(A/N) Just a short Sousuke fic coming your way! I really love writing him – his pain is so real to me ;;
Anyway, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy! ^-^
Sousuke noticed there was something wrong with his shoulder pretty early on. It was hard not to, when every stroke was accompanied with a twinge of pain in the same place. And yet, he firmly believed it would go away; no, it had to go away. If it didn't, he would never be able to face Rin when he came back from Australia.
The only thing he could do was keep swimming.
Eventually it got bad. Really bad. He could barely move it without the pain becoming so unbearable that it squeezed tears out of his eyes. And yet, he still hid it from his mom. She would freak out if she knew, would tell him to lay off and stop swimming, and that he couldn't do.
The only thing he could do was keep swimming.
His mom found out eventually, of course. At that point it was hard to hide. She had invited some of her friends from high school over for dinner, and he had been helping her set the table when his arm suddenly gave way. Immense pain erupted in his shoulder; the plates he'd been given to place on the kotatsu*fell from his grasp and shattered on the floor. He'd been kneeling on the floor, gripping his sore shoulder, with tears streaming down his cheeks when his mom found him.
As he'd predicted, she freaked out. She called all of her friends to cancel before dragging Sousuke to a hospital up on a cliff in Iwatobi (the town Sousuke lived in was too small for its own hospital).
Sousuke remembered the doctor. He was a kind, elderly man with a warm smile and assuring hands. He also remembered the pain when the doctor had examined his shoulder; the burn of fire touching his shoulder every time it was moved.
"Are you a swimmer?" The doctor had asked. Sousuke could barely nod. Tears from the pain were welling up in his eyes again.
"That would explain it." The doctor nodded, but gave no further explanation. He reached for a small bottle before he took out two tablets and handed them to Sousuke. As he took it in his large for his age hands, the doctor also poured him a glass of water. Sousuke took that, too. "Drink those, and I'll be right back. I'm going to talk to your mom, okay?"
Sousuke didn't reply as he did what he was told and swallowed the pills. As he laid back on the hospital bed, he could hear the voices faintly drifting from the other room.
"He has swimmer's shoulder….tendon rubbing on his shoulder blade….in a lot of pain….resting is essential…."
The doctor's voice was unclear, as he was talking softly, but Sousuke's mom's voice was loud and clear when she spoke up. "But what does that mean, really? Will he be able to swim still?"
"With how far it's progressed, I'm afraid not."
Sousuke bolted upright at that as he felt an intense clenching in his chest. No… It couldn't be true. He had to swim – there was nothing else in his life! He was going to swim so he could face Rin unashamed! He was going to swim to beat Nanase! He was going to swim so he could win gold at the Olympics! He was going to swim so he could mean something to somebody!
Bolting out of the hospital room, Sousuke ran. He ignored his mother calling after him, ignored the flustered nurses that he flew past, ignored the smells of anesthetic and blood that filled his nose. He couldn't breathe – even though he was gasping as he ran, he felt no oxygen enter his body. There was something squeezing his chest, squeezing it so tightly that he couldn't see where he was going. Tears burned in his eyes.
Everything hurt.
He only knew he was outside because the sea breeze slapped his face as he ran along the cliff. He had no idea where he was going, but at that point he didn't care. He had to get away from the truth.
He could swim. He knew he could. He had beaten everyone in the Sano Swim Club. The doctor was lying – no injury could keep him down. He was in top condition. He had the best shoulders in all of Japan.
Sousuke was crying when he found himself inside the Iwatobi Swim Club. Though he didn't particularly like that club, since it reminded him too much of that damned Nanase, it was the closest pool. And at that point, any pool was better than nothing. He needed the water; he needed it so badly that it hurt. He needed to know that it still accepted him, that it hadn't abandoned him. He would show it that he could still swim: he would show everyone. His mom, the doctor, Nanase, Rin…
Throwing off his clothes, Sousuke jumped into the pool in only his boxers. He didn't have his swimsuit, or his cap, or his goggles, but that didn't matter. He could swim without them – he was independent.
Pushing off the wall with his feet, Sousuke pulled his arms into a tight streamline as he dolphin kicked through the water. Already he could feel a stretch and some pain when he moved his shoulder, but he ignored it. He could handle a little pain. It was okay. It wasn't bad. His swimming would overpower it, like it did the people he raced against.
However, it didn't last. As soon as he began his stroke, lifting his arms out of the water in the beginning of the butterfly, an unbearable pain exploded in his shoulder. Blackness touched Sousuke's vision for a second before his arms came down in a poor follow-through of the stroke. Water splashed clumsily. Everything hurt so bad that he couldn't even draw his arms in the S shape to continue. He was only dolphin kicking through the water, his arms lying listlessly out in an awkward reminiscent of the stroke. It dragged him down and the darkness was slowly clouding his vision before he rammed his head into the other side of the pool.
Sousuke's feet touched the bottom of the pool as he stood in the shallow end, gripping his right shoulder. He hung his head, tears streaming freely down his face.
He couldn't do it. He couldn't swim. He couldn't even accomplish one stroke. He was crying so heavily that his chest was heaving, hurting his shoulder. Even the slightest moment was bringing more pain that deepened the darkness in his vision. But, even with that, nothing hurt worse than the pain in his chest.
Everything he'd ever held close to his heart was gone: Rin, and now swimming.
How pathetic that there were only two things on that list.
Sousuke cried until he physically couldn't cry anymore. When he was done, he gingerly pulled himself out of the pool. He stumbled quite a bit, as his shoulder refused to take any of his weight, but eventually he was sitting alone on the pool deck. Even the water had abandoned him.
Everything was gone.
*a short table with heated blankets or a futon underneath. It's usually used in the winter time to keep warm while enjoying a family meal.