7 Years

by ChapstickLez

The human body can regenerate a full bone within 10 years. Skin can be as fast as 2 weeks. But how many years does it take to heal a broken heart? And what if the woman who tore your heart open and splattered it against the wall suddenly came back? Would you bleed anew just to heal again? Could you?

This is the most mundane prompt I've ever gotten.

From LostGirlz: So Gail's life is thrown into a spin when Holly returns 6 years later with a little dark hair son and no gf/wife in sight. Gail's life since the end of season 6 has been great career wise but her relationships have fizzled out. Now Holly is back she's seriously thinking about running up the nearest tree.

If it's six years since Holly's been gone then it's seven years since they dated. Give or take. And suddenly I thought of the song is "7 Years" by Cedar Avenue. You'd know it from season one of the show; it's the song playing when the rookies are all cut loose.

Gail isn't quite running up a tree here. I kept trying to send her there and she kept getting sucked back in to Holly's orbit.

---

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing about Rookie Blue or the characters from the show.

---

I've left all my words to say
Back at home dear but I can take you there
And if for the moment I
Should've left those words for a quiet prayer

---

The drinks had flowed for hours the night before, celebrating Sergeant Peck. It was probably inevitable. Gail had always wanted the white shirt and the responsibility. No. The power, be honest. But after everything that had happened in her life, she didn't expect it at all.

Once upon a time, the Peck name was power and sanctuary in Toronto. Now it was with dubious skepticism that she was given the promotion. Was she just the latest Peck to sneak in and begin the old, corrupt, ways?

After her father tried to get her to lie on the stand, and her absolute failure in doing so, Gail had turned to Oliver as a confidant. What could she do now? And Oliver gave her hope. He gave her a position as TO, he gave her the chance to make something of herself. He gave her a future when no one else would. It was Oliver who fought for her with Jarvis and the new Commissioner, pushing that Gail could help redeem the force.

"If she can show them than its not all Pecks, then maybe they'll believe it's not all cops."

Oliver's arguments held water. Here she was, six years later, Sgt. Peck. And there he was, Inspector Shaw. And Andy and Chris were in charge of the TOs. Dov and Traci were their detectives. And the pale fail was their new sarge.

She stared at the building from the parking lot the next morning. Fifteen was home. Fifteen had been home, the only one she could rely on, for a dozen years. This was her family. This was her life. And she was scared to death of being in charge of it.

"Looking sharp, Peck."

Gail fussed with her shirtsleeves. "I'm terrified I'm going to spill my donut on my shirt," she muttered. "Nice suit."

Oliver looked down at himself. "I know, right? Celery picked it out."

"Thank god. You would have worn the brown one."

"Hey! What's wrong with a brown suit?"

"Everything." The banter, the easy comfort of talking to Oliver, made her smile.

"Not hung over?"

She scoffed. "Not for this. I've been waiting my whole life for it."

"That's my girl."

"Come on, Ollie. Let's whip the losers into shape."

He laughed and followed her into the Division.

For the last month, she'd been running parade and organizing staff, and being publicly groomed for the spot. She knew she was ready. Her personal life may have been a shit storm, her family barely talking to her and her love life had been declared an official disaster zone by Traci, but this... This was hers.

The assignments went up on the board. Gail checked with the Ds to see what needed extra hands and what didn't. Then she let the group file in before her, lingering in the office - her office - with her coffee. In another two months there would be rookies. Next month would be traffic checks if the numbers weren't up.

Chris, her right hand man now, popped his head in. "Hey, Sarge," he greeting, giving her that easy smile she always had liked. "There was a dust up in forensics."

"Yeah? Still?" A shiver ran down her spine. The forensics department had suffered a rough blow, loosing a first level tech to a mugging on the way to his car after processing a scene. Then they'd had a theft. Then it had been someone lying on the stand. And yet the first thing Gail always thought of when she heard forensics was a woman with dark eyes and dark hair and a quirky smile.

Seven goddamn years since she'd seen Holly Stewart, and Gail's brain still went to her when it heard 'forensics.'

The big man shrugged. "Same as it was. They hired a new head though."

"Catch a name?"

"Nope. Just Rodney was kinda mad it wasn't him. Whoever it is starts next month. I guess it's some out of town-er from the States."

Gail grinned. "He needs to get better at rehydrating fingers. You ready?"

"You bet." He smiled and held the door open for her.

Without fear, Gail walked into the Parade room. All the worries washed away with every step. This was home and safe and right and where she should be. Gail was who she should be and what she was born to be.

"Okay folks, settle down. Welcome to the first day of the rest of your miserable lives." The officers laughed.

Gail grinned, waltzing through her first week as sergeant with more ease than she ever thought possible. Everything was going right for a change. Everything felt good and proper and comfortable.

It felt so good, she found herself doing a favor for a friend that weekend.

As much as it pained her to admit it, Andy was her friend. When Gail's last serious fling had imploded, Andy and Traci had come over to pick up the pieces. Gail had really thought she'd found someone to have forever. Someone who would be able to deal with everything. All it took was Gail getting shot, and suddenly she was single and she couldn't even drink, damn it.

That meant when her friend asked her to please babysit so she and Sam could have an afternoon off, Gail accepted. It was more that she loved playing with the two Swarek kids than anything else. Claire, Sam and Andy's daughter, was a four year old tornado. Terre, Sam and Marlo's daughter, was a sassy six year old.

It was impressive how the trio of Sam, Marlo, and Andy had worked it all out. Certainly Gail never would have expected it. But they'd gotten through their shit, and Andy had worked out her anger issues about the time that Terre called her 'mom' for the first time. Now they were all friends.

While Terre didn't live with Andy and Sam, Gail always made a point of inviting her if she was baby sitting. Generally Marlo appreciated it, and Gail knew it helped reinforce the fact that they were a family. As someone who didn't have a family, so to speak, she had grown to value the families people made on their own. Even when it involved a child arming herself with a dirt clod.

"Terre, I swear to god, you throw that dirt clod and we are never coming here again," Gail said sternly.

"You're no fun!"

"Don't have to be." She smiled as Terre dropped her dirt clod. Gail squatted beside the girl. "What's bugging you? Don't want to play with Claire?"

Terre kicked the dirt. "She's playin baby games with that boy."

Gail looked at the boy again. As soon as they'd gotten to the park, Claire had started playing with a new boy. New to her at least. "Yeah? Who is he?"

"Magnus."

"That's a hell of a name," Gail said, laughing.

Terre giggled. "He moved here last month. He's at our school too."

Gail could always count on Terre for gossip. "He's too young, huh?"

Moping, Terre nodded. "He's Claire's age. They wanna play stupid games."

Usually Claire followed Terre around and wanted to do everything her big sister did. This was a change. "Think I should check him out?"

"Can you arrest him?" Terre looked hopeful.

Gail rolled her eyes. "You know that's not how it works, kiddo." Taking Terre's hand, Gail walked over to Claire and the new boy. "Hey, Claire-bear. Who's your new friend?"

The little girl looked up, beaming. "This's Magnus! He's got brown eyes just like me!"

The boy looked at Gail, concerned. His eyes were a startlingly familiar shade of brown. "Hi, Magnus, I'm Gail."

"Momma said I shouldn't talk to strange grown ups."

"Your mom's smart. Maybe I should meet her, and then I wouldn't be a stranger."

Winning logic arguments with four year olds was pretty easy.

Not easy was stomaching the sudden recognition when Magnus ran over to a woman with glasses and dark hair, reading from her Kindle. Even across the playground, Gail knew the face. "You've got to be kidding me..." She stared as the mother looked up and over. She still had that damn smile.

Her breath was sucked out of her. It felt like her heart either stopped or was pounding too hard and too fast. Maybe both? It was like the time she'd been shot and the world stopped. Everything hurt and yet this time everything felt better. That face. That smile. It had been seven years and Holly Stewart was even more beautiful than Gail remembered.

Judging by Holly's slapped expression, Holly had not expected to see Gail either. But she took Magnus' hand and walked over. "Magnus, this is actually an old friend of mine," said Holly, weakly. "Hi."

"Hi," replied Gail. A little dumbfounded.

"Hi," said Holly, seemingly also at a loss.

At their knees, Terre pointed out the obvious. "You said that already."

Gail laughed. "Uh. Yeah. Claire, you can totally play with Magnus."

"I know that," sassed the four year old, and she and Magnus returned to their game. This time, Terre went with them claiming to be a supervisor.

Holly was still staring at Gail. "Two kids?"

"What? Oh god, no, they're not mine. They're Andy and Sam and Marlo's. I'm just babysitting..."

Exhaling, Holly nodded. "Oh. Oh, I thought... Uh. Magnus is mine."

"I know," said Gail softly. "He has your eyes. They were... Wow."

"Yeah, wow." Holly laughed awkwardly. "I almost thought... The hair. I didn't expect it."

Reaching up, Gail touched her hair. It was her natural reddish blonde. "Oh. I stopped dying it six years ago."

Holly looked a little sad. "After I left... I just meant it's long. Again. I guess."

Gail hesitated and gestured at a bench. "Do you want to... Sit? I'm supposed to keep them out for the day."

Nodding, Holly sat down. "Magnus loves the park," she said quietly.

"Magnus. That's... That's your grandfather's name?"

Holly startled. "You remembered... I don't know why I'm surprised," she laughed. "Yes. I named him after my granddad. He passed away after I moved."

Of course she remembered. Gail remembered every second of every day she'd spent with Holly. "I'm sorry. I know you loved him." Holly had spoken warmly of the grandfather who taught her to swim and let her play in his furniture store. "Um. Welcome back?"

"You didn't know?"

Know? Then it clicked. "Oh. You're the new head... No. I didn't. The big building handles all that."

"Still at Fifteen?"

Gail nodded. "Yeah. Still. It's home."

Holly hesitated. "And ... Sophie?"

That hurt. Gail shook her head. "No. It ... No." It had been such a terrible year, that year. From losing Holly to losing Steve to losing Sophie and then Steve again.

"I'm sorry," Holly said sincerely. "I knew you really wanted ... God, there's really nothing I can say that isn't trite." Her lip quirked into a side smile.

"It's okay," Gail said and shrugged. "She's with a good family and I see her sometimes." If she kept saying it, she could keep convincing herself that was true, too.

Holly frowned a little. She clearly wasn't buying Gail's deflection. Holly was always really good at that. Before she could answer, though, her phone buzzed. "Crap. I have to go... We should really catch up... I mean, if it's not too weird."

Gail smirked. "Please, I work with my ex and I actually went to Nick's wedding. Now that was weird."

"You hate weddings." Holly's smile was now back and she laughed a little.

"I do! I do hate weddings, but Nick promised me an open bar. He doesn't have a lot of family left." Nick's brother had died shortly before the wedding, an OD, and Gail had been the one to call him. Despite all things, they were friends. "Your wife won't mind you hanging with your ex?"

A brief look of confusion crossed Holly's face. "No." Holly gnawed her lip for a moment. "Do you still have my number?"

Gail wasn't quite sure what Holly wasn't saying just then, but she nodded. "Still do. Yeah."

"Call me? Or I can call you. I mean, I have your number. If it's the same." Holly stood up, reminding Gail of how awkward the doctor could be when nervous. "If you want to. You don't have to. But-"

"It is, nerd," smiled Gail. "My number's the same. And ... I'll call."

Holly looked sheepish. "Okay." She turned and called to Magnus, scooping the boy up and carrying him to a car. After she buckled him in, Holly looked back and waved at Gail.

Shortly after, Gail took the girls to lunch, as promised, and then a movie, and finally home. Her call was not to Holly, though.

