Reality Slaying
Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire belongs to Joss Whedon
Spoilers: Post "Chosen" and some minor spoilers for Season 8, maybe
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The crypt door burst open as three men rushed in, frightened by what was following them. Searching the room, the three started piling objects against the door, barricading them inside and their attacker out. When the last heavy piece was set, something large slammed against the doors, shaking their barricade. The shaking continued as their attacker kept pounding.
"This has to hold," one of the men whispered.
"It will," another spoke.
Before the third could speak, the noise stopped. Looking at one another to be sure, the men moved closer to their barricade, trying to hear if something was happening outside.
"You think we're safe?" the third man asked.
"We're never safe," the first man answered
"Is there a back way out?"
As they searched for another exit, the figure following them crashed through the window, landing in a crouch position. Standing upright, the figure smirked. "You three weren't thinking of leaving were you?"
The faces of the men changed, their foreheads becoming ridged, their canines lengthening and their eyes turning yellow.
"Slayer!"
"The one and only."
The vampires looked at one another in confusion before looking back the woman in front of them. "There's hundreds of them now."
The slayer's guard dropped as she glared at the vampires. "You try saying 'the one of 1800 or so' when someone says the word slayer before a fight. It doesn't exactly roll off the tongue."
"You could try 'the one of many'," one of the vampires suggested.
Tilting her head up, the slayer gave the idea some thought. "I guess that'd work and it would be more appropriate."
"You're that Buddy girl, aren't you? They said you were chatty," one of the vampires interrupted.
Glaring the at vampire, Buffy spoke, "It's Buffy."
"Shut up and kill her!"
Rolling her eyes, Buffy stood still as the vampire that yelled charged her.
--
"You'd think after all these years, the undead community would learn your name."
Groaning in agreement, Buffy nodded, "Totally. I mean, is it really that hard?"
"Maybe we should pass out flyers or something."
"Yea, something short and to the point, 'It's Buffy'".
"And then I stake them?" Buffy asked. "I have to work the staking in there somewhere."
"Children, can we please get back to the subject at hand," Giles stood at the head of the long table. To his immediate left was Buffy and to his right was Willow. Next to Buffy sat Faith and to Willow was Xander.
"It's nothing to worry about G-man, just throw some lawyers at 'em talking about some technicalities and everything's back to normal," Xander waved the notion away.
"It is not that simple as the signatures are real," Giles stated as he pulled several papers from his bag and slammed them on the table. "We are under contract to do at least one season."
"Can't we just tell 'em we were under some spell or somethin'?" Faith asked, not happy with the idea of being under any contract.
"I'm afraid that response won't work for everything," Giles sighed.
"It's official then," Buffy shrugged, "We have to kill Andrew. Without the 'creator' the show can't go on, right?"
"I'm with B on this," Faith nodded her agreement.
"We can't just kill him, and I'm sure he didn't mean to do it," Willow defended him. At everyone's look, she rolled her eyes, "Okay, so he totally meant to do it, but we can't kill him!"
"Wil's right, we can't dispose of him," Xander agreed, but muttered under his breath, "even though no one would be able to find the body."
"So you're saying, we're stuck," Buffy frowned. "What are they even expecting from us?"
"I would imagine they're going to expect us to show the real side of slaying, the hard nights of research, the difficult kills, stuff like that," Willow answered.
"But knowing us," Buffy groaned.
"They're gonna see all of that, no doubt, but yea, knowing us," Faith shook her head. "It's gonna be the OC meets Survivor meets… every other reality tv show out there."
"If the Earth wasn't doomed before," Giles left the sentence hanging. He knew he needn't say anything more. Adjourning the meeting, the five leaders left the room, none of them wanting to accept what was going to be happening in the next year.
--
As the head Council building was in England, built on the remnants of the old Council, the majority of the slayers and Watcher's were already present for the meeting that was called later that week. The teams that were in other parts of the world were scene on screens located throughout the hall, eyes and ear open for what was about to be said.
Standing on a platform was Buffy Summers, head slayer. Standing behind her were the leaders from the original meeting, Rupert Giles, known to most as the 'boss of everyone, Willow Rosenberg, head Wicca, Xander Harris, active field Watcher, in charge of any construction on Council property and currently training to lead his own Council branch on the west side of North America, and last was Faith Lehane, known as the 'vice slayerdent' to the mini-slayers and currently in charge of the Council branch outside of Cleveland.
All eyes were on Buffy as she thanked everyone for showing up, even though the meeting was mandatory.
"I hate this. I hate being here. I hate that you have to be here. I hate that there's evil and that I was chosen to fight it."
A few slayers, ones who had fought on the Hellmouth in Sunnydale and lived, looked at one another, confused.
"Does this sound familiar to you?" one slayer asked another.
"Yea," the slayer responded. "Just because a handful of us survived doesn't mean she can recycle the speeches."
"And I know some of this may sound familiar to some of you, but I don't have much else for what has happened to us," Buffy apologized. "Someone has decided that with the world knowing about what we do, that we should tell our own tale, letting viewers judge us."
"What do you mean, Buffy?" Dawn's voice came through one of the television screens, one marked 'Cleveland'. The slayer's sister had been helping research a demon in Ohio.
"I mean that Andrew Wells" All eyes turned to the screen marked Rome, where Andrew had been trying to hide. "has spoken with the President of a television network and the network agreed to doing one season of a reality television show about us."
The five seconds of silence was ended as the entire hall was filled with voices, some of agreement, some of disagreement and others were indifferent.
Dawn's "Oh, I am so flying back home for this" was met with a glare from Buffy.
But they were all trained well as when Giles stood and took the podium everyone became silent.
"We have tried to get ourselves out of this, but that has proven to be difficult and was met with failed attempts. We have no choice but to do the one season, and should ratings be above what they are thinking, they will want to discuss a season two."
"What network?" a voice called out from the back.
Flipping through his papers, Giles found the information. "Ah yea, a FAX network."
"As long as it's not FOX!" the same voice replied, which was met with laughter from most of the American natives.
"Cancel happy bastards," Faith growled.
"The camera crew will be arriving tomorrow to install whatever they feel is necessary and I will be appointing a few of you to watch them, making sure they don't go beyond what their contract permits. They will also be setting up a room that will be used for, what did they call it, a confession room."
"Like the real world?" a young Watcher blurted out.
"This is going to be a disaster," Buffy smacked her forehead.
"It won't be that bad, I'm sure," Willow tried reassuring her friend, though in her own mind, she was doubting her own words.
"Wil, are you kidding? Filming a bunch of teenage slayers and their Watcher's? How can you not see the world of bad that is this reality show?"
"Maybe the rating's will be horrible and we'll get cancelled," Xander offered.
"With all the drama that goes on around here," Faith questioned. "Don't see that happenin'."
"Let's just get this over with," Buffy frowned as her gaze turned to Andrew's screen, hoping the boy could feel her anger radiating off of her.
--
Any ideas for some episodes?
Oh, and nothing personal against FOX.