This is my first time writing fanfiction. I would welcome reviews and comments. This is about what Helen did after following Adam Worth back in time. We all have things we wish we could change. Could Helen really live without making close friends or starting a family or live with letting Ashley die.

The next few chapters won't be this steamy. So I think I will do a part 2 with a T-rating for the remaining chapters.

Disclaimer: I don't own Sanctuary or it's character

Part 1

A lonely and desperate heart

It was the fall of 1991. Ashley had just turn 5. Helen couldn't help but remember the little birthday party, she had thrown. James had come over from England, his gift of a little cowgirl outfit with toy pistol was a huge success. Her old friend had bake a few cakes as the whole Sanctuary wanted to celebrate Ashley's birthday. Henry had saved up and got her a set of roller skates. Which would later drive Helen mad. She smiled at the thought, of Ashley skating down the halls chasing Henry or pretending to be on a hunt chasing abnormal.

As Helen sat at a bistro table sipping tea and enjoying the view. She was rationalizing her current plan, pushing any second thoughts out of her mind. The more she missed Ashley, the more she was convicted she wouldn't be hurting anyone. There wasn't even a guaranty this would work. But Paris was beautiful this time of year, and she hadn't seen James in 11 years.

- London Sanctuary -

James Watson was sitting at his desk. Everything was fairly quiet, when a telegram arrived for him. Not too many people used telegrams these days (except him) so it pecked his interested.

It read 'James - I need to see you - meet me in Paris tomorrow by the tower - pack for a long weekend - signed HB'

It was James's idea for Helen to go by Helen Bancroft. James worried, what trouble had Helen gotten into? He had only a post card once a year over the last 11 years. Just to let him know she was alright. James wasted no time getting ready and getting to Paris.

- Paris France -

Helen was sitting at a cafe near the Eiffel Tower sipping tea. She was wearing an off the shoulder grey herringbone dress and matching heels. It was late in the morning. She knew her message was cryptic but she also knew James. He would show up before noon. As she scanned the people mingling around, she saw him. She knew him, even from the back. She sucked in a breath, just as handsome as ever.

She left her table and walked over. "James, darling" She said ever so softly. James heart skipped a beat. He turned with a clean shaven smile. They gave each other the normal kiss and British hug. "James, I don't think I've ever seen you clean shaven." James smiled, putting down his bag he held her back to look at her. She looked as if she had gained about 10lbs, and it was in all the right spots. But her hair it was shoulder length, layered and reddish brown. "Trying something new with your hair I see." He pulled her to him hugging her again, glad that she seemed well. But why had she sent for him.

They walked back to her hotel. So he could drop of his 1 bag. James always packed light. They made their way to the desk. In French Helen asked them to bring Mister Bancroft's bag to their room. James gave her an 'Oh really smile'. Which Helen causally ignored. "Have you eaten? There's a lovely restaurant around the corner." "That would be an acceptable place for a chat." He said still smiling at her.

As the waiter brought their main course. Helen had woven a story about how she had moved every few years (which was true). That she had done her best to make the smallest foot print possible. But even James agreed that as difficult. He couldn't imagine how hard these last few decades had been for her. "Helen, love" he reached his hand across the table. His palm turned up, which she slipped her hand into. "Tell me, why am I here. I thought you might be in trouble." Time for another half-truth Helen thought, "James, I have been so lonely. Not making any lasting friendships. Drifting along, like a ship lost at sea." A tear came to her beautiful eye and rolled down her cheek. James swallowed hard, as Helen continued "Ashley" she choked out the words. James squeezed her hand, they needed to finish this talk in private. "Helen, shall we go back to the hotel?" Helen nodded and James motioned for the check.

As they entered the hotel James requested a bottle of brandy and a fine bottle of red wine be brought to their room. After each of them had finished 2 glasses. Helen seemed more relaxed. To lighten the mood James decided to be a bit cheeky. "Well, Mrs. Bancroft" He smiled at her offering to refill her glass. To which she shook her head no. "How are the sleeping arrangements to work? As I have no intention of sleeping on the floor." Helen trying to be coy "James, we are both adults and we have shared a bed before." James smile was ear to ear now as he sat back in the chair next to the dresser. "But Helen, that was many… many years ago. And you know I don't wear anything when I sleep." Helen could feel a butterfly in her stomach and a flush creeping up her neck to her cheeks. She licked her lips "Well, I do sleep in a gown and with a gun under my pillow." "Perhaps to night you could leave your gun in the night stand. Should I move in the night, I would hate to alarm you." He got up and walked across the room stopping to kiss her hand before heading into the bathroom. Helen took a deep breath maybe she'd get lucky and this would be the eventful weekend, she'd planned.

