoping that it would wake her up just like it did in Snow White. Nothing happened. Santana's lips were cold and changing into a faint blue tint. "Santana, you can't die! I love you." Brittany begged in Santana's ear. She shook Santana's limp body but got no response.
Mrs. Lopez charged through the door and saw her daughter unconscious in Brittany's arm. "Mija!" Mrs. Lopez exclaimed. She pulled out her phone and dialed 911. "My daughter is not waking up!" Mrs. Lopez yelled into the phone. She looked at Brittany and said, "Come on, we're going to the hospital." Brittany picked up Santana and walked with Mrs. Lopez to her car. Brittany never was one to pray but that night she called to any god that would listen.