Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to the twilight series. However, it is on my Christmas list to Santa.
It's going to start out slow. I did start right off by having a little smut between E&B but it didn't give off the connotations I wanted it to have. Wait it out like Bella and Edward have to and you'll get to read some action. :D Review and enjoy please!
BTW: I listened to "Giving Up" by Ingrid Michaelson while writing this, so, if you were looking for some fitting tunes there is my suggestion!
Six weeks. All the planning was getting to our heads. Maybe mine more than his, but all the same. Every summer night his sister bombarded us with and her persistent planning questions and advice. We needed a break, if even for a day. There was a time set, a movie time, and a dinner date; yet another plan. Not that I minded. I basked in the fact that my life was on a set course, with a defined map and a trusty partner by my side. The whole planning is just overwhelming when it's thought of too often.
I stood in front of the mirror, clad in a summer dress that I had picked out myself. When I say that I mean from the wide span of clothes in Alice's closet. I saw it in there weeks ago. She told me she bought it in the sixties and only worn it once. I was in love with it, and she could see it in my eyes. Two days ago from present time, it hung on my closet door in a protective plastic bag.
The feeling I had as I stood gazing at myself was intangible. I felt good about the way I looked with barely a flaw. Joining the dress were a pair of strappy sandals I had locked away in a bag filled with things that couldn't be worn in Forks. It was foretold that today would be cloudy, but rainless. Smiling to myself, I found the feeling. Knowing. I knew my future and I felt wonderful about it. I knew where my heart was, and what it meant to be happy.
There was a knock at my bedroom door and I knew it was Edward; Charlie was out at work, it was Tuesday. "I'm decent." I said quietly, turning to the door.
"It doesn't matter." Edward spoke staring into my eyes for the first time today. "Being clothed doesn't mean that you're not tempting."
"Opinions?" I asked holding my hands out to the side, asking him about my clothes.
"I've never seen you more comfortable showing leg." He awarded me his crooked grin. Edward mimicked me by holding out his hands to himself. He was still standing at the entrance of my room even though he had been given permission to enter. "Opinions?"
I laughed and looked at him. He was wearing denim jeans with sneakers and a light blue t-shirt that hugged him perfectly. "Hmm…" I hummed with a questionable smirk playing on my lips as I stepped towards him. I placed my hands on my hips and examined him. "You seem worthy of me." I said reasonably.
"You seem unsure." He said putting his hands lightly on the small of my back.
"No," I shook my head, "no, I'm sure. You're spectacular, superb, stunning, breathtaking, sensational, fabulous, and you know you're edging on opulent." He laughed deeply.
"Hit the nail on the head." He kissed the top of my head and hugged me. We were silent for a long while. It was comfortable. After a moment or two I closed my eyes tightly, drinking in his embrace. "I've missed you." I whispered into his shoulder.
"Bella you haven't left my sight in days with the exception of a few hours here and there." Even though he spoke we didn't pull away. I felt a slight swaying from side to side start in his legs. "But I do know how you feel even still."
I couldn't remember through the past couple weeks the last time we were like this. Sure he was with me at night but we, or I, was too drained to enjoy the sweeter things lately. It was a nice feeling to be able to relax and taste the love we had for each other pouring out of us.
Edwards voice came from my hair, "I hate that I have to move away from your arms, but we should get going. It's going to take a long time to get to Port Angeles." He pulled away far enough to look into my eyes.
I questioned him, "Long time?" I laughed. Yeah right, Edward wouldn't slow ten miles above he speed limit; much less actually obey the law.
"Brace yourself." He smiled.
I groaned loudly. "No…" it came out to sound as though I was weary from a heard days work. "Our movie isn't until three and it's only noon. What's the rush?" I asked smiling mischievously. I grabbed his waist and pulled it to collide with mine. He instantly stepped back a fraction of a step, just enough to separate our hips.
"Just bring a pair of jeans and stop complaining." He laughed, bringing his lips to mine but still keeping his distance. I gave into his plan. Nothing could make me more of a push over than his lips on mine. I was sold. Screw it. The kiss ended sweetly and I blushed happily.