"Trace. Please tell me you're free and can bring over something stronger than wine," she whinged as soon as the phone picked up.

"Oh dear. First week really that bad, Sarge?" Traci Nash was laughing.

"Bite me. My work life is fantastic. I'm having a relationship crisis."

"Are you trying not to fall for the, ah, charms of Det. Anderson again?"

Gail and Frankie had hooked up a few times. Every time Gail swore she wouldn't again. The sex was great, but God she wanted to throttle Frankie. The last time had been four years ago after Oliver's wedding. A drunken, two day, adventure Gail didn't care to repeat. "No. Worse."

Traci hesitated. "Okay," she said slowly. "I'll be right over."

"Let yourself in, I'm going to hide in my couch." Gail pulled an afghan over her head and groaned.

Fifteen minutes later, Traci let herself in and sat on Gail's legs. "So is this related to why Terre and Claire told Andy you were acting weird after you met Magnus' mom? And who the hell names a kid Magnus anyway?"

"Yes," mumbled Gail. "Tequila?"

"Bourbon."

"Good enough." But Traci didn't get up. "Come on, Traci."

"Spill first, Gail," she ordered.

Gail peeked out from the blanket. "Magnus Stewart was named for his grandfather."

Confusion and then disbelief crossed Traci's face. "No... The new head of forensics?" Gail nodded, dumbly. Traci got up and poured two tumblers.

They'd bonded after Jerry died, a friendship made from the pain. After Steve's betrayal, it had been different. Traci seemed like the only person who cared enough to push behind Gail's bravado and sarcasm to find the wounded girl who had lost her brother. And now, six years later, they were friends who shared a fantastic trait of shitty relationships. Neither had found any luck in love. Both had been incredibly successful at work.

You got what you got.

But their friendship was why Gail told Traci about the meeting at the park and how Holly wanted her to call. Leaning against Gail's legs, Traci sighed. "And you said yes?" Gail nodded. "And now you're freaking out." Another nod. "Huh."

Gail squinted at her friend. "Huh? That's your deep insight? You're supposed to be the smart one here, Nash."

Traci sighed. "Yeah, but it's Holly. If it was Frankie, I'd cuff you to your couch until you got over thinking mindless sex is worth it."

"Ugh, no, thank you. I'm over that. It's been four years, can you please let it go?"

"I walked in on you with your head-"

"Hey! You were supposed to be by for lunch. It was eight in the morning!"

Impishly, Traci teased. "You were eating early."

Gail laughed. It felt good to laugh in that moment. A relief. Something normal. And Traci laughed. They laughed until they cried a little, and then sighed. "Holly isn't Frankie," said Gail carefully.

"No she's not." Traci was in full agreement.

With a groan, Gail pulled the blanket over her head. "I can't do it."

Traci leaned into her more. "Why?" When Gail didn't answer, Traci reached over and pulled the blanket off.

"She's got a kid, Traci. And a family. And I'm still a fucking mess, and it's going to rip me open and splatter my heart on the wall again. Jesus, I have to work with her. It's gonna kill me." Just the idea of someone else in Holly's life cut Gail, leaving her breathless.

"Still?"

Numbly, Gail nodded. "I saw her and it was... She... God. Traci." Gail couldn't find the words.

Traci closed her eyes and sighed. "Sometimes I think I got lucky with Steve."

After a moment, Gail sighed as well. "Yeah." It was a horribly brutal way to think about it. That Traci had lost Steve and then lost him a second time was easier than having to see someone she loved waltz back in, grown and changed and moved on.

But Steve... Well. Steve the goofy brother, the man who would do anything for family and friends, was no more. That had hurt more than anything else in the last few years. "I miss him," Traci said simply.

"Me too." Gail closed her eyes tight against the tears that threatened to burn through again. Damn it, Steve. "Asshole."

"Yeah. He was."

They didn't say anything else about it. Instead, they worked their way through half the bottle and a bad movie, and Saturday night ended with Traci asleep in her guest room and Gail alone in her bed, dreaming about a pair of brown eyes.

---

It'd be seven years gone
I'd still be asking why, I'd still be waiting
Seven years for one moment just to try
I'd still be waiting

---

If asked her why, Holly would never be able to explain why it surprised her. But when she came to Fifteen to talk about a case, she felt shell shocked when the desk officer directed her to Sgt. Peck's office. Holly expected to see Steve, but it was Gail's familiar face that looked up at her, a phone tucked between shoulder and ear.

"Oh. Grab a seat," Gail said quietly. Then to the phone. "I understand, sir. I'm on it." Listening for a moment more, Gail rolled her eyes and repeated her statement twice. Then, finally, she hung up. "Sorry. Numbers are down, which is a stupid metric, but whatever. Uh... Hi."

Holly held up a folder and Gail arched her eyebrows. "The Middleburg case?"

Enlightenment. "Right! I was expecting... God, I don't know." Gail laughed awkwardly and reached over for the folder. "I was expecting a courier."

Oh. Holly flushed. "Oh my god," she laughed softly. That moment felt a million years ago, and yet it was just yesterday. "Did my ... Did my predecessor send the courier with these?"

"I'd have to ask Ollie." Gail hesitated. "You didn't know?" She gestured to the desk and herself.

"That you were the sergeant here? No. They just said Sgt. Peck at the desk and I thought of your brother."

Abruptly, Gail's face closed off. The slightly joking, awkwardly amused expression was gone. "No," she said tightly. "No..."

Clearly she'd said something wrong, but Holly couldn't think of what it was. Before, Gail had talked about how her brother was the best person in her family. She loved her brother and looked up to him. "Ah, anyway, I looked over the notes and I'm rerunning some labs now, but ..." Holly stopped when Gail held up a hand.

"This is Dov's case. Lemme grab him."

"Dov? Your roommate? He's a detective?"

Gail smirked as she got up. "Former roommate... I moved out." Opening the door, Gail whistled. "Epstein. C'mere."

The man looked more serious than Holly remembered. He was quieter. Mature. "Whoa. Uh, hi Dr. Stewart." Dov stuck his hand out. "I thought Gail was joking when she said you were back."

Holly took the hand. "No, no joke. Detective Epstein?"

"Yeah, yeah, since ... Well six years now?"

Gail nodded. "And I still beat you to sergeant."

"Traci beat all of us," Dov said with a smile.

The three went over the case notes and Holly's thoughts on the matter. Dov and Gail had a rapport built on a decade of work, quickly determining how to send out the patrols to cover the area discretely. In less than an hour, Dov headed back out, calling Chris's name, and the Division magically spun into motion.

"Wow," said Holly, watching everything come together. "You're good at this."

"Always the tone of surprise," said Gail, a little grumbly.

"I just meant... They really respect you. You always made it sound like they didn't like you."

Gail made a noise. "They don't. Most of 'em. Chris and Dov... Andy and Traci, we're different."

"What about... What was her name? Chloe?"

Now Gail outright snorted. "She's ... Well. Chloe." Holly glanced over to see Gail's shrug. "Anything else?"

Holly hesitated. It had been three weeks. "Nothing work related, no."

Gail caught the clue. And she looked guilty. "Oh. I'm sorry... It's..." Gail stopped and sighed, sitting on the edge of her desk. "You know, I had this great big lie set up. How I'm really busy because I literally just started the week before I saw you... But..."

Tilting her head, Holly asked, "But?"

"I'm making excuses." Gail reached up and pushed her hair back. "My therapist already gave me shit about it. It's true, though. I really was promoted right before I saw you. But that's not why I didn't call."

Holly felt like she understood it. The invitation had been impulsive and daring. The Holly she used to be, brought out again by those blue eyes. "It's weird," said Holly slowly. "I didn't think... No. I knew it would be weird, it had to be. It was weird seeing Lisa and Rachel again, it was going to be weird and hard to see you. I get it. We ended ..."

When Holly paused, Gail filled it in. "Horribly. We ended like fucking shit, Holly." The police office smiled ruefully. "That's not why."

Holly blinked. "It's not?" Knowing how much of a bitch she'd been when they'd parted made it hard for her to talk to Gail.

"No... I'm ... You know, all this." Gail spread her hands out, indicating that 'this' meant her career. "I'm great at this, at being a cop. But being a success here came at a price."

A price. How had she not noticed before? Gail was alone. Still. She had her friends, but there was the same hollowness that had drawn Holly in before. The emptiness of having no one to rely on, lean on. Not quite the same. "Ah." Gail was trying to tell her that she was still a mess in her personal life.

"So you know. I'm still trying to run up a tree," Gail laughed softly.

That was familiar. Holly smiled. "I get it. I mean, here I am with a kid too. It's been ... I send a lot of women up trees now."

Gail looked sympathetic. "Magnus isn't. He's not why." She sighed. "I trust you to protect your son, Holly. I just wish I could say the same of me."

And just like that, Holly knew Gail's fears were of herself again. That she would run or destroy or do something like she had before. That she, still, could not protect herself from herself. But that was then. They weren't the same, and that was okay. "What are you doing tonight?"

Gail startled. "What?"

"Tonight. Come over for dinner. Just to talk and ... No strings, no pressure. Just ... Talk. We used to be good at that. And I could use a friend who doesn't think I'm a moron for having Magnus."

"Lisa, huh?" When Holly nodded, Gail screwed up her face and shook her head. "No offense, Holly, but I really don't want to meet your happy family."

And another clue fell into place. Family. "You already did, Gail. It's just me and Magnus." Now Gail was left blinking. "There's no one else. Just the two of us."

"That... That doesn't make it easier."

Wasn't that interesting. Gail was even more relationship skittish than before. "Friends." Holly reached over and took a notepad off Gail's desk, quickly writing her address. "Seven. Bring some red wine."

She didn't really expect Gail to show up. Her ex was skittish in a lot of ways that spoke to what had happened since Holly left. But before they'd been lovers they'd been good friends who talked, and it looked like Gail really needed that. As Holly headed out of the station, she ran into Chris. Literally, she bounced off him.

"Oh, man, Holly, I'm sorry. I mean Dr. Stewart-"

"I'm fine," she promised him, brushing her jacket off.

Chris looked her up and down. "Wow. You look good, ma'am. It's good to have you back."

"Oh?" Holly couldn't think of where he was going with that.

"Yeah, the lab is always backed up and messy. I bet that's gonna change now." Chris had an easy, kind, smile. Behind it was something Holly recognized, though. Worry. "It's ... You look good."

Holly smiled. "Thank you. So do you."

"Yeah? Me and Andy run the TOs now. We're like the ... We're like Oliver and Noelle were when we were rooks." He beamed at her. "You saw, eh, you saw Gail?"

Nodding, Holly gestured at her bag. "Case stuff with her and Dov. Detective Dov."

Chris nodded back. It was apparently the thing to do. "Lotta change. Lots..." His eyes searched her left hand. Ah. He was worried about Gail.

Holly brought her left hand up to brush her hair back. No rings. "And lots to catch up on. Work. But... Do you guys still do the Penny?"

"Not as much, but yeah. Yeah. Friday for sure. You should come." He didn't sound sure. Uncertain but sincere.

"I'll think about it," said Holly, equally sincerely and a lot more certainly.

Gail had mentioned costs to her professional success. Whatever they were, her friends were working hard to try and protect her from ... Something. Her maybe? Maybe they were trying to protect Gail from herself. Maybe they were shielding Gail. Things had changed. Of course they had. It had been seven years since they'd dated, six since they'd seen each other, and here Holly was, waltzing back into Gail's life.

A life that had moved on without her. Just as her life had moved on without Gail.

When she picked up Magnus from after school care, he noticed her melancholy attitude and wrapped his arms around her for a big hug. "I love you, Momma."

