[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] I wrote this little piece of Jakeward loving purely for my own entertainment. Sometimes it just feels right to write a bit outside your usual box.

Hopefully some of you will enjoy reading this story. I had fun writing it.

Crayons & Cravings

The repulsive stench of burned flesh makes my stomach cramp. I try to breathe mostly through my nose. Yes, this is a little better.

My face wrinkles in disgust as I place the slice of fried pig on the layers of onions on top of the burger. This place reminds me of hell. At least this is what I imagine hell to be like for a strict vegan like me.

You could have said no, you idiot, I murmur, cursing myself for agreeing to do this stupid job. The payment isn't that great either but as a constantly broke student, one can' be too picky.

Technically this shithole, where they turn cow and pig corpses into burgers, isn't even my job. It's Jake's. He's also the one who talked me into taking over this shift today.

Now, of course, I could have said no when he asked me. I would have said no, had it been anyone else who had asked that favor of me.

I can't say no to Jake, though. Not when he smiles at me with that grin that turns my legs into Jell-O. Not when his brown eyes get this tiny little laugh lines around them when he asks me. I'm a sucker for those eyes. They are my weakness. Well, let's face it. Jake is my weakness.

Mechanically, I move over to the fryer where I pull out the greasy fries. At least nothing had to die for those.

Jake is an asshole for even asking me to work here for him. He knows I hate having to handle meat. Its stench reminds me of death and dark, windowless barns.

A quick flicker to the watch around my wrist shows me it's time for taking my twenty minute break. I pull down my apron and wash my hands carefully with a lot of soap before I head outside.

There I reach for the package of cigarettes in my pocket. I am just about to fumble for the lighter when a tiny flame pops up in front of my face.

"I thought you had finally quit." Jake states while I enjoy the two seconds my hand is around his as I light the cigarette. His skin is smooth. It's smooth because he always rubs this coconut butter stuff on them after he worked on his car.

That car, it's a piece of rust that he bought off from the dumpster is the reason why he has taken on two part-time jobs.

"I should quit with a lot of things." I tell my best friend while I exhale in a deep breath. Mostly, I should stop crushing on Jake like he's the only fuckable male being on earth. It's clear he's not. I could set up a profile on one of those gay dating sites. I could even use my fake ID and go to a club to find someone.

The thing is I don't want someone. I want Jake and he's unreachable no matter how close we are.

Jake takes the cigarette from me and tosses it down on the ground where he rubs the tip of his sneakers over it. "I hate that you can't stop with this crap."

"I hate this job." I mumble, fisting my hands into my hair. Somehow I never know where to put my hands when I'm around him. It's so embarrassing.

"I owe you, man." Jake says, tapping my shoulder. I jump. I can barely endure having him touch me, even when it's in the most innocent ways. "My dick owes you too." He adds. Deep inside I die a little.

He has not just mentioned his cock to me, has he? Fuck, he has! I try my best not to picture his hard rod in front of my inner eye. If I do that, I will get hard and then things will get embarrassing.

"Yeah, glad to know you are enjoying yourself with Leah." I mumble, swallowing back the wave of bitterness. I hate his girlfriend. I hate that she gets to suck his cock. I hate that she gets to put her lip-glossed mouth on Jake's perfect lips.

I envy her so much it hurts.

Jake grins and whistles through his teeth. "I think I can actually talk her into having sex next Saturday. Isn't that great?"

I know my voice will sound tear-choked when I speak up now. So, instead I just nod my head.

He taps my shoulder again, his fingertips brush over my arm. They are warm, despite the cold evening air out here. "You need to stop being so picky."

My left eyebrow twitches. "What?"

Jake clears his throat. "You know what I mean. You need to stop being so picky with girls. That way you never get laid."

I don't want to get laid by a girl, ever. If I had wanted that I would have ended up with one of them years ago. I like men. I love Jake. I've been in love with him since I was five and he insisted I needed to give all my blue crayons to him.

This is how our relationship is like. He demands and I obey. I love him and he stirs the fire within me by just being himself.

"My break is over." I mumble, standing up from the stairs next to the trash cans. "Guess, I see you around, Jake."

"Good night, Cullen." He whispers. "Thanks again for taking my shift tonight. I owe you big."