"Let's go then." I said turning quickly to grab the first pair of jeans in my closet.
He swung his arm around my waist and we walked out of the house. Edward opened the door of his silver Volvo and I hopped in gleefully. We drove for a few miles before turning down a road I had never been before. My eyebrows narrowed at the open fields. And then I understood.
A brown horse, saddled up and brushed clean, turned it's head towards the car. And thanks to my luck, the car slowed to a stop. Edward was opening my door and speaking before I knew it. "Don't freak out." He smiled.
"Oh, I'm not freaking out." I said angrily. What happened to plans? "How the hell did you find a horse?" I exclaimed, "It's Forks for crying out loud."
He laughed hard. "I have my connections, now, slip on those jeans while I untie him." He walked away from me and I eased out of the car. When I knew he wasn't looking I slipped the jeans on under my dress. It was a bit awkward, but it allowed me to wear my dress.
Edward was walking towards me with the steed as I button and zipped. "I call him Alan." He said stroking the horse's nose. "Before I met you, I would ride him occasionally."
"You do it all." I shrugged, looking at Alan. "Why not a horse?" I shouldn't be surprised, and truly I wasn't. I laughed now. "I hope you've given me rights to drive the Volvo because I don't see myself riding him."
"Alice does." He smiled contently. Laughing, he said, "Well she sees you riding me too, who knows, she could have confused us stallions." We both laughed.
"She doesn't really, but" he shrugged, "I thought it was funny."
"Wait," I said confused, "She doesn't see us together like that… like at all? Or she just stays out of that area of foretellings?"
"The second one." His crooked smile wave at me. "Come here, I'll help you." I stepped closer to him and he lifted me with ease onto the horse's saddle. In a second he was behind me, gripping the reigns. Alan lurched forward and Edward laughed into my ear as my body gave an example of inertia. One of his hands fell from the reigns and wrapped around my waist as I clutched onto the knot of the saddle. I felt his breath on my neck as my hair whipped in the air. I sighed and leaned into him, closing my eyes and trusting him to steer me safely onward.
Alan slowed to a trot when we hit the main road, induced by Edward. "So where did you learn to ride a horse?" I asked him, turning my head over my shoulder to look at him.
"Jasper actually taught all of us. It was kind of a vacation." He was looking at me but his eyes were back with the memory. "Jasper has a sixth sense to horses, Charlise and I were the only ones who really enjoyed it."
"I bet Emmet had a fit."
Edward laughed, "Oh, he did."
Throughout the ride Edward talk more about other vacations they had went on as a family and I silently wondered if I would be apart of the next one. Alan picked up some speed as Edward looked at his watch. His hand stayed around my waist the whole time.
We were on the edge of the city soon and a thought crossed my mind. "Where are you going to put him?" As I asked we turned down a unnoticed road, right before the first stop light into Port Angeles. The theater was a few blocks away. He smiled realizing he didn't need to answer my question any more. A public stable was only a few feet away from us now and I was surprised to see several more horses keeping the stables company.
Edward leaped off Alan and helped me down with ease. I slid my jeans off as he led Alan away and caught up to Edward when I was done. There were a few hooks oh the stable for saddles and hung my jeans up by a loop. Edward took the saddle off Alan at record speed and grabbed my hand, leading the way into town.
Edward let me pick the seats, knowing that I like to be seated right in the center of the theater. It was surprisingly warm in the theater and Edward must have smelled the miniscule layer of perspiration on my forehead because he placed his cool hand on my crossed knee. I looked down at the touching of his hand on my bare leg. It was a sensation I had never felt before. His hands were on me. In the tiniest way, but still.
It didn't help much. The new touch only set my skin on fire more. I leaned closer to him, linking my arm around his. I secured my crossed foot on the back of his calf. He stiffened slightly but turned to me and smiled innocently. I sighed, he was lovely. The movie was already a half hour in and I was barely paying attention. Because I felt like it, I rubbed my leg against his, hoping to let him know through a tiny touch that I loved him. His hand on my knee removed itself and gripped the elbow wrist. A reaction I had not wanted.
