So this is sort of AU in the way that Rach is friends with San, Britt, Quinn and Mike. She's dating Finn, and isn't really close to Puck. Though Puck is pretty much in love with her. Her father dies after an accident that she caused making her feel guilty and well it starts from their. Please review and I plan to update often. For those who read Never again and RWCBWH I will continue to update those no worries. Will hope you like it and Glee in no way belongs to me at all. Uh its M rated, if you don't like that sort of thing, sorry. Please review and happy reading!
The day of her father's funeral, Rachel breaks all ties with everyone. She ignores her daddy's attempts at conversation, refuses to open the door to Santana and unplugs the home phone after numerous attempts from Brittney and Quinn. She takes the battery out from her cell phone, because Finn is pretty insistent and Mike cant seem to take a hint. She goes to the funeral, wearing a simple black dress and ignores her name being called afterwards, climbing into her daddy's car as Finn jogged towards the car. She doesn't turn around, but she knows he's still standing there, like the loyal boyfriend he is. To bad she doesn't have it in herself to care.
She can't bring herself to care about anything or anyone other than the fact that her father was dead, and she was to blame. She knows it, her father knows it, the police report makes it official. If it wasn't for her, Bryan Berry would still be alive. She knows they will hate her, all of them. Who could love a murderer.
Everyone is gathered in the house after the service, the living room filled with relatives, friends and colleagues of her father's, looking uncomfortable in jackets and ties. The caterers walked around with passed appetizers that had everyone stuffing there faces. Rachel watches on half-heartedly as person after person comes forward with there condolences, nodding and thanking each one of them before disappearing into her room. She quickly discards the dress and slips into a blouse and skirt, hating the weight of the dress on her skin. For a moment, she closes her eyes and waits. Waiting to wake up from this surreal dream, for everything to make sense again. It didn't work.
It's not just a bad dream, something she could pinch herself and wake up from. This is her reality now. This guilt, this sadness, it's all eating her up inside and she cant do anything about it. Rachel notices a small picture, resting on her desk and reaches for it. Her father smiles back at her, a look of complete happiness in his eyes, his hands wrapped around Rachel's shoulders. She falls into her bed, curling up into the fetal position, the picture still in her hands. She hasn't cried once since the moment she heard of his death but now, now she lets herself cry. Heart-wrenching tears that threaten to drown her.
A small knock at her window causes Rachel to stiffen, she straightens up and wipes at her eyes. She considers just ignoring the person but knows only of one person who would willingly climb the tree leading up to her third-story window. Rachel walks to the window and opens the blinds, checking to see if her guess was correct. Sure enough hazel eyes look back at her. Opening the window she moves backward and he climbs in.
"Puck," Rachel says, acknowledging his presence before sitting back down on the edge of her bed. He walks over and sits himself down next to her, his face an unreadable mask. She doesn't dwell on it, Noah had always been a mystery to her. They sit there in silence, both unwilling to say the first word, or rather not knowing exactly what to say. She wonders what exactly he's doing here but doesn't ask. Puck had been the only one of their group who hadn't made an attempt to see her, and now here he was and Rachel had willingly let him in. Maybe it's the fact that out of all of her friends he's the one she's least close to, acquaintances being a more appropriate word for there relationship. Maybe it's the fact that she knows he wont treat her like something broken, that he would be real.
"Finn called me," Puck said, breaking the silence. Rachel looks up at him blankly and meets his eyes, she looks away not wanting to see the acquisition in his eyes. "Practically crying that his girlfriend was blocking him out, wondering what he should do."
"I'll call him when I'm ready," Rachel responded, playing with the fringe of her dress, refusing to look up at him. She hears him scoff, and feels him shift a bit closer to her before resting an arm around her shoulders. She looked up then, shocked that he would try to offer her some show of comfort.
"Look Berry I wont pretend to understand what your feeling but its not right what your doing to them," Puck said, causing Rachel to stiffen under his arm. " Closing yourself off to them, its not fair."
Rachel stands up, slipping from under his arm and walking to the other side of the rook. How dare he tell her she's wrong for trying to protect herself from the pain that their hatred would cause her. He didn't know the truth about her father's death, if he did he wouldn't be here either. They would all hate her, they would shun her.
"Puck get over yourself, you're the last person who should be giving me advice," Rachel retorted coldly, wishing that she had never opened that damn window.
"All I'm saying is that your hurting them, there trying to help you but your putting up this impenetrable front." Puck responded, causing Rachel to look at him in outrage.
"You don't know anything about me Puck," Rachel yelled, frustrated that he wouldn't simply drop it, just leave her alone. "You don't know what I'm going through, you have no idea how much I'm hurting." He didn't understand, he didn't know how this situation was killing her. She begins to pace back and fort, anger vibrating inside of her.
"Then explain it to me Rachel," Puck said, standing up from his spot on the bed and taking a step towards her. "Why aren't you talking to your dad at least? Are you even fucking thinking about him while your wallowing here in pity?"
