Mars: Let's see how this goes over…
Link: A multi-chapter?
Mars: Hey, shut up

Disclaimer: I don't own the Metal Gear series or its characters, but the copyright on "A Christmas Carol" expired LONG ago…

Prologue

"The curtain goes up in ten minutes!" Mei Ling called out to everyone backstage. She was looking over the cast list and noticed that someone was missing from the list. Solid Snake walked up to her, "Snake, have you seen Otacon?"

"No, I was just about to ask you!" Snake replied.

"But we need him to play Scrooge's nephew!"

"We'll just have his understudy play him."

"Otacon doesn't have an understudy."

"He does now, AKIBA!!!" Snake yelled.

Almost immediately, Johnny "Akiba" Sasaki came running up to them, "What happened?"

"How are you feeling?"

"Great, I went to the bathroom a few minutes ago, why?"

"You're playing the part of Hal-I mean-Johnny Emmerich."

"That's not the character's name," Mei Ling objected.

"Big Boss changed all the names," Snake bitterly explained, "Ebenezer Scrooge is now Ebenezer Snake, Bob Cratchit is now Bob Raiden, and so on and so forth."

"He's changing everything!"

"Not so loud," Johnny warned her, "He'll hear you."

"Big Boss is becoming a big pain in the ass," Snake complained. "Alright Akiba, you know Otacon's lines for the scene?"

"Uhh…I think so…"

"If you don't remember, just improvise!" Johnny quickly walked away.

Mei Ling checked her watch, "It's almost time! Where's Big Mama? She needs to introduce the play!"

The Narrator (Big Mama/Eva), came out from behind the curtain, dressed in a simple red and white dress that exposed her cleavage. "Good evening and welcome to a our presentation of a Christmas Carol. This is a traditional retelling, but a…few…names were changed out of creativity from our director. Now without further ado, I present to you…

"A Metal Gear Christmas Carol"
Chapter 1: Ebenezer Snake

The Narrator walked to the side of the stage and took a seat in a chair as the curtain opened. "We begin in the office of 'Snake and Ocelot,' where Ebenezer Snake was greedily counting his money and Bob Raiden was hard at work, which he had been behind in."

Ebenezer Snake (Big Boss/Naked Snake) counted his money bitterly and greedily, while Bob Raiden (Raiden) was writing in an accounting book. "Are you done yet?" Snake grumbled, "You've been behind in your work since October."

"Mr. Snake, it's so cold, I haven't been able to concentrate," Raiden said with a slight melancholy tone, "If there was more coal in the fire…"

"Bah humbug," Snake walked over to the stove with a cigar in his hands. He opened it and stuck his cigar in and took it out, "If it can light my cigar, it's hot enough to keep you warm. Besides, coal costs money. Why should I pay for more than necessary?" He sat at his desk and continued counting money, with his cigar in his mouth.

Raiden stopped, warmed his hands up by breathing into them and rubbing them together, then looked at the clock, "Mr. Snake, I was wondering if I could leave early today…"

Snake looked up at Raiden with a questioning look, "What makes today different from other days?"

"It's Christmas Eve!" He exclaimed in shock.

Snake looked at his calendar, "So it is…" he took his cigar out of his mouth, "Are you fully caught up with your work?"

"No, but I…"

"Then letting you leave early would mean that you would be more behind in your work."

"Y-yes."

"So letting you leave would be out of the question, right?"

"Yes Mr. Snake," Raiden quietly went back to his work.

Suddenly, the door to the office burst open to jolly, 30-year-old Johnny Emmerich (Johnny "Akiba" Sasaki), Snake's nephew. "Merry Christmas Uncle Snake!" he exclaimed.

"Bah humbug," was all Snake said in reply in a slightly questioning voice.

"Is that all you can say during the Christmas season?" Johnny hung a wreath on the inside of the door.

"What is that?" he angrily pointed to the wreath.

"I thought that this place could use a little bit of Christmas, so I bought this on the way over."

"A waste of money if you ask me Johnny."