Mimicking him, I recoiled to lean fully against the back of my seat and folded my hands pleasantly in my lap. In my peripheral vision I saw him turn to me, his eyebrows scrunched together. I felt guilty instantly and grabbed his hand in mine. His raised it to his icy lips and kissed the back of it. I smiled. His mouth moved silently against my hand and I could feel the movement of his mouth say "Love you." I looked at him and mouthed it back. Edward leaned to kiss me on my cheek and sat back to return to the movie that I still hadn't been watching.
The film ended and I turned to Edward, waiting for him to rise. He stood and I followed suit. Our hands still together, his fingers began to slowly tap against the back of mine. I could have only guess that it was a personal tune he was composing in his head at that very moment. My Mozart.
"How did you like the movie?" he asked me as we walked out into the sidewalk.
"Umm… to completely honest I didn't understand it all that much. I was honest. I only remember snippets of the movie.
He looked at me, confused. "You didn't pay attention?" He laughed.
"It's not that I didn't try. My mind just wandered too much. I was distracted with my thoughts."
"I wish I could have heard them." His arm wrapped around me as he pulled me into a restaurant.
We sat and ordered drinks, both of which I would drink, and barely paid attention to the waitress as she smiled and did her job.
"Can I ask you a question?" He leaned forward as he asked
I smiled and leaned towards him as well. "I think you already did."
"Why did you move away from me in the theater?" He sounded like a lawyer persecuting the witness.
I knew how to play this game. I answered with the Socratic method, "Why did you move your hand from my knee?"
He sat back defeated but still staring at me, not knowing how to answer. After a few minutes of piercing stares he finally spoke, "Let's just say that both of our virtues were at stake."
I raised my eyebrows, surprised and confused. "We were in a public place." I reasoned.
He laughed quite loud for being in a quiet restaurant, "Bella, that does not matter." He said shaking his head still laughing. I laughed with him now.
"You're kidding me?" I asked, "You would take me in a movie theater?" He shrugged and opened his hands to the air, looking bashful. I leaned in and whispered for no reason, "Edward there were people in our row!"
"Hey, when you call on the beast..." He shrugged again and shook his head, a crooked smile playing on his face. I laughed hard and out loud. A few people shh'ed me and I covered my mouth with my hand. He reached out for my other across the table and grinned back at me.
"I love when you laugh like that." He spoke softly, meaningfully. We looked at each for a long moment and I felt the love he hand for me flew from my marble statue.
"I love you too, Edward." My food arrived mere seconds after I had spoke, not giving him a chance to respond.
I ate and he watched me, eyeing the way my mouth moved around my meal. "You eat so gracefully. I believe it's the one thing you do have exceedingly more grace with than I do."
"Wow! That compliment should be sent into Love Connection. The way it made me feel inside!" I joked and he laughed. "What do you mean, eating can't be graceful.""It can." He said simply. I understood now. For Edward, it's a bittersweet occasion to feed. Sure it makes it possible for him to see me, but he also feels guilty and sick about it. I remembered how it makes me feel every time he calls himself a monster. I hated it.
Silence fell again, though it was not uncomfortable. I finished off the two cokes and my meal. Edward paid and we left, heading for the stables. It was nearing sundown and I didn't expect to be heading home this early, although I knew there wasn't much left to do in the small city.
I thanked him when he handed me my jeans and picked up the heavy saddle in his other hand. I didn't bother to walk away as I slid them on under my dress. It was getting chilly and I was glad to cover up my gooseflesh. As I looked up and buttoned the denim to me, I caught his eyes, watching me. I blushed furiously and he sheepishly looked away from me. I turned around and skipped in the dirt road, feeling free.
I heard Alan's hooves crunch in the gravel and I turned to my best friend and grinned.
"What are you doing?" he said in a sing-song tone.