His words, stop her. She sits down on her desk chair and covers her face with her hands. She tries to hold herself together but the tears are threatening to come out again and Rachel knows if she starts crying now she'll wouldn't be able to stop. This feeling of utter self-loathing and guilt was suffocating her, and all she wants to do is rewind the whole month, back to when her father was alive. Back to when she wasn't a murderer. There's silence from Puck, and she can feel his gaze searing into her as the tears started falling. She feels him kneel in front of her, and is surprised when he grabs her wrists and pulls her hands away from her face. She doesn't look up, knowing the disgust she would see in his eyes. Puck places a hand under her chin and tilts her head up forcing her to look at him.
"Berry, I'm sorry," Puck said, a look of sympathy in his eyes. Rachel can hear the sincereness in his voice which only makes her cry harder. She doesn't deserve his compassion not after what she did. She tries to look down again but he refuses to let her. "I'm just trying to help you."
"I'm just trying to forget," Rachel responds, looking into his eyes now a dark green. Watching as Puck swears under his breath. Watching as he leans into her, as his lips press against hers. He's kisses are hard, needy and Rachel minds goes blissfully blank. His tongue finds its way into her mouth, and Rachel leans back against the chair as Puck groans into her mouth. She feels him pick her up and carry her towards her bed, placing her onto the sheets before placing himself on top of her, trapping her beneath him. Her hands wrap themselves around his neck, as his own slip under her shirt and onto her back.
She doesn't know why exactly she's letting this happen. In the back of her mind Finn makes an appearance but is quickly wiped out by the feel of Puck's hands moving onto her ribcage. She slips her own hands under his shirt and splays them on his chest, hearing his give a small groan of satisfaction as she tugs on his nipple ring. She feels him move his lips from her mouth and slowly kiss away the tears and smiles for the first time in days before pressing her own lips on his neck. Puck's hands tease at the ends of her bra and Rachel groans, bucking against his hands. He understands and reaches behind her, unclasping the bra and slipping it out from under her shirt. His hands cup her breasts causing Rachel to shiver, and Puck presses his lips back onto Rachel's, his tongue tugging at hers. She opens the buttons of his shirts and takes it off him, her hands coming to rest on the opening of his jeans. He separates himself and quickly undoes the button of his pants and slides them off of him, as Rachel slips her top over her head and shimmies out of her skirt and panties.
His hands move at the same time as hers, both reaching out for each other. His hands softly settle on her chest and hers end up under his briefs. Their lips collide again, a certain urgency in their actions. Puck trailed fingers down her stomach, the gentle touch halfway between arousing and tickling. Two long finger slowly move down to her center and slide inside of her. She arches up, her breast making contact with his mouth. His lips close over a nipple, at the same time a finger
plays at her clint. Rachel gasps, feeling the sensations overtaking her. His movements quickened as he presses quick kisses all over her chest. She pleads for him to speed up and he does, scissoring his fingers inside of her. Her climax was sudden, her head flying back against the sheets. Every muscle in her body tensing underneath his touch, her eyes closing shut.
When she comes back to her senses, she opens her eyes, seeing him looking down at her with a look that immediately makes Rachel tense up. She recognizes that look, Finn has it written all over his face when he looks at her. Oh God Finn. She makes a move to get out from under him, but Puck doesn't let her. He takes her face into his hands and crashes his lips onto hers making Rachel relax under his hands. He slams his body down onto hers and Rachel groans into his ear.
"Are you on the pill?" Puck asks, and Rachel nods. He clutches her hips as he thrusts into her, as if he was afraid she was going to disappear from under his fingers. Rachel slipped her arms under his own to seize his shoulders, using the leverage to meet his thrusts with her own. Sliding a hand down between their bodies, Puck presses a thumb against her clit, causing her to tighten her grip on his shoulders. His thrust became less even as he moves closer to his climax, his mouth landing onto hers. One more roll of his thumb and the flames building up inside of her explode. He collapses on top of her, murmuring her name against her neck.
The realization of what they had just done dawns on Rachel as the beating of her heart starts to return to normal. The realization that she had just given herself to her boyfriends best friend because she had wanted to forget. Instead she had made things worse.
"You need to leave," Rachel says, pushing her arms up against his chest. Her voice has an edge to it that catches Puck's attention. "This was a mistake," With those words, she notices anger seep into Puck's eyes. "This should have never happened."
She shouldn't have let this happen, shouldn't have given into the blissful blankness that his touches caused her. Now the guilt was returning, along with disgust for herself.
He moves off of her quickly. Standing up, he collects his clothes and dresses silently. Rachel watches on, dragging a sheet over her own naked body. He turns to look at her, and for the first time Rachel sees something akin to hatred in his eyes. He climbs out of her window without so much as a backward glance.
Curtains flutter in the breeze, the movement only barley registering in Rachel's mind. Her gaze doesn't leave the window though he's long after disappeared from sight. She pulls the covers up to her chin and curls up into a ball, tears cascading down her cheeks.
Hope you liked it and please review I really appreciate it, please no bashing. Thanks!