If you've got love
by RoadrunnerGER
Disclaimer: No, I don't own them. I don't own the song either, it's from John Michael Montgomery.
A/N: Okay, I know… one more Endgame story. But are there really enough? This time it's a songfic. This story is for Bammi1 (thanks again!), InfinityStar, Obsessedwithstabler and ConfusedOne.
Four days ago, when she had gotten his call, she had thought that she would not see her partner so soon again. Knowing that he tended to retreat far into himself she instantly started to worry.
Now when Alex looked over the wide green field and at the old oak they were standing beneath, her thoughts trailed back:
xxx
Actually she had started to worry when he first told her that his mother had been diagnosed with cancer.
As little as he slept normally, from then on it became even less. Alex felt obliged to reprimand him cautiously while she covered him with Ross. Whenever possible he drove to Carmel Ridge and once she had accompanied him. The meeting with his dying mother had been intense and should change her forever.
Then the call came. He sounded sad but calm and quite composed. The breakdown would follow. She was sure of that. It just was a matter of time until he really realized that she was, in fact, gone. So far she had not heard anything from him.
The morning after the call she had been surprised to find him at his desk, doing paperwork. There was no coffee for her and she could have sworn that he wore the same suit as the previous day. As soon as Ross arrived, her partner vanished into the captain's office. While she watched them talk she noticed that her partner looked tired and from experience she knew that this would become worse. Ross got his phone and made several calls. Then he was talking with Bobby again. He stayed quite a while in the office. When he finally left and returned to his desk he looked even paler and exhausted.
"I'm going home," he told her. "Um, Captain Ross told me to take as much time off as necessary, so…" He trailed off and she did not press for further information.
"See you, Eames," he mumbled, getting his binder. "I'll call."
Then he was gone. He did not call this evening and he did not call the following day. Also the day after the next passed without him calling.
So Alex got her phone and tried to reach him. She had to let it ring numerous times until he finally answered.
"Goren."
Even by this one word she could recognize that he sounded soft and hollow. It scared her. She wondered if he was eating, not to mention sleeping. She knew he would not sleep, or just due to sheer exhaustion.
"Hi," she said. "You did not call so I thought I'd remind you."
"I'm sorry, Eames."
Actually she was sure that he had not even thought about calling her.
"I would have called tonight when you were at home," he said.
"I wanted to ask…"
"Tomorrow's the funeral," he mumbled so that she could hardly understand him.
"I'll be there," she promised. Alex knew how desperately he needed assurance.
"Thanks."
Silence. She already wondered if she had heard the last word at all when he spoke again.
"Thanks for your call. If you… um… I'm busy."
"Okay."
He hung up before she could say anything else and left her worrying even more.
Next moment Ross asked her to come into his office.
"Have you had contact with your partner?" he asked as she stopped in front of his desk.
"Yes, right now," Alex replied. "Tomorrow's the funeral.
"Are you going to attend it?"
"Yes, Sir, of course," she told him. "I don't think that I will be coming back in afterwards. I should look after Bobby."
Ross' expression switched to worry what surprised Alex.
"Take your time," he said. "Make sure that he takes care of himself."
I'll try, Alex thought.
"I would like to come, too."
Now all she could do was stare at him.
"We had a long talk when we last met. I'm sure that he won't object."
"Okay, Sir. Your decision."
Ross nodded. "If you would like to leave now… it's okay."
Alex shook her head. She would try to reach Bobby again when she left.
A few minutes before she called it a day she called him again. He hardly talked, but made absolutely clear that he wanted to be alone. He would meet her at the cemetery.
Now Alex was even more worried. It was so strong now that her stomach hurt, but she could not tell how he would react when she just showed up on his threshold. So she went home and spent a restless night just to wake up groggy a few minutes before the alarm clock would have chased her out of bed.
She got dressed in a light anthracite pantsuit with a cream white blouse and moderate heeled black shoes. When she finally was finished with dressing and styling her hair and everything she was astonished that she had needed two hours. She was due to leave now in order to be there in time.
xxx
Now she was standing at her partner's side as they watched the casket sink into Frances Goren's final resting place. Her right hand stuck in Bobby's left and hurt because he clutched it so hard as if it was all that held him upright.
Alex felt the captain's presence behind her. On Bobby's other side stood Frank and Lewis as well as Veronica Daniels, Frances' lifelong best friend. It had been a simple ceremony. Carefully chosen words described her life in a short but intense way, as intense as she had been. Alex suspected that Bobby had taken a hand in this matter, too, if not written all the words himself.
Right then Bobby stepped forward to throw a handful of earth onto the casket. His brother followed, then Veronica, Alex, Lewis and finally Ross.
