Awaken
All I could remember was the screaming. The endless screaming and physical torment of my numerous injuries spanning my body as I limped towards that light at the end of the street. The light that would take me to my final battle. The galaxy's final confrontation with either its end or its new beginning. All of this while a red laser beam rained down on the men and women around me as everyone pushed forward for that small chance that I, of all people, would make it to that light at the top of the small ramp. Many fell that day. I should have fallen with them, but I didn't. Why me? What made me so special that millions would fall around me...and I would be left standing alone?
Dimly, I can hear a voice or two around me, but I feel nothing, see nothing. I've faded to the edge of life and death, and can foresee myself falling over the edge. I'm not even sure if I'm still breathing or alive anymore. Is this what death feels like? Is it supposed to feel so peaceful and yet, morbid? I hear a low groan and realize with a start that it came from me. I'm still alive, but where am I?
Then there's shouting, which sounds distant and yet, so near to me. "She's alive, hurry up and get a medic over here, ASAP!" "She's barely there, but we can still save her!" I can hear the shouting, as my ears continue to ring, but can't bring myself to physically react to anyone or anything. I feel physically immobile and my mind is still buried deep within myself. All I can do is listen and mentally process what little I know of what's happening around me. It's like I've been put into a physical and mental lockdown where all I can really do is listen.
Why save me? Why can't anyone just let me die? As morbid as these thoughts may seem, I've already died once before and it felt final at that time. At the time, I'd been okay with my death. My crew had been saved and lived to see another day, with me sacrificing my own life for that of my pilot's. He was a damned good pilot too, and I was content when I knew that my life had been lost for his. Yet, two years later and I was waking up to find myself alive and well again. Resurrected like Lazarus, as if this was a perfectly okay thing to do to someone. I have to live with so many people's deaths now. I've had the same nightmare for weeks because of my damned resurrection. Why couldn't I be left to rest in piece?
This supposed death was going to be different. Admiral Anderson was dead, I watched the life leave his eyes while he sat at my side in the Citadel. For all I knew, the rest of my crew was dead as well. The blast wave from the Crucible alone was probably more than enough to kill all of them. Best of all? My two best men were dead as well. Kaidan and Garrus had been the best damned soldiers to have at my sides. A renegade and a true soldier whom had both saved my life countless times. I couldn't possibly pay them back for everything they'd done for me. Yet, as I'd climbed that ramp to my final confrontation, I'd seen them. On the ground and among the other bodies, Garrus had been a bloodied mess with half of his face completely enveloped in deep blood, seemingly gone too. Kaidan had been sitting with his back against some rubble, but the way his head was against is chest and he didn't move an inch was enough evidence to make it clear. Neither of them were ever getting up again.
I can still hear the distant chattering around me and vaguely feel my body being moved onto something. A stretcher or litter, perhaps? Why can't they just leave me to die on my own? There wasn't going to be any peace left out there for me. I swear that I saw the Mass Relays being destroyed in the midst of the Crucible's damaging blow. We'd all be grounded for years to come until those were reconstructed properly. That was only if we actually had some blueprints lying around for them, which I doubted. Yet, as much as I wanted to believe it had all been just a vision, I'd seen the Crucible in person. I'd felt the flames engulfing my body as I'd proudly held up my handgun and fired at it. Shrapnel had flown around me and smoke had surrounded and blinded me as I'd made my decision. The Reapers would never decide the galaxy's fate again.
Yet, in the midst of all of this, something had let me live. Had it been the Catalyst? Why would it let me continue to live though? If I recalled correctly, it had told me that my life would end upon making the decision that I'd chosen. I was supposed to be dead right now, but I could dimly feel the medi-gel beginning to flow into my system. I took a step back from the edge and was soon limping away from it, getting further away from death and closer to the light at the end.