A/N: Though this is really related to the TV Show, I can imagine The Riddler trying to find a way to defeat Batman. Some of the show's ideas came straight from the comics so I believe this would fit in well in BOTH places.
/
Riddle Me This . . . How Do You Out Wit A Bat?
By
AJ
Edward Nigma watched, pursing his lips. He kept himself in the shadows, even in broad daylight, watching and waiting. Too many times he had been stopped and not just by Batman, but by that pun loving kid that always seemed to show up when he least expected it. Not only that, the Batman seemed pretty protective of the kid, not letting other criminals like the Penguin and the Joker get too close.
The Riddler watched as Batman and Robin took down one of the lesser-known mob bosses, trying to smuggle diamonds out of Gotham. He watched as the Penguin was stopped from using his infamous umbrellas to rob remotely. And every time Batman had stuck close to his younger companion. If only there was a way to separate the two, then perhaps there might be a chance.
Was that the key? Could it really be that simple? He would have to find the right mob to help him in his cause, especially the right person with the right measurements; and the right grudge against the very man. He would have to promise them riches beyond their dreams, but what caper could he pull that would be worthy of his talents? He would have to wait and see just what event might present itself with an opportunity of a lifetime. In the mean time, he needed allies and he knew one way how to advertise.
Edward Nigma walked into the newspaper office. "I would like to place an ad in the personals."
The man at the counter pulled out a form. "It's 3.50 for the first three lines and an additional dollar per line. If you run it for three days it's 50. If you run it for a week you get Saturday and Sunday free."
Edward Nigma pulled out a wad of bills. He handed the man two $500 dollar bills. "How long can I run it for with this?"
"For that you can run it all year."
"Well it may take that long, so it's worth the price," Nigma pulled out another two hundred. "For your trouble."
"Gee, thanks."
Ed Nigma wrote the copy, cryptic enough to intrigue, general enough not to draw attention of a certain night flying rodent. Within a couple of days Edward Nigma was interviewing a lovely young lady, though looking at her size, she was a couple of inches taller than him, and that made him feel self conscience.
'Too tall,' he thought. "Her eyes were the wrong color as well.'
He had to pretend he was interested only to a point, but it was clear the woman wasn't going to be suitable for his plans. He saw three other women that week, each not suited for his purpose. When the second week came and went he finally met a woman who seemed promising but it was apparent she was a talker . . . and boy was she ever a talker. She chatted so much his mind started to wonder. Then a mischievous thought came to Edward Nigma that gave him a secret grin.
'Who makes it, but has no need for it. Who buys it, but has no use for it. Who uses it, but can never see or feel it? I'd like to put her in one just to shut her up.'
So, while she continued to drone on, he excused himself and went to the men's room, climbing out of the window just to escape. 'She's probably sitting there still chatting to the thin air. Wonder if she'll suffocate.'
Another three weeks went by when Edward Nigma was once again waiting at a table in a small run down neighborhood café when he looked up to see a young red head with bright blue eyes approach.
"Well hello . . ." Eddie Nigma stated. "And who might you be?"
"Molly," the red head stated.
"Tell me Molly do you like riddles?"
"Doesn't everyone?"
Edward Nigma had to nod at that and he gave her a sideways grin.
"Let me tell you one," Molly stated. "What do you call a mountain that's been cut down to size?"
The Riddler smiled even broader. He knew the answer and this little lady somehow figured out what his personal ad had conveyed quite well. The person had to ask him a riddle and in turn he would answer back.
"What's blind as a bat, but digs deep?"
The girl gave him a knowing smile.
"Looks like we see eye to eye," Edward Nigma smiled. "Let's get together and compare notes."
"Well, several of my friends might not like that," Molly replied. "But if it's in regards to shall we say a certain rodent and his pet bird, I think we can make an arrangement."
Edward Nigma's eye roamed judging whether she really could be the one he was looking for. She certainly had the right eye color, which was an absolute must and with the right wig and mask . . .
"How do you feel about an old fashion mascaraed?"
'I've always wanted to dress up as a bird," Molly gave Edward a grin that was just as mischievous.
"One with a red breast?" The Riddler questioned.
"You've read my mind," Molly replied.
They talked a little longer until something caught Edward Nigma's attention. "I think it's time to blow this popsicle stand."
Molly slipped Edward Nigma a folded sheet of paper. "See you later. Of course you're going to have to convince the head mole of your plan. Shouldn't be too hard. He's not very bright, but he does care in his own way."
Edward Nigma watched as Molly got up and left the way she came. After a few more minutes, Eddie put on his hat and coat and strolled out walking in the opposite direction, a smile forming a nasty grin on his face. It was going to take time, but eventually . . . He thought of an appropriate riddle just for the occasion if everything worked as planned.
Some try to hide.
Some try to cheat.
But time will show we always will meet.
Try as you might to guess my name.
I promise you'll know when you I do claim.
And Batman, I will claim you to be sure.
End
/
Answers to Riddles:
Who makes it, but has no need for it. Who buys it but has no use for it. Who uses it, but can never see or feel it? A Coffin
What do you call a mountain that's been cut down to size? A Hill
what's blind as a bat, but digs deep? A Mole
Some try to hide.
Some try to cheat.
But time will show we always will meet.
Try as you might to guess my name.
I promise you'll know when you I do claim. Death