You owe me a new heart, Black; I think when I walk inside again. I try my best to ignore both, the stench around me and the painful throbbing in my chest.

xxxx

The next day at school, I have trouble keeping my eyes open. I sit next to Jake in the last row. It is way more interesting to focus on his face instead of on the boring lecture of our Biology teacher. I want to run my tongue over the stubble on his chin. I want to caress the lines of his strong jaw with my fingertips while we kiss.

God, you're such a pathetic creature, Cullen. Fuck you!

"Is A right?" Jake whispers, leaning a bit closer to me. "I think the answer is A or do you think it's B?"

I flinch and look down at the opened textbook between us. "The correct answer is C." I whisper back to Jake.

"Thanks, man." He tells me, his breathe tickling my ear. I have to press my lips together when a wave of tingles rushes down my spine. It had been a good choice to jack off under the shower this morning. Jack-off or how I secretly call it, jake-off, is the only way I can deal with my constantly growing urges.

I'm seventeen. My hormones are crazy. My feelings even more. It's all because of him.

During lunch I nibble halfheartedly on a piece of overcooked cauliflower. The food in this place isn't exactly rich on vegetarian meals.

"This looks like crap." Jake states taking a bite from his pizza that he chews loudly. "It tastes like it too."

He spits the food into a paper napkin and wipes his mouth. "I'm done. Hey, can you borrow me five bucks?"

"Again?" I ask, already reaching for my wallet. "What for?"

Jake smirks. He smiles that irresistible grin that makes my heart melt and my cock twitch in my pants. "I need condoms for Saturday."

The fact that I'm the one who's going to pay for his heterosexual encounters with Leah the bitch Clearwater, is humiliating. Still, I hand him the five dollar note without hesitation.

I'm a fucking pussy when it comes to Jake. I hate myself for it.

The rest of the school day passes by too slowly, like it always does. I make up an excuse about why I can't participate in PE. Yes, sure, the thought of standing next to a very naked, very wet Jake is appealing to me. But I can't risk noticing anyone that I get hard from starring at another guy's cock.

No, it is better not to risk anything. So, instead of running tracks with the others, I head home early. The place is empty. Dad and Esme are both still at the hospital. At least there is some vegan Risotto in the fridge, waiting for me to eat it.

I lean back in my chair while I wait for the microwave to warm up my food. Esme is way better in the kitchen than Mom. I have to give her credit for that. But I haven't moved here for the better food.

I want some peace of mind. I don't want someone to ask me where I'm going or what I'm feeling a dozen times a day. Talking about my feelings isn't something I particularly enjoy, especially since a lot of my feelings rotate around my best friend.

After I finish eating, I place the dishes into the sink and go to my room. Underneath my bed, hidden beneath a pile of dirty clothes is my collection.

Now, it's definitely not okay to use your father's credit card for ordering gay porn. But sometimes I enjoy having a little visual inspiration while I touch myself.

Jake is my main fantasy though. I love the thought of him holding me down. I want to feel his hardness against my backside while he whispers profanities into my ear.

The thought makes me almost instantly hard. With a groan I palm my cock through my jeans. My left hand flips the magazine in front of me open. The blond guy in the picture is tied to a four-poster bed while a black guy sucks teasingly on the tip of his thick cock.

This is what I want. I want Jake's hot mouth on me. I want him to play with my heavy balls while he swallows everything I give him.

"Cullen! Cullen, are you home?"

I hiss, hating this interruption of my little fantasy, even when it's Jake who has come here to disturb me.

"I'm in my room!" I call, wondering how he always manages to sneak into the house like a thief in the night. Quickly, I reach for a pillow to cover my semi-erection.

Jake pushes the door to my room open. There is a pissed-off expression on his face. His fists are pushed into the pockets of his jeans. "She broke up with me. What a stupid cunt."

"Leah broke up with you?" I ask, my throat feeling as if it's suddenly too tight. "Did she tell you why?"

Jake sits down next to me on the bed, our legs touching each other briefly. "She's met some moron from College."

"I'm sorry." I whisper, hoping that my voice won't give away how little sorry I actually am. Here are my two-cent on Leah. She's a moody bitch who pushed Jake around like he was her puppy.

