AUTHOR'S NOTES~~~ Hey everyone, XxSanitariumxX here. Just want to explain that this is a collaborated effort. Each chapter is written by another author that I have selected for his/her skills, experience, situation, and writing style. I'm going first in this chapter and I'll be interviewed by Fox McCloud, my favorite character. The other author's will be interviewed by their favorite characters. I'm going to address a few key things I see in many stories that I want abolished, and I'll talk about writing erotica. Anyways, hope you enjoy, this is for the benefit of all, Hell, I'm hoping I get a couple of tips from the bozos I recruited into the Fanfiction Super-friends!
"Hello everyone, this is Fox McCloud." The familiar orange vulpine announced. "Tonight I am your host in this collaborated story. In order to abide the website and its rules that are very strict," the fox said with a sarcastic chuckle, "I am here to interview the ringleader of this group that he calls the Fanfiction Super-friends! God damn that is such a dumb name."
"Anyways, without further adieu, I present the sick and twisted mind that is, Sanitarium!" Fox said as an eruption of cheers from a boom-box somewhere in the dark studio room greeted the young human. A light flashed on him and he covered his eyes.
"Finally getting this over with." He said to himself and walked over to Fox who was sitting behind a desk. The two shook hands and Sanitarium sat down in his chair next to Fox's desk.
"First off Sanitarium, I have to ask, why are we here?" Fox asked forwardly.
Sanitarium crossed his legs. "Well, as of late I've been asked to help quite a number of people, whether it's asking for advice, to be a co-author, or just for me to review someone's story and give feedback how they did and where they can improve. Quite frankly I don't mind, at all, that people ask me for help and junk. I keep myself open to fans and the works. This is why I've decided that I need to reach out even further. I need to go deeper."
Fox nodded and asked. "How so?"
"Well, there are a lot of new author's of late, and I remember when I was a young author. Boy did that suck-"
"I'll say!" Fox cut in and the two shared a laugh. "You remember A Vulpine Assassin's Vendetta?"
"What? You mean AVAV? That old train-wreck!" Sanitarium chuckled.
"That was SO poorly written. You over did everything and lost me in the second paragraph! And what the Hell was up with the thousand word chapter updates? And SO many of them?"
The man shrugged. "I had written a lot and wanted to post a lot of it but I didn't want the chapters to be too long. Looking back, the chapters could have been longer, about five thousand is what I aim for in every chapter and unless I owe it to the fans after a long absence, I reach eight thousand. It works for me but for others it might not, depends really. Make it the right size for you but not too short or too long. Too short and it just irritates me waiting for the next update and I wonder why wasn't the first ten chapters all just one chapter. Too long and I get bored."
"So you want to help young authors, huh?" Fox asked, reverting back to the older topic.
"Yes. I have a few tidbits of personal advice and knowledge I wish to share. My partners will have their go's next update; I think Zythxx might go first. Depends on who sends me their piece first. But I'm getting off topic."
"What I want to say first off is, and you can quote me on this," Sanitarium said before clearing his throat. "DON'T FUCKING BLOCK TEXT!"
Fox winced and his ears flattened because of the painful levels of loud that nailed him flat out. "What do you mean by block text?"
"Specifically, I mean having someone say something, and then another person saying something in the same God damn paragraph!" Sanitarium scowled. "Like this?" Fox asked.
"Precisely! And sometimes that's all the story is! Just one large cluster-fuck of words that is hard to navigate through! People! You must have a blank space between ALL, paragraphs. What I mean by that, is that the paragraphs can't touch, or else they get conjoined by Fanfiction like Siamese twins or something."
Fox nodded and folded his hands together. "Anything else you wish to add?"
"Yes, a few things actually." Sanitarium said and cleared his throat, making Fox wince. "Details! Even now in a story where I'm being interviewed by my favorite Star Fox character, I'm adding details! You just winced a moment ago, that's what I mean by details. It's no fun reading a monotone story with no life or world." Sanitarium said and crossed his legs to improve his comfort in the plush chair by Fox's desk that was located in a building, on an unknown planet, in the universe that probably didn't exist.
"Of course there is such a thing as too much detail. Spread it out a bit maybe and keep it within context. Also be sure to read over your work and spell check. I am not trying to be hypocritical and I admit I make many much mistakes. Just do your best and actually ask people where the errors are if they don't already tell you, trusty me, it will save you a headache scanning your chapters over and over."
The man sighed and proceeded. "One more tip I have is that you should never start off with an M rated story, EVER. To even see M rated stories, you have to request to see them, and it's possible people don't remember to do this. If I released an M rated story now, as opposed to two years ago when I first started, it'd have some publicity because people added me to their alerts list. When you're a newbie, you're at the mercy of the adventurous types who search the M rated stories now and then. Plus, you don't need it to be M unless there is some hanky-panky in there."
Sanitarium sighed. "And your OC characters. I'll tell you this much. No one gives a flying fuck about an OC character. Readers have to be coaxed into liking them. You can't just dump load a shit ton of back story and emo stuff and expect the readers to eat it. People have to become acquainted with the character. Think of it like you were introducing your OC to someone. You don't start off and say, hey this is Mr. X, his wife is dead, he has super magical powers, he's stoic and boring, he's a do-gooder, and he like cake. You just don't do that, do you? If you need another example, take a look at Frozen Hell, one of my stories. I didn't unload Raye's entire back-story all at once; I spread it out and let people ascertain whether or not they liked him enough to care about his back-story."
