Lucius Malfoy and the Ministry's Christmas Party!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A/N: We wish you a merry Food-mas, we wish you a merry Food-mas, we wish you a merry Food-mas, and a yummy new year!!!!! Da ask. I'm into lettuce and potentially lethal carrots at the moment...my mom made me eat cauliflower X_X. And this is based on a stupid story MW's parents had on tape. Foo. O, and if anyone knows d words to Don't Cry for Me, Argentina, please tell me them. ^_^. And Yellow Rose of Texas is a really cool song, just like Swanee...*erk*
~~~
Once upon a time, in the year 2000, somewhere in wizarding England, "Take your Kid to Work" day happened to also be near Christmas, so Cornelius Fudge, (carrot that he is) decided to throw a party and let everyone bring their kids!
This turned out to be a --VERY-- bad idea.
Mr. Malfoy decided to take Draco to the Ministry early so they both wouldn't suffocate from the toxins in Narcissa's hair spray. So they got there 10 min. early while Fudge was still setting stuff up.
Note: MINIATURE TOILET-PAPER ROLLS! WHEE! SALAMI! This has nothing to do with anything! *hic*
"Lucius," called Fudge from somewhere, "the crystal bowl over there is for the adults. The glass one is the one without the rum, would you mind taking that to the basement for the kids?"
Lucius, of course, was facing a midlife crisis and was going slightly blind, therefore rendering him totally helpless when it came to telling crystal from glass. In the end, he just picked one at random and carried it down to the basement, praying it wasn't the crystal bowl.
In the several minutes that followed, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley showed up, with all seven of their kids. Harry Potter didn't come accompanied by an adult, of course, but flew in through the window and landed in a bowl of something sticky. Harry stood up and raised both fists in the air, singing something by Queen. Mr. Weasley picked him up and practically threw him downstairs into the basement with everyone else. Ludovic Bagman brought his boy-girl twins (who happened to be named Christine and Erik, for reasons unknown) and with every arrival, Lucius found himself slightly more worried about the crystal/glass thing.
Narcissa showed up after all the other parents did, clad in a skirt of many colors and a red T-Shirt that said, "Expect a Miracle". Did I mention the long turquoise cape and the little pentagram-engraved tiara? Thankfully, this took Lucius' mind off the eggnog somewhat.
However, about two hours later, everyone heard a terrible chord of at least two instruments and something else that was not meant to have music played on it, plus a cry of "O Weh!" directly after that. Everyone present looked at each other before dashing into the basement. And guess how they reacted when they beheld the scene that was to greet them?
Umm...hide your eyes, children, hide your eyes!
Ron and Christine [Bagman] were slow dancing on top of a grand piano which Draco and Erik [also Bagman] had seated themselves at and were attempting to sing and play 'Poor Fool; He Makes me Laugh' four-handed.
Note: Foo?
Harry had torn up every piece of fabric in the vicinity and was yelling, "Water hemlock! Hide th'women and th'children!" at everyone he got an opportunity to. Fred and George were dancing about warning people, "Tamino, dir ist Tod geschworen! Du, Papageno, bist verloren!" while Bill, Charlie, and Percy looked on in great amusement. Ginny had managed to locate a purple feather boa and was singing By the Light of the Silvery Moon in minstrel blackface.
Lucius quickly glanced around for an escape. Draco looked up and for the first time noticed all the adults standing at the door. Nobody spoke for several minutes, until Cornelius Fudge (carrot that he is), strode forward and awkwardly broke the silence.
"Do you have *any* idea how much noise you were making?"
"ID?" answered Draco. "Ah, no. Firstly, I can't drive. Secondly, even if I had my ID, Ken the Skeptic could debunk me. And thirdly...heeeeeey, do you hear that?"
