Axis
Author: Andréa
Spoiler: Fall Out
Summary: Somewhere in the chilling darkness she caught a glimpse of light.... Or the summer after Sam got shot. *g*
Category: Romance, angst.
Pairings: Martin/Samantha. Hints of Jack/Samantha.
Disclaimer: They do not belong to me. The sentence I used in the summary does not belong to me either. I took it from The Pretender. I just thought it fitted this fic well. Some lines were stolen from few episodes, I just can remember all of them now, so I won't name any.
Author's note: Just wondered what happened in the summer since after that Sam and Martin seemed to be much more close and friendly so I decided on doing this fic. Also I didn't watch Fallout *ouch*. Any mistakes concerning this episode you'll have to forgive me.
And most important, English isn't my first spoken language. Do not kill me for the grammar mistakes and such, but say: 'you're forgiven.' *g*
Enjoy if you wish.
And don't forget to review. But please, no flames. I seriously don't need that. If you don't like my work, then just don't review it. Unless it's really necessary or a constructive criticism.
And Lia, thank you for beta reading.
~*~
She felt dead.
She felt rotten, low, and lost. She had gone to a dark and cold place, a place where no one should ever go. A place where all of your hopes were suddenly ripped from you. A place where there were no lights to guide you through the way or a friendly hand to pull you up.
The moment the bullet perforated her delicate skin, she felt her world spinning and fading away. Felt her life being sucked from her. She saw with her tired eyes- the shadow of death hovering over her body, just waiting for her to give in and take her soul to the depths of nothing. Heaven or Hell, she could not say where she would go to, and maybe that was one of the reasons she never gave in. She didn't want to go to a place she didn't know.
She felt as if someone was perforating her leg with a burning hot jackhammer. The pain was so much that it got to the point where she didn't feel anything at all. Where breathing was difficult and tiring to do. She could not make any senses around her or distinguish her surroundings. It was all a blur and so confusing. Then she felt strong arms around her. Jack's arms. Oddly enough, she didn't feel safe like she should've felt, his arms weren't protective and comforting like they used to be. They didn't give her comfort enough to feel relieved and calm. They only seemed to be 'the arms that took her from there'.
And it was scary.
She had needed Jack so much in so many ways. Whenever she felt down and needed someone to comfort her Jack was the person who did that. He brought a smile - even if small - to her lips. For someone who didn't have too much happiness in life, all the short moments spent with Jack was like Heaven. He was the one she could hang on to, the one she could always count on. She knew he would always be ready to help her if she needed. And truth be told, she needed him more often than she wanted.
And it was scary to feel as if she didn't need him anymore. To feel as if he couldn't comfort her anymore, he shouldn't be the one to comfort her. While he was Jack, he was only Jack. Strange how you need a traumatic event to make you face life, the way it should be faced. Ridiculous... it should be easier, but then, what fun would be to just live life easily? She should take chances, that she knew. She should take a gamble now and then, to risk once in a while. But with the job she had, taking risks was enough. She didn't want any more excitement.
How stupid...
Now she lay in a hospital bed, white and sterile sheets and rooms, smelling of the harshness of disinfectant. She felt as if she was suspended in a warm bath of repose, where she saw nothing, felt nothing. Maybe it was all the medications the doctor had given her. She wanted to take the I.V. from her arm, kick the sheets way and run away. If she wasn't in such a debilitated and weak state she would have done just that.
The pills she had taken a few minutes ago were finally having an affect on her and instead of fighting against these affects like she had done in her first few days in the hospital, she gave in to the medication, closing her eyes and letting sleep fall over her.
*
He hadn't visited her even once.
He had spoken to her in the ambulance and seeing her in such state was enough to break his heart and stop him from seeing her again. It was the first time he saw Samantha Spade crying, and it would probably be the only time. She was so disturbed, and a small shell of herself. He had to try really hard to keep himself from enveloping her in his arms and soothe her right there. He wanted to tell her that everything would be fine. He had a job to do and at that moment, even if he didn't agree, he needed to ask her a few questions about the same thing that caused her all the pain he didn't want to testify.
He had promised himself he would talk to her later. Really talk to her, friend to friend, no work topic related.
But he didn't have courage enough to face her.
