Chapter 1- I don't understand why cookies have chips that aren't salty?

This would be my first and last year at ouran, you see I'm a third year. I knew the moment I stepped into those blindingly beautiful gates that this would be the golden year that I die! My eyes were beaming and my spirit was on fire! My short curly white hair ruffled in the breeze. My bright ice blue eyes scanned for places I could hang myself... But all the branches are much too thin. I kept walking through when I saw a rather heavy girl get picked on by three other girls who were thin and pretty.

"Watch what you eat cow!" "yeah don't want to trip and cause an earthquake!" "Haha your uhh fat!" The girl was in tears, I had to step in. I approached the girls and started to laugh."hahahaha! Wait what are we laughing at?" I asked confused."Look at this girl! She's so ugly and fat. What's she even doing at this school?" the three girls laughed but I stopped and made a pokerface, "But I don't see anything wrong with her?" "What do you mean? Just look at her?"

I turned around and skanned her, "Nope not a thing." I smiled at her an helped her up. I turned my face to the three and laughed, "If anythings weird here it's me! Haha I mean look at my hair! This is natural hahahaha!" they were confused and the one on the right yelled, "What game are you playing here?" "Nothing? Why do you have a PSP or DS gaming system on you, cuz I haven't beat this one boss in-" "Shut up!" she snapped back at me.

Then the one in the middle shoved her back, "What's your name mister?" she was twirling her brown hair and blushing. "Oji, Oji Sabishii! But please call me Oji!" "I've never seen you around here before?" "I'm a third year, just transferred in from Okinawa!" The three girls were smiling now and twirling their hair. "What might your name be beautiful ladies?" they smiled, "Chizu!" "Miyu!" "And Haru!"

I turned to the girl I helped up and kissed her plump hand, "And you?" "Oh I'm sorry. It's just you asked the beautiful ladies..." she seemed sad and touched her chubby face. "Oh but you are! Your mirror must be foggy," I pulled out a compact mirror I had, "Here, mines brand new! Got it this morning! Take a look." she looked into it and frowned, "No it looks just as lame." I skinned her face, "Your right... Say 'Cheese' for me?" "Cheese?" she was forced into a smile when she said that word. "There you go! All you needed was and smile! Youre georgious and don't forget it okay?" I cheered. her smile became genuine, "Amai... Thats my name." "Its a beautiful name, almost as beautiful as you. Here. Take this and make sure you remind yourself every now and then okay?" i gave her the little mirror and she skipped off.

I turned to the three girls who were picking on her with a serious face. "What?" they asked. I smiled brightly flashing my white teeth, "You girls are also very pretty, but you would be even more so if you'd use that beauty to shine the kindness I know is sleeping in your hearts!" I'm sure in other circumstances they would act differently! I bet they save puppies in their free time! "y- yes sir Oji Sama..." they floated away. "Would you please guide me to 3-A?" they floated through the halls and showed me to my classroom. "Thank you angels!" I waved and they evaporated.

I looked into the room and saw a big tuff guy! I ran up to him, "Would you punch in my kidneys! You look pretty nice so please do me this favor!" He looked confused and then a little boy climbed up onto his shoulders, "What's wrong Taka?" "Wow! You're the cutest third year I've ever seen! Then again so are you, Taka! You two must be related! Am I right?" "Yeah! We're cousins! And let's not forget Usa chan!" "So cute!" I did a little dance and stared at Taka, "So will you punch my kidneys in?" "What? Why would you ask Takeshi to do that?" I smiled and put on foot onto a desk, "You see I! AM A MONSTER! I mean have you seen my face? It's so scary! Not only that but I'm a horrible person! People like me need to be taken off of this earth! I decided long ago that I would make sure no one would ever suffer because of me again! So yeah please just bash my kidneys in, but if youd rather get my stomach or ribs so you could puncture a lung that's fine with me. If you must have the face please don't hit my nose, that kinda hurts."

"I'm not going to hit you," he said. He had a deep, mighty, kind voice. "For reals?" he nodded no. I looked up at the little blond boy, "oh I never got your name? And you never got mine! I'm Oji, Oji Sabishii! Please call me Oji!" The boy and Taka nodded. "I'm Haninozuka! Call me Honny and this here is Morinozuka but everyone calls him Mori!"

"And I'm Nekozawa," said an eerie voice. I turned around and smiled, "Hey there dude!" He had an evil grin and a cat puppet, "This is belsoneff! Tell us would you be interested in visiting the black magic club?" I looked behind him at people nodding no. "Sure Nekoneko, mind if I call you that? I'd like to come by! Haha you know bellsy looks just like a cat I used to take care of!" I pet it's ear. "Well then, please feel free to drop by." he kind of evaporated away. I spun around to Honny and Taka, "Are you guys in any clubs?"

That question led to our next destination. Music room número 3! It was after school and Honny swung the door open, "We're here! And we brought a friend!" Taka nodded. I lightly stepped in, "Hey there I'm Oji, Oji Sabishii! Please caaaaaaall me Oji!"