Holly laughed and kissed his cheeks. "I love you too, SuperGus." As she buckled him in, she told him the current plan. "I asked a friend to come over for dinner maybe."

Magnus scrunched up his face. "Not Aunt Lisa."

Not a kid person, Lisa had been less than delighted at Holly's single-mother status. She and Magnus did not get along, to put it mildly. "No. Gail, from the park a couple weeks ago?"

"The pretty girl? She's not Claire's mom."

Holly smiled. "No, she's friends with Claire's mom, though. And when I used to live here, Gail and I were good friends." It was hard not to blush as a memory of how good friends they'd been hit Holly hard.

"Oh. Okay. Does she like Lego?"

"I bet she does." Gail seemed like a Lego person. She had been a grown up child in many ways.

"Cool." And that was as much as Magnus really wanted to think about it, preferring to chat about what he'd done in school today.

To her surprise, Gail called her at six with an apology. "I'm not blowing you off, Holly. I'm still at the station."

"Sounds like fun. Everything okay?"

"Budget shit. Anyway, I'm not getting out of here till ten if I'm lucky. Rain check?"

That was promising. "As it happens, tall dark and simple asked me to come to the Penny on Friday."

Gail paused. "Chris? Asshole..." It was said without rancor, however. And then in a more curious tone, Gail asked, "Can you?"

"My parents are kidnapping Magnus on Friday, so actually yes." That was, in Holly's original plan, the best thing about coming home. Grandparents could dote on their baby boy all they wanted.

"Oh. Well... Okay. I, um, I should be done by seven. I hope."

"Okay then. I'll try to come by."

While the Penny was very much Gail's home turf, it was also where they'd broken up. That was going to be awkward no matter what. When Holly hung up, her son tugged at her shirt. "Momma, how come you're smiling?"

Holly beamed at her boy, hefting him up for a hug. "Because I'm happy, SuperGus." Squirming and laughing, Magnus hugged her back. "Do you like Toronto so far?"

"Uh huh. I can see Gramma an' Grandpa all the time!"

At four, almost five, Magnus really didn't have too much depth of his concerns. He made friends easily, far more than Holly remembered doing. "Gail can't make it for dinner. But I'm going to go see some old friends on Friday when you're at Grandma and Grandpa's."

Magnus deflated a little. "I wanted to play Lego with her."

After bed and bedtime, Holly texted Gail.

Just so you know, you broke a little boy's heart. He wanted to play Lego.

Gail's reply was astonishingly swift.

I love Lego. I hate math.

Holly smiled, imagining the faces Gail was making. She didn't reply to the text, instead she cleaned up the house and sat on the couch to watch the new Wonder Woman show. It didn't help that she was distracted, thinking about Gail. Older and wiser, but astonishingly beautiful, Gail seemed to be matured without losing her acerbic wit.

By Friday, Holly was starting to worry. Neither she nor Gail were the same, and there was much to talk about. As much as she wanted to be Gail's friend, maybe this was a terrible idea. Rachel and Lisa had both told her off about it, reminding her that the breakup had not been amicable and then some. Gail had probably moved on and had a life and a family.

And still, in that one moment looking at Gail across the park, six years apart felt like nothing at all. Six years felt like six seconds. She was seven years younger and her heart pounded at the sight of the other woman. It was the moment, seven years ago, when she'd seen the blonde and thought she might have seen the most beautiful woman on the planet.

Seven years. It was a long time.

She opened the door to the Penny, hearing laughter and jokes. There were a horde of cops she didn't know, a handful she did, and one... Gail was not there. She saw Traci though, sitting at a booth, in casual clothes, holding a mug of beer, laughing at something.

A woman about her own age, with long brown hair, somehow magically appeared at her side. "Hello. New here?"

Holly blinked. "Oh. In a manner of speaking. I was looking for someone, but I don't see her here."

The woman's eyes lit up. "Can I buy you a drink while you wait?" When Holly hesitated, she added, "My name is Frankie."

"Really? Frankie?" The name suited her, but it was pretty much screaming 'lesbian' at the top of her lungs.

"I don't know you well enough for that conversation," smiled Frankie.

"I'm Holly."

They shook hands. "So that drink?"

"Wow, you're pushy too," said Holly, laughing a little at the audacity of the woman.

"I prefer direct," said Frankie, drawling. "Can't win if you don't play."

Holly snorted. "I'm not a prize. Jack and Coke."

Frankie grinned. "Alrighty." She led Holly to the bar. "So. You're waiting on someone? A someone someone?"

Taking her drink, Holly smiled. "Someone." She sipped and heard a surprising voice behind her.

"Anderson, I swear to god, I will assign Price to your detail for a month. Go away." Gail. A very annoyed Gail.

"Hey you do not have a lock on hot chicks at the Penny," snarled Frankie. "Actually, since when have you even tried to pick up someone?"

Gail reached over and took Frankie's as of yet untouched drink. "Jesus, she's my friend, Francis, and she can do a fuckton better than you."

"Thanks my drink!"

"Thanks. Scram." Gail waved a hand and dismissed the woman from her presence. "Booth? Traci's at our regular spot."

Holly chuckled. "Yeah. I take it you know Frankie?"

"Eh, we went out a few times. Trust me, you can do better."

How strange that felt. Gail had gone out with other people. Stupid, of course she had, but suddenly it was very real and very in her face. Holly glanced back over her shoulder, spotting an unperturbed Frankie chatting up a tall, buxom, redhead. "You know, that's weird," Holly said.

"You're telling me? She's like... The bad ex you drunk dial for a hook up, and wish you hadn't." Gail made a face and gestured at the booth. "Traci. You remember Holly?"

"I do, hello Holly." Traci got to her feet and hugged her hello. "Welcome back. What did Frankie want?"

The latter was said to Gail, who rolled her eyes. "What else? She'd found someone she hadn't slept with. Move over, Dov."

Dov lifted his glass to greet her. "Hello again, Holly. Settling in okay?"

"As well as can be expected. I think Magnus is better than I am."

Chris, across the table, looked curious. "Your ... Cat?"

"Son," corrected Gail. The two men stared at Gail. "What?"

So Gail had told them nothing. Well, not the boys. Traci and Andy both looked like they knew. Andy grinned. "Claire was so excited to have a boy with brown eyes just like her. When Gail said he was yours... Well."

"I get that a lot," Holly said ruefully. She pulled out her phone and tapped up pictures of her boy. Both Traci and Andy, mothers, oohed appreciatively. "He'll be five in April."

"Spring baby."

Holly glanced at Gail. She was leaning over to look, seemingly just as interested. "So, just you and the kids, Andy?"

"Yeah, Sam keeps saying he wants another, but I told him he should be the one who gets pregnant." The women at the table laughed.

Chris smiled broadly. "He's real cute. What's this one?" He held up the photo where Magnus was holding his hands in claws.

"Ahhh Halloween last year. He was practicing to be Godzilla." Holly rolled her eyes. "He loves classic monster movies."

"He has good taste," Gail said, laughing.

It was easy, easier than seeing her own friends again. The people from Fifteen were still incredibly close. In short order, Holly knew that Chris had been in a serious relationship with a nurse but it just ended mutually. Dov and Chloe were living together, and Chloe was currently working a stakeout. Andy and Sam were married, with a child, and Sam and Marlo had another daughter. That one was complicated.

Only Traci and Gail were quiet about their personal lives. No one mentioned them either. While there was teasing about Chris and Dov and Andy, it seemed that Gail and Traci were off limits. They were, in turn, the most professionally successful. Traci was expected to make Inspector soon. Gail was probably going to be a Staff Sergeant within two years.

With kids and family in the mix, though, everyone wound down by ten. Andy went home first to relieve Sam in kid duty. Dov was next when his phone rang and Chloe was free. Surprisingly, it was Gail who left next.

"Okay, losers, I've got to go. Ollie lied about how much paperwork went on for this gig." Gail finished her beer and put cash on the table.

Holly hesitated and got up. "I should get going too. Quiet nights are rare." She smiled and hugged Chris and Traci. "It was nice to catch up. We should hang out more often."

"You're only saying that because Dov didn't pull out trivia cards." Gail smiled. "I still owe you dinner."

"Well... We should do that, then." She smiled at Gail. The hug was a little awkward, but warm. The hug reminded her of home.

---

That night's a familiar taste
In my mouth where words often keep their place
And if for the moment I would've left those
Words for a better day

---

It was a terrible idea, kissing Holly. It was a horrible, terrible, very bad, going to end in heartache idea. But Gail was kissing her again, the way she'd ached to for so long before and since. The way she'd dreamed about. So, so very gently she was kissing Holly Stewart. Her hands were holding Holly's waist, keeping her body close. Holly's hands gripped her shoulders like a drowning man.

Claws dug into her chest, red hot and scalding. They ripped her open, flaying her alive. All Gail wanted in the moment was to hold Holly close, to kiss her, to be the very breath, the air in her lungs. How could one person be so intoxicating? How could she still make Gail feel like this? Six fucking years and nothing had changed except everything.

God, how Holly wrecked her.

Wasn't it just a simple as-friends dinner? That was the fucking plan! Dinner, without Magnus. A grown up dinner for grown up talking. But instead of talking about anything important, they'd talked about silly things. Little things. Sports. Gail playing softball. Holly breaking her ankle playing soccer. Politics. News. They'd talked like they had before they'd kissed the first time. Movies and music and everything under the sun.

And then they'd walked back to Holly's house, not talking, just enjoying each other's company. And then, at the door, Holly's eyes had drifted to Gail's lips. And then, mutually, they had leaned in. And then. And then. And then.

It felt like everything she'd been missing in every other woman she'd kissed in the last few years. That electrifying first kiss seven years ago, the brief touch of lips in the closet had changed her life. It wasn't just that Gail was gay, it was that Holly was ... Holly. And Holly got her in a way no one hand before or since.

As Holly's tongue gently swiped Gail's lips, they stopped. They both realized or maybe recognized what they were doing. "I should let the babysitter go," whispered Holly, reaching up to caress Gail's cheek. "Do you want to come in?"

Gail swallowed and nodded. But she also let go and stepped back. "I do. But... I should go."

"Okay." Holly didn't press. She looked a little thoughtful though. "I had a good time."

They both laughed quietly. "I did too. It's just ... A little fast." Last time had been fast. Last time had been so fast, frenetic almost. She'd fallen into Holly's orbit, sucked in and she'd never wanted to leave. And that speed scared her. She'd loved so quickly. She'd fallen so hard. She'd crashed so hard.

Holly nodded and leaned in, softly pressing her lips to Gail's cheek. "Call me this time, okay?"

"I will." She meant it too. She just needed it to be in her own time. Her own pace. Holly unlocked her door and leaned against the frame. Gail hesitated and then stepped down the stairs. "Night, Holly."

"Goodnight, Gail."

Glancing back as she unlocked her car, Gail saw Holly still watching her, smiling. When their eyes met, Holly raised her hand to mime a phone and mouthed 'call me.' Gail laughed and nodded.

She really needed to talk to Holly, to explain everything. But how could she even begin to do that? The awesome, successful, Sgt. Peck was still a hot mess. She couldn't handle dating, had a string of failed relationships, and no family so to speak of. So Gail did what she did best and buried herself in work. It was her only tree these days, the only one she didn't want to get out of. The tree where it was safe.

It took her five days to build up the courage to ask Holly out to dinner. Almost a week. And it ended up being a dinner with Magnus because good babysitters were hard to come by. Not that Gail minded. It let her relax with good food and a great kid before even attempting to get to the hard stuff. They played Lego, to Magnus' delight, and ate chicken and laughed like it had been six minutes and not years.

Holly took Magnus upstairs for a bath and a book and bed. She didn't ask Gail to do anything, but it felt so odd to sit around that Gail cleaned up the kitchen.