"A waste of…?" Johnny responded in astonishment. "Uncle, your office is so gray and dark when it should be colorful and bright!"

"Darkness is cheap and I like it, now if your business here is done…"

"Oh yeah, Meryl and I wanted…"

"Meryl?" Snake asked as his head shot up in surprise.

"Y-yes, my wife, I-we got married this past fa-spring, remember?" Johnny stuttered a little, trying to cover up the apparent change in cast.

"Ah yes…I remember…" Snake resumed in counting his money.

Johnny reclaimed his composure, "Anyway, we wanted to invite you to Christmas dinner at our house tomorrow night."

"Can't. Work." were the only words he said in reply.

"But Uncle Snake, it would mean so much to the both of us…"

"I already told you my reply Johnny, now leave me in peace!"

Johnny become quiet and turned to leave. "I don't understand why your Uncle is so bitter especially around this time of year," Raiden said to him.

"I was told that he was never the same after my mother died," he explained.

"Is that so?" Raiden looked over at his boss in sympathy, "Just because he won't share in your Christmas spirit doesn't mean I won't." He extended his hand to Johnny, "Have a Merry Christmas, Johnny Emmerich."

He accepted the cold hand, "And to you Bob Raiden."

As Johnny left, two fairly new faces came into the office. The one with a black, shoulder length hair and a ring of facial hair around his mouth walked over to Raiden. He stared at Raiden for a while until he finally said, in a stilted and sarcastic voice with a thick Romanian accent, "Hello, we are here collecting donations to help the poor. Are we to see Snake or Ocelot?"

"Jacob Ocelot's been dead for years, and Ebenezer Snake's too cheap to donate," Raiden told them.

"Too cheap?!" the other gentleman with a blonde mullet exclaimed dramatically in his British accent. "Why, it's the Christmas SEASON!!! I know even the COLDEST man…"

"I won't donate," Snake grumbled, "Now get your bad acting out of my play-I mean-office!"

The blonde's eyes filled up with tears, "WHY DADDY?! WHY?!?!?!" He ran off the stage crying while his partner quietly followed.

As it approached the normal closing time for the office, Snake finished up counting his money and grabbed his coat. "Now, Raiden, since it is the 'Christmas Season,' I've decided to let you…"

"Take the day off?" Raiden finished with his voice filled with hope.

"No! You're behind in your work aren't you? I've decided to let you come in early to catch up!"

"But sir! It's Christmas…"

"I'm well aware of that!" He barked at him as he started out of the office. "Close up on your way out."

"As you can see, Ebenezer Snake was the greediest men you could ever meet," the Narrator explained. "He was cheap, selfish and stingy. He only ever thought of himself and his money and never of anyone else. However, his life filled with sorrow and despair; but, no one seemed to pity him since he was so damn greedy!"

Snake and Mei Ling watched the place from the side. "I didn't actually think he'd go out of character to yell at Liquid," he told Mei Ling.

"He doesn't seem too happy with the change in the cast," Mei Ling said in reply.

"I think Big Mama's pretty pissed off at Big Boss's behavior too."

"Did you find Otacon?"

"No, Naomi's going to his place to get him over here."

"But, who'll play Scrooge-I mean-Snake's sister?!" Mei Ling exclaimed in shock.

"Olga said she'd swap roles with her if she needed to."

"Okay, everything's going well so far."

"Yeah, so far."

"What do you mean?"

"'A spark can start a fire that burns the entire prairie.' Isn't that one of YOUR Chinese proverbs Mei Ling?"

"I know, it means that you shouldn't underestimate how destructive a minor problem can be. But we really shouldn't worry about our problems too much, Liquid and Vamp were too huge problems and…"

"STOP TALKING ABOUT ME!!!" Liquid's wailing voice cried.

Anakin: Liquid's a whiny crybaby here?
Mars: All he's looking for is his father's approval.
Link: You know, there's a lot of...
Mars: I know, I'll correct everything later...R&R peoplez.