For a few moments I wait for Jake to say something nasty about his ex. It doesn't happen. Instead he curses under his breath and holds up my masturbation material.

"What the hell is that?"

I flinch. My face turns hot and the words that leave my mouth a heartbeat later are nothing but a stutter. "G-g-give t-t-this b-b-back,"

He still holds the magazine in his hands, slowly flipping from one page to the next while his eyes become huger. "What the fuck is this, Cullen?"

"Give it back." I hiss, grabbing the magazine from him to hide it under my blanket. "Mind your own business."

Jake looks at me with wide eyes, it's like he has never truly seen me before. His lower lip quivers. Two times his mouth opens but no words come out. Finally he speaks up. "You are gay?"

I consider lying. But my mind is not quick enough to come up with a halfway believable excuse why I own a gay porn magazine.

"You are gay." Jake repeats. This time, it doesn't sound like a question. "You are gay."

I nod. "Yes, it true."

The next thing I feel is how his fist connects with my side. It hurts, but not too much. He's not using all of his strength. I wait for the disgust to appear on his face. I wait for another punch that doesn't come, though.

"When were you planning on telling me about this?" he asks angrily. "You were going to tell me, right?"

I shake my head and stare down at my feet, unable to hold his gaze. I can't look at him when his eyes are full of hatred.

"Look at me, for fucks sake! When the fuck were you going to tell me about this?"

I swallow hard. "I'm sorry. I can't help for how I feel."

Jake grabs me by my shoulders, shaking me hard. "You are not only gay. You are stupid like shit!"

I can feel my eyes beginning to fill with tears. But I don't want to cry in front of him. That's more than I can take. "I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing, you idiot." He snaps. "Why couldn't you just tell me you like guys? I'm your best friends. Damn it, Edward. Best friends don't keep things like that from each other."

He takes a step backwards and sighs. "Best friends trust each other. You know what? I'm out here. Fuck you, Cullen."

As soon as he slams the door behind him, I curl into a ball and sob. I press my face against my blanket and weep like a bitch. There is no way I'm ever going to go back to school again. More so, I'm not ever going anywhere near where I risk running into Jake.

For the next two days, I insist on being too sick for school. I call the burger place and call in sick there as well. Who cares if Jake loses his job? Who cares about anything at all?

"What is wrong with you?" my older sister asks, entering my room. "Carlisle says you haven't left your room in two days.

I look up at her and sigh. "I'm sick and need some rest."

She pushes my blanket off from me. "You need to shower. And this place needs some fresh air." Without hesitating, she walks over to my window and pulls it open.

"Aren't you going to shower? You look awful."

"I don't care." I tell her. "Leave me alone, Bella."

Instead of leaving the room, she grabs my hand and pulls me outside, down the corridor to the bathroom. "Shower now! Do you think, I have endless time for your pubertal issues?"

I don't feel in the mood to talk back to her. She's pregnant again and upsetting her is probably a bad idea in her condition.

So, I step under the shower and even shave afterwards before I make my way down to the kitchen.

"I made some soup for you." She explains. "Now, sit down and eat something."

She holds her two-year-old son on her lap and feeds him a bit of soup. "See, your uncle Edward likes carrot soup too. Now, open your mouth like a good boy."

"Why are you here, Bella?" I ask her, dipping my spoon into the creamy soup and stir the croutons on it around. "Did Mom send you to check on me?"

Bella shakes her head. "Maybe a bit," she grabs an apple from the basket and bites into it. "But I wanted to know what's wrong with you. Did something happen?"

"No," I lie. "I just don't feel well."

"Do you want me to look you over?" she suggests. "If it's anything physical, I will find it."

This is why I hate it having three doctors in the family. I lift the spoon with the soup to my lips, carefully making sure not to burn my tongue. "It's nothing you can fix with a pill. Jake and I had a fight."

"For real? What happened?"

I swallow another spoon full of soup. "He found out that I'm gay."

My sisters are the only people I've told about my preferences so far. But of course, they don't know about my feelings for Jake. Nobody knows about that.

"I'm sorry, he reacted badly." Bella says, wrapping her arm around my shoulder. "There is nothing wrong with being gay. You know that, right?"

