Death note
Character list:
Light: Georgia
L: Alice
Misa: Yi
Ryuk: Evelyn
Rem: Helen
Soichiro (lights dad): Louise
Mogi: Christina
Matsuda: Rd
Watari: Marge
Higuchi: Shi
Aiber: Waffles
Wedy: Carmen
Demegawa: Sam
Naomi: Steven
Raye: Chen
Sayu: Lucy
Ukita: Princess Muffin Monkey (Georgia's cactus)
Aizawa: Jeffrey
Authors note: ok people remember this now cos I'm going to use the people's names not the character names but they are going to keep their genders. Understand?
Editors note: NO
Authors note: too bad. Good luck people
Chapter 1: boredom
One fine day in the Shinigami world, Evelyn the death god was sitting on a rock quoting her quotes as usual. And as usual no one was insane enough to listen to her. Damn Shinigamis these days, she thought, no one appreciates good quotes anymore. Well it's been five days now…
'Hey Evey! Where are you going?'
'The human world I threw my notebook down there on Monday'
'… Again?'
In the human world a 'genius' named Georgia was sitting through physics class and thinking how horrible and rotten the world is because that's exactly what kids these days think during school (especially those emo ones…) where suddenly something on the ground in the courtyard caught his eye. A black notebook appeared out of nowhere. Tsk, thought Georgia, litterbugs- someone ought to kill them all.
Physics teacher whack Georgia on the head. 'Pay attention! Answer question B'
'But sir, I don't believe in physics.'
'…'
(Georgia resumes her inattention)
'How can you not believe in physics?'
'Because there are things flying in the sky all the time. Gravity doesn't make sense (author: yes it does… authors gets whacked with giant mallet) because that would mean you can't jump!Physics is a lie. You can't make me believe in atoms.'
'But atoms make up… everything.'
'No they don't molecules do. They are real.'
'But molecules are a group of atoms.'
'You lie! Go do your lie dance somewhere else you lie dancing man you…'
'…'
'Fine I don't believe in molecules either!'
'Resume what were doing before Mr Yagami'
The world sucks…
Georgia (being the model citizen he was) picked up the strange notebook and discovered it was already written in and more annoying it was written in English. He takes it home and has his sister Lucy read it to him.
'Translate this for me and I'll do your algebra homework'
'Deal.' (It's not hard because they are both fluent in English…)
'This is a Death God's notebook. The human whose name is written in this note shall die. This note will not take effect unless the writer has the person's face in their mind when writing his/her name. If the cause of death is written within 40 seconds of the writing of the person's name, it will happen. If the cause of death is not specified, the person will simply die of a heart attack. After writing the cause of death, details of the death should be written in the next 6 minutes and 40 seconds. You don't really believe this Georgia do you? Its obviously a prank.'
'Of course I don't… dare you to try it!'
'No… double dare you to try it.' (They are so mature…)
'Look I'm done with your algebra,' he chucks the worksheet into the hall.
'HEY! "I hate Light and I hate myself" doesn't answer any of the questions! GEORGIA!' but it was too late Georgia had already locked the door.
He throws the notebook at the wall and sits on bed and stares at it. 'I should use it. I should try it…. (Runs across room and grabs book) now who to kill first…lets kill Lucy? No dad lets kill dad. Wait that's bad what if they find out, mum's bound to notice them missing I think- wait who is my mum?... well whatever. But if the does work, and there is a slight chance it might, then I'd be in big trouble. Best to stick with someone that I don't know (plus who would do my homework then). Then there's the slight moral issue about maybe killing someone and being a murderer but never mind that.
Conveniently the news broadcasts a live report about a man holding a kindergarten hostage. 'Hey,' thought Georgia, 'there's an idiot I can kill, dumbass hurting the little midgets. He will pay. Bring on the Death. It's okay if I kill someone who deserves to die, Why the hell am I justifying this ok whatever I'm right your wrong bring on the Death. He the scribbles in name into the notebook. 40 seconds later the hostages were released. The criminal had died of what seems like a heart attack! Could be a coincidence, thought Georgia. Must try it again sometime…
Georgia went through the next day fighting the temptation to kill everyone that walked past him. How as he was walking home past k-road (nz reference) from school he noticed a group of men harassing a girl. He goes up to the main guy and holds up a fist, 'b tell me your name.'
'F no…'
Darn foiled again. He retreats into a Four Square (convenience store).
