Two-Leaf Clover
Disclaimer: I do not own Psycho-Pass.
Thinking back, it had all started with a simple, two-leaf clover.
The five-year-old, orange-haired boy sits down beside me on the park bench, hand out-stretched, a wide grin spread across his face. For a few minutes, we just sit there and enjoy the view of the sunset. Then, he gets up so abruptly that it makes me flinch, walks over to the field, picks something out of the ground, and hands it over to me.
I take the object from him and examine it. "A two-leaf clover?"
"Yup!" His smile grows. "For good luck!"
"Aren't those supposed to be four-leaf clovers?"
"Yeah, well... two-leaf clovers are special too! You don't see them often, do you? It's all three leaves so anything other than that is rare!" He looks sheepish and scratches the back of his head. "Plus, I couldn't find a four-leaf clover, so this is good enough! Don't ask for too much!"
I giggle. "Okay. If four-leaf clovers symbolize good luck, what does this one represent?" I twirl the plant between my fingers and raise an eyebrow teasingly at my best friend.
"Hmm..." I watch the boy in front of me frown and press his lips into a thin line. "Us," He says finally, after a few minutes.
Even though it's so obvious that he made up the definition on the spot, I still play along. "Us?"
"Yeah." He nods, seemingly more confident in his answer than before. "One leaf represents me and the other represents you. And just like this plant, we'll stay together forever because..." He pauses to think, "because you're stuck with me whether you like it or not!" He latches onto my arm and gives it a reassuring squeeze and I can only think that there is no better friend than him... even if he is suffocating me a little.
At the time, my five-year-old self had smiled and accepted the two-leaf clover gratefully as a sign of our friendship, and just like Kagari, I never wished that it would end. But what I didn't realize was that if you gave a little tug at one of the leaves, it would come apart and detach itself from the other one instantly and there was no way to put it back together.
I walk away from the park that day feeling all warm and fuzzy inside, but the next day, Kagari has been taken away after being identified as a latent criminal, leaving only the two-leaf clover as a reminder of his existence.
One leaf has been pulled out, while the other could only stare at the gap that it has left.
-XxX-
A one-leaf clover is for faith.
It's my first day of school and unlike all the other kids, I'm not scared at all.
As my mother buttons my jacket and hands me a newly bought cell phone with all the necessary information for school stored inside, I turn to my left and share a smile with the boy beside me. He is also preparing for the first day of school, his small, tender yet protective hand holds a blue hairclip steady while he pins his hair back. After getting buried in a hug from my mom, I reach out to hold his hand as we walk off together down the familiar road.
The boy talks on and on while I nod occasionally or give my input with only a small whisper because I know that other people think he's weird. They don't like him because no one else understands him the way I do. And that's fine, because he knows I won't leave him despite all the rude remarks and hateful words I receive for simply walking beside him.
The doors of the school are huge and as we walk through them, it feels like the entire world is looking down on us. And, in a sense, they are. The two of us continue to talk, his orange hair shaking and brown eyes sparkling as we both laugh, but the other students are whispering to each other and almost everyone shuffles away as we continue to walk down the hall.
"It's that girl! She's such a freak!"
"She should be a latent criminal. I wonder why they haven't taken her in for therapy."
"She's always talking to herself. What's wrong with her?"
But the last voice is kind and comes from the boy beside me. "Don't listen to them. Come on, let's go to our first class!"
I ignore their remarks and follow him, but the smile slowly slides off my face because even though I have been lying to myself for years, I know that this Kagari is only a fragment of my imagination.
-XxX-
A two-leaf clover is for hope.
Fast forward a few years and I'm standing in front of the MWPSB building, preparing for my first day as a detective.
Smoothing out my shirt and dusting my pants, I suck in a deep breath and take my very first steps into the building I'm going to be working in from now on. The automatic doors slide open for me and what I see first is a boy with orange-coloured hair sitting lazily on a couch, playing a video game. He glances up when I walk in and our eyes meet.
It can't be.
"Hey! Are you the new—" He stops and turns off his game very slowly. He examines me and I do the same to him. It's then that I realize this is no hallucination, that I didn't conjure him from my mind, that the person in front of me is real.