"You didn't have to do that," said Holly as she came back down.

"I know. But it felt less creepy than sitting around."

Holly smiled. "Wine?"

"Coffee?"

"I can do that."

Gail leaned against the cabinets and watched Holly brew coffee. Just watching her move around the kitchen was relaxing. Calming. Gail closed her eyes for a moment. It was going to be easier to just rip the bandaid off. She bit her lip for a moment and then jumped in. "So. Steve's dead," said Gail quietly. Holly almost dropped the coffee in shock. "He hung himself in his cell five years ago. Which... Well, Traci and I are pretty sure it wasn't a suicide, but the investigation was swept under the rug, given everything else."

Holly stared at her for a long time. "Everything else... Gail. Why was Steve in jail?"

"Remember the bomb?" When Holly nodded, Gail sighed. "He did that. And a lot more. My dad was in on it. Mom... She retired to avoid the scandal. It didn't help that I wouldn't testify for Steve. Or maybe I would have... I don't know. Anyway. We don't really talk any more." Her mother had been very quiet the few times they'd talked. Confusingly. When Gail had made sergeant, Elaine had asked if she was happy.

"That sounds like an understatement." It was Holly's dry humor that relaxed Gail a little. "Couch. I want to hear the ... I want to hear anything you ..."

"We talk," said Gail sadly. "I... I could always talk to you."

So they sat and Gail explained about how many Pecks had been dirty, working with the mob, covering up crimes, killing people. And Gail, for ill or nill, was one of the few who remained. She was certainly the only one who succeeded. And so, with a disaster for a family life, and a series of train wrecks for her love life, Gail had thrown herself into her work.

She'd spent the first third of her career trying to live up to the Peck name. The middle third was spent trying to live in spite of it. The last seemed to be restoring it. Or at least herself.

Holly, listening through it all, looked a little sad. "It sounds really trivial to ask if you've had anyone important in your life."

Shaking her head, Gail put her empty coffee cup on the end table. "Not like Magnus, and not like you." There had been one. One person. But it would have been settling, and anyway, Gail had sent her running for the hills.

The flush that crept up Holly's face was adorable. "You know... I didn't think about this." Gail arched both her eyebrows and Holly flushed darker. "Oh my god, that came out wrong."

Gail laughed. "I thought I'd be the one running for the hills."

"You didn't call me. Twice," said Holly sassing her.

"God, you know how hard this is, right?" Gail groaned and rubbed her face. "I'm scared to death."

"Of me?"

Nodding, Gail fidgeted with her sweater sleeve. "And of me. Traci had to push me to go out with you."

Holly frowned slightly. "You didn't want to?"

"I didn't. And I do. And I don't." Gail chewed her lip. "I want to very much." Leaning in, she touched Holly's face. "I want this very much and it scares me."

"Because everyone else..."

"Everyone chose someone else, Holly." Gail's voice was a whisper. "Traci... God, she could barely look at me outside of work for months. It wasn't until Steve died that we started really being friends again. But we're both just such a mess."

Holly turned her face, pressing her cheek to Gail's hand. "I'm not exactly the best either, Gail."

"Uh, hello. Super Mom and a killer job?" Gail took her hand back, only to have Holly catch it and hold it in both of hers.

The doctor smiled wanly. "You gave up everything to be an awesome cop. I gave it up for Magnus."

"Seems a lot more worthwhile," admitted Gail.

Holly sighed. "I had no idea what I was getting into with him."

They hadn't talked about that. "Would you... Would you tell me?"

And Holly explained. Not about why she had Magnus, but that she'd gone at it alone. Her parents had not been particularly supportive. After all, Holly was single and three thousand miles away, and fairly new at her job. But when Magnus was born, six weeks early by emergency Cesarean, they'd come around. He was their first grandchild. Holly's brother and sister, both younger than Gail, had still not achieved that goal.

But the late night feedings, for someone post surgery, had been hard. There had been barely time for her job, let alone a life, so all there was, was her and Magnus. "And you know, I'm okay with that," she mused.

Somehow, somewhere in the telling, Holly had settled against Gail on the couch, resting with Gail's around around her shoulders. Gail gently caressed Holly's hair, reveling in the moment. "By yourself is pretty bad ass."

"You would think that." Holly's head sank to settle on Gail's shoulder. "I threw myself into Magnus. You threw yourself into your career."

"Late night calls for both," joked Gail, and Holly laughed. "I like him. Magnus. He's smart like you."

Holly made a pleased noise. "His donor was smart too."

"Yeah... Don't wanna think about some guy and his spunk, Holly."

She laughed. "Idiot. I picked him out of a book. Three doctor visits and boom, I'm pregnant. Nothing icky."

"Says you. Some weird doctor looking up your skirt? Shooting you up? That's so gross." They both laughed, though, trading quips about how weird and gross it was.

"Did you ever think about it? Having a baby?"

Gail exhaled loudly. "No. Not after... No." Holly poked her side. A gentle reminder that they did talk. "Okay, so I was kinda serious about ... About this woman, a lawyer. And then I got shot and suddenly she couldn't deal with it. She was gone before I got out of the hospital."

After a moment, Holly snorted. "What a bitch."

"Whatever. I'm kind of glad."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, imagine if I'd married her or something? And then she left me? Yuck."

Holly sat up and looked incredibly serious. "Gail. Don't take this the wrong way, but I don't want to think about you and anyone else."

Without thinking, Gail leaned in and kissed Holly. "Good." She felt Holly's smile against her lips and leaned back, pulling the brunette with her. They lay on the couch, kissing languidly, until a young voice called out.

"Mom! I'm thirsty."

Muffling a laugh into Gail's neck, Holly kissed her once more. "I need to go take care of that."

Gail smiled. "We can do this again. Maybe."

"I'd like that."

They did. A few times. There were dates with and without Magnus. They took him to the park together. They went to a kid movie and dinner. They went to adult dinners while Magnus stayed home with his new favorite babysitter, Leo Nash. And very, very carefully they inched around dating seriously.

Harder than working around Magnus was working around work. Gail had been married to her job for years, and unraveling that to make time for Holly and Magnus was proving to be harder than she expected. Similarly, Holly put her career and son before them, which Gail insisted was fair and right. But that meant they crept along the path of rebuilding. Or maybe it was building anew. Gail wasn't quite sure which.

What she did know was as terrified as she was to have her heart broken by Holly, Gail couldn't live without her. The nights they didn't talk were rare, and every one left Gail feeling the old hollowness that had spurred her on to push her career first. Chris joked that he could tell when Holly was busy because Gail came up with new ways to optimize patrols.

As easy as her job was, and as difficult as letting her guard down was, Gail had not expected an end run from Magnus. It came on a Sunday afternoon, while Gail and Magnus were waiting for Holly to change so they could go ice skating (not Gail's idea). In the brief pause, Gail found herself being studied by the four year old Magnus.

Finally he spoke. "Are you dating my mom?"

She blinked. "Um. Yes."

Magnus scowled adorably. "Do you like her?"

"Lots," said Gail seriously. "Your mom is the most wonderful person I've ever met."

"Okay." But he was still frowning. "You can't be mean to her. Promise not to make Mom sad again."

Interesting jump, thought Gail. Did he know they'd dated before? "I promise to do my best and never be mean or make your mom sad." Then she asked, "Did you know I dated your mom a long time ago? Before you were born?"

The boy's eyes widened and he shook his head. "Nu uh. When she lived here before?"

"Yep," said Gail. "So I feel real lucky your mom's giving me another chance. I won't mess up."

That seemed to satisfy him. "Okay then. 'Cause Alice did. She made Momma cry and-"

Holly cleared her throat, startling both Gail and Magnus. "Honey, that's enough."

Magnus stuck his lower lip out in a pout. "But Momma-"

"Magnus, I'm the grownup, okay?" Holly somehow managed to look both stern and gentle. "Now go get your skate bag, honey." As the boy thudded off to get his bag, Holly gave Gail an apologetic look. "Sorry. Somehow he thinks he's supposed to protect me, or something."

Gail smiled. "It's sweet, but I want to ask who this bitch Alice is."

Holly snorted. "The only other girlfriend I've ever brought home. Magnus didn't like her much, and she wasn't as keen about dating a single parent as she thought."

"Well. Not to quote your view on Jennifer, but what a bitch."

Smiling, Holly held out her hands to Gail. "And you... You are not Alice."

"Hey, I love kids. They're pre-asshole people. And you don't tell me not to swear around yours." She took Holly's hands and let herself be hauled to her feet.

"He's heard worse," admitted Holly. "Usually from me."

Gail laughed, remembering how foul mouthed Holly could be. "He watches sports with you, huh?"

That won her an eye roll. "You'll notice I don't invite you over for games."

"Not my fault the rules of your sporty things are incomprehensible," teased Gail, and she leaned in to kiss Holly softly. "Besides, I'm coming skating today."

"Because SuperGus asked."

"I can't deny it, Holl. I'm dating you because your son is adorable."

Magnus did make it easy, and in many ways safer to fall for Holly again. There was a barrier keeping them from rushing into things and a serious concern to stop Gail from running away. There was a four (almost five) year old child who had a heart more fragile than Gail's, and who didn't need someone to upend his mother's life.

But the thing was... Holly never said it. She never asked Gail if she was serious, or warned her that now it wasn't just Gail and Holly, but Gail and Holly and Magnus. She seemed to take it for granted that Gail understood the change and the severity that came with it. Everything was different.

The higher the wall, the less Gail felt like running away. She didn't have to make an emergency situation. There was one built in. If it got to be too much, she could call it off and say she didn't want to hurt Magnus.

And yet as the days and dates and time spent with the Stewarts went on, Gail thought of nothing else but enjoying it with them. She wanted to tell Holly about the hilarious things her patrol officers did. She wanted to surprise Magnus (who was a nerdy science lover, like his mom) with a toy microscope for his birthday. Holly veto'd that and suggested taking him to the hands-on science museum, which would be fun for everyone. Gail wanted her life to include them.

She finally had something outside of work worth living for.

"I just can't believe you haven't had sex yet," said Traci, settled into the couch at Gail's with a glass of wine.

"Oh come on, how many men did you bring home when Leo was young?"

"I went to their place and I am not the best example." But Traci smiled. "You should bring Holly here."

Gail snorted. "Lemme lay this out, Detective. I get a babysitter, say it's Leo, and Holly and I go out. We have dinner, dancing maybe, and I bring her here. Sex. And then I have to take her home, and your teenaged son gets an eyeful."

Pursing her lips, Traci gestured with her glass. "Or. Wait till Magnus spends the weekend with his grandparents, and spend it getting carnal."

She eyed her friend. "You need a date in the worst way, Trace."

"I'd like to live vicariously through someone," Traci said wistfully.

It was only fair. When Traci had dated the ETF guy, Gail had done the same. "I'm worried. About Magnus," admitted Gail. "Look at the shit Leo went through."

Sobered, Traci nodded. "You're not Steve. Or Dex. Or Jerry."

"I could die on the job, Trace. That's not changed."

Her friend sighed. "Yeah. But ... Gail. You want her."

Gail groaned and pressed her face into the arm of the couch. She desperately wanted Holly. Every time they kissed, she felt like her heart would thunder out of her chest. Red hot claws ripped her open, flaying her rib cage for all to see. Her blood poured over them, spilling to the ground, and pooling at Holly's feet.

It physically hurt to touch Holly. But it hurt more not to.

"I want her," Gail replied softly.

"Then tell her. She obviously is into you." Leo had already sent Traci a photo of Gail and Holly kissing on Holly's doorstep. "Be happy, Gail."