"No..." said Erik slyly, before jumping up onto the top of the piano with Ron and Christine and bellowing,
"BEHOLD! SHE IS SINGING TO BRING DOWN THE CHANDELIER! I--hear--those--sleighbells ringing, and a-jing-jing-jingling tooooooooooooooo, come on it's lovely weather for a sleighride together with yooooooooouuuuuu!"
Lucius was suddenly very glad that he had a carrot for a boss. Would Fudge ever figure out that it was Lucius' fault? Had he noticed that everyone remained rather under control, despite having had, on the average, 6 cups of eggnog each? Of course not (carrot that he was).
After much confusion and quite a lot of fists, all of the Ministry employees dragged their children forcefully out of the basement, while the childless people danced in a shower of leprechaun gold.
Note: Sumita says, "La la leprechaun!" and so does her sister! Kobe Bryant is a leprechaun! A.J. looks like a leprechaun! Santa looks like a leprechaun! La la leprechaun!
THE END.
~E*p*i*l*o*g*u*e~
On the way back, all the parents were stopped by Muggle police and they were arrested for allegedly letting their kids drink alcohol. Lucius, however, escaped and went to go live with Sarastro in the Temple of the Sun.
Not everyone was so lucky. Narcissa became a nun and was thrown out of the church, so she married Sir Georg Von Trapp and the two joined the San Francisco Opera so they could get the roles of Carlotta and Piangi in Phantom of the Opera.
Fred, George, Ron, and Ginny all went to Jamaica going, "We're gonna shake-ya, we're gonna take-ya, watch your backs, 'cuz here comes Jamai-ca!"
Bill, Charlie, and Percy all lived normal lives and were killed by fanfic authors because a normal ending is no fun.
Ludo Bagman got high on lettuce and walked from California to Ohio singing John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt over and over and over.
Christine and Erik Bagman put bumper stickers on their foreheads that read "You will curse the day you did not do all that the Easter bunny asked of you!"
Harry joined the Super Friends League of Liberty and became known as "It's a carrot! It's a leprechaun! It's...Bubble-Gum Man!"
A/N 2: Don't ask...^_^
A/N: We wish you a merry Food-mas, we wish you a merry Food-mas, we wish you a merry Food-mas, and a yummy new year!!!!! Da ask. I'm into lettuce and potentially lethal carrots at the moment...my mom made me eat cauliflower X_X. And this is based on a stupid story MW's parents had on tape. Foo. O, and if anyone knows d words to Don't Cry for Me, Argentina, please tell me them. ^_^. And Yellow Rose of Texas is a really cool song, just like Swanee...*erk*
~~~
Once upon a time, in the year 2000, somewhere in wizarding England, "Take your Kid to Work" day happened to also be near Christmas, so Cornelius Fudge, (carrot that he is) decided to throw a party and let everyone bring their kids!
This turned out to be a --VERY-- bad idea.
Mr. Malfoy decided to take Draco to the Ministry early so they both wouldn't suffocate from the toxins in Narcissa's hair spray. So they got there 10 min. early while Fudge was still setting stuff up.
Note: MINIATURE TOILET-PAPER ROLLS! WHEE! SALAMI! This has nothing to do with anything! *hic*
"Lucius," called Fudge from somewhere, "the crystal bowl over there is for the adults. The glass one is the one without the rum, would you mind taking that to the basement for the kids?"
Lucius, of course, was facing a midlife crisis and was going slightly blind, therefore rendering him totally helpless when it came to telling crystal from glass. In the end, he just picked one at random and carried it down to the basement, praying it wasn't the crystal bowl.
In the several minutes that followed, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley showed up, with all seven of their kids. Harry Potter didn't come accompanied by an adult, of course, but flew in through the window and landed in a bowl of something sticky. Harry stood up and raised both fists in the air, singing something by Queen. Mr. Weasley picked him up and practically threw him downstairs into the basement with everyone else. Ludovic Bagman brought his boy-girl twins (who happened to be named Christine and Erik, for reasons unknown) and with every arrival, Lucius found himself slightly more worried about the crystal/glass thing.
