EDIT: I've been, since I posted this, been questioned about the OOCness. Please note... I haven't really read any of the books with Artemis' father in it. His personality is something I half pieced together and half pulled straight out of my . Excuse the OOCness for him. The others? Flame away about it.

Despite what you might think, Artemis Fowl was not a bright toddler.

Artemis concussed his head when he was 4, and for some reason, it boosted his IQ, erased parts of his memories, and embedded into Artemis the criminal mind we know today. Before that, Artemis was a normal little youngling, a black sheep of the Fowl family.

Butler often compared before-4 Artemis with present-day-after-4 Artemis. He found that, although after-4 Artemis was intelligent and got them into exciting adventures, Butler still liked before-4 Artemis more.

The boy had been precious. Artemis had been a sweet, innocent little child. An adorable little thing.

And above all, before-5 Artemis had called Butler 'Daddy'.

Baby cries split the night, shattering the sleepy silence in the Fowl manor with one blow.

"Timmy... Timmy," muttered Angeline Fowl, rolling over and prodding her husband awake. "Timmy... Arty's crying..."

Artemis Sr. shifted away from Angeline, pulling his covers over his head.

"Let Butler handle him," he murmured sleepily, curling up into a ball.

"Domovoi has business tonight. The Major's with Arty, but in all honesty, I don't think the Major will help calm Arty. Frankly, I don't think he cares at all. Go, Timmy. You need to bond with Arty more anyway."

Knowing that it would be fruitless to argue with his wife, Artemis Sr. slowly and reluctantly stepped out of his warm, comfortable bed and plodded quietly towards the baby room.

Baby Artemis was about a year old, and was crying loudly in his crib. Artemis Sr. crossed the room and... rocked the crib.

"Be quiet, son," he ordered softly, rocking the crib none too gently.

Baby Artemis did not like being shaken in his crib, and continued to bawl.

Sighing, Artemis Sr. rushed back to his room and poked his head into the doorway. "Angeline. I tried rocking the baby. He won't shut up. What now?"

"Try feeding him. Maybe he's hungry."

"All right."

So Artemis Sr. blundered sleepily to the kitchen, and prepared a bottle for Baby Artemis. When he was finished, he quietly went back to the baby room, and jammed the bottle into Baby Artemis' mouth.

Baby Artemis stopped crying for a little while, sucking happily on his bottle, but pushed it away when he was tired of being fed. He started crying again.

Now thoroughly frustrated, Artemis Sr. stomped back to his room again. "Angeline! I fed the demon seed! It's still crying!"

"He probably needs to be burped," came Angeline's groggy voice. "And please don't call our son a demon seed, Timmy."

"Right. Burp him. And how do I do that?"

"Just... burp him," said Angeline, as though it was obvious how. Which, as a mother, the art of burping really was quite obvious to her.

Suddenly, Baby Artemis' crying stopped, and silence settled over Fowl Manor like a balm.

"What... who did that?" inquired Artemis Sr.

"Dunno, but whoever they are, they're good," replied Angeline.

Artemis Sr. crept silently down the hallway to his son's room, and peered in.

"Domovoi? What are you doing here?" asked Artemis Sr. "I thought you had things to take care of?"

Butler turned to face Artemis Sr., and in his arms was Baby Artemis, who was giggling and snuggling up against Butler's warm body. Just like a normal baby.

"Oh, that sir. It was nothing, really," replied Butler. "I was celebrating my sister's birthday -she just turned 5."

"It's 2 in the morning, Butler," noted Artemis Sr.

"Well, yes, but she's on the other side of the world you see. It was around 4 or 5 there."

"You went to the other side of the world and back in-"

"Oh, no, sir," said Butler quickly. "I was merely at a friend's house and using Skype, you know... since the computer is broken and all here."

"I... see," said Artemis Sr. "And how exactly did you pacify Artemis?"

Butler looked down quickly at the little boy dozing off in his arms.

"I burped him, sir," he replied.

"I see," Artemis Sr. said again. "Well, good job, Butler. Have a good night's rest."

"Yes, sir."

Artemis Sr. turned and strutted briskly down the hallway. How did everyone else know about this burping technique?

"Buh-ler! Buh-ler!"
"It's 'Butler', master Artemis. 'Butler', not 'Buh-ler'."
"... Buh-ler?"

Butler looked down sternly at the 2-year-old boy playing with alphabetical cubes. He didn't know what little kids saw in those blocks.

"But-ler," he enunciated clearly. "Butler. Try it, master Artemis. But-ler. With a 't'."

"Bu... Bu... Buschler..." Artemis strained to get that 't' sound, but failed horribly.

"Nevermind, master Artemis. Just keep calling me Buh-ler," sighed Butler.

"Daddy!"

Butler immediately whipped around and prepared to face Artemis Sr. There was no-one there. Puzzled, Butler turned back to Artemis.

"What do you mean... Daddy? Mr.Fowl isn't here," said Butler.

Artemis frowned and pointed at Butler.