He was afraid of seeing Samantha hurt and weak. Deep down he was glad to see her cry because it remembered him she was only human; she had all the same feelings he did. She could get hurt and worse, she could die like anyone else. But it was only once and he would definitely be glad if he didn't have to see her hurt again. So seeing her cry wasn't what really bothered him, but to see her in such painful state when he could do nothing to help her.
There was so much blood, he thought, she would die before getting to the hospital and the thought only increased his despair. Resting a soft and warm hand on her forehead was all he could do to comfort her. He truly hoped it was enough to comfort her.
As he stood in front of her hospital room door, he wasn't so sure if he should see her anymore. He hadn't even called to talk to her in person and now he didn't know what would be her reaction. He hoped she was sleeping so he wouldn't have to heard her soft voice, to hear her asking what he was doing there after so long. This would only break his heart even more. After an entire week of Sam's stay in the hospital only now he had gathered the courage to see her because, deep down he knew, maybe after all this time she would look a lot better than the last time he saw her.
Deciding to do this once and for all, he opened her door very slowly, so if she was sleeping he wouldn't wake her up. At the light sound of the white door, she turned her head and her eyes immediately found his. Martin took a few steps inside the bedroom and uncomfortably stood near the door, fumbling with his hands and feet, not really knowing what to do with them.
"Hi." He finally said, breaking the silence. She kept staring at him for a few more seconds then sighed heavily and turned back to look out of the window. He stood there, embarrassed by her attitude and the thought of just turning and leaving the room ran in his head, but then he remembered this was Samantha and after going through what seemed to her like a totally embarrassing moment in that ambulance she would act like that, trying to put up again her tough girl façade.
She shifted uncomfortably, trying to find a better position without moving her sore leg, but since all her movements seemed to end up in that same leg, she had to handle the bad position, knowing she would definitely feel a back ache later.
Martin stepped closer and gingerly and slowly took the pillows in his hands to arrange them on her back. In silence he helped her to sit a little more up and get more comfortable. She still didn't look at him, kept her eyes down on her hands as if they were interesting to look at. Martin stuck his hands in his pants pockets and bit his inner cheek, then he decided on starting a conversation.
"How are you...." And in the middle of his sentence he stopped. Everyone had probably asked her that a million of times and he knew how angry she got when she had to repeat herself over and over again. She was probably tired of saying her trained lie that she was ok. "Does it hurt too much right know?" He asked instead.
She sighed and finally looked at him, even thought for a moment and he was grateful for that. "No. They stuck pills down my throat and gave me a few shots. I'm so drugged I can barely feel my tongue." She complained and Martin was glad to see she wasn't so bad anymore. "God, I hate those shots..." She mumbled under her breath, almost imperceptible and he'd have laughed at that if it wouldn't hurt even more her already hurt ego.
"Your tongue seems to be working pretty fine to me." he played and pulled a chair so he could sit beside her.
She shook her head as a smile slowly crept over her lips. She didn't know if she should be glad Martin had finally visited her or if she should be angry with him by not visiting her before. While she wanted to kick his ass until her foot hurt, she wanted to embrace him and thank him for coming to see her. So she just kept silent and didn't say anything back to him. She didn't know if when she opened her mouth something bad or good would come out.
"I'm sorry I didn't come before."
"That's ok." She said before any other words could leave his mouth. Though she didn't want to seem mad, her words were bitter and held a hint of annoyance. But she knew that most of her anger was to herself because she just couldn't find out why she was mad he hadn't come before. He hadn't visited her when she was really feeling bad, when she really needed someone to hold her hand.
She couldn't understand why having Martin with her, holding her hand was what she wanted instead of Jack's hand clasping her tightly for a brief second. She was so doped she had even thought it was Martin and not Jack. She thought later that the affect her body was having because of the bullet, the fever she was feeling and the drugs they gave to her were all the ones to blame for thinking so much about Martin. It was stupid and she didn't know why she had him in her mind. But it would go away eventually, she was sure of that.
Yeah right, she heard that annoying little voice in her head.
Martin ran a nervous hand through his hair and stared at her. "When are you leaving?"
"The doctor wants to keep me here for a few more days to make sure I won't get any serious infection. I think I'll be released by the end of this week."
"Ok, I can come pick you up."
"It's not necessary." Again, she spoke before he could say anything else, her words bitter and slightly angry.
"Look, I'm sorry I didn't come earlier, ok?"