Those words had galvanized Gail years before. Now they reminded her that Traci had no one like Holly in her life. "See, now I feel guilty."

"Don't. Gail, don't feel guilty. None of that is your fault."

They'd rehashed it a million times. Jerry would have died no matter who was kidnapped. Steve had been hitting on Traci for years. All Gail did was encourage Traci to try. And Traci encouraged Gail to try.

So try.

---

It'd be seven years gone
I'd still be asking why, I'd still be waiting
Seven years for one moment just to try
I'd still be waiting

---

A soft hand touched her. For a moment, Holly was about to tell Magnus to go back to sleep. But then the hand smoothed over her bare back and an equally bare body pressed up against her. She smiled and snuggled back. "It's early," she whispered.

"I know," replied Gail, equally quietly, and pressed her lips to Holly's shoulder. "I should get going."

"Stay." The word was out of her mouth in an instant. Like her heart wasn't trusting her brain just yet. If she thought about it, she might change her mind, and her heart was not willing to chance that.

They'd slept together a few times. Usually they ended up at Gail's, where Holly would have to leave in time to send the baby sitter home. Gail's place was nice but more importantly it was devoid of a certain five year old. When they'd ended up at Holly's, like last night, Gail had made a point not to be there when the boy woke up.

This would be different.

Gail's hand stopped. "You sure?"

She was. "He knows we're dating, Gail."

"Yeah, but ... Sleepovers?"

Holly smiled. "He's five, honey. Sleepovers aren't really a big deal."

Gail didn't seem to buy that. "Okay." Still, she settled back down, curling around Holly without any further argument.

Closing her eyes, Holly smiled and reached for Gail's hand, pulling it so they were even closer. "Stop trying to climb a tree, Gail," she instructed.

The soft laugh behind her confirmed Holly's suspicions. "Sorry. Habit." Gail's head went down on the pillow. "I keep expecting things to blow up."

Holly rolled over, wrapping an arm around Gail's waist and pulling her close. So many things had gone wrong for Gail in the last seven years. So much raw agony. When Magnus had tried to be the man of the house, to take care of her, he'd asked Gail not to hurt his mom. But the truth was that Holly could destroy Gail far more easily than Gail could ever harm her.

"It's because of you," said Holly softly. "Magnus. I thought... I thought you were right. That having a child in any way was a good idea. A way to give back to the world. And ... I wanted to do it on my own." She closed her eyes, head nestled on Gail's shoulder.

"Was it... Was it worth it?"

Holly smiled. "Yes. I didn't think I could love someone so much, but that first day, holding him. It was like everything made sense."

The deep sigh from Gail was oddly supportive. "He's pretty awesome."

He was. "I love you too, you know. Just in a different way."

Gail snorted a laugh. "God I hope so."

"Hush." Holly grinned and ran her hand across Gail's stomach. The skin was still soft and smooth, never quite turning into a muscular six-pack while still being fit. The skin texture changed as Holly's fingers encountered the scar tissue. Two bullets had ripped through her side when she hadn't been wearing a vest. The internal damage was relatively minor but still.

Gently she traced the reminder of the damage. Her fingers explored the smooth hardness. There was a lump, puckering of the skin. Gail had told her that, amusingly enough, Lisa had done the plastics work, making it look far less horrible than at first. It hadn't seemed possible, given how raw it still looked. Then Holly had seen the photos of a pale Gail on her hospital bed, paler than normal, showing the damage off to Traci.

Holly had made Gail promise to always wear a vest when going out.

"Did it..." Holly stopped herself from asking the obvious question.

Of course Gail answered it anyway. "Yes," yawned Gail, her hand caressing Holly's hair. "It hurt."

Blushing, Holly pressed her face to Gail's shoulder. "It's a stupid, stupid question. Forget I asked."

"You're really trying to ask what if felt like," Gail said, sagely.

That was true. "It's probably like trying to explain what a Caesarean felt like."

The rumble of a laugh ripple through Gail's body. "Like being punched. Out of nowhere. Like a ... Like a line drive collided with my gut. And I was sure part of me was missing. My side felt ripped away. The pain kicked in after. First I was just too shocked to really process anything." Before Holly could comment, Gail added something odd. "But. It felt like kissing you."

Holly picked up her head, confused. "Kissing me?"

"Hmm." Gail sounded relaxed. Content. "Kissing you is like not realizing I was drowning and having a breath of air. Like part of me was missing and suddenly it came rushing back. And it hurts, because I wanted this." She gestured at themselves. "A .. Something wanted to rip me apart. It hurt. I'm ... I'm not making any sense, am I?"

Holly sucked on her lower lip. "No, but yes." She caressed Gail's cheek. "Burns?" Her girlfriend nodded. "Yeah. Me too."

Which had been the problem with Alice. It wasn't that Holly hadn't liked her a lot, it was that Gail had gotten her. Someone understood her weird, quirky, nerdy science ways and found them attractive. Someone liked her for being crazy, dancing the Macarena, making bad jokes about weddings, giving people shit for their clothes, and a hundred other things. Someone else hated shared happiness and found it disingenuous.

And someone had burned a hole in her heart, searing it, cauterizing it, so when they'd parted, there was no cure. She was, forever, going to love someone whom she couldn't have because the timing was wrong. They were in the wrong place, the wrong state, the wrong country.

Gail looked up at her quietly. Her hand on Holly's back stilled, then tightened and drew Holly closer. "Yeah," whispered Gail, nearly reverent.

This Gail was her Gail. This tender, sweet, Gail was hers and hers alone. Maybe a little hers and Magnus', since Holly had seen Gail be impossible gentle when her little man skinned his knee, but if so it meant even more that this Gail was for her. This Gail didn't hide behind her attitude. This Gail loved.

"FYI, I'm not drinking any more of your gross health drinks," noted Holly, remembering also the other side of Gail and how she determined love.

"Not what I had in mind," assured Gail, pulling Holly atop her and pushing a thigh between Holly's legs.

Holly's eyes fluttered closed as she settled against Gail, and then she inhaled sharply. God damn, Gail knew how to move against her. It took very little time to fall into that easy place where there was just them.

Their first, first time had been awkward and a little rushed and sometimes Holly regretted letting her feelings get the better of her after that long day. But after the kiss and the shooting and the drinking and the hair and the shower, all she wanted was to be close to Gail. To tell her, to show her how much Holly cared about her. How much she was feeling.

And Gail was, apparently, not much for a preamble either. After the water warmed up and she stopped laughing, Gail had gone right for Holly's jeans buttons. Maybe Gail had never slept with a woman before, but she knew how to touch someone. The particulars didn't seem to matter too much to Gail as much as she seemed to need to touch Holly's skin and keep her close.

The second time, a little later that same night, that had been slower. More romantic, not that Holly would use that word to describe the details. She'd taken time to savor every inch available of Gail's body. And Gail, more hesitant and yet more bold, had returned every touch with a touch until, suddenly, it was Gail leading them forward to new places.

The last time had been the night before their stupid breakup. A little tipsy but eager and laughing and God, that had been... That had been the first time Gail led them the whole way. The first time Gail had kissed her way down Holly's body. The first time she'd used her mouth.

Was it a wonder Holly had been pissed about her running after that?

But now, with the years came a deeper understanding. Gail was the Peck who failed, the one who unwillingly shouldered the burden of her name. The scars of her name. The shame of her name. And to hear herself denigrated by Lisa, not supported by Holly, had brought back all her fears and doubts and feelings of self worth. That was to say, the feeling she was worth nothing.

Now, seven years gone by, Holly was pissed at herself. She was mad at herself for not recognizing how fragile Gail's ego was. Hadn't she seen it first hand when Gail hacked off her hair? Hadn't she known since the first words of defensive sarcasm sliced through the air? Of course Gail had been crushed and gutted.

Holly realized the depth of her mistake weeks later. It wasn't until after Gail's confession that Holly was the best thing that ever happened to her. Then and only then had Holly understood how she'd fucked up. The desperate honesty in Gail's words, the pleading to just have another chance. And Holly had said good bye. Like a an idiot.

She'd had no hope at all that after her goodbye there could possibly be another chance after that. But when her date told her that Holly was still hung up on someone else, Holly knew that job or not, she had to try. She had to try to get Gail to leave Toronto.

Maybe things would have been better if she had convinced Gail to come with. It couldn't have been worse for her, given all that had happened with Gail's family. Maybe it would have been worse. Maybe Steve would have died before, maybe not. Maybe Gail would have picked her parents, maybe not. Maybe Gail would have stood apart from them longer. Maybe.

Six, seven years made for a lot of changes. The Gail she'd fallen in love with seven years ago and the Gail she'd left six years ago were different from the Gail she'd kissed on her doorstep six months ago. And when she'd kissed Gail again on her doorstep, when she'd welcomed the blonde into her life and her arms, it was never for redemption or born of regret. It was that now, seven years since she'd met her, six since she'd touched her, Holly still loved her.

She had never really not been in love with Gail, to be honest. At the time, she hadn't really recognized and understood the depth of her feelings. It wasn't until Alice that Holly understood how Gail had affected her. How Gail had changed her.

The kiss on the doorstep had reminded her of all the things she'd missed and all the things she'd wanted. Her original plan for Toronto was to avoid Gail as much as possible. After six years, Gail was sure to have moved on. Someone like Gail would have a thousand people vying for her heart. Someone like Gail wouldn't want to consider anything with the woman who left. The woman saddled with a child.

But she did. When Holly impulsively asked her to talk, to call her, or maybe to come over for dinner, she'd expected Gail to run for the hills. And in a way, Gail had. She'd tried to shield herself from Holly's happy family, assuming that Holly had a wife or a partner as well as Magnus. And yet, Gail was still trepidatious when she found out Holly was single.

Still. They'd kissed. And they'd talked about the kiss and the damage they held. And they'd kissed again and again until the night, three months ago, when they'd been at Gail's for a dinner when Magnus was with his grandparents. And Gail said she wanted to cook for Holly, to show off that she'd grown up. And after they ordered rescue take out, laughing and happy, Gail leaned in to kiss her.

The kiss had burned. Seared. It made her ache in a way she hadn't for six years. It made her yearn for more. Somehow in the journey away from and back to Toronto, she'd forgotten just how kissing someone who wanted all of her felt. Because Gail did want all of her. She wanted the nerd, the scientist, the sporty girl. The mother. Gail wanted all that Holly was.

When they parted, she had begged Gail not to stop, whispered that she wanted her touch, that she craved Gail's skin on hers. With the smile that Holly rarely saw, Gail kissed the corner of her mouth softly, like a butterfly's wings, and taken her hands. With that smile, Gail drew Holly to her bedroom not saying a word. That smile, that warmth.

Tender and warm, Gail took her time. She eased Holly's craving, stoking the fire until it was all consuming and subsumed her. All Holly was aware of was her skin and how aflame it felt. She was never more alive then when Gail touched her. She'd forgotten how amazing Gail felt. How attentive Gail was. How talented. How amazing.

Gail was even more amazing.

Part of Holly was irrationally jealous to think that Gail had slept with other women. That Gail had been serious about one who had left her. That Gail was not the same person Holly had left. That Gail was more experienced. That Gail had learned more about how to make love to a woman.

Irrational, right? It was totally, absolutely, stupid. Time hadn't just stopped because she'd left. The world turned, Holly changed, Holly dated other women. Hell. The ink was barely dry on their breakup when Holly had started to see someone. When Holly tried to get over Gail, because as Lisa said, the best way to get over someone was to get under someone else.