"Daddy!" he insisted.

Butler's eye twitched slightly.

"Master Artemis, I am not your daddy," he said loudly and clearly. "I am your Butler. Your bodyguard. I did not... er... help... in your birth" -Butler felt VERY awkward saying that- "so I am not your father. So I am not your daddy. Do you get it?"

Artemis shook his head.

"Daddy and Father is not the same," he pouted. "A Daddy doesn't have to be my Father."

"Yes, they are, master Artemis," Butler explained. "A Daddy DOES have to be your Father."

Artemis covered his ears and scrunched up his eyes.

"No! No! No!" he shrieked, opening one eye to glare at Butler. "You are my Daddy! You play with me, and you help me with everything, and you protect me, and you don't even get mad at me... that's what a Daddy is! You are my Daddy."

Butler stood, stunned.

Artemis had removed his hands from his ears and opened both eyes and was pouting up at Butler with a puzzled look on his face. "Are you sad, Daddy?"

Suddenly, without warning, Butler stooped down and hugged little Artemis close. After being confused for about two seconds, Artemis snuggled into Butler's chest and curled up into a ball.

"Daddy!" he giggled.

A pair of saddened eyes watched from the doorway. They watered for a moment, then hardened and narrowed. Their owner turned on their heels and stalked angrily away from the scene of his own son hugged by another man.

"Father! Father!" shrieked little Artemis happily as he ran down the pathway as fast as his chubby little legs could carry him. "Father! You're home! You're home!"

Artemis Sr. growled angrily as Artemis leaped onto his father's torso with a cry of "HUGGY!", and latched on like a leech. Albeit an extremely adorable leech.

Artemis Sr. jerked his head at his Butler, and the Major obediently plucked young Artemis off from his father's shirt and set him down roughly on the ground. Artemis, being young and inexperienced with the art of balancing, stumbled and fell flat on his arse.

"Ow... that hurt, Father," pouted Artemis.

"Artemis," said his father in a cold, clipped voice. "That was not suitable behaviour for a Fowl. It was highly inappropriate. If you do that again, you will be flogged until you have become so discombobulated you will call me mother. Really, son, have you no pride, running around like a munchkin?"

And on and on. Artemis, confused and frightened by the big words being flung at him mercilessly, began to sniffle and sob, which ended up in Artemis Sr. further elevating his tone.

"Mr.Fowl, sir!" hollered a voice.

Artemis Sr. looked up from reprimanding his son and narrowed his eyes dangerously at the rapidly approaching figure.

"What is is, Butler?" he said iritably. "And why has my son-?"

"I'm extemely sorry, sir," gasped Butler, skidding to a stop and scooping the sobbing 3-year-old up into his arms. "I was talking to Mrs.Fowl, sir, and when I turned around he was gone, sir."

"You better watch him more carefully, Butler," snarled Artemis Sr. "I've entrusted my son's life with you. You better watch him VERY carefully, my dear Butler. VERY carefully."

"Yes, sir," Butler replied hastily.

"Very well," said Artemis Sr. coldly, pushing past Butler and striding quickly away, the Major right on his heels.

Butler stared after the Fowl man, before a small tug on his shirt jerked him back to reality. He shifted his gaze to the Fowl toddler, who was sobbing and wiping his face with Butler's tie. Instead of being revolted, Butler found the gesture strangely endearing.

"Daddy..." whispered the little boy. "Why did Father yell at me? Did I do something wrong?"

Butler didn't answer for a long while, his heart aching for the little guy. He was so innocent, so sweet, but yet, he was a Fowl.

"I don't know," he finally replied.

Artemis Sr. glowered at Butler's back from his window, eyes boring into the Eurasian man, his face flushed with envy. He wanted to be a good father. Wanted to be the best father. For his heir. For his son. For his Artemis.

"He's mine, damnit," Artemis Sr. muttered, curling his hand into a fist.

Major Butler glanced over at his principal.

"Anything wrong, sir?" he asked dutifully.

Artemis Sr. whipped his head around so quick he heard his neck give an onimous crick. Rubbing the back of said body part gingerly, Artemis Sr. replied, "Nothing, Butler. Just... things on my mind."

Major Butler raised an eyebrow, but didn't question further as Artemis Sr. returned to staring out the window.

"So, THIS is your 'principal', hm, bro?"
"Yes, Juliet. He is my principal."

Juliet Butler leaned over and scrutinized the confused Fowl boy.

"How old is he now?" she asked, tickling Artemis' sides and sending him into hysterical laughter while squirming and wiggling in her grasp. "Oooh... he's ticklish! How cute!"

"He's 4," replied Butler, gazing fondly at the pair. "Hey, Juliet, you two make a nice couple."

Juliet made a face and stopped tickling Artemis and jabbed at her brother's (MANLY) chest.

"He's 4, bro," she scowled. "I'm 8!"

Butler shrugged.

"Soon, he'll be 25, and you'd be 29 and you guys wouldn't care anymore, anyway," he reasoned. "Age differences disappear once you get older."