Narcissa showed up after all the other parents did, clad in a skirt of many colors and a red T-Shirt that said, "Expect a Miracle". Did I mention the long turquoise cape and the little pentagram-engraved tiara? Thankfully, this took Lucius' mind off the eggnog somewhat.
However, about two hours later, everyone heard a terrible chord of at least two instruments and something else that was not meant to have music played on it, plus a cry of "O Weh!" directly after that. Everyone present looked at each other before dashing into the basement. And guess how they reacted when they beheld the scene that was to greet them?
Umm...hide your eyes, children, hide your eyes!
Ron and Christine [Bagman] were slow dancing on top of a grand piano which Draco and Erik [also Bagman] had seated themselves at and were attempting to sing and play 'Poor Fool; He Makes me Laugh' four-handed.
Note: Foo?
Harry had torn up every piece of fabric in the vicinity and was yelling, "Water hemlock! Hide th'women and th'children!" at everyone he got an opportunity to. Fred and George were dancing about warning people, "Tamino, dir ist Tod geschworen! Du, Papageno, bist verloren!" while Bill, Charlie, and Percy looked on in great amusement. Ginny had managed to locate a purple feather boa and was singing By the Light of the Silvery Moon in minstrel blackface.
Lucius quickly glanced around for an escape. Draco looked up and for the first time noticed all the adults standing at the door. Nobody spoke for several minutes, until Cornelius Fudge (carrot that he is), strode forward and awkwardly broke the silence.
"Do you have *any* idea how much noise you were making?"
"ID?" answered Draco. "Ah, no. Firstly, I can't drive. Secondly, even if I had my ID, Ken the Skeptic could debunk me. And thirdly...heeeeeey, do you hear that?"
"No..." said Erik slyly, before jumping up onto the top of the piano with Ron and Christine and bellowing,
"BEHOLD! SHE IS SINGING TO BRING DOWN THE CHANDELIER! I--hear--those--sleighbells ringing, and a-jing-jing-jingling tooooooooooooooo, come on it's lovely weather for a sleighride together with yooooooooouuuuuu!"
Lucius was suddenly very glad that he had a carrot for a boss. Would Fudge ever figure out that it was Lucius' fault? Had he noticed that everyone remained rather under control, despite having had, on the average, 6 cups of eggnog each? Of course not (carrot that he was).
After much confusion and quite a lot of fists, all of the Ministry employees dragged their children forcefully out of the basement, while the childless people danced in a shower of leprechaun gold.
Note: Sumita says, "La la leprechaun!" and so does her sister! Kobe Bryant is a leprechaun! A.J. looks like a leprechaun! Santa looks like a leprechaun! La la leprechaun!
THE END.
~E*p*i*l*o*g*u*e~
On the way back, all the parents were stopped by Muggle police and they were arrested for allegedly letting their kids drink alcohol. Lucius, however, escaped and went to go live with Sarastro in the Temple of the Sun.
Not everyone was so lucky. Narcissa became a nun and was thrown out of the church, so she married Sir Georg Von Trapp and the two joined the San Francisco Opera so they could get the roles of Carlotta and Piangi in Phantom of the Opera.
Fred, George, Ron, and Ginny all went to Jamaica going, "We're gonna shake-ya, we're gonna take-ya, watch your backs, 'cuz here comes Jamai-ca!"
Bill, Charlie, and Percy all lived normal lives and were killed by fanfic authors because a normal ending is no fun.
Ludo Bagman got high on lettuce and walked from California to Ohio singing John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt over and over and over.
Christine and Erik Bagman put bumper stickers on their foreheads that read "You will curse the day you did not do all that the Easter bunny asked of you!"
Harry joined the Super Friends League of Liberty and became known as "It's a carrot! It's a leprechaun! It's...Bubble-Gum Man!"
A/N 2: Don't ask...^_^