"Sure, sure." I whisper. "I think he was angrier that I didn't tell him myself."

"I understand. Look, if you want Jake to be a part of your life, you need to start being honest with him. You need to tell him how you feel for him. It's not enough to love someone. You need to let the other person know about your feelings."

I finish my soup and Bella encourages me to go to Jake and talk to him again.

My heart is in my mouth when I park Dad's car in front of Jake's place about an hour later. I wipe my sweating hands on my jeans before I step outside.

Seth is lying on the porch. He jumps up as soon as he sees me and wiggles his tail. At least someone here is happy to see me.

"Hey old boy." I greet him, running my fingers through the Retriever's fur. "How's it going?"

I can hear Jake cursing in the garage next to the house. The dog follows me while I walk there.

"Hi Jake,"

He drops whatever tool, he's been holding and curses again. "Damn it. This is never going to work."

I watch how he walks over to the sink in the corner of the garage and washes his hands. "What are you doing here? I thought you are sick."

"Can we talk?" I ask, almost pleading. "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you I'm gay. I was kind of scared."

He leans back against the side of his car. "Why? What did you expect?"

"I don't really know." I tell him. "I guess I just wasn't ready for it."

Jake spits his gum into the trash. "Are you ready now?"

Will I ever be ready for telling him the truth? Can I actually tell him how I really feel about him? No, I can't. It's impossible.

When I don't answer his question right away, Jake clears his throat. "Do you have a boyfriend?"

"No." I whisper. "But there's this guy I like."

"Is it someone from school?" Jake asks. "I bet it's Alec. He's the only gay dude at school. Am I right?"

I drop down on the old couch he has put into the corner of the garage. I remember how we used to hang out here together for hours. Why does it feel so different now?

"How did you found out you are like this?" he asks and I don't move when he pops down next to me on the couch. "I mean, how do you find out you like guys more than girls?"

His mouth is so close to mine now. I want to kiss him badly but I know I can't. To know, that I could, if I would only bring up the courage to move my head a little closer, makes everything worse.

"Your eyes are really green." Jake whispers. "Like peas."

I hold my breath when he cups my face between both of his strong hands. Then, light like a breeze of wind, he touches his lips against mine. The kiss is nothing like I imagined it to be like. He's so hesitant. In my dreams he never hesitated like this.

"Stop it." I growl, pushing him away. "What do you think you're doing?"

"I don't know." He croaks, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "I just wanted to know how it would feel like to kiss you."

"Why in God's name?" I almost yell. "Do you think being gay is some kind of joke? It's not!"

He grabs me around my waist and straddles me. I can feel that he's hard against the inside of my thigh. "I don't know how it's like to be gay. But damn it, Cullen, I know what it's like to want something."

I groan into his mouth when he kisses me a second time. This time he doesn't hold back. His teeth bite my upper lip. His tongue thrusts deeply into my mouth while he rocks his body against mine underneath him.

"I wanted to do this for so long." He whispers, letting his hand glide under my shirt. I shiver when his fingertips brush over my nipples. "Fuck, I'm so hard."

As if he's trying to prove his words to me, Jake guides my hand to the bulge in his jeans. "You're making me so fucking hard."

I drop to my knees in front of him. My hands are trembling when he fumbles his belt open and pulls his jeans and boxers down.

His cock is the most beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes on. I stroke its entire length before I lower my mouth and kiss the tip.

"Suck me," Jake moans. Then he smiles at me and this smile is my undoing.

I open my mouth and take him in, slowly, inch by inch I take his cock into my warm mouth. When he hits the back of my throat, I cough. I wrap my hand around the part of his cock that I can't fit into my mouth without choking. Then, I start a torturous game of sucking and licking and even more sucking. My tongue swirls over the head and finally down to his balls.

"Fuck, yes, I knew you'd be amazing at this." He praises, fisting his hands into my hair to keep my head down. "Don't stop. I want to come in your mouth."

I release him with a soft plop and give his throbbing dick a hard squeeze. "No." I whisper. "I want you to fuck me first."

"You'll let me fuck your ass?" Jake asks huskily while he quickly tries to push my jeans down. My cock is leaking with sticky pre-cum. Sucking Jake off has definitely been a huge turn on for the little fucker.