Lisa was an idiot. A big, fat, honking, idiot. There was no getting over Gail. There never was. It was a huge risk to try to love her again, Holly knew that. She had so much more to lose if she screwed things up with Gail. Magnus had something to lose. Holly couldn't not be there for her son. All he had was her, and he deserved her attention. She couldn't crawl into a bottle or a bucket of ice cream for weeks on end.

When Lisa, and Rachel, gave her hell for trying again with Gail, they also gave her hell for moving so slowly. But hadn't the speed been the problem before? Maybe it was a problem. One of many. This time, they burned for each other longer, smoldering and simmering. They talked too, about everything. They were honest and open and answered questions.

But the first time, the second first time, was different. They were older. They were damaged in differ not ways. Gail didn't shy from Holly's Caesarean scar, or the stretch marks, or the skin that sagged a little, or the way her breasts were no longer the same shape. None of that seemed to bother Gail, and she'd reacquainted herself with everything that was Holly, mapping her body with hands and mouth, until Holly arched her back and nearly sobbed with relief and release.

Oh how she had missed that. She'd forgotten what it was like to be worshiped and savored and loved. Loved.

After she stopped feeling the turn of the planet, when she could open her eyes without feeling like it was spinning, Holly smiled up at Gail. The smugness was strangely attractive. She'd reached up, caressing Gail's face with the backs of her fingers and then pushing herself up on an unsteady arm to learn what else had changed in Gail.

But even after that, it took them more weeks before Gail was willing to do more than kiss at Holly's. What if Magnus woke up? What if he came into Holly's room unannounced and found Gail there? At first it was only nights when Magnus was at his grandparents. That was when, finally, Holly had Gail naked on her bed, her sheets. Naked in her shower, which made both of them laugh with a memory of another shower.

Eventually Gail was willing to stay later after dinner on a long Friday night. To read a story to a sleepy boy. To come with Holly to the bedroom after. To let Holly love her the way she was meant to be loved. Because Gail was meant to be worshiped. Attention should have been lavished in her presence. Kingdoms should have been relinquished for her favor.

The world should have lain itself at Gail's feet, just for a moment, a glance, a smile. When Holly thought she could never love anyone quite like she'd felt the moment baby Magnus was finally laid in her arms, she was right. But she found, in the moments when she held Gail's hand, or heard her laugh, or saw the smile, that she did still love the woman in the way she had before, but in new and different ways.

The love only expanded when she came home one day from a case that had called her away on a Saturday afternoon. Gail, already over to spend time with them, offered to stay and hang out with Magnus. She never called it babysitting. When Holly got home, later than she wanted, she found her son in his jammies, wrapped in a blanket, cuddling Gail on the couch. They were both sound asleep.

Now, however, was not the time to think about how sweet Gail could be.

Now, today, was the first morning that Gail would stay in her bed all night.

Now, Gail's hands burned her skin and set her blood boiling.

Now, Holly wished every morning, every night, was spent with Gail in her bed. No. In their bed.

Now, she held Gail close as she trembled and relaxed, unwilling to cede any distance. "I love you," she whispered.

Now, Gail eased her down from her high, kissing her languidly. "I know." And when Holly laughed, she felt Gail's smile against her lips. "I love you, too."

---

We faded once one time

And as I recall I acted fine
The truth is I'm still wincing
That I only gave it one goodbye

---

"How come you and Momma broke up?"

The newly minted five year old swung from Gail's hand as they walked to her car. Holly had been pulled into a large case and called Gail, a little frantic, asking if she could pick up Magnus after school. It had been a rush, so Gail had gone in uniform, which made her hugely popular with the kids. At least after she assured Claire that her parents were fine.

Most of the kids wanted to know why she didn't have a gun and why she had a white shirt. Then when she explained she was picking up Magnus, his stock skyrocketed. The boy explained that Gail was his momma's best friend and they had sleepovers lots. While the adults laughed knowingly, most of the kids were enchanted by the idea of grownups having sleepovers.

But Gail had not expected that question from Magnus. "Uh. Well. I was stupid and got mad at something Lisa said. And instead of listening to your Mom, I pushed her away. By the time I was smarter, she was already going to move to San Francisco."

Magnus digested that. "Aunt Lisa says lots of dumb things."

Smiling, Gail opened her car door. "Yeah, she does."

They'd made up since then, long before Holly had moved back. Someone had held a fellow surgeon at gunpoint, demanding that he perform surgery. Gail had talked the man down and Lisa insisted they go out for drinks later.

For a while, Gail wondered if Lisa had known about Magnus. But the boy was as much a surprise to Lisa and Rachel as to Gail. Maybe Holly had suspected that they wouldn't be supportive. Maybe she feared it. Hard to say.

"How come you have a car seat?"

As Gail hefted Magnus into the seat she sighed. "Cause of you, buddy."

"It's new." He lifted his arms for Gail to buckle him in.

"Yeah. What're you really asking?"

The boy was clever. He was Holly's son after all. "Did you get it cause you like me?"

Gail laughed and kissed his forehead. "Duh! Of course I like you, Magnus!"

"Yeah, but you like me cause of me! And not Momma!" He was a perceptive little kid.

She paused. "Yeah, I do. Hands in your lap, buddy." As soon as Magnus' hands were safe, Gail closed the door and walked to the driver's door. She'd bought the car seat before they'd kissed, on a whim. Before she'd always borrowed Andy's if she needed one, but now. Now it seemed important.

"I like you too, Gail."

"Thanks, buddy." She grinned. "Okay. We have to go to my office, and then my place, and then I think we should go to your home and make Holly dinner."

"And have a sleepover?"

Laughing, Gail shook her head. "Not tonight, buddy. I have an early call tomorrow."

Magnus sighed deeply. "I wish you lived with us."

Gail startled. "Oh? Why's that?"

"Momma's happier when you have a sleepover. And then you could make breakfast and go with us to the park every weekend."

She laughed again. "I already do that, silly." Nearly every Friday night, Gail would come over and make dinner with Holly. She'd spend the night, sometimes there was sex, sometimes not. Saturday morning, Gail would let Holly sleep in while she and Magnus made breakfast.

"Yeah, but you always gotta leave Sunday night. You miss Sunday couch snuggles."

That was true. Gail usually left after dinner on Sunday, going home to finish up work from the weekend and get ready for the coming week. "Well. That's a big decision, SuperGus. And that's something your mom and I should talk about."

Cannily, Magnus asked, "Did you?"

"No. Not yet."

The boy nodded. "You should."

That was all he said about it. At home they played Lego and Magnus showed off that he could read at a third grade level. When he ran to his room to get another Lego set, Gail texted Holly.

Warning. Your son wants me to live with you because you're happier when I sleep over.

Holly's reply made her laugh.

I am so glad I didn't ask Siri to read that out loud.

"How come you're laughing?"

She smiled at Magnus. "Your mom is funny." Her phone beeped again and Gail glanced at it.

My son has a point.

Gail blinked. Magnus leaned over. "I have a point?"

"Hey! Don't be rude." She shoved the phone into her pocket. "Now. What are we building?"

It was hours later, after dinner and bath and bedtime, that Holly made it back. Gail had settled on the kitchen table, getting her work as done as much as possible. To be honest, she'd enjoyed the evening with Magnus. He was like a mini-Holly, wanting to show off how smart he was, smiling that quirky grin, and dancing like an absolute idiot when Gail turned on music while she cooked.

How could she not fall in love with the boy? She had told Oliver that Magnus beat him out for the best man in her life. The wise Inspector had smiled and told Gail to follow her heart. His wife, Celery, wasn't much better, saying that Gail could be a great parent.

It just brought up memories of Sophie. She didn't really get to see Sophie much, not now that her foster parents had moved them West for a better job. The first few months, Gail had tried to wean herself and Sophie off each other, stepping away to make it easier for the girl to adjust to her new family. She'd cut herself out on purpose. Now she was just a cop that Sophie had known. Gail was no one special or important.

Would her heart be able to take it if she had to leave Magnus? What if she had to leave Holly? What if another job happened?

As Holly came in, quiet, she was apologetic. "God, Gail I'm so sorry."

"Work happens." Gail closed her laptop. "I'm really glad I could help out. Hungry?"

Holly looked shocked. "You take care of my boy and you feed me? I think I'm in love."

"I got him showered too." Gail beamed at her girlfriend.

She stayed at the kitchen table, watching Holly eat and listening to her talk about the case. Exhausted, Holly was still so energetic and vibrant. She glowed with the delight of knowledge. It was one of Gail's favorite things about her.

Eventually, though, Holly's plate was clean and she recognized the time. "Oh my god, it's late. I'm sorry. I talked your ear off."

"You know I don't mind." Gail took the plates to the kitchen, loading up the dishwasher. "But. I should head home."

The look of surprised sadness was obvious on Holly's face. "Oh. It's so late, I thought..." She gestured at the laptop. "I mean, you know I don't mind if you finish your work here."

Gail tilted her head. "Holly. Tonight isn't the night talk about that." That. Moving in. Staying. Becoming more than just girlfriends. Something more serious. "I'm not running away."

Holly looked skeptical. "It feels like you are." She didn't ramble. Holly had learned to control herself somehow.

Sitting down beside her, Gail cupped Holly's face in her hands. "I'm not running away from you, or Magnus, or us, Holly." She leaned in and kissed Holly gently, softly. "This is a big conversation. You're tired, I have a shitload of work. But this weekend, you and me, we will talk about this and decide what's best for us. All three of us. Okay?"

Reluctantly agreeing, Holly kissed her back, slowly, setting Gail on fire and making her regret going home. But she did go back to her apartment. And when the weekend came, Holly brought a bottle of wine and a bag of groceries. "Let me start this out with I want you to move in with me, Gail," said Holly, walking past her and right into the kitchen.

"Nice preamble."

Holly snorted. "Hey, I want to start out clear. We want you to live with us."

"Well. That makes you and Magnus," Gail said dryly.

"You don't want to?"

"I have a gun, Holly. Six guns to be specific. And a rifle. And a taser. And Magnus is five."

Holly did a double take. "You're worried about ..." She took a variety of ingredients out of her bag. "It's not fair. Me, not you. I keep thinking. I don't know, I think about what happened last time and then Alice and then you just blow my preconceived notions."

Gail smiled, leaning on the kitchen counter. "I'm not the me I used to be, Holl. And neither are you."

"No. No we're not."

"And you never said it, but this has never been you and me. It's you and me and Magnus." She watched Holly close her eyes. "Holly. I knew. From the moment you asked me to call you. I knew everything was going to be two of you. It had to be. And I've seen Leo. He had to deal with Jerry dying. And Steve... God, a million things could happen, Holly. And you, you understand what I do. I hope. But Magnus is five, Holly."

Slowly, Holly shook her head. "Are you putting this on me? Are you saying-"

"No, Holly. No, I'm not saying Magnus is an excuse or a reason to run away." Gail ran her hands through her hair. "Jesus, Holly, I'm saying this is hard."

Holly slammed her hands on the counter. "I know it's hard, Gail! Damn it, I know. Okay?" She looked up, tears streaking her face. "But we came so far, Gail."

Exhaling slowly, Gail took the three steps to touch Holly's arm. "Come here," she whispered. And Holly folded herself into Gail's chest, still crying. "We're not done," Gail said softly. "But we can't just run into things."

"I know."

Gail cradled Holly's head on her shoulder. "I can't run across the country. It wouldn't have been fair to you or Sophie, Holly. And I can't let you do this without all of us being ready." Holly nodded. "This is big. And different. And I want to do this with you, Holly."

Silent, Holly's arms wrapped around Gail's waist, squeezing her close. "When did you start worrying about the might be, so much, Gail?"

"When I lost you. And Sophie. And Steve." The truth was still painful. And it would be so much easier to say goodbye now. To let Holly go. To let Magnus go. The loss had sharpened her. Honed her.