"Living." I said twirling. His hang on my waist kept me from falling even though his gaze make my knees weaker than ever before. He kissed me on the mouth. It wasn't what I would call tender. It was sure. Affirmed. He knew I was giving myself to him.
"A part of me wishes it would stay that way." he whispered into my mouth.
"You realize I'm doing it for us, right?" I spoke as softly as he had. We both didn't meet each other's eyes. I was keeping my eyes on his lips. Watching the way they looked as he spoke.
"Yes, I realize that." He said.
"Edward…" I spoke looking up at him, "No matter the condition of my heart… beating rapidly or stopped and sitting silently in my body… it will always be safely in your hands…" He just stared at me, and a tear leaked from my eyes. I couldn't put a feeling as to why it fell. He didn't brush it away, but followed its path to drop from my chin.
His eyes never met mine, "Bella… do you promise?" His voice broke with a surprised edge, as though he were trying to swallow something he could surely choke on.
"Oh, Edward…" I whispered and brushed his cheek lightly. "It was never anywhere else." He looked at me now, "I only just found it when I met you."
He closed his eyes and pulled me against him. The straps for Alan had long fallen and he placed one hand in my hair and one on my lower back. Holding me to him, not wanting to let go. I felt him take in the deepest breath I've ever heard him take and then exhale long and hard, letting it fill the atmosphere around us with his sweet scent.
I don't know how long we stood there, and frankly I didn't care. I would move into his arms permanently if I could. I wanted to be here forever, never moving an inch, staying with him and keeping him to myself for as long as I could.
To be honest, I don't remember how the moment ended. Before I could shake my mind out of the moment we had just shared, I was on a saddle with Edward behind me, holding me securely. We rode in the opposite direction and I lost track of time, forgetting how fast we were moving and what Edward's eyes spoke to me silently. I gazed up at the stars and then heard Edward's cool voice in my ear.
"My Selene is admiring her work?" He asked. Alan was slowly walking now.
"I'm sorry?" I turned to him, confused.
"Selene was an archaic lunar goddess and the daughter of Greek titans. Her sister Eos was the goddess of the dawn while Selene was the goddess of the moon. She loved a mortal man, the handsome hunter. Selene asked Zeus to grant him eternal sleep so he would never leave her." I saw the connections he had to the story and sighed, looking back at the moon.
"All in a nights work." I whispered jokingly. "I'm guessing you're the hunter right?"
"It is was I do." He didn't smile and I didn't need to look at him to know it.
"Edward?" I asked. He hummed in my response. "The part of you that longs for me. Not my blood, but, you know, me. Is that part of you- do you consider it a human emotion?"
He was silent in thought for a moment before responding. "To the extreme." I looked at him now as he continued. "Everyone agrees," and I knew he meant his family, "they all have their own relations and whenever they think or talk about it the feelings are terribly human -despite the fact that it's vampire with vampire. Jasper strongly believes that me being with you makes me feel more human. He's jealous of it a little, but he would never say it. They all are envious really, that I can love a human, and act human, and have human experiences with you."
Edward was quiet for a minute, deep in thought; "The part of me that aches for you is completely man." I fought back a smile but couldn't stop the blush. I'm sure he smelled my blood rising to my cheeks. "I can feel it being dragged up from somewhere inside me every time…" He didn't continue, and it was deliberate.
"Every time…?" I urged on, wanting to hear him say his thoughts.
His hand slid from my hip to my thigh, resting once it was centered between my knee and my hip. I understood, not needing him to say it any more "I know." I whispered.
"Surviving this has been torture." I could still feel his eyes on the hand that rested on me.
"What are your techniques?" I asked, smiling.
"What?" He questioned, confused.
"Your tactics for surviving." It seemed simple enough for me to understand. He finally got it and laughed.
"Bella Swan…" He made tisk-tisk at me, "there are some things girls just aren't supposed to be in the know about." I laughed along.
"Well, if you're expecting to take my virginity, Edward, I suggest you start considering me a woman."
He chucked. "Okay, what do you want to know?"
