He goes down everyday to visit the crystal cage holding the petite girl in. His hands unintentionally roam over the smooth surface, taking in every inch he can. He sees her frozen face and her frozen tears, along with the hair suspended in the air. He sees her untouched figure, so tainted with invisible scars.
For a second, he imagines what it would feel like to hold her body close to him and just never let go.
He can feel another reaching out and touching the crystal, the full 29 centimeter height difference incredibly clear.
"Annie…."
He doesn't know who's talking.
He walks away without another word. His soul screams and tries to run back to her. But maybe that's just the inner flame that was never his in the first place reaching out and trying to grasp what's left of his empty life.
He closes his eyes as names linger on his tongue.
He can see the different faces around him, but all in all they just express disappointment.
Except for everyone left in the 104th Survey Corps.
But other than them, who wouldn't be disappointed? Erwin was Humanity's Beacon, the Symbol of Hope, their Wings of Freedom. He was strong, ruthless, cunning. In other words, he was everything Armin isn't. Yet, Levi Ackerman chose him to survive. Not the Devil himself, but him. Armin Arlert of the 104th Training Corps, the weakest out of all of them.
He doesn't know why Eren and Mikasa believe in him. Even the newly installed Commander Hange doesn't. Or well, she didn't.
Maybe more started to trust his abilities as the new Colossal Titan as days went by, experimenting on his new titan body. But that doesn't change how the scandalous whispers keep reaching his ears. He can't keep the words of disappointment from putting him off guard. Even when Jean tries to comfort and reassure him, the words continue to surround him, like when he was a kid in Shiganshina with his grandfather. Floch's glare continues to bleed in the back of his eyelids, showing that he was still not over Erwin's death, despite the event happening 2 years ago.
Test results each day come back with more information. For instance, his titan is much more emaciated. He has less muscle, showing plenty of bone, even the front of his spinal cord. He has lips at the front of his mouth. He can speak, even if it's very little.
That was more than what Bertholdt got to do before kicking his foot on that fateful day 7 years ago.
Armin is sure that his new, habitual sweating is a result of absorbing Bertholdt into his own being, fusing them together.
His dreams still consist of the Colossal Titan crying.
On the days where it's especially powerful, he does it himself after experiments.
Only the thought of the girl in the unwavering crystal keeps him going.
They weren't his own emotions, but rather the tucked ones of the boy with olive green eyes.
On those days, new and old recruits alike comment on his eyes.
They are teal.
He asks Annie if he is still human. Her silence is especially dark.
He asks Annie how she felt when she got this power.
He asks her what's so special about this world.
He asks what she thinks of them.
He asks her what she thinks of him. Armin.
Connie. Sasha. Mikasa. Kris-no. Historia. Ymir. Reiner. Jean. Marco. Eren. Bertholdt.
And he thinks she can hear him.
And suddenly he loses his cool, rage and confusion blinding him and he starts to yell and scream and sob. He knows he sounds primitive, but he doesn't care.
"ANNIE! GET OUT OF THAT PLACE! DO YOU…."
He hears footsteps approaching, and scurries into the deepest, darkest corner of the room. He hugs his knees and sweats profusely.
"I can't, I can't, I can't do this….no….they're dying and dying and blood…..oh god…."
Images of bloodied corpses and the stench of despair barrel at him. He sees what Bertholdt saw on the day.
"I'm sorry, oh God I'm so sorry…..Please….someone help these people! Children! Parents! ….Grandfather….."
The door creaks, but he doesn't hear it.
"Disappointment…...you're a disappointment…...Armin…..Bertholdt…...just…..just die…..die like Marco did…..I killed him…..oh god I killed him….
It's so easy for Mikasa to see Bertholdt where Armin is sitting. She clamps a hand on his shoulder, snapping him out of his nightmarish hell.
"Armin," Her face is contorted with worry. "What happened? I heard you screaming." He stands up and rubs away his tears.
It is then he notices that he doesn't have to look up at Mikasa.
He realizes that Bertholdt may have contributed to the 7 centimeter height addition.
"Armin."
"Y-Yes?"
"Your eyes. They're teal." She puts two and two together. "Bertholdt's still not at peace yet."
"W-Wha…?"
"He's influencing you, most likely unintentionally. But that's what's going on. We need to tell Commander Hange." She grabs his wrist and leads him out of the room. He steals one furtive glance at Annie before turning back.
"What?!" Hange, despite taking her job more seriously, is still the crazy mad scientist and jumps up in joy.
"Commander," Mikasa interrupts her moment of joy.
"Yes, Mikasa?"
"Is it possible that….Bertholdt is doing it on purpose?"
"What? Why would you think that?"
"His eyes….they're always teal after experiments and dreams. Only experiments and dreams."
"Go on…"
"That's not all." Armin finally says something. "It's….when I'm around...her. Annie. I can't seem to stay away, the urge is a lot stronger now, but I don't know why….."
