Disclaimer: I don't own any recognizable names or anything like that...just the strangeness.
on with the random!
The Burly Scotsman
by me!!!
Lily Evans and her best friend, Mariana Wright, were casually strolling throughout Hogsmede. Lucky for them the road was empty, because they were quite intoxicated and swaying as they stepped. These actions were not how the girls usually acted. Neither really liked the putrid smell of alcohol, but they were celebrating that night.
"Oh how I do love the end of March!" shouted Mariana, as they helped keep each other standing. Although March is a good month, they enjoyed April more. And they needed to get a heads start on April Fools Day before the Marauders, and so acted like drunken fools.
"April is coming, the goose is getting fat. Come and put a galleon in the Dumbledore's hat! Oh how I love the twinkling stars. How i wonder how they are. Are they-" Lily stopped her foolish singing at the sight of a shadow at the edge of the empty road.
It was a very eerie sight. Light streamed in around the dark figure as he lifted up a very scary, stick like object. Was it a wand? A gun? KNIVES? All these questions ran through the two girl's heads as they slowly sobered up with fear. And then, all of a sudden, BAGPIPES started singing their way into the air.
"Oh. My. Gosh! You scared the crap outta me good sir!" Mariana exhaled, relieved that she was not going to meet a tragic end to her 16 year old life. As some of you know, the Scotish and the English don't really get along with each other. However, the scotsman thought that since he freaked these two young girls out so much, he should at least be nice to them.
"Sorry if I startled you two! Oh, aren't I bloody rude. The name is Scott Scoot. I know what you are thinking. My parents must have been drunk to name me Scott Scoot the Scotsman, but they were, so thats that." He explained. He was quite a good looking man. He was in his late twenties, with dark brown hair, but had a few flecks of grey woven in between. He wore the oh so famouse kilt, but this kilt was green flavored, Scott's favorite color.
"Well, Scott, what brings you to Hogsmede in these late hours of the night?" asked Lily, a slight sway in her stance.
"Just thought I'd come and skip around the town playing my bagpipes! What brings you here? You can't be more than 16."
"Well, Lily over there and I were celebrating the end of March because we want to beat this group of guys at Hogwarts to April Fools Day. They tick us off a whole lot. Actually, Lily acts like she hates the leaderish one, James Potter, but really the entire school knows that-"
"Alright Mariana! I think he's heard enough. So, burly Scott Scoot, would you like to accompany us with our festivities? We will skip with you!" And so Lily, Mariana, and Scott skipped throughout the town as they got engulfed in the beautiful tones of the bagpipes. But suddenly, a group of shadows were ahead of them! It was none other than the Marauders, here to celebrate the end of March as well.
"Lily," asked James, turning a bit red with jealousy, "who is this burly scotsman?"
"Looks like your going to have to give up, James. She's found someone who is more delicious than you." said Sirius, as he sucked on a James flavoured lollipop.
"His name is Scott Scoot the Scotsman and he is so taking your place, James. You lose!!!" shouted Lily, getting back into drunk mode. Unfortunatly for Scott, who wasn't paying attention, James pulled out his bagpipes and began having the ultimate duel of the bagpipes. They didn't play...no they fought to the death!
Scott was merrily playing around and, as he somehow got James to the ground, Lily dove in front of him doing those very cliche "NOOOOOOOOO" type things, blocking James from the dangerous bagpipe. "Please Scott! Don't hurt him, I was totally kidding. And James, I do love you even though I yell at you and look like I hate you and I just don't want you to get hurt."
"This is the greatest end of March celebration I've ever had!" James said as Lily pecked him on the cheek. Of course, Scott Scoot was getting slightly awkward in this situation, as was everyone else.
"I think I'm heading off. I have to go into the hills and play my bagpipes!" Scott Scoot the Scotsman said as he sipped some scotch. And as he was preparing his bagpipes, Mariana wanted to leave a lasting impression.
"Mr. Scoot...what is it that you wear under that kilt there?" she asked, wide, blue eyes starring at him, quite creepily if I do say so myself.
"Nothing, lassie! Nothing is underneath this scotish skirt except for...well..."
"HIS PRIVES!!!" Sirius shouted, filling the chilling night air of Hogsmead. And, proud as can be, Scott Scoot the Scotsman strolled off, buzzing away on his bagpipes. Never to be seen from, but heard from of course, by anyone present on that cold March street in Hogsmede.
THAT IS IT! Okay, I know its completely random and that Lily and James getting together like that is completely impossible in every way, I just thought it would be a fun story.