Voice of Reality, a twilight fanfic

The voice of reality

She's mean

She's blunt

She calls me names

She tells me the truth

The truth that hurts

She lies

She does not show her identity

She says she is who I want

She says she is me

She says she's someone else entirely

She's a liar

I tell her to go away

I tell her to stop

I scream stop

Stop!

Go away!

She asks why I cry

And I say I don't know

Because what I want to be real

Isn't real

Because I know my fantasies are fake

Even though I lie and say that's my life

But it's not

My life is made up of fantasies and lies

What is left when you take it all away?

Nothing

She tells me

You are nothing

Nobody would miss you once they find out you're full of lies

I submit to her

And she says she'll take over

Take over until it all gets better

She says shhh...go to sleep

And I will take over

Rose baby...

You'll wake up when it's all better

Just sleep

I'll sing you a lullaby

"Rock-a-bye baby

On the tree top

I forgot the rest of this song"

She sings in her heavenly voice

Rocking me in her soft arms

Shhh...Just sleep

Sleep and I'll take over

Mama...I say

She slaps me with a steel hand

I'm not your Mama

I cry still

I can't stop crying

She plays a song

And it's carefully matched to my scary life

"Well, I know the feeling
Of finding yourself stuck out on the ledge
And there ain't no healing
From cutting yourself with the jagged edge
I'm telling you that, it's never that bad
Take it from someone who's been where you're at
Laid out on the floor
And you're not sure you can take this anymore

So just give it one more try to a lullaby
And turn this up on the radio
If you can hear me now
I'm reaching out
To let you know that you're not alone
And if you can't tell, I'm scared as hell
'Cause I can't get you on the telephone
So just close your eyes
Oh, honey here comes a lullaby
Your very own lullaby

Please let me take you
Out of the darkness and into the light
'Cause I have faith in you
That you're gonna make it through another night
Stop thinking about the easy way out
There's no need to go and blow the candle out
Because you're not done
You're far too young
And the best is yet to come

Well, everybody's hit the bottom
Everybody's been forgotten
When everybody's tired of being alone
Yeah, everybody's been abandoned
And left a little empty handed
So if you're out there barely hanging on...

Just give it one more try to a lullaby
And turn this up on the radio
If you can hear me now
I'm reaching out
To let you know that you're not alone
And if you can't tell, I'm scared as hell
'Cause I can't get you on the telephone
So just close your eyes
Oh, honey here comes a lullaby
Your very own lullaby
Oh, honey here comes a lullaby
Your very own lullaby"

And I almost smile, but the corners cave

And I rub my eyes with closed fists

And she strokes my head, reminding me of the Lullaby

And then

I sleep