Da Razor Show
Chapter One
Spike woke up, stretched his arms and slowly turned around before walking out of his room. "Razor, why is there a camera in my room?" Spike asked his older brother who lay on their couch watching TV.
"I signed a contract for another show." Razor replied.
"Oh yes because it went so well the first time." Spike said sarcastically.
"It's not my fault people like that exist." Razor snapped.
"Man, Shadow is gonna be pissed." Spike sighed.
"You know me too well to know I can't resist torturing Perfect's favorite character." Razor said. "And that is why, author powers." Razor added. Spike disappeared as he screamed every curse he could think of at Razor. "Oh yeah, I got my author powers back." Razor said.
Sonic awoke and got out of bed to realize that his walls were a lot further from his bed than usual. He looked around and saw a lot of movement in the darkness. "Shit." Sonic sighed before realizing that he hadn't said 'shoot'. "SHIT!" he screamed as the stage was lit up and the crowd became visible. "RAZOR!" All sound stopped and Razor appeared in front of Sonic.
"Yes?" he asked. Sonic grabbed him by the collar and held him close.
"Did you bring me here to torture me again?" Sonic growled. Razor snapped his fingers before disappearing in a puff of smoke. Sonic heard a creak and looked up. He didn't even need to look down to know that he had been super-glued to the floor. "Please let it be less painful the second time around." Sonic prayed before being crushed by a three thousand ton weight.
Shadow walked down the street before pausing and shooting a Chaos Spear behind him. "You've learned." Razor commented as he straightened himself.
"What do you want?" Shadow growled.
"I think the question is, what do you want? And I know the answer is not this." Razor replied as they reappeared on the stage next to the giant weight. Shadow held out his fist as he saw the weight to which Razor answered with a fist-bump. Razor snapped his fingers and Shadow went wide-eyed.
"MARIA!" he screamed.
"That was one of my favorite parts of the first one." Razor commented.
"MARIA!" Shadow screamed.
"Now, where is my next victim?" Razor asked himself as he looked around the park.
"Razor!" he heard a delighted voice cry.
"Shit." he sighed.
"Other direction Amy!" he heard Tails yell before being glomped by Amy.
"Yes hello Amy." Razor said.
"Why didn't you call me?" Amy demanded.
"Get off me and I'll tell you." Razor said. They stood up and Razor hid behind Tails. "Because I had to see my wife." Razor said before running away with Amy hot on his tail.
"Cool." Tails said before he kept on walking.
Razor ran onto the stage, completely puffed before almost being crushed by a big, blue Amy. "What happened to her?" Shadow asked.
"Blueberry...pie...bubble...gum." Razor said between puffs. "So why didn't you run for it?" Razor asked after catching his breath.
"Is there any point?" Shadow asked.
"Touche" Razor said. "Now, I'm afraid to go get Silver after what me and Doom Wraith did to him." Razor added.
"You should be." Shadow commented.
"Okay, I have a plan." Razor said.
Silver sat in a meeting for psychics and a man walked in. "Okay, all men in here who will stay as men for the next five minutes, take one step forward, NOT SO FAST SILVER!" the man said.
"Razor?" Silver asked.
"Shit." Razor said. Silver used his powers to pick up Razor and throw him around the room. As soon as Razor grabbed something, he pointed at Silver. "HAX!" he shouted before Silver got hit by a flying computer. Razor picked the unconscious Silver up and walked away.
"Hm, now, how do I get Blaze here?" Razor asked himself.
"Well, you could torture her until she agreed to come along peacefully like you did with me." Shade suggested.
"You could lure 'er with an offa' of some shrimps on the barbie like wit' me." Marine said.
"You could tell her there's guys here that have dicks like with the whore." Spike said as he pointed Rouge. "Well, maybe not Silver." he added before the psychic physically threw him out the window.
"You could offer her the chance to crush Sonic. I'd come just for that." Shadow said as he looked at the weight.
"Or, I could say you're here." Razor said to Shadow. "And a closet." he added. Razor disappeared before returning with half an arm missing. "I forgot the first commandment of Perfect's world." he said.
"What's the first commandment?" Cream asked.
"Thou shan't cause harm to Blaze, bodily or otherwise." Razor said.
"I wish there was something like that for me." Shadow grumbled.
"Well, there is, thou shan't cause much harm to Shadow." Razor said. "Luckily you're immortal." Razor added, taking away Shadow's smile.
"So, send in them dares!" Razor said as he pointed at the readers.
"I think that's breaking the fourth wall." Spike pointed out.
"Who cares?" Razor asked. Spike just looked at him with an expression like 'are you serious?'. "Right, stupid question."
Disclaimer: I own
Razor: OH MY GOD I THOUGHT YOU WERE FIRED!
Disclaimer Dude: You still remember?
Razor: OF COURSE I STILL REMEMBER
Disclaimer Dude: WELL LET ME FINISH YOU ASSHOLE!
Razor: fine, then piss off
Disclaimer Dude: thank you, Perfect Phantom owns nothing besides Razor, Spike, himself and me, also, Blaze cannot be dared yet
Razor: Do you have any idea how hard it is to get someone somehwere without hurting them at all?