"I don't really care about it."
He sighed deeply. He wouldn't argue with her, neither of them needed that, especially her. She couldn't get stressed; this would only do her bad. "Do you have anyone to stay with you while you need to stay home?"
She bit the very edge of her bottom lip - what seemed sparkling cute to Martin - and stayed mute for a couple of seconds, or maybe minutes because time passed without her saying a single word. She twisted the hem of the sheet around her finger, playing with it and then she finally let out a breathy and annoyed, "No." She looked at him half expectantly; half scared of what he would say and his next words caught her completely by surprise. Not what she was expecting, that was for sure.
"I bought these on the way here." He smiled softly and took a small plastic bag from the inside pocket of his blazer and handed it to her. She hesitantly took it from him and opened the bag to take a peek inside.
"Chocolate?" She whispered. "Holy Sweet Lord." She murmured and ripped the metallic paper that enveloped the chocolate, shoving a big, sweet piece of it inside her mouth. She sighed pleasantly as she chewed it slowly, savoring the almost forgotten taste. "This must be Heaven..."
"I'll take it as a thank you." He laughed slightly, not able to hold it back anymore.
"Oh you should." She said between the times she had no more chocolate in her mouth as she broke another piece apart, then her mouth was full again.
A slight knock on the door made both of them turn to look at it and see the young nurse peeking inside. "Sir, you should go now."
"Ok, I'll be out in a minute." He said and turned back to Sam. "I'll be back, ok? And with more candies."
"Oh, you're corrupting me." She closed the bag and put it inside the bedside table drawer, right in the very bottom of it so no one would find her contraband.
He chuckled and when she chuckled too, that sound made something in his belly burn and turn into wild fire. He stared at her for a long while until he broke his gaze before she could ask 'what'. "Call me to tell me when you're leaving, ok?"
She nodded and gave him a smile. "Ok."
"I gotta go, now. Bye." He waved and reluctantly left the room.
This time it wasn't Jack going away, but Martin with a chance of coming back. This time she wasn't watching as Jack turned his back to her and walked away. It wasn't that and it wasn't Jack. Not anymore.
*
End of part one. If you like it, please, review it then I'll know whether you want more or not.
Author: Andréa
Spoiler: Fall Out
Summary: Somewhere in the chilling darkness she caught a glimpse of light.... Or the summer after Sam got shot. *g*
Category: Romance, angst.
Pairings: Martin/Samantha. Hints of Jack/Samantha.
Disclaimer: They do not belong to me. The sentence I used in the summary does not belong to me either. I took it from The Pretender. I just thought it fitted this fic well. Some lines were stolen from few episodes, I just can remember all of them now, so I won't name any.
Author's note: Just wondered what happened in the summer since after that Sam and Martin seemed to be much more close and friendly so I decided on doing this fic. Also I didn't watch Fallout *ouch*. Any mistakes concerning this episode you'll have to forgive me.
And most important, English isn't my first spoken language. Do not kill me for the grammar mistakes and such, but say: 'you're forgiven.' *g*
Enjoy if you wish.
And don't forget to review. But please, no flames. I seriously don't need that. If you don't like my work, then just don't review it. Unless it's really necessary or a constructive criticism.
And Lia, thank you for beta reading.
~*~
She felt dead.
She felt rotten, low, and lost. She had gone to a dark and cold place, a place where no one should ever go. A place where all of your hopes were suddenly ripped from you. A place where there were no lights to guide you through the way or a friendly hand to pull you up.
The moment the bullet perforated her delicate skin, she felt her world spinning and fading away. Felt her life being sucked from her. She saw with her tired eyes- the shadow of death hovering over her body, just waiting for her to give in and take her soul to the depths of nothing. Heaven or Hell, she could not say where she would go to, and maybe that was one of the reasons she never gave in. She didn't want to go to a place she didn't know.
She felt as if someone was perforating her leg with a burning hot jackhammer. The pain was so much that it got to the point where she didn't feel anything at all. Where breathing was difficult and tiring to do. She could not make any senses around her or distinguish her surroundings. It was all a blur and so confusing. Then she felt strong arms around her. Jack's arms. Oddly enough, she didn't feel safe like she should've felt, his arms weren't protective and comforting like they used to be. They didn't give her comfort enough to feel relieved and calm. They only seemed to be 'the arms that took her from there'.