James was lying in bed reading when Helen came out of the bath. She was wearing a thin black laced rob over a nightgown that came just above the knee. James watched out of the corner of his eye as she removed her dressing gown and laid it at the foot of the bed. Her hair was still slightly damp, just the way he liked it. He tried to contain the excitement he felt as she got in bed. He was disappointed when she stayed on her side, but he was patient. "Well, this is your holiday... from your extended holiday. What would you like to do... tomorrow?" Helen could feel herself starting to blush.

She could be honest and tell him she wanted to spend as much of the day as possibly in bed, with him. "I'll leave that up to you James. I just wanted to spend time with my friend." She rolled over "What are you reading?" He passed as he let the book rest on his chest. "Don't laugh… but Last of the Mohicans" She moved closer to him, resting he head on his shoulder "Will you read to me?" James sighed, he kissed the top of her head "Would you like me to start from the beginning?" "No daring, I just want to hear your voice" it was very true and her turn to sigh.

She unconsciously rubbed her left leg on his and left it there. As if it was the most natural thing in the world. She hadn't planned to fall asleep, but his voice was so soothing. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt so rested, as she fluttered in and out of sleep.

The tiniest amount of light was creeping through the curtains, just enough for James to see his beautiful Helen. He couldn't help himself he pressed a kiss to her forehead, then her cheekbone, then finely her lips. Helen returned the kiss before she was even fully awake.

One kiss lead to another and another, Helen fully awake now was rubbing her leg up and down James's leg. She was half on top of James, he was kissing her neck. Her hands were reacquainting herself with his body. It had been some time since she had been physical with anyone. And it had been a very long time since she had been physical with James. He had just the tiniest bit of hair on his chest. His nipples were erect along with the rest of him. James took a raged breath as Helen's hand found their way to his arousal. "Helen-" She stopped him with a hungry kiss "James, I need you... I need this... please" She kissed him again before breaking away to allow him to speak. His eyes were dark with the passion he was holding back. He and Helen had ended their physical relationship shortly after WW2. Except for the occasional yuletide, had too much to drink and made out on the couch after the kids were in bed.

He missed her touch and taste. There was absolute no way to deny it. He smiled a wicked grin as he brushed back her hair. "Helen, I've always been available for whatever you need." Helen rested her head on the device on his chest, almost embarrassed... almost. James grabbed the bottom of Helen's night gown and helped her take if off. Dear Lord, he thought this woman just does not age. Her breasts were as he remembered, and he put his tongue to work. She straddle him, his device was only a mild inconvenience. His mouth, hands and other appendage worked magnificently. To say they spent the next 48 hours wearing out that bed like a young newlywed couple. Would be a vast understatement!

In the morning James was to leave, so Helen got in the shower. She wanted to avoid a messy goodbye. Helen exited the bathroom in only a towel and her damp hairs. James was dressed and lurking in the corner. They had agreed he would be leaving after breakfast. However he couldn't resist coming up behind her giving her a playful kiss on her neck. Helen smiled and turned "I thought you left." "I couldn't help one last look." He looked her over. Slight bruises were on her neck and collarbone, from his love bites. He embraced her again, somewhat hoping her towel would fall to the ground. It stayed in place as they kissed a sweet loving kiss. "James, you need to get to the station, or you'll miss your flight." She said in a low whisper. "I'm leaving" he kissed her again and nuzzled her neck taking in her scent one last time. "Go James, please go." He took her hand "Anytime you need me to read to you at night, just send me word of where to meet you." He winked at her as he turned to pick up his bag that was next to the door. "James, I like you better with facial hair" she teased as he opened the door. He took one last look over his shoulder, and the he was gone.

Helen stood perfectly still, she wasn't sure for how long. Before she laid herself on the unmade bed. Her plan had been to get pregnant by James and even if she had not succeeded in getting pregnant, that was an amazing weekend.

Thanks for reading look for 113 Years of Loneliness is too Much part 2