Maps
AN: Another musical Pitch Perfect oneshot. This one is based off of Maroon 5's song "Maps". This one should be slightly more difficult to write than my "Angel In Blue Jeans" oneshot, due to the fact that this song has no clearly spelled out storyline providing me with an already established script. So, I guess that means I'll be able to be more creative with this one, too. Hope you like it!
I miss the taste of a sweeter life
I miss the conversation
I'm searching for a song tonight
I'm changing all of the stations
I like to think that we had it all
We drew a map to a better place
But on that road I took a fall
Oh baby why did you run away?
Driving down the road with tears in her eyes, Chloe changed the radio station yet again. It seems that no matter what station she turned to, there was a song on that reminded her of exactly why she was doing eighty miles an hour when the speed limit was 60. The redhead brushed tears out of her eyes again as she heard "Titanium" come to its chorus. Once upon a time, that song would have made her extremely wet just hearing it. It was the perfect "Lady Jam". And then Beca had come into her life, and the song had held an even deeper meaning to Chloe. It was the first song they ever sang together, and Chloe associated it with being a symbol of their love for each other. Their love, their relationship, was just as the song said, titanium. Nothing could have broken it.
But now, the song held only grief and anger to Chloe.
Angry, Chloe punched the radio, pushing the button all the way into it, destroying it. She cursed under her breath. It seemed everything was coming apart in her life. First, she miscarried the baby she and Beca were going to raise together. Chloe remembered how excited they both were when they agreed to do In Vitro Fertilization, and how that excitement turned quickly into joy when it took. But then the miscarriage happened. That was the beginning of the end. After that, Chloe fell into a fit of extreme depression. She lost her job, and as a result, she could no longer pay for Grad School at Barden University.
And now she lost Beca. Despite their struggles, Beca was the one thing in Chloe's life that she still cared about.
I was there for you
In your darkest times
I was there for you
In your darkest nights
But I wonder where were you?
When I was at my worst
Down on my knees
And you said you had my back
So I wonder where were you?
When all the roads you took came back to me
Chloe remembered all of the struggles Beca had gone through early on in their relationship. Not just their relationship as each other's wives, or fiancées, or girlfriends, but even just as friends. Beca had trouble fitting in anywhere, even in the Bellas at first. Aubrey had been hesitant to accept Beca as a "true Bella", her "alt girl" persona just didn't click with the traditional Bella image. But even before that, before Beca even came to Barden University, she'd had lots of trouble. And that trouble all came back to bite her in the ass. After the Bellas won the ICCA's, everyone Beca ever had issues with knew exactly where to find her, and they all showed up pretty much at the same time. Drug dealers Beca had bought from when her parents were always fighting, leading up to the divorce. And their reappearance made Beca terrified that Chloe would find out about them, find out that Beca used to be a druggie, and everything that that lead to, and Chloe wouldn't want anything to do with her anymore.
It was needless worry, of course, because once Chloe did find out about it, she simply helped Beca pay off all her old debts, and the two of them only ever grew closer.
But as much as Chloe supported Beca in the beginning, the miscarriage hit them both hard. Chloe's depression ruined her chance at getting her med school degree because she lost her job, and couldn't pay for school anymore. And that sent her even deeper into her depression. But Beca? Beca was no help at all to Chloe. Granted, she was fighting the anger, grief, disbelief of losing their child, too, but instead of them working together to comfort each other, they fell apart. Chloe tried to reach out to Beca and help each other through it, but Beca pulled away, withdrew into herself. She fell into bottle after bottle after bottle of whiskey, trying to forget her grief.
So they drifted apart. Chloe was still very much in love with Beca, but neither of them could show it anymore. Any time she tried to make any gesture, Beca would pull away, and they'd end up fighting. Beca never got physical with Chloe, never raised a hand to her, no matter how many things Chloe literally threw at her in anger, but that was the only gesture Beca ever made that showed she still loved Chloe. They hadn't even made love to each other since they got the news about the miscarriage, more than three full years ago. And their kisses now felt forced, like they were trying way too hard.
So I'm following the map that leads to you
The map that leads to you
Ain't nothing I can do
The map that leads to you
Following, following, following to you
The map that leads to you
Ain't nothing I can do
The map that leads to you
Following, following, following
Chloe pulled the car over to the side of the road and leaned back in her seat, letting the tears roll furiously down her cheeks. It had been six months since she'd been where she's going. She used to find time every weekend to go, but the pain had become too much, so she'd just stopped. She'd planned on skipping a weekend, then coming back the next. She'd just needed a break. But then, her boss called her the next weekend and asked her to work that weekend, because it was a holiday weekend, and customers would be piling in early, and the restaurant would be packed until late at night. So, she jumped at the opportunity to earn a little bit more money. Being a waitress didn't give her a half-decent paycheck, most of what she earned was in tips, so every little bit that she could get would help take some of the pressure off of her roommate to provide rent.
And before she even knew it, she was finding every excuse to avoid going back there on the weekends. Aubrey's dog needed a sitter, so Chloe had to go out of town to dogsit. Stacie had the flu, and Donald was out of town on work all weekend, so Chloe had to take care of her. Every single excuse, no matter how lame it was.