After all these years, I still remember the sound of his voice.
"Uhh, are you okay?" I ask all too happy, a goofy smile on my face.
He shakes his head and smiles back sadly. "Yeah. You just remind me of someone I used to know."
His words hit me right in the heart like an arrow and the smile slides off my face in an instant. As he leads me down the hall and up the stairs to meet the rest of my new co-workers, I can only stare at his back—the same back that I used to follow around when I was a kid—with a millions question flooding my brain.
I am introduced to the rest of the Inspectors and Enforcers, but Kagari doesn't tell me his name and I don't tell him mine either. The others think we have already spoken to each other on the way here, but the truth is, neither of us muttered a word after what he said. Deep down, I know that he knows who I am, but for some reason, he's not at all happy to see me after all these years.
It makes me want to cry, really, but it's my first day on the job and I force myself to smile and make a good impression. But it's a lot harder than I thought because I'm forced to watch my best friend joke around with Inspector Tsunemori while he ignores me like I'm a brick wall—like I'm a hindrance to MWPSB, a hindrance to him.
And it's nothing like the warm reunion filled with hugs and long explanations of our separate adventures like I had imagined.
-XxX-
A three-leaf clover is for love.
We don't officially talk until several weeks later.
"Akane-chan, can you come with me to buy some lunch?" The orange-haired Enforcer tugs at the girl's sleeves while she's trying her best to ignore him and continue with her work. She sighs and looks at him for a brief second.
"Sorry Kagari-san, I can't. I'm doing—"
"Tsunemori is working on an important report, so please stop bothering her," Ginoza cleared his throat and speaks firmly. Akane sends him a grateful look that soon turns apologetic when Kagari switches his victim and now picks on the male Inspector.
"What about you, Gino? You're not doing anything, right?"
"No."
"But it'll only take a few minutes!"
"No."
"I promise to—"
"No." Ginoza types away furiously at his keyboard. "Go bother someone else."
Akane taps my shoulder and I turn to face her. "What about you? Why don't you go with Kagari-san to get lunch?"
At first I'm confused, but then I remember that Enforcers must always be accompanied when they go outside. Kagari immediately looks away and he has given up on going out at all, but I couldn't say no to Ginoza's almost pleading look of annoyance that clearly said it's an order. Reluctantly, I nod and stand up.
"... Okay."
Kagari knows that there's no arguing with Ginoza, so he has to choice but to leave with me, even though he scoffs and sighs in exasperation.
I follow the Enforcer out the building, stuffing my hands in my pockets to prevent anyone from seeing them shake uncontrollably. It's the first time I've ever felt like this—I'm not quite sure what this is yet—and I don't know how to react at all. Eventually, we stop at a store a few blocks down and Kagari buys a simple sandwich before we make our way back. The entire walk is filled with the sound of deafening silence and he is the first to break it.
"So... how were the last few years?"
I blink. Only one word comes to mind: Miserable.
"Good," I lie smoothly. Ever since he left, I was barely able to maintain a healthy hue for my Psycho-Pass and each day felt like centuries without the boy I grew up with. I never did make any other friends either because of the Kagari I created from my imagination.
He nods at my answer and an awkward silence ensues again.
"Why did you become a detective?"
I pause in my step and he stops too, looking at me with confused eyes. "Follow me," I say, and I take his hand in mine and drag him in the opposite direction. We enter a video game store and I search the shelves until I find the one I want. "Do you have your console?" Kagari reaches into his pocket and brings out the red console and I replace the chip inside with the new one I picked out.
"We used to play this all the time... remember?" I click start and for the first time since I joined MWPSB, he leans over my shoulder and smiles along with me as we relive the adventures of the rather childish game. We choose a corner of the store and sit there for an entire hour, laughing and screaming at the screen, before getting up and leaving, both of us scared out of our minds at what kind of punishment Ginoza is going to give us.
But we're finally acting like friends again and as long as Kagari is beside me, I feel like I can take on anything.
"Why did you become a detective?"
To stand beside you and go through hardships and achievements together. To replay the happy scenes from our childhood. To feel you by my side, giving me reassurance that I'm not alone.
To simply see you again.
-XxX-
However, all things have to come to an end.