When Veronica said goodbye and left for her waiting car, Frank snapped at the chance and retreated himself. Lewis looked at his friend skeptically. Bobby was not ready to go. Everyone could see that. So Lewis just went a few steps away, taking Alex with him. Ross already was halfway to his own car, but he waited, too.
Alex could not concentrate on what Lewis told her. She watched Bobby standing next to his mother's grave. His shoulders were slumped. Well, his whole posture kind of sagged. It broke her heart to see him like that.
When he finally turned to join her, she saw that he had not shed a single tear, what worried her again. Going to her car, they were intercepted by Ross.
"Detective Goren," he said, fumbling an envelope out of his suit pocket. He handed it over to him and Bobby took it reluctantly. Bobby swallowed.
"Thank you," he whispered in a hushed voice that was so unlike him.
Alex wondered while Ross nodded at her partner and left. Also Lewis now was gone. They were alone. Bobby stared at the envelope in his hand.
He almost looks scared, Alex thought. What can this possibly be? She saw the CSU logo on it and wondered even more.
Slowly Bobby turned his head to look back at his mother's grave. Then he stared at the envelope again. Then, with a sudden, violent jerk, he tore it open to get the sheet of paper out. Actually there was more then one. Something scientific, results of something, Alex thought as she saw the turned over pages when he scanned the content.
Bobby gasped and turned as pale as chalk. The letter dropped out of his hands and fluttered onto the grass. He strode away so fast that he almost ran.
Alex bowed to pick up the papers. When she stood again he was gone, vanished in her car. Frowning deeply she searched in the printouts for what had upset him. Astonished she recognized that it was the results of a paternity test.
Her heart froze and dropped into her stomach when she found what she was looking for, the devastating truth about Mark Ford Brady being the biological father of her partner Bobby Goren.
xxx
It was a silent ride back to Bobby's apartment. He appeared to stare out of the window, but Alex knew that he was somewhere else. He was at a place far away in the depths of his mind, and this time she was not sure if she would be able to reach him.
When they arrived at the apartment complex and she stopped at the curb, he just quickly thanked her for coming and was out of the car before she could respond.
With trepidation she watched him go, and enter the building.
Damned! What can I do? What am I supposed to do? I can't leave him alone like that! I can't! I promised! I promised to take care of him!
She desperately racked her brain to come up with an idea. Then she flipped her cell phone open and called first the directory assistance who connected her with the wanted extension. It took some persuasion, but finally she got the OK from the person she was conversing with.
Then she got out of her car and got out her spare keys which would let her into the building and Bobby's refuge.
xxx
"I wanted to be alone," he said, when she entered his living room. "That's why I didn't answer the door."
"I know," Alex replied. "But I promised to take care of you and I don't intend to break this promise."
He was standing at the window, staring outside. An empty glass was in his hand and judging by the bottle on the coffee table it had been at least half-full with whiskey.
"Go away," he snarled in such an angry voice that she flinched.
"No," she contradicted and sat down on the couch instead.
"I asked you to go."
The look in his eyes when he turned his head to stare at her, gave Alex the creeps. He was full of rage. It longed for a way to get out and if she was not cautious, she would be the recipient.
"I can't," she said softly. "I promised your mother."
Obviously he just had been about to lash out at her, but her last words made him swallow it.
"M… my… mom?"
"Yes. When you went for the walk she had asked you to take, we were talking. It was an intense talk. Your mother was an incredible woman who raised an incredible son. I will be deeply grateful to her forever. So I can't let her down now."
She saw him shiver.
"Would you come over and sit down with me?" Alex asked.
He could not move, he just could stare at her. With a puff he let out a breath he had not realized he'd been holding.
Studying him carefully she got up and went to his hi-fi system to turn on the radio. He did not object and she smiled at him before he turned back to the window. Soft music echoed out of the speakers. They were standing this way for several minutes until the low voice of the moderator announced,
"We're playing the next song at the request of Alex. With this gesture she wants to show Bobby how important he is to her. These lyrics have a true and honest meaning for her. She hopes for you to find comfort in them. So here is for you from Alex, If you've got love."
She saw him grow stiff as the first lines were played.
If you've got faith and you believe in what you're livin' for
You can stand your ground when the devil's at your door
And a devil it was who knocked at Bobby's door. She could not start to imagine how hard it had hit him to find out that his father had been a serial killer.
And a little hope can help you when the road is getting' rough
But there's nothin' quite like life if you've got love.
If you've got love
You can move a mountain
A little bit further down the line
You can do it all at once or one rock at a time
You can turn an ordinary picture
Into a priceless work of art
That's what you can do
If you've got love in your heart
Trembles shook his body. Still no tear was falling. But he could now feel them build up in his eyes and he choked on the hard lump in his gut and throat that had threatened to suffocate him for days now. His breath caught when he listened to the next verse.