"How to you keep the fire at bay?" I asked.
"Next question."
"What do you do to help the ache?"
"That's the same question!" He exclaimed.
"And I have the right to know the same answer."
"Bella, I shouldn't have to say it." He raised his eyebrows.
"Well I want you to." I affirmed stubbornly.
He took a breath and sighed, I could hear his eyes rolling in their sockets. "I…" he did not want to say the next few words. "… help myself out… a bit."
"How much is a bit?"
"Bella." He said firmly.
"Okay, okay." I finished. "The inquisition is over for tonight."
"Thank you." He laughed and then let out a frustrated groan that shook the night. "You know, if I had the ability, you would mistake me for a lobster and throw me in the stew." I smiled, pleased with myself at his embarrassment.
Alan was galloping now and I remembered the trees well now. It wasn't long before we turned down the road where the Volvo was parked. An old man was leaning up against the fence Alan had been tied to, clad in dirty overalls.
Edward pulled himself off the horse at human speed now, and helped me down once his feet were secure. "Thanks, Stanley." Edward smiled at the hold man, handing him the reigns.
"Anytime Edward." He croaked back.
Edward opened the door to the Volvo for me and I slid in, a little upset the day was ending. The drive back to Charlie's was silent. We held hands the whole way there and I felt the sad void of his hand on my thigh.
We stopped in the driveway and I looked at him. Edward was smiling brilliantly at me before he leaned into me. "I'll be waiting for you." He whispered huskily. I couldn't resist him, so I leaned into his cool lips. I hummed as they meshed together and I heard his breath come out shaky and completely uneven as we parted. It was the most wonderful noise I could ever remember hearing: the sound of wanting.
Without a word I stepped out into the night, walking up to the porch and closing the front door behind me. To my surprise the TV was off, Charlie was nowhere to be found. I walked up the stairs cautiously. Astonishment rose in me as I saw him sitting on my bed, the door swung wide open and the lights on.
"Dad?" I asked, worried.
"Oh, your home." He jumped up from my bed and smoothed out the wrinkles unnecessarily. "I just," He looked at me embarrassed, "I looked for this all afternoon and, didn't want to miss you going up to your room."
He held an aged and tired box in his hands, "Well, here you go." He handed me the box awkwardly. "I know you have his mother's old ring, and you know" I opened he box. Inside was a blue stoned necklace that looked like it was from the late seventies and crafted by Native Americans. "It was your mother's, Reneé." He stuffed his hands in his pockets, uncomfortable, "She was wearing it when I first saw her." I looked at him, my hands on the stones. "She forgot about it when she left, and never asked for it back, so. It's yours… now. Something blue, right?"
I smiled appreciatively, "Thanks Dad. It's wonderful." He shrugged, but it seemed like he wanted to say something else.
"Well, goodnight." He grasped my shoulder for a brief second and left, shutting my door behind me.
Edward was sliding open my window now and I rushed to him, still holding the box. "I heard." He said grinning. "It's wonderful."
"How long did he really look for it?" I asked.
Edward looked at me and sorrow played all over his face, "He never lost it." He said simply, "It's been in the drawer in his bedside table since she left."
I understood the pain in Edward's face now. My father was so deeply in love with a woman that he was never ready to let leave. I looked at the necklace and understood that he wanted me to wear it at my wedding.
"It's getting late." Edward interrupted my thoughts. "You should start getting ready for sleep, you look tired."
"You're right." I handed him the box and looked in my drawers for pajamas. Edward was staring at the box and I took my chance to stealthily grab the new pajamas I had bought with Alice the last time we were in Seattle looking for wedding invitation stationary.
I showered off the horse smell and dried quickly, already missing him. Slipping on the light blue silk nightgown that Alice had assured me wasn't sexual lingerie. Sure it was strappy and went a little lower than my mid-thigh, but it was warm and I wanted to be a tease for tonight.
I didn't meet his gaze as I opened the door and locked eyes with the large piece of wood. The heat from his lustful gaze scorched me as I turned around, noticing his eyes were not meeting mine, but parts of me.
