In mir,
wird es langam kalt.
In me,
it's slowly getting cold.
I can feel them before they come, the transformations that rip my soul from my body and make me something else. The blood rushing through my veins runs cold; pulling, scratching, kicking. Becoming a dog is agonizing, a curse to end all curses it should be called. Waking up with the recollection of the previous night's horrors is possibly more tormenting then not waking up at all.
My harrowing screams must keep the villagers awake at night, wondering what sick spirit could exist still calling out from the tiny house. Alone I see my shadow, mocking me reminding me of what I must become. The isolation drives me mad, if I stay here alone I will lose who I am to this creature. I scratch and I bite at myself trying to find myself under this obscene skin, however it is no use I've lost myself until the sun rises.
Die schatten wollen mich holen.
The shadows want to get me.
Doch wenn wir gehen,
dann gehen wir nur zu zweit.
But if we go,
we will only go together.
"How could you not have told us?" Sirius questioned, I had offended him. I knew I couldn't keep this a secret from my only friends for long, they could see the scratches and bruises. They would realize the abuse that my other form inflicted upon itself, sadly all the pain and memories carried over to my human body.
"I didn't mean to hide it from you," I began with a lie, of course,what second year student wants to lose his only friends. I had lived in isolation all of my life, risking a day a month didn't seem like to hard of a task. "You see Dumbledore allowed me to attend school when he really had no reason to." Sirius, James and Peter sat back against a bed on the floor of the dorm we shared.
James appeared to contemplate the things that I had just said. "We'll why can't you just tell everyone," Panic rushed through me at that simple remark, everything I had ever know was about concealing my inner demon and learning to live two lives. My mind race with thoughts of what would happen if anyone found out about the two lives I lead. "It's actually kind of cool." James suggested to Sirius and peter who nodded in agreement.
Furious I stood at a loss for words, I was frozen looking down at them as each of them slowly rose to my level. I didn't want to be a monster, this was something that no one would ever chose. "How could you say that James?" I calmed my anger, I would not allow myself to act like a beast when I didn't have to. "How can you listen to the things I have said, the abuse I've been through and think it is cool?"
I could no longer stand the tension that rose through my body, throwing my hands up in frustration I left the room. I couldn't scream and I couldn't fight, I couldn't tell them they should have stayed out. They should have minded their own business, I didn't want to scare away the only friends I would have left when word got out. In my fury I almost neglected to hear Peter call after me. "We think we know a way to help you."
Du bist alles was ich bin,
und alles was durch meine adern fließt.
You are everything I am,
and everything running through my veins.
It took years to put Peter's act into place, years of collecting and experimenting the process was very dangerous and illegal. We had heard many rumors and facts of mishaps that had happen during the process of transforming into an Animagus, still the others insisted that they wanted to go through with the transformation.
It was at the beginning of our fifth year when it happened, we were all ready for what the potion would bring. Ever the self-destructive daredevil Sirius went first. The transformation into an Animagus was a long drawn out process but after the proper training Sirius could turn into a dog on cue, the others soon followed. James found himself able to morph into a stag and peter a rat, we often joked about how Animagi are a portrait of the inner you. Peter didn't seem to like that much.
The month that led up to what would be the first night I would be accompanied by my friends in the shack seemed to draw on and on. Finally the night came, we had it planned out after I was escorted to the shack they would follow under James' invisibility cloak.
Immer werden wir uns tragen.
Egal wohin wir fallen,
egal wie tief.
Forever we will carry each other.
No matter where we fall,
no matter how deep.
In their transformed faces I could see the fear, animals could not be affected by a werewolf but the attack would still be severe. My wolf form thrashed and wailed attempting to sink it's teeth into Sirius or James, Peter had gone to hide of course like the coward he was. I didn't realize it at the moment but it wasn't me, it was Peter. He was the one that never belonged. Sirius growled threateningly at my wolf form attempting to gain the recognition as alpha in the situation. Finally James had pinned me with his horns, trapped under the large stag I never felt so free.
After the two had calmed the storm that I was a large yellow rat emerged from beneath a pile of old books, but no one noticed I was finally free of the thoughts that plagued me in my wolf body. That night we escaped the shack and I escaped the curse the Fenrir had bestowed upon me at a very young age. We traveled through Hogsmeade and even the forbidden places that surrounded Hogwarts, that night we dubbed ourselves "The Marauders."
I trusted them with my largest secrets like I trusted no other, even when James started seeing Lily Evans. She was a beautiful and intelligent witch, I envied the relationship they had and often though of what it would be like if it were I whom caught Lily's eye. Those thoughts were quickly brushed away, James could be trusted, Lily could be trusted and so could I.
Ich will da nicht allen sein,
lass uns gemeinsam'
in die nacht.
I don't want to be alone there,
let's go together,
in the night.
Many Full Moons followed us till our last night in that shack, the last night that The Marauders would investigate the abundant secrets held on Hogwarts ground. Severus had kept to his promise and my secret was not uncovered, I graduated from my safe haven that was the castle into the real world. The world outside of Dumbledore's wall was not so accepting of werewolves.
Here I met the people that changed there lives for a friend, they helped me to keep my blood warm even under the frigid rays of a Full Moon. It may seem as if I had come to terms with myself the night the Animagi joined me in my personal hell, but that is not the case. The day the pledged there alliance to me and my werewolf form was the day I acknowledged that I would never again be carried away, alone in the night.
In die nacht,
nur mit dir zusammen.
Halt mich sonst treib ich alleine,
in die nacht.
Authors Notes: This is a Song Fic to ''In Die Nacht'' by Tokio Hotel It's a lovely song I encourage everyone to go listen. Thanks for reading.