Now there's nothin' like a real good friend to tell your troubles to
But there's just so much a real good friend can do
That was so true. He could not think of anything Alex could do that would relieve him of the hurt he was feeling. An all consuming pain that was caused by the death of his beloved mother as well as by finding out about Brady's paternity.
'Cause it takes a lover's touch to chase the darkest blues away
Together with these words he felt a hand on his shoulder, a soft, calming touch. He stiffened under it.
If you've got love, you've got what it takes
If I got love, echoed in his mind. If I got love. I just lost it. I lost her! She's gone!
"She's gone," he sobbed and the tears began to fall. "She's gone, Alex! She's gone."
Bobby trembled so violently that Alex was not able to get him over to the couch. He crashed right in place, sinking on his knees, slumping over and crying helplessly.
If you've got love
You can move a mountain
A little bit further down the line
You can do it all at once or one rock at a time
You can turn an ordinary picture
Into a priceless work of art
That's what you can do
If you've got love in your heart
She held him in her embrace, gently rubbing his back and brushing her hand over his hair. He cried into her shoulder, sobs shaking his body.
When they finally ebbed away and he realized what he was doing he tried to get away from her. But her gentle embrace tightened at once, holding him firmly, and he started to shake again.
"What are you doing?" he sobbed.
"Keeping my promise," Alex answered, fighting her own tears which were trickling down her cheeks.
"You don't owe her anything," he said.
"I owe her everything."
Alex' soft voice soothed him more than he could tell as did her presence and her embrace.
"I… d…did you… read it?" Bobby whispered, sounding scared.
He's talking about the test results! Alex realized at once.
"Yes, I did," she replied calmly.
"N… now… it all makes sense. That… that he hated me. I… I understand that. I'm…" he choked on the words, "I… I'm th…the s… s… son of a monster. M… maybe I… I'm a monster."
Oh my God! Alex was shocked by these words. This was so not true and it hurt as well as scared her that he could even think this way.
"How can you say that?" she sobbed. "It's not true! I can't believe that you're actually saying this about yourself!" Now her tears ran freely, too.
"Brady, he…"
"Forget Brady!" Alex hissed, clutching him forcefully because she felt him retreat again. "Forget what he stands for. You're nothing like him."
"B… but…"
"There's no but!" she contradicted at once. "You're the kindest, most gentle hearted man I've ever met. No gene Brady may have passed on to you can change that. You may have inherited his intelligence and other things, too, but whatever it is, you changed it into something good, something precious. You have so much to give, compassion, friendship, love… Bobby don't you ever dare to doubt that again!"
Still he was trembling hard.
"I chose this song for a reason," Alex continued. "A reason I only understood when I met your mother. It was no show! It may have started as one, but she saw it at once. She knew that she had lost you to me when she looked into your eyes. I was the one who needed her to make me finally realize that she is right. I can't neglect it any longer. So every word of the song is true. You will stand your ground in the storm this revelation caused because you can have faith in yourself. You're a good man, the best I've ever met. And I love you."
While she spoke his shivers eased. He did not dare to trust his ears. And yet she was there, holding him, comforting him… And then her words took on meaning.
She said she loved me! He froze.
Now that he didn't try to escape anymore she began to caress him again. She also planted light kisses on his hair. Suddenly his head shot up. He stared at her with his intense chocolate colored eyes and it was her turn to shiver.
"Say that again?" he whispered, his voice hoarse with tension.
"I love you," Alex replied softly without hesitation.
The next second their lips met and what started as a light, lingering kiss became deep and demanding.
Overwhelmed by his sudden display of passion she could hardly withstand as they threatened to end up in a ball on the living room carpet. It took her some strength to coax him to get into the bedroom.
Their first time was wild, fast and perfect. Afterwards, when they lay in his king-sized bed, Alex snuggling against his chest with her back and his arm wrapping around her body, she reveled in his touch. She felt his constant breathing more than she could hear it and she knew that he was asleep. Finally.
It filled her with joy that he could sleep. She knew that he had to be exhausted after the long, troubled days after his mother's death. He could rest now. He deserved to rest! He deserved so much! Alex could hardly believe that she should deserve him. But he was there, right behind her, finally finding the peace he had searched for all of his life.
"I love you, Alex," he suddenly said.
Startled out of her thoughts, she chuckled because he had surprised her.
"And I love you, Bobby," she replied. "I will always love you."
They fell asleep in their tight embrace.
It might have taken a catastrophe to make them finally realize what was so obvious, but the love they awoke now would last forever.
The End