"Hi." I said innocently, walking over to him. Edward's eyes reached mine suddenly reserved and controlled as I lay next to him on my bed.
"Hey." His voice had never sounded so restrained, and it gave him away. I grinned. "When did you get that number?" he asked, trying to keep a straight voice.
"I'll give you one guess."
He knew before I had answered. "I will get her for this one."
"You don't like it?" I asked, sitting up on my elbow.
"On the contrary." He hissed. We stared at each other for a long while before his speed soared himself into a kiss between our lips.
It was heated, and I was glad I had worn this revealing gown. Passion seized me and I clutched at his shoulders. Still on our sides he sat up on his elbow and pushed me into my pillow before dipping down to kiss my neck. I watched his shaky free hand pause over the upper half of my body and sadly settling on my hip. His hand was hard there, as though forcing himself to keep it there against his lust.
I brought his mouth to mine, and I felt him kind of hum into my lips. It wasn't for a second that I noticed it was a low growl. Several things happened at once suddenly. I felt Edward's hand grab my left breast lightly, heard the snap of our lips as he parted us, and groaned as his hand quickly snatched itself away from my body.
"I'm sorry." He said quickly, awkwardly. Edward sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed, his back to me. He leaned on his elbows and his hands gripped his hair in sexual frustration.
I didn't want him to be sorry, still breathing erratically. "Don't." I said firmly.
"Bella…" he started, still not looking at me. "I don't want to sound like a complete and total jerk, but… could you please change into something… baggy and not… so… tempting? Please?"
I rolled my eyes angrily and impatient. "No."
"What?" He turned to look at me, but quickly turned away. I caught a glimpse of his eyes; they were a dark shade of brown. "What do you mean 'no'?"
"It's hot, and I'm comfortable. If you have a problem with the way I look then that's your problem." He was being so childish.
"Bella, I assure you it's not a 'problem' I have with your dressings."
"You know what?" I sat up, whispering angrily. He whipped his head around, his eyes locking on mine. I pointed a finger at him. "Shame on you." His head swung back in surprise. "I am a woman, with somewhat of a body, and I'm marrying you." I huffed in rage. "I'm giving letting things that suck for me go, just for you. You promised me that you would make love with me on our wedding night and you can't even get through a boob graze! It's not a big deal, and it's not like it took away my virginity! We're engaged and you think it's wrong to simply touch me?!"
He was completely silent and looked scared at my words. My shaking finger fell and I breathed heavily in irritation.
Edward's voice cracked and sounded sad, innocent, "Which part has sucked for you?" He asked.
My voice still carried an angry tone. "None of it! Not now anyways. I was just saying." I hissed out and lay back down on my pillow.
A choking sound came from Edward and I turned to look at him. He was smiling and I realized that the noise was of him trying to hold in his laughter. "Okay, love." He laid down next to me, speaking to me in a humoring tone. "What would you like me to do? Hold your breast while you sleep?"
I laughed and he finally joined me in relief. "No." I said stubbornly. "Just don't freak out. It's not like you took advantage of me." I rolled onto my side and Edward wrapped his arm around me, spooning me.
"I'm just afraid that if I start, even if it's just a little touch, it won't stop from there." I said this into my throat, his breath gave me chills but not out of the cold.
"I know what you mean, but could you really not listen to me if I asked you to stop?" I turned my head to look at him.
"I don't know." He said honestly, shaking his head. "I guess I would stop if you asked, but what if you didn't ask?"
"Edward, you're forgetting that this means a lot to me as well." He dove in my eyes, searching. "I want our wedding night to be our first time." He nodded, agreeing with me. "But you can't let something like this ruin the evening."
"You're right." He snuggled into me again and I relaxed, suddenly very tired.
"I love you, Edward." I whispered.
"I love you too, Bella."
The familiar lullaby filled my ears, drowning me like an anesthetic. I was out in mere seconds and covered in wonderful, peaceful sleep.