And it was scary.
She had needed Jack so much in so many ways. Whenever she felt down and needed someone to comfort her Jack was the person who did that. He brought a smile - even if small - to her lips. For someone who didn't have too much happiness in life, all the short moments spent with Jack was like Heaven. He was the one she could hang on to, the one she could always count on. She knew he would always be ready to help her if she needed. And truth be told, she needed him more often than she wanted.
And it was scary to feel as if she didn't need him anymore. To feel as if he couldn't comfort her anymore, he shouldn't be the one to comfort her. While he was Jack, he was only Jack. Strange how you need a traumatic event to make you face life, the way it should be faced. Ridiculous... it should be easier, but then, what fun would be to just live life easily? She should take chances, that she knew. She should take a gamble now and then, to risk once in a while. But with the job she had, taking risks was enough. She didn't want any more excitement.
How stupid...
Now she lay in a hospital bed, white and sterile sheets and rooms, smelling of the harshness of disinfectant. She felt as if she was suspended in a warm bath of repose, where she saw nothing, felt nothing. Maybe it was all the medications the doctor had given her. She wanted to take the I.V. from her arm, kick the sheets way and run away. If she wasn't in such a debilitated and weak state she would have done just that.
The pills she had taken a few minutes ago were finally having an affect on her and instead of fighting against these affects like she had done in her first few days in the hospital, she gave in to the medication, closing her eyes and letting sleep fall over her.
*
He hadn't visited her even once.
He had spoken to her in the ambulance and seeing her in such state was enough to break his heart and stop him from seeing her again. It was the first time he saw Samantha Spade crying, and it would probably be the only time. She was so disturbed, and a small shell of herself. He had to try really hard to keep himself from enveloping her in his arms and soothe her right there. He wanted to tell her that everything would be fine. He had a job to do and at that moment, even if he didn't agree, he needed to ask her a few questions about the same thing that caused her all the pain he didn't want to testify.
He had promised himself he would talk to her later. Really talk to her, friend to friend, no work topic related.
But he didn't have courage enough to face her.
He was afraid of seeing Samantha hurt and weak. Deep down he was glad to see her cry because it remembered him she was only human; she had all the same feelings he did. She could get hurt and worse, she could die like anyone else. But it was only once and he would definitely be glad if he didn't have to see her hurt again. So seeing her cry wasn't what really bothered him, but to see her in such painful state when he could do nothing to help her.
There was so much blood, he thought, she would die before getting to the hospital and the thought only increased his despair. Resting a soft and warm hand on her forehead was all he could do to comfort her. He truly hoped it was enough to comfort her.
As he stood in front of her hospital room door, he wasn't so sure if he should see her anymore. He hadn't even called to talk to her in person and now he didn't know what would be her reaction. He hoped she was sleeping so he wouldn't have to heard her soft voice, to hear her asking what he was doing there after so long. This would only break his heart even more. After an entire week of Sam's stay in the hospital only now he had gathered the courage to see her because, deep down he knew, maybe after all this time she would look a lot better than the last time he saw her.
Deciding to do this once and for all, he opened her door very slowly, so if she was sleeping he wouldn't wake her up. At the light sound of the white door, she turned her head and her eyes immediately found his. Martin took a few steps inside the bedroom and uncomfortably stood near the door, fumbling with his hands and feet, not really knowing what to do with them.
"Hi." He finally said, breaking the silence. She kept staring at him for a few more seconds then sighed heavily and turned back to look out of the window. He stood there, embarrassed by her attitude and the thought of just turning and leaving the room ran in his head, but then he remembered this was Samantha and after going through what seemed to her like a totally embarrassing moment in that ambulance she would act like that, trying to put up again her tough girl façade.
She shifted uncomfortably, trying to find a better position without moving her sore leg, but since all her movements seemed to end up in that same leg, she had to handle the bad position, knowing she would definitely feel a back ache later.
Martin stepped closer and gingerly and slowly took the pillows in his hands to arrange them on her back. In silence he helped her to sit a little more up and get more comfortable. She still didn't look at him, kept her eyes down on her hands as if they were interesting to look at. Martin stuck his hands in his pants pockets and bit his inner cheek, then he decided on starting a conversation.