"Armin," Hange commands. "Look at me." Armin looks straight ahead at her, baby blue eyes boring straight into her honey-colored ones. "They're…..they're gone."
'Hey Armin? Try to speak a little.'
"Wha….t…." That single fragment of a word barely escapes his lips. He looks down at the tiny humans in front of them, and their expressions etch into his memory.
Shock.
Disbelief.
Denial.
Joy.
"ARMIN! WHY DID YOU SPEAK?" Hange yells up to him as if he can't hear anything. "Answer that when you get out! We'll explain everything!"
He feels the limit and steam emits from his titan body.
"Hey Four Eyes, finish up. Looks like he can't take anymore. Get him out! We're done!" Levi commands the troops on the beach.
Mikasa reaches him first and cuts out the blonde from the muscles of the titan. He's only half conscious, but is able to grab onto Mikasa's arm and latch on before she descends onto the sand. As soon as his body hits the granules of fine rock, he collapses.
'Armin? Wake up….You need to. Everyone's counting on you. Do you want to die as a burden? Do you? Armin….."
"...min! Armin!" He gasps for air, suffocating on the truths and lies he had to discern between. Seeking immediate relief, he clutches his head.
It turns out that the voice calling out to him is Mikasa, again.
"Armin? Are you okay? Talk to us!" Her eyes are wild and frantic and so unlike the eyes he's known since he was nine.
Someone hands him a jug of water. Buzz cut and amber eyes. Connie.
He nods gratefully before chugging down the much needed water.
"Ha….yeah….I think I'm okay…..what, what happened?" He notices their stares.
"You….you spoke," Hange tells him.
Memories flood back in pieces, and he remembers hearing the command.
"You told me to speak. Someone did, right?" He looks uncertain.
Hange cleared her throat. "N-No. No one did."
He tucks a strand of hair behind his ear as he starts to sweat again. "W-Wha? How?"
"It….It has to be Bertholdt."
So that's how they keep going. Each time, he hears more whispers, now more recognizable as the timid 16 year old. Or would he be 18 now?
'Move your right leg forward. Hold up your arms. Do something. Try to turn around. Try to transform again.'
Little demands like that keep coming back. Armin complies, believing it is his superior officers until Hange or Connie or Jean tells him that it is most likely Bertholdt.
Bertholdt is still not at peace because he keeps demanding.
The military demands a union between Armin and the monarch, Historia Reiss. They are incredibly close, but secretly they both know their hearts will always belong to someone else.
Namely, Jean and Ymir.
But they cannot refuse because it is reasonable.
What neither of them know is that she will be forced to eat the girl in the crystal.
Imagine Historia's surprise when she sees Annie, strapped inside the cave where she was supposed to eat Eren at one point. Hange pulls out a syringe with a strange liquid in it.
Titan Spinal Fluid. She'll transform into something so huge that even the crystal will not survive.
Historia takes one final look at the girl inside the crystal, frozen like her eyes, and says goodbye.
Armin's face is dry, save for one lone tear that slowly drips from his eye.
When she eats Annie, they both feel a sudden force pulling them together. And the love is forced yet is so noticeable because now Jean is gone and Ymir is dead and they have only each other to cling to.
She smells like corpses and the Forest of Giant Trees. He smells like ocean breeze. And somehow, it works out.
They hug each other, knowing full and well that it is not them, but the ones inside.
They can see Bertholdt towering over Annie. Her hand doesn't quite fit into his. He can easily rest his chin on her head. He weaves flowers into her hair and he's sweating and despite his flaws, she's blushing.
It slowly happens to them.
Armin looks up at the stars, and sometimes, Bertholdt Hoover and Annie Leonhart are there, dancing in their uniforms. They stare back down at him, but he doesn't see their faces.
His nightmares become less wholesome and real. He doesn't hear voices anymore. His eyes start to shine again.
Historia. He loves her and she loves him, and no longer do they feel forced together. Their hands fit together quite right. And while it isn't the same as for Jean and Ymir, he figured he could live with that and she could, too. He notices that she sings happy little tunes that are foreign to his ears. She always has a strand of hair that falls in front of her face, despite her best attempts at containing it. She looks after the kids that need her. She protects and helps, without ever realizing it.
Her eyes and hair are a tad lighter than normal, but he still notices.
He looks at the moon, and there they are, smiling at him like idiots. No longer worrying about who was next.
Hange states that his eyes no longer turn teal, unless he is, per say, happy.
He inhales deeply and smiles before exhaling relief.
And he knows that both of the souls inside of him can be at peace.
I'm still in the process of writing Obsidian, Snow Globe, and Notebook, but I thought I would write this! I was having some serious writer's block earlier, but now I'm feeling a lot better! c: I adore YumiHisu, but AruHisu is also so cute omgggggg 3 I will always ship Beruani. Always.
Until next time, enjoy!~