"I don't want to say goodbye again, Gail," whispered Holly, her voice in agony.

"I don't either." She inhaled wetly. When had she started to cry? "I don't want to hurt you two."

"I don't know if we can live without hurting each other." Holly let go and stepped back, wiping her face. "It would hurt more to leave now," she said firmly.

Gail wiped her face with her shirt sleeve. "I'm still gonna be a cop, Holly. People still shoot at me. I don't have a safe job behind a desk."

Nodding, Holly blew her nose and picked up an onion. "You never will either, Gail. I know that." She sighed and started to chop the vegetables in silence.

In the silence, Gail wasn't sure what to say. Her fear was that she'd break everyone's hearts. Her's, Holly's, Magnus's. She didn't have a normal job any more than Holly did, but Gail's was incredibly more dangerous. And what was Gail bringing to a relationship anyway? No money, no family, nothing but herself.

Holly looked up. "Where are your guns right now?"

"Uh. My gun safe. It's in my closet."

The knife went down and Holly tossed the onions and garlic into a pan. "Show me," she demanded.

Gail arched her eyebrows and shrugged, walking into her bedroom. She pushed the sliding door on her closet to one side, showing her uniforms and the gun case. Holly put her hands on her hips and studied it. "It's locked," Gail said, stupidly.

"How does it open?"

"Tumbler lock." Gail reached around, spinning the dial and then pulling the handle. "They're not loaded. The magazines are up here." She pulled out a drawer.

Holly nodded. "You grew up with guns."

"Yeah, and insane parents," scoffed Gail.

Looking over, Holly reached past Gail and closed the safe door. "Your parents may be insane, but they taught you how to be safe." She hesitated and Gail took her hand, spinning the lock. "You won't let us be unsafe, Gail."

"It's ... I can control that."

Holly turned around and took hold of Gail's shirt. "I trust you."

Gail screwed up her face. "Why?"

Smiling, Holly pulled Gail close. "Oliver's been a good influence on you." She kissed Gail, her lips demanding and possessive. Gail hadn't thought that was a thing but Holly was telling her with that kiss that they weren't stopping here.

The bucket list Gail had written up, back when she'd wanted to adopt Sophie, jumped into her mind. "I never made out in the rain," she told Holly when their lips parted.

"What?" Holly laughed, kissing her again.

"I made a list. Of all the things I wouldn't get to do once I was a mom," explained Gail.

"Oh?" Holly let go and went back to the kitchen. "Tell me this list while I cook. As long as it's not stupid. Like seeing "R" rated movies in the theater, or staying late at parties."

Gail's heart thudded and she leaned on the wall. "What?"

Holly waved a hand. "Shared experiences are overrated, unless they're with the right people. I mean, everyone wanted me to do stupid things before I got pregnant."

Her knees were weak. "Like go to a swingers bar?"

"Right! Bungee jump."

"Drive a race car?" Gail had to sit down.

Holly beamed. "Exactly! Though that kinda sounds fun…" She turned and blinked. "Are you okay? You look kinda stunned."

Gail could barely speak above a whisper. "I pinched someone on the butt."

Laughing, Holly shook her head. "That's got you looking so serious? Wait, that was on your list?" When Gail nodded, Holly laughed more. "What happened? When you pinched her butt? I'm assuming it was a her."

Groaning, Gail put her head on the kitchen table. "It was Sophie's social worker, and she smiled."

Holly kept laughing. "Oh Gail. Who on earth gave you that idea?"

"Prison inmate." She didn't pick her head up. "She was telling me all the ... The whims she had to give up, being a mom."

"Getting ahead of yourself there," teased Holly. "I'm not asking you to be a mom, just my live in sex slave."

Now Gail picked her head up. "Seriously?"

"Yeah, seriously. Whomever this woman is, she's wrong. You can still do things on a whim with a kid. Like ask a beautiful woman out, or have a fancy drink. Or go dancing." Holly started to mix the meat up. "The kid doesn't put you on the back burner at all, it just changes how you do things."

"We're not second place?"

"Not by a long shot, honey."

Gail watched Holly cook for a while, mulling over that. She'd thought she'd be giving up who she was to be Sophie's mom. There wasn't the same terror to be Holly's ... partner? Something. Magnus' defacto other mom. "Why do you want me to move in?"

"Because I love you and I like being with you. And I'm lonely without you." There was no hesitation or second thought for Holly. She knew. She wanted. She said.

"But... I'm still screwed up, Holl."

Holly snorted. "So? So am I. I'm still impetuous, a little goofy, I dance like an idiot as you're fond of pointing out. And I'm fun." Holly looked over. "Gail... Are you afraid of being a mom?"

Oh. She sighed. "A little." Liar. A lot. She was out and out terrified. "I mean, I could barely get close to balancing it when it was just me and I was just a beat cop."

"One, you were never 'just' a beat cop," corrected Holly. "And two, it's not just you. Three, I'm not asking you to be Mom. I'm asking you to be Gail and live with us."

"Yeah... Except I'll kinda be ..."

Holly put down her spoon and sat beside Gail, taking a hand. "You're getting way ahead of things, Gail."

"I tend to," sighed Gail. "With ... This." She gestured between themselves. "I know what can happen. I know how long it takes a kid to stop asking what 'dead' means."

Frowning, Holly asked, "Why do you keep going back to dead?"

She was. And Gail knew exactly why. Exhaling slowly, she closed her eyes. It was hard enough to talk about this on the best of days. "Did you know Jerry Barber? He was a detective at Fifteen."

There was no answer for a long enough time that Gail started to worry. She cracked her eyes open and saw Holly looking confused. It was her 'I'm thinking really hard' face.

"I remember Jerry," Holly said slowly, thoughtfully. "I worked with him a lot… I was at his funeral."

That made it easier and harder. Gail swallowed. "I wasn't," Gail said quietly. "I was still in the hospital."

It took a moment, but Holly's eyes widened. "Oh."

Easier. She didn't have to explain anything else about that. Harder. Holly knew who she was on a piece of paper. That twisted her gut. She felt nauseous. It was hard enough talking around it with Traci, who knew all about everything. But Holly… Holly was different. "They were supposed to get married, Traci and Jerry." Gail couldn't make her voice go above a whisper. "And then he died. And Steve betrayed all of us and he died. So… I kinda do think about it a lot now."

Holly squeezed her hand. She didn't say anything. She didn't look apologetic. She didn't look like everyone else who saw Gail as that sad, broken, girl. Holly just looked at her like Holly. Warm, comforting, a little surprised. But she was willing to cut Gail's hair after a drunken mishap with scissors, and she was there to help her take a step in whatever was next.

Silent, Holly was here now. For whatever was next.

---

It'd be seven years gone
I'd still be asking why
Seven years for one moment just to try
I'd still be waiting

---

Holly smiled. Her two most favorite people had their heads together, carefully decorating a cake for her birthday. Gail was doing the hard work of drawing with the icing, but Magnus was excited and directing her. He picked the colors and the designs.

"When can I come look?"

"Hold your horses, woman!" Gail laughed.

Magnus's higher voice spoke up. "We didn't put horses on it! Should we?"

"No," said Gail firmly. "This is good. Okay. What's next?"

"This one!"

Holly craned her neck, trying to see what they were doing, but Gail had put up a cookbook to block things. Of course. "Really, Gail? A book?"

"Stop peeking!" Gail sounded amused rather than annoyed. "Your mom's a spy, Magnus."

"She doesn't like surprises," said her son, conspiratorially.

"I don't think the frog in her lunchbox was a good surprise." Gail smirked. "Okay, nerd, come here."

Holly jumped up and hustled into the kitchen to see her cake. It was not artfully done. It was beautiful. There was a little Holly and Gail and Magnus painted onto the sheet cake in front of a field. It was perfect. "Happy Birthday Nerd / Mom. Really, guys?" Exasperated, Holly shook her head at her girlfriend.

Magnus, flour on his shirt and icing on his face, grinned. "Happy Birthday, Momma! We got you real presents too. In case the cake is nasty."

Gail rolled her eyes. "Go get 'em, cowboy." She helped Magnus down and watched him run off. "He was very insistent that I draw us."

"I like it." Holly studied the art and spotted little things like a red 'lunchbox' and a very badly drawn DNA helix. "This is really cute, Gail. Thank you."

"You say that now. I'm not a very good cook."

Holly chuckled and leaned in to kiss Gail. "I remember." She paused and hummed happily. "You taste like sugar."

Gail laughed. "You say the sweetest things." She ducked her head and kissed Holly again.

It was easy to get lost in the kissing for a moment. "Just." Holly pulled away and put her finger on Gail's lips. "I really do hate surprises."

Both of Gail's eyebrows went up and Holly took her hand away. "It's tickets to the baseball playoffs. Magnus picked it out."

"My son picked that?"

"I gave him a list. He picked two things, I picked one thing." Gail shoved a hand in a pocket and pulled out a rumpled list.

"A massage. A favor coupon book. A spa weekend. Skiing. Fancy date night at a restaurant of my choosing. Tickets to a playoff game. Gail will be my slave for 26 hours... Why 26?"

Gail shrugged. "24 seemed mundane. There's also go horseback riding and target shooting."

Reading the list, Holly chuckled. "So tickets and the coupon book. What's yours."

Leaning into Holly, Gail smirked. "Not telling." And she sauntered off to the stairs. "I'm going to help Magnus."

"Gail! I swear if it's target shooting, you're sleeping on the couch!"

It was the fancy date night. Which Holly was definitely excited about. They didn't get a lot of fancy date nights. Simple date nights were easy. Go out, leave the boy at home with a sitter. But a fancy night, where Gail dressed up in a slinky dress that made Holly want to call off the night and just drag her to the back of a car...

She was looking forward to it.

Having Elaine show up was unexpected. She came without Bill, an envoy without portfolio as she put it. Gail, who was still in her uniform and heading back out to finish up work before tomorrow's date night, had been less than pleased to see her.

"Gail," said Elaine softly.

From the living room, Magnus spoke up. "Is that Gail's Mom?"

Holly looked back and then muttered an apology. "Magnus, come on, honey. Let's let Gail and her mom talk." She went to the living room, only to have Magnus dodge around her and dart to grab Gail's leg. "Magnus!"

The boy glared up at Elaine. "Is she really your mom?"

Gail's hand went down, resting on Magnus' head. "Yes. Yes she is. Magnus, this is my mom, Elaine. Elaine. This is Magnus Stewart."

Elaine's eyes widened a little. "Hello, Magnus."

The boy's arms squeezed Gail's leg, wrinkling her trousers. "How come you never talk about her? Momma talks about Gramma an' Grandpa all the time."

It was Elaine who answered. "Probably because they were much better parents than I was."

"You're not wrong," muttered Gail. "Mom. Today's not a good day for this. I have to go to the Big Building."

Nodding, Elaine stepped back. "I should have called first."

"You should have."

"You didn't come today."

Gail's back stiffened. What was today? Holly frowned and stepped up behind Gail, resting a hand on her shoulder. "I was busy," said Gail quietly. "It's not like he'd mind."

He. Steve. Gail's brother. Elaine's son. "Gail." Holly kept her voice low and was not surprised that Gail reached back to find her hand, squeezing it.

"I wasn't thinking he'd mind, Gail," replied Elaine. "I wanted to see you."

"Waylay me at Steve's grave, you mean." Gail's voice was oddly calm. Holly was pretty sure she'd be livid if it had been her.

There was a tug that they both felt, and they both looked down at Magnus. "Who's Steve?"

Gail's face softened. "Steve was my big brother," she explained, letting go of Holly's hand and squatting by Magnus. "He died before you were born, though."