"How are you...." And in the middle of his sentence he stopped. Everyone had probably asked her that a million of times and he knew how angry she got when she had to repeat herself over and over again. She was probably tired of saying her trained lie that she was ok. "Does it hurt too much right know?" He asked instead.
She sighed and finally looked at him, even thought for a moment and he was grateful for that. "No. They stuck pills down my throat and gave me a few shots. I'm so drugged I can barely feel my tongue." She complained and Martin was glad to see she wasn't so bad anymore. "God, I hate those shots..." She mumbled under her breath, almost imperceptible and he'd have laughed at that if it wouldn't hurt even more her already hurt ego.
"Your tongue seems to be working pretty fine to me." he played and pulled a chair so he could sit beside her.
She shook her head as a smile slowly crept over her lips. She didn't know if she should be glad Martin had finally visited her or if she should be angry with him by not visiting her before. While she wanted to kick his ass until her foot hurt, she wanted to embrace him and thank him for coming to see her. So she just kept silent and didn't say anything back to him. She didn't know if when she opened her mouth something bad or good would come out.
"I'm sorry I didn't come before."
"That's ok." She said before any other words could leave his mouth. Though she didn't want to seem mad, her words were bitter and held a hint of annoyance. But she knew that most of her anger was to herself because she just couldn't find out why she was mad he hadn't come before. He hadn't visited her when she was really feeling bad, when she really needed someone to hold her hand.
She couldn't understand why having Martin with her, holding her hand was what she wanted instead of Jack's hand clasping her tightly for a brief second. She was so doped she had even thought it was Martin and not Jack. She thought later that the affect her body was having because of the bullet, the fever she was feeling and the drugs they gave to her were all the ones to blame for thinking so much about Martin. It was stupid and she didn't know why she had him in her mind. But it would go away eventually, she was sure of that.
Yeah right, she heard that annoying little voice in her head.
Martin ran a nervous hand through his hair and stared at her. "When are you leaving?"
"The doctor wants to keep me here for a few more days to make sure I won't get any serious infection. I think I'll be released by the end of this week."
"Ok, I can come pick you up."
"It's not necessary." Again, she spoke before he could say anything else, her words bitter and slightly angry.
"Look, I'm sorry I didn't come earlier, ok?"
"I don't really care about it."
He sighed deeply. He wouldn't argue with her, neither of them needed that, especially her. She couldn't get stressed; this would only do her bad. "Do you have anyone to stay with you while you need to stay home?"
She bit the very edge of her bottom lip - what seemed sparkling cute to Martin - and stayed mute for a couple of seconds, or maybe minutes because time passed without her saying a single word. She twisted the hem of the sheet around her finger, playing with it and then she finally let out a breathy and annoyed, "No." She looked at him half expectantly; half scared of what he would say and his next words caught her completely by surprise. Not what she was expecting, that was for sure.
"I bought these on the way here." He smiled softly and took a small plastic bag from the inside pocket of his blazer and handed it to her. She hesitantly took it from him and opened the bag to take a peek inside.
"Chocolate?" She whispered. "Holy Sweet Lord." She murmured and ripped the metallic paper that enveloped the chocolate, shoving a big, sweet piece of it inside her mouth. She sighed pleasantly as she chewed it slowly, savoring the almost forgotten taste. "This must be Heaven..."
"I'll take it as a thank you." He laughed slightly, not able to hold it back anymore.
"Oh you should." She said between the times she had no more chocolate in her mouth as she broke another piece apart, then her mouth was full again.
A slight knock on the door made both of them turn to look at it and see the young nurse peeking inside. "Sir, you should go now."
"Ok, I'll be out in a minute." He said and turned back to Sam. "I'll be back, ok? And with more candies."
"Oh, you're corrupting me." She closed the bag and put it inside the bedside table drawer, right in the very bottom of it so no one would find her contraband.
He chuckled and when she chuckled too, that sound made something in his belly burn and turn into wild fire. He stared at her for a long while until he broke his gaze before she could ask 'what'. "Call me to tell me when you're leaving, ok?"
She nodded and gave him a smile. "Ok."
"I gotta go, now. Bye." He waved and reluctantly left the room.
This time it wasn't Jack going away, but Martin with a chance of coming back. This time she wasn't watching as Jack turned his back to her and walked away. It wasn't that and it wasn't Jack. Not anymore.
*
End of part one. If you like it, please, review it then I'll know whether you want more or not.