"Yes, please." I tell him. "I want you to fuck me. I want you to fuck me more than anything."

I kick off my shoes and push down my jeans before I kneel on all fours on the couch. My hand palms my cock while I feel Jake spreading my ass cheeks apart.

"Have you done this before?" he asks, letting the tip of a finger circle over my sensitive hole. "Answer me."

"No," I groan. "Never,"

I can hear him spite into his hands. Then he presses his now moist finger to my ass again. "We'll go slowly, okay? Tell me when I'm hurting you."

He pushes the tip of his finger against the tight ring of muscles. We definitely need some more lube if this is supposed to work.

"Lotion?" I whisper. "Do you have some kind of lotion here?"

Jake stands up and a few moments later the sweet scent of coconut fills my nose. He squirts a gracious amount of it on my ass and his fingers. Slowly, he pushes first one, then a second finger inside me.

"Spread them." I groan. "like a scissoring movement…yes, just like this, Jake."

Sweat pours down my face while I enjoy the strange mixture of burning pain and unbearable lust. When he pulls his fingers out of my ass, I whimper.

I turn my head and watch fascinated how Jake rolls the condom over his shaft. Then he reaches for the bottle with the coconut stuff again and coats himself in a thick layer of it.

"This is my first time too." He tells me, when he positions his cock at my entrance. The moment he thrusts in, my eyes roll back in my head. "Shit, you're tight, so fucking tight."

He holds me tightly around my hips and pushes deeper, filling me to the hilt. Finally, he's completely inside me and stills. When he leans over and kisses my shoulder I whimper.

"Am I hurting you?"

"No," I whisper, hoping that the burn will fade away soon when the pleasure takes over. I can't believe he's here with me. His cock buried inside my ass. But it's his tenderness that surprises me the most. The way, he caresses my neck and shoulders. How he kisses my collarbone and tells me how amazing it feels to be inside me.

After a while his careful thrusts get rougher. It's obvious that he can't hold back anymore. With a loud roar, he collapses on top of me, a moment before I coat the blanket on the couch with long streams of my own release.

My knees give in and I curl over to the side. Jake pulls me flush against his chest. For a while we just lie there. Our hectic breathing returns to normal. The beating of my heart doesn't seem to slow down, though.

"Why did you never tell me?" Jake asks, circling his fingertips down my arm. "You should have trusted me."

"Sometimes, it's not that easy." I tell him, grabbing his hand to hold it against my chest. I want to savor this moment here with him. Maybe that's all I get from Jake. The thought is painful.

"It should be easy. We're friends."

"Friends don't fuck each other like we just did." I mumble. "Friends don't do that."

"So, now, that we've fucked. We can't be friends anymore? I've been trying to get you jealous for weeks now. But it never worked."

"Trying to get me jealous? You mean with Leah?"

Jake bites my shoulder. "You are slow for someone as smart as you, Cullen."

"Do you mean, you..." I can barely manage to bring out the words. "You love me too?"

He sucks the skin between my shoulder and my neck into his mouth. This is definitely going to leave a mark on my pale skin. "I love that you are you."

The tip of his tongue swipes over the place he just sucked on. "I love to hear you play the piano. I love that you agreed to work my shift at the burger store, so that I could get your car fixed for you in that time."

"My car?" I repeat, probably sounding a bit stupid. "I think the Mustang is your baby?"

"Consider it a late birthday present. Don't crash it like you did the poor Volvo. My heart blood is in this car."

I turn my head and kiss him. I kiss him hard and enjoy how his body responds to my lips on his. Maybe, I don't know where this is going yet but at least we're in it together now.

Jake grumbles. "We smell like gay coconuts. Can we shower?"

"I like the scent of coconut." I chuckle, snuggling closer to him.

"You are really gay, Cullen. Come on, let's go and shower." He takes my hand and pulls me up. "There's something, I need to ask you."

"About what?" I want to know while we jog up the stairs to his tiny bathroom. Inside here it smells like orange and vanilla candles. Now, who's gay here?

"Are Vegans allowed to swallow sperm?" Jake asks, pushing me inside the shower where he crushes his lips against mine again under the hot water.