The man turn back to the girl. 'You baby can know my name. Its Michael Johnson almost like that famous guy Michael Jackson. Like spelt M-I-C-H-E-A-L-SPACE-J-O-H-N-S-O-N.'
'Hmmmm,' Georgia mutters. ' How convenient… how many people go around giving their names like that.'
He scribbles down the name 6 times with traffic accident (first 5 times were spelt wrong…) and sure enough Michael Johnson steps onto the road and is run over by a truck. "Yes I control the world me no die." (An: yes u will…. Everyone will one day even you editor En shuddap.. gets out axe… you'll die before me mwa(ha)3)
So now Georgia is weighed down with the guilt from killing two people. He skips down the rest of the road and says to himself. 'Those two people were scum that is making the world sucky. They deserved to die. Their friends and family will get over it because they too will realise how horrible those people are. I'm like a superhero killing all the bad guys and making this world a better place to live in. Once people realise that bad people are dying they won't do bad things either. Everyone will be happy. This method is much better than all that green peace stuff. (L: 5 steps of self-denial light: your sooo hot)
Evelyn the shinigami creeps through Georgia's window. Georgia spins around "OMFG THAT IS HIDEOUS! oh look there's something over by the window that I think I should be looking at maybe I should turn away from mirror and look at it."
"Hi I'm…"
"I know who you are! You're Barney! You came to perv on me haven't you, you big pedo dinosaur you."
"ummmm.. Sure except I'm a death god and I'm here to take your soul.. Kinda…"
"What soul?"
"You know that notebook?"
"You mean my super special awesome magic book?"
"Er… yea…. Sure… that book. It's mine."
"Well its mine now!" shoves notebook down top. "Try getting it now!"
"…"
"Wait you're Barney.. You would"
"…'
Looks scared and clutches chest.
"Ok ummmm Georgia is it?… I'm your English teacher. Lemme see what you've done."
Bites Evelyn's hand.
"ARGHHH… is this what you do to you're English teacher?"
Nods.
"…"
Finally after several hours Evelyn wrestles the notebook out of Georgia's hands (Georgia: Barney's raping me!) Evelyn looks over the three pages that Georgia had done.
"Wow! You did so much work!"
"Work? This isn't work. This is … Fun!"
"GEORGIA!" shouts Georgia's mother. "I'm coming in!"
"shini-watchyamaface go hide somewhere."
Evelyn the shinigami hides behind the lampshade.
"…. (Georgia's mother walks inside; Georgia turns to look at his mother and turns back) I TOLD YOU TO HIDE! (Turns back to mother) we're rehearsing for a play for err… chemistry class."
"We're? Ah… never mind. You're results came back!"
" I swear I didn't do it. He did it! (Points to mirror)"
" Right… you came first in the nation again!"
" Great (turns away)"
Mother backs slowly away and leaves.
" LUCY!"
" What Georgia?"
"When did I do a test?"
"Um… last week?"
"(Whispers) between you and me how did I come first?"
"Remember the invisible ink, the classroom room ceiling and the special contact lenses?"
"Is that what all that was…."
"You know it would have been easier just for you to study…"
"(Turns to Evelyn) WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE I WANNA CHANGE NOW!"
"Your sister is still into the room."
"Why can't she see you?" (Lucy creeps out of the room)
"Only someone that has touched the note can see me. The death note is the contract between the shinigami Evelyn and the human Georgia."
"WHAT CONTRACT I DON'T REMEMBER SIGNING A CONTRACT!"
"You get the death note and I get to perv on you 24/7"
Georgia pulls out lighter.
" I WAS KIDDING!" (Shifty eyes)
"Anything else important you wanna tell me so I can forget?"
"Um.. I'll probably kill you in the end. And you won't go to heaven or hell. Out of curiosity why have you only been killing people with heart attacks?"
"Cos it saves me from carrying around a dictionary. And eventually someone will notice and people will stop doing bad things cos they realise that all the baddies are dying. Ill create a utopia… WHERE I RULE OVER IT LIKE A DICTATOR… I MEAN GOD… I MEAN A GOOD PERSON RULER THING."
Meanwhile some far far away underground the Interpol people (editor: mole people) finally realised after 52 criminals in one week have died that something was wrong. And somewhere else far far away in a castle in the sky Alice thought herself/himself 'finally…'
Author and editor's note
A: brandy snaps
E: MY GOD WOMAN I'm not making you any
A: awwww
E: (glares)
A: if you have made it this far. Wow….
E: meh
A: isn't it ironic that the editor spells worse than me?
E: shut up. That's what spell check is for you muufu.