Six months. Six months. That's how long she'd avoided going back to visit Beca. And just like that, all of the pain, anger, and grief that Chloe had buried deep down inside herself came right back to the surface, and she wasn't even there yet. She was definitely regretting not coming back sooner.
I hear your voice in my sleep at night
Hard to resist temptation
'Cause something strange has come over me
And now I can't get over you
No, I just can't get over you
I was there for you
In your darkest times
I was there for you
In your darkest nights
But I wonder where were you?
When I was at my worst
Down on my knees
And you said you had my back
So I wonder where were you?
When all the roads you took came back to me
Every night, when Chloe fell asleep in the empty bed, she heard Beca calling to her. The dream was always the same. They would make love, finally, for the first time since the miscarriage, and everything would fall back into place. They'd realize that they still had each other, and that that's all either of them needed. Beca would finally open back up to Chloe, and they'd finally start to work together to deal with the grief. Their kisses wouldn't feel forced anymore, they'd feel just as right as they used to. They'd patch up the damage in their lives, and they'd try for in vitro again, but this time, Chloe wouldn't miscarry. But then, at the end of the dream, everything was back to the way it really was. Chloe no longer had Beca. Their successful children never existed. Chloe was back to being a waitress who'd lost her old job and then med school. But she'd still hear Beca's voice calling to her. Even as angry as Chloe was at Beca for leaving her, she still felt her heart throb every time she heard Beca's voice saying "I never left you."
So I'm following the map that leads to you
The map that leads to you
Ain't nothing I can do
The map that leads to you
Following, following, following to you
The map that leads to you
Ain't nothing I can do
The map that leads to you
Chloe took a deep breath, then wiped away her tears again. She put the key back in the ignition and turned thecar back on. She sat there, in the driver's seat, collecting herself. Finally, after ten minutes of sitting there with the engine running, Chloe nodded to no one, and pulled back out onto the road.
...
She walked across the grass, her feet leading the way. They already knew exactly where she was going. She'd walked the same path every weekend for a year and a half. Chloe didn't even have to think about the path anymore, even though it had been six months since she had. Finally, she got to her destination. She looked down at the cold, gray block of stone and sobbed, as she did every time she saw the name "Beca Mitchell" embedded in it. Two years. It had been two years since the pain had become far too much for Beca. Chloe could never, would never get the image of Beca's body lying on the ground outside their house out of her head.
And just like always, every single emotion came roaring to the surface again, overwhelming Chloe until she thought surely, this time was the time it would consume her, and she'd drop down dead in her grief.
"Hey there, Beca." Chloe whispered. "I know it's been a while... I'm sorry. I just... I couldn't handle it anymore... I needed a break, and the break took longer than I thought it would... But I'm back now. I... I miss you, Becs. I really... I really miss you... I'm doing a little better now. It doesn't hurt quite as much as it used to... the memory of... of our child... feeling her kicks inside of me... It doesn't hurt as much to remember them as it used to... It would hurt a lot less if you were with me, though. But..." It was the same speech she'd always give. She wasn't even sure if Beca was really listening, but she had to assure Beca she was doing a little better, anyway. And, just like every time she started the speech, her emotions would get the better of her.
Chloe fell down to the ground sobbing and pounding the ground beneath her, like if she punched hard enough, Beca would feel it and wake up. "But you left me! You left me!" Chloe screamed, punching the ground until her fists were bloody and numb. She felt weak, as usual.
Oh oh oh
Oh oh oh
Yeah yeah yeah
Oh oh oh
Oh, I was there for you
Oh, in your darkest time
Oh, I was there for you
Oh, in your darkest nights
Oh, I was there for you
Oh, in your darkest time
Oh, I was there for you
Oh, in your darkest nights
But I wonder where were you?
When I was at my worst
Down on my knees
And you said you had my back
So I wonder where were you?
When all the roads you took came back to me
But there was something different this time. Something was off. The emotions were stronger than they usually were. It was probably because it had been so long since she'd come to visit Beca's grave.
Chloe felt it overpower her, and she smiled. She smiled in relief, because she knew it was finally time.
She laid down on top of Beca's grave and looked up at the headstone. She pressed her fingers to her lips, then up against the headstone, and she whispered three words.
"I'm coming, Beca."
Chloe closed her eyes and let it happen.
So I'm following the map that leads to you
The map that leads to you
Ain't nothing I can do
The map that leads to you
Following, following, following to you
The map that leads to you
Ain't nothing I can do
The map that leads to you
Following, following, following
Jesse walked into the cemetery, going to visit Beca. He didn't really have a pattern of when he came to visit, he just swung by whenever her had the time. But to say he was surprized when he saw Chloe lying on the ground, her lips blue, not breathing, would be wrong. Everyone knew this day would come eventually. When the grief would become too much for Chloe to handle anymore. They begged her, pleaded with her to go to therapy. Having a miscarriage is bad enough, but having a miscarriage, then seeing the love of your life dead on the ground after jumping off a building...
He let his tears fall as he pulled out his cell phone and hit "2" on his speed dial.
Aubrey picked up almost immediately.
"What's up?" She asked.
"It happened." Was all Jesse said, but it was enough. He heard a silence on the other end of the line, then a sob.