TITLE: I'm Fixing a Hole
AUTHOR: Obi the Kid
RATING: G
CHARACTERS: T'narr Kresson, Jaythen Talari
SUMMARY: Pre-TPM time-frame. T'narr contemplates taking Jaythen as an apprentice.
DISCLAIMER: The Jedi and the venue of Star Wars are copyrighted to Lucas Films Limited. I make no profit from the writing or distribution of this story.
NOTE: Thanks again to Bren for the title challenge. I asked her to give me a title of a Beatles song and she came up with a really unique one. Here's my story to go with that song title.
I knew this. I just never expected it.
I've been watching Jaythen Talari for weeks now. And I've heard all the stories about him. The emotional baggage he brings. The difficulties he's had. Jedi after Jedi have turned him away, often – while the boy was still within earshot - commenting on why they refused him. And yet despite the harsh words and excuses, he never lost focus and he continued to put on his bravest face when the next Knight or Master came to watch his abilities.
He is young. Very young. He has several years left in which he could be chosen as an apprentice,
but the more Jedi that reject him, the less his opportunity will be as word spreads about his issues and weaknesses. More and more often it seems, Jedi talk and Jedi influence each other in life altering decisions such as training an apprentice.
I've done my best to look past that talk.
Why I feel a connection to him, I honestly don't know. I never thought I needed an apprentice. But something has been drawing me to Jaythen. Day after day, I come to the sparring gym. I see his saber handling flaws. I see his lack of focus in certain things. There is so much there that needs work.
But there is so much already there. He has determination that others lack. The will to please and always do the right thing. He listens intently during his training and education. He has a bottomless caring for others as evidenced in the halting of his training exercises when another in his group suffers even the smallest of wounds at the hands of a training saber. Naturally, that can also be a huge negative in that he does care, without exception, more about the well-being of others than the imminent and surrounding danger. And in our job you had to protect first and deal with injury later.
His age-mates and instructors are often frustrated by the delays he can cause because of his concerns. They grow impatient with his flaws
However, where others see flaws, I see potential.
It's something my former master, Kaai Dajani, said to me when I was young. I was so tall and overgrown – all legs and arms - during my first years as an apprentice that I was awkward and clumsy. But he knew that with time and patience, he could mold me into something so much more.
I can do the same with Jaythen. He needs that. He needs patience. He needs someone to see all the good within him. I can help him. I can help him become a great Jedi Knight.
And the more I think about this – about him – the more I begin to realize what my real reason is for wanting to accept Jaythen.
I'm not as whole and complete as I like to think I am. I'm not quite the loner that I often try to portray. I do crave the companionship of others. In truth, it's was one of the reasons that Kaai and I still have such a close bond. I need that friendship. I need that social connection.
The reality is, with Jaythen, I will be fixing a hole that I've been in denial about for the longest time. I do ache for attachment. I ache for someone else to care about. Someone to need. Someone who wants so badly to be needed.
Jaythen is that someone. He is the fix for the emotional hole in my life.
He glanced briefly in my direction at the end of the sparring session, knowing I've been watching him. Probably figuring that I'm just another in a long line of rejection.
I offer him a small, tight smile which he returns. No doubt he's certain that after this fleeting moment, he'll never see my face again.
Tomorrow, he will see that he is wrong about me.
Tomorrow, Jaythen Talari will become my apprentice.
Tomorrow, I'm fixing a hole.
The End.