The feeling of happiness doesn't last long and I am alone once again—this time, for forever.
-XxX-
Kagari is dead.
The minute it happened, I knew. The news strikes every part of my body with an electric shock, taking all the breath out of my lungs. My best friend is officially gone. And he doesn't even get a grave.
"Maybe he ran away."
I can't believe the words that come out of Ginoza's mouth, which is why it takes a few minutes before it fully registers in my brain. I blink and soon, my sadness is replaced by rage. There's no way that Kagari would run away on such an important mission. I clench my hands into lethal fists and grit my teeth to stop myself from what I wanted to, but it was no use. All my anger comes out on the male Inspector; I kick him, punch him, and swear at him.
But I freeze when he brings out his Dominator and pulls the trigger.
-XxX-
A four-leaf clover is for luck.
When I walk into the MWPSB building the next day—as an Enforcer instead of an Inspector—there is a deafening change in atmosphere.
No one speaks, no one even looks up, as I take my seat and begin my work for the day. I sneak a peek at where the new empty seat is. Nothing has been moved; nothing has been touched. The two dinosaur figurines still sit on the desk, facing each other in a battle stance, a fresh cup of coffee served out of habit is placed a little too closely to the keyboard, where many accidents have happened before. And, if I squint, I can see a blurry outline of a certain orange-haired boy, with his feet up on the table and eyes anywhere put his work.
When I blink, he's gone.
I almost expect the boy to jump up out of nowhere and swing his arm around my neck and peer over my shoulder at whatever boring document I was working on on the computer screen. I almost expect him to throw the video game console at me and demand me to play with him. I almost expect him to come back and say that everything was just a prank, that we should've seen our faces, that he got us all real good this time.
But none of that happens.
And I'm forced to be reminded of Kagari's absence once again.
-XxX-
Realization strikes me as I realize that Kagari will never celebrate a birthday again.
But then, I suppose, he doesn't really need to either. There's no point in celebrating the day of your birth when you've died.
For me, on the other hand, December 3rd will never be the same again. There will never be an orange-haired boy beside me, blowing out the candles of the most abstract cakes ever again; there will never be an entire day dedicated solely to opening presents, watching movies, and playing games; there will never a boy who will wear the hair clips I bought.
The hair clips.
Memories flood and consume me as I pull two identical, blue hair clips out of my pocket. I had gotten them as a present for Kagari on his fourth birthday and I'm honestly surprised that he wore them until the very end. But now... now, these clips will never be worn again.
For the first time in a very long time, I sit down and cry.
Tears roll freely down my face and I don't even bother to wipe them away as I call desperately out to my best friend, willing him to follow the sound of my voice and come back. My sobs can be heard from down the hall and I curl myself into a ball, sniffing, trying to calm down. I'm a complete mess.
At one point, I do stop. Everything is okay. But I make the mistake of thinking about everything again and the weeping starts again. Eventually the darkness of the room swallows me up and I cry myself to sleep until there aren't any more tears to shed.
The next day, I wake up to find a single, two-leaf clover on my desk and you'd think that I would be happy, but it only makes me cry more.
-XxX-
A one-leaf clover is for faith.
Even though I'd give anything to take Kagari's place when he died, I realize that I can't travel back in time to prevent it all. The only thing I can do is wait.
A two-leaf clover is for hope.
I know that we will meet again, either in Heaven or in another life altogether. I haven't lost hope—not yet.
A three-leaf clover is for love.
After all, best friends have to stick together, right?
A four-leaf clover is for luck.
And, if we're lucky and Fate is nice, we won't have to separate ever again.
So why are the tears still falling?
Why does my heart hurt so much?
Why do I feel so... alone?
...
...
...
What happened to "us"?
I dig deep into my pocket reach for the thing I've kept for years and realize that it's finally time to let go.
The two-leaf clover in my hand is blown away by the wind and eventually crumples into oblivion.
A/N: I tried experimenting with writing in present tense for this fanfic and I think it turned out okay. Feel free to point out any mistakes and I'll go fix that.
The last part there about the different leaf-clovers representing different things is true; I searched it up on Google, and Google is always right, yeah?
Leave a review!
~Madin456.