Innocently, Magnus asked, "Was he a cop too?"

That Gail didn't flinch was remarkable. "He was. But he did some bad things. And a lot more of my family did too. That's why you don't know any of 'em, kiddo."

Holly looked at Elaine. The sorrow was etched on her face. "You should have called," she told Elaine, grimly.

"I was afraid she'd hang up."

"She might. I would."

"I won't." Gail looked up. "Call first, Mom. We can talk."

Elaine nodded. "Thank you." She hesitated and then backed out the door.

They watched her leave, silently. Even Magnus. Gail stood up, Magnus on her hip. "Who knew I was the better man," she said tiredly.

Holly reached over and took Magnus, kissing Gail's cheek. "It's still new to me."

Confused, Magnus threw his arms around Gail too. "I'm sorry you're sad, Gail."

With a smile, Gail kissed his head. "Thanks, little man. I will be home before bedtime, okay?"

"Okay," agreed Magnus. "Can I read the Mushroom Planet book?"

Gail laughed. "Yes. Of course."

Later that night, after Magnus proudly read to Gail from his new favorite book, The Wonderful Flight to the Mushroom Planet, Gail slipped into bed with Holly. "Mom wants to know if we're getting married."

"Well that's awfully forward," said Holly with a snort.

"I am living here," Gail said, amused. "In the Peck Handbook, marriage is next."

Holly grinned. "First comes love, then comes breakup, then babies?"

"Something like that." Yawning, Gail reached over and closed Holly's book. "Sleep time. I'm dead. I want to sleep and I want to make every single person in this city jealous when I'm on your arm."

"Sleep." Holly put her book down and was amused that Gail was asleep in seconds. Her mouth was partly open and Gail was snoring lightly.

Five months ago, they'd worried about moving in together. How would things change for them, for Magnus, and for them as a trio? Their living situation was easy. Hell, that was the easiest part. Explaining to Magnus why there would have to be new rules had been complicated.

At first he didn't understand why the rule of not playing on Mom's laptop had to extend to Gail too. Gail was a cop, and Mom solved puzzles with dead people. Dead people were a little creepy. That made sense. But Gail wasn't a detective, and didn't only detectives solve crimes with dead bodies? So Gail sat and explained what she did.

She started by telling him a story about a little Russian boy who had run away from his foster parents. And how Gail had found him and spent all day trying to understand why he ran away and from whom and were his foster parents hurting him. And then she told him about a young girl who was in a gang, and who refused to let Gail help her. When Magnus got worried, Gail explained that her job was to make sure boys and girls were safe, and that adults were safe too.

"A lot of times, I have to talk to some pretty bad people, Magnus. And I have to listen to hurt people tell me about things that scare them. And they won't tell me if they can't trust me."

Magnus's eyes had widened and he understood. Those stories, the scarier ones, they were on the laptops. And Gail's might be worse because they were stories about living people. But that too was why Gail had her guns, and why Magnus was not allowed even to pretend to play with them.

That was when Gail showed him her side. She let him touch it, silent as he compared it to the other, surrounding skin. Eventually Magnus asked if Gail had almost died and she'd shaken her head and said no. No this was not the scar of nearly dying. This was just painful and scary and it used to look worse, but Lisa had made it better.

Holly looked down at the sleeping Gail and gently pushed red-blonde hair away from the pale, pale face. You could only see it if you were looking hard. Holly gently ran a thumb over Gail's forehead, finding the slight lump. Barely a lump. Four stitches. There was an even fainter scar on her lip from where it had split. The scars on her stomach were far more disturbing to look at. But the scars you didn't see were worse.

Those scars woke Gail up in the night. She thrashed sometimes. Rarely. Mostly she just shuddered and woke up, breathing too hard. Like there wasn't enough oxygen. Like she was being smothered. And sometimes, when she woke up, she wanted to be anywhere but in bed. After those nights, Holly would wake up in an empty bed and find Gail in the living room or just coming back from running. Chasing the dreams away. Working herself until she fell asleep on the couch.

Thankfully those nights were rare. More common were the nights where Gail helped in the kitchen or read on the couch. More common were nights where she never seemed to mind Legos or being the evil henchman to Mad Scientist Magnus. More common was sitting with her arms around Holly's waist, introducing Magnus to Mel Brooks and 'classic' movies like The Creature from the Black Lagoon.

More common were family moments. And how Holly loved those moments.

Would they change if they were married? Would she lose the moments she'd come to love so much if she suggested it seriously? Hell, did she even want to get married?

When she put the question to Lisa and Rachel, her friends were more serious than they'd been in a long time. They had not been by her side when she'd dated Gail the first time. They had not been in her corner when she left Toronto. They'd very much been the opposition to her single parenthood.

But this time. This time with Gail, they were behind her. Rachel said she saw 'something' in Holly, something different and serious. Maybe it was because of motherhood. Maybe it was because she was just older and wiser. But any which way she looked at it, Rachel saw someone who was in love and who wanted that happiness. And it was with Gail, who hadn't really changed her feelings either, just her behavior. She'd grown up too.

A harder sell, slightly, was Lisa. Lisa was stubborn and taciturn and called Holly all sorts of stupid names. And then she sighed and admitted that it didn't look like she'd be able to run Holly off this time, so it must be something real.

Still, both friends shared and understood Holly's worry. Would this be okay? Would this be even something she wanted at all? Was this what she wanted? Was it what Gail wanted? She just wasn't sure. What Holly did know was that she wanted to stay with Gail as long as possible. She was immeasurably happier, having Gail live with her (and not just for the built in baby sitting). She was in love with Gail. That was the easy part.

The hard part was figuring out what came next.

Those thoughts occupied her mind as they went out to her birthday dinner.

"You know, I'd be hurt that you're not paying attention to me on your birthday, but it's your birthday." Gail was smiling and her voice was clearly amused.

Holly flushed. "I'm paying attention to you. Just… in my head."

Laughing, Gail picked up a piece of bread. "It's a good thing I love you."

"I was thinking how easy it was to get here."

Gail looked surprised. "Easy? Are we talking about the same life? Where I threatened to taze myself in the eye? And you moved to San Francisco?"

With a sigh, Holly shook her head. "Not that part. The part where, after not seeing each other for six years, we managed to work it out?"

After a moment, Gail nodded. "Okay, that part is pretty weird and cool. Are we counting the parts where I got weird?"

"I wouldn't have them any other way," said Holly, laughing. "I like your weird a lot."

Grinning, her girlfriend shook her butterknife. "I like your nerd."

Neither was smiling a month later when they came home to find their bedroom covered in hundreds of paper flowers. Roses? Maybe. They were drawn in crayon and carefully cut out, lain all over the bed and the floor. There were paper candles, ditto the crayon, and two envelopes with 'Mom' and 'Gail' written on them on their pillows.

"What the actual fuck?" Gail stood in the doorway, dumbfounded.

Holly looked over Gail's shoulder, equally confused. "I have no idea…"

With a deep sigh that reeked of foreboding, Gail went inside and picked up the envelope for her. "Your son is insane. You know that, right?"

Because who else would do that? Really, Holly knew Gail was right. "He's not supposed to be in our room," said Holly, grumbling. "When the hell did he do this?"

"Leo said they were here until an hour ago." Gail opened the envelope with her thumb. "They went to see some movie."

"Braver." Holly had never been a fan of sequels in general, but when her five year old boy announced he wanted to see Princess Merida because she was the baddest bad ass princess and he liked her, well. That Leo agreed to take him was a blessing. Holly suspected Leo wanted to see it as well, but a teenager, Leo was in that awkward stage where he had to hate things that were for kids.

"Right. I wanted to see that." Gail pouted momentarily and then she read whatever was in the letter. And she started laughing so hard she was crying. It was an instantaneous thing. One moment Gail was reading. The next she was crying and laughing.

Holly frowned and walked in, picking up her letter. "You're scaring me, Peck." She squeezed the envelope and felt something round and hard in it. "What the hell?" Tearing it open, she caught a tiny plastic ring in one hand.

Rings. Flowers. Candles. Letters.

Oh dear god.

Wiping her eyes, Gail wheezed. "You've got to read it."

Holly eyed her girlfriend and unfolded the letter.

Dear Mom,

I really like Gail and you should tell her that you love her lots. And you have to ask her to marry you so she can live with us forever.

- Magnus

"It's really not that funny, Gail," muttered Holly.

Gail held out her own note, which was much shorter. It instructed her to say yes, and nothing more.

Sighing, Holly sat on the side of the bed. "Magnus," she muttered.

Gail sat on the floor by Holly's feet, still wheezing. "This is way better than Nick's proposal."

Holly read both notes again. "How did Nick propose?"

"Drunk. In Vegas..." Gail exhaled loudly. "You know, I just remembered making out with a chick at the bar... Huh." She shook her head. "Anyway, so Nick was puking his guts out in an alley and said we should get married. I thought it was something that would piss my mom off so I said yes."

That sounded very much like Gail. Holly reached down and caressed Gail's hair absently. "What happened? I mean, you said you never got married but..."

Gail leaned against Holly's leg. "He got halfway down the aisle, at whatever the hell cheap ass chapel we were at. I forget. And he looked at me, all freaked out, and bolted." Gail sighed. "The dude, priest, or whatever. He was real sorry. Gave me the money back when we found out Nick took the damn car."

There, Gail paused for a long time. Holly wasn't sure what to say, so she kept silent and kept stroking Gail's hair. Finally Gail puffed a laugh. "I didn't think about it at all," she said quietly. "Marrying Nick. It was stupid, and I just wanted to hurt my mother. I wasn't in love with him." She looked up. "I love you."

Holly felt her heart thud loudly. They'd said it before, the I love yous. They'd said it over dinners, in bed, walking on the lake shore with Magnus. It wasn't something new. But saying it now, around this, was new. Because there was a new idea behind it.

"We don't have to talk about this, Gail."

"I know. But everyone else thinks we should."

Holly's hand stilled. "Do we care?"

Gail made a noise. "About them? No. Mom can fuck herself. But Magnus."

It always did seem to come back to Magnus. To the boy she had because she thought Gail had Sophie. Because she wanted to prove something to someone. The person she thought she could never love more. The perfect boy.

But then there was Gail.

She couldn't compare the two if she tried. They filled different parts of her heart. Magnus was her heart, but so was Gail.

Holly sighed and slid off the end of the bed to sit beside Gail. "If there wasn't Magnus, if I had just asked. What would you say?"

Silently, Gail reached over and took Holly's hand, looking at the plastic ring. She carefully plucked the ring and turned it over. It was a bubble gum machine ring. Plastic with a blue 'stone' and entirely ugly. A child would think it was romantic. Maybe. "If you came back, after six, seven years, and swept me off my feet again... I don't think we'd be here without Magnus, Holl."

That felt odd. Not bad, but not good. "No?" It was all she could bear to say.

And Gail launched into a babble. A panicked rush of words, stumbling over herself.

"He made us think. Made me think. I had to be careful. I couldn't be stupid me who runs up a tree or breaks a little boy's heart. I couldn't break your heart again, Holly. Because he needs you. I mean, I need you, but I think I could survive without you. He can't. He needs you, and I get it, but it made me be slow and-"

Holly reached over and turned Gail's face to her, kissing her slowly. This was why Gail had kissed her that day. She understood what it meant now. The words were a tree and Gail needed to be helped down, slowly. The kiss wasn't long but it felt like forever. "You're babbling."

"I'm nervous," whispered Gail. "Because I'm scared."

"It's just us, Gail." They kissed again, soft and gentle. "If I ask, would you say yes?"

Gail closed her eyes and sighed. Her voice was a whisper. "Yes."

---

The End.