"One last thing I want to mention is be confident and have a good summary. Nothing spells "boring" and "not worth it" more than someone saying "hey this is my first story, plz review plzzzzzz!" or "summary inside"."
Fox cocked an eyebrow. "That's it? That's all you have to say? You came up with this dumb idea and you made only like, three pages? The Hell man?"
Sanitarium shrugged. "Hey, I can't hog all of the spotlight. The others will pick up the things I missed and will have more stuff to offer in later updates. If I sat here and went over everything, then why bother even involving others anyway?"
"I guess…" Fox admitted. "Well anyways, that's all everyone, Sanitarium- hey! Wait a minute!" Fox shouted just as Sanitarium was nearly slinked away. "You said you'd talk about writing erotica!"
"Fuck." The human muttered under his breath. "I did, didn't I?"
"Yup." Fox said and pointed to the seat Relics had snuck out of and tried to escape from. Now the human trudged back to the chair and collapsed in it, his nine hundred dollar suit now wrinkling.
"Very well, where do I begin?" He asked aloud. "Well, first off, you have to be a romantic writer. You can't be like "and then he put his junk in her cooch". There has to be a level of romanticism and emotion in it. Use elegant words, beguiling words, and less immature words. Say the words aloud and if you get a vibe from it, decide whether you'll use it or not. Personally I hate the words cock, cunt, and vagina. Those words are more derogative and name calling words."
"Another thing is that you must have both parties involved; don't forget about the giver or receiver in favor for one or the other. Basically, put yourself in both parties' shoes, and describe what it's like for them both." Sanitarium explained and crossed his legs.
"But you are not a woman, how do you know what she feels? For all you know, she could just be laying there and letting you do your thing without feeling shit!" Fox pointed out.
Sanitarium nodded. "True, I don't truly know the experience of being a woman in climax, but I have read a few erotic books. From the other author's creative styles I forged my own. And that, is how author's can better themselves." Sanitarium pointed out affirmatively.
"Reading porn in writing?" Fox sniggered.
The human rolled his eyes. "No! Studying other author's and their styles. Then take the information collected and build your own unique style from it."
"Anything else erotica you want to add?" Fox asked.
"Yes. Details and suspense, details and suspense, details and suspense! ….The two had sex, they both came, and they fell asleep." Sanitarium said suddenly. "Not very good was it? Now try this…. The two caressed each other, their organs flirting with one another while the couple's lips became locked together in a sizzling kiss. Better no?"
Fox just looked at the human with a blank look. "…Go on."
"You weirdo." Sanitarium laughed. "The journey is the destination. If you're so Hell-bent on getting to the release, you'll never make it writing erotica. Enjoy the pleasures of the journey before you reach your destination!"
"Were you ever anxious, or did you ever have second thoughts when making erotic stories?" Fox asked once the man was done with his last tidbit.
Sanitarium nodded his head. "Oh God! When I first started, I was afraid to mention the word sex because I thought it would offend. It got worse and worse though, and I started adding details to people's intimate moments. Eventually we got Honeymoon and you got laid." The human said before receiving a hi-five from Fox. "Every chapter got dirtier and dirtier, it was hard concentrating sometimes. And now I made Saurian Prisoner, which shouldn't have lasted as long as it has. It really makes me question the limits of FanFiction and its powers."
"Meh, they're rated M, so why would they care? Plus, there are WAY worse stories out there… I should know." Fox countered with a shudder.
"True." Sanitarium sighed. "I admit, there were times I regretted stooping to pornographic writing, but now I think that it's just another genre to master. I enjoy it and others do as well. I never regretted it until Saurian Prisoner because I thought that Honeymoon was okay because it was about to lovers, not just you getting after Scales' daughters."
Once again Sanitarium got a hi-five from the vulpine. "That's all I guess. All I have to say is thanks for reading, hope you've learned something, and good luck with your futures people! Don't forget to give your stories life and details, spell check, take a step back and look at your work because sometimes you'll just look at it and be all like… I wrote this garbage?"
"Sanitarium ladies and gentlemen." Fox said as the boom-box once more erupted into cheers to which Sanitarium bowed to.
"Thank you, thank you! I know, I'm great. Thank you!" He said which made the vulpine roll his eyes with disgust. "Everybody is stupid except me!"
"Pompous ass." He muttered to himself when the man started blowing kisses to the empty studio. "Get out of here you bum! Make room for the next author!"
"Fine I'm going!" Sanitarium scowled and stomped off to go do Sanitarium things. Basically procrastinate and take forever to update his stories.
XxSanitariumxX
Okay guys, now's your turn. What I'd like to see is something like this but it is up to you entirely as to what you do. If you want to go in a different direction, fine, just as long as it is an interview. You can choose which character(s) you'll be interviewed by, try to give some insight on your strengths, mine was erotic writing. If you have any pet peeves in writing, feel free to explain them. Mine was block text. Hand out some advice, things to watch out for in writing, and anything else you think I might have missed. You have your assignment ladies and gentlemen, should you be captured while writing, the Fanfiction Super-friends will deny any knowledge of your existence.