Juliet grimaced and returned to tickling Artemis.

As Artemis erupted into more peals of laughter, Artemis Sr. sauntered in with a relaxed air. Upon seeing his son, his features hardened.

"Hello, Mr.Fowl," greeted Butler. "May I ask where the Major is?"

"He's patrolling the grounds," Artemis Sr. replied shortly.

There was a pause.

"Butler," he said in a strained voice while hollering to be heard above his son's and Juliet's laughter. "I would like a word, please. You may leave Artemis with Juliet. Come with me."

Butler obeyed and followed Artemis Sr. They walked all the way to the wine cellar, where Artemis Sr. stopped and spun around to face Butler with a serious and infuriated look on his face.

"Butler, these past four years, I don't know how you've been doing this-."

Artemis Sr. was interrupted when a blood-curdling scream sliced right through his dialogue.

The two men paused, listening to the yells. Then, they both started and shouted at the same time:

"ARTEMIS!"

The two raced upstairs, sprinting to the room they had oh so recently vacated. They burst in, and saw that Artemis was on the floor, clutching his head and screaming in pain while Juliet had her eyes wide open, frightened speechless. There was blood. Quite a bit of it.

Without thinking, both males grabbed hold of the Fowl heir and immediately rushed him to a bedroom, where, upon arrival, a nurse was paged. The nurse hurried over and scrambled to treat the now-unconcious Artemis, while ordering the two to go outside.

Butler and Artemis Sr. stepped outside the room, and saw Juliet rushing over.

"Juliet!" choked Butler, embracing his sister. "What... what happened...?"

Juliet said nothing, sobbing into her brother's clothes and wrapping her arms around what parts of him she could.

"Juliet... Juliet, ANSWER ME!" choked Butler, wrenching Juliet away from him, holding her firmly by the shoulders and locking eyes with his sister. "What happened!"

"I... I don't know," Juliet said shakily, scared by the fire and anger in her brother's eyes. "I was tickling Artemis, and he leapt up and was still squirming and everything, then he fell off the table, hit his head on the air vent and fell on the floor screaming."

Everything was silent for a few seconds, and then Juliet started crying again. Sighing sadly, Butler held his sister close once more, and Juliet slumped against him, her shoulders heaving.

Eventually, the nurse came out, a glum look on her face. Artemis Sr. and Butler immediately bombarded her with questions.

"Is Arty alright?"
"Any major injuries?"
"Will he need to be hospitalized?"
"What kind of treatment is required?"

Annoyed, the nurse made a sushing motion and replied, "Little Artemis is okay. He has a slight concussion, and might not remember some things... though I can't be sure."

"Will he be okay?" piped up Juliet anxiously, clinging onto Butler's arm.

The nurse nodded.

"Can we go inside and see him?" asked Artemis Sr.

The nurse nodded again.

The two men instantly sped inside, Butler dragging Juliet with him. Artemis lay on the bed, bandages wrapped neatly around his head. He blinked his blue-black eyes for a moment.

"Father?" he whispered.

Artemis Sr. rushed to his son and enveloped little Artemis in a hug, sobbing.

"Father?" Artemis repeated.

"Yes, yes," said Artemis Sr., his voice muffled and his head pressed against the pillow. "Yes, Arty, I'm here... I'm here... do you feel okay? Anything seem wrong?"

"No, Father," Artemis informed him. "I feel perfectly fine, thank you."

"Sir, is there any pain?" asked Butler.

"My head is throbbing," replied Artemis, turning to face Butler and frowning. "Excuse me, but who are you?"

Butler's heart skipped a beat, and Juliet gasped beside him.

"I'm your Butler, sir," he managed.

Artemis stared expressionlessly at the manservant.

"I see," he said.

Then, Artemis turned away and closed his eyes to sleep.

20-year-old Artemis Fowl was about as successfull as successfull could be. He had, through some Fairy technology (out-dated technology, of-course, and nothing that could pick up LEP signals on a scanner) delivered to him from Foaly and a lot of patents, been able to accumulate more money than his Father had originally lost. Right now, he was fiddling with some of the Fairy equipment, tinkering it and making use of its high-tech components. It had been a particularly difficult device to make, and Artemis had spent many a sleepless night on it.

"Butler," Artemis called.

Domovoi Butler turned in his seat.

"Yes?"

"I'm almost done. Call the patent company and inform them of it," he ordered.

"Right away, Artemis."

As Butler finished the call and returned to his seat, Artemis managed to place the last bolt in place.

"I'm done, Butler. Call Juliet, will you? I want to get to the company right now," Artemis said, packing the device he had been making away in a portable safe that also contained the plans for said device.

"Of course, just one moment," replied Butler, getting up yet again to phone his sister. Moments later, he was seated in the comfortable chintz chair once again.

Half an hour passed, and Juliet had not yet shown up.

"Butler, where did she say she was?" Artemis asked irritably. Being tired made him irritable.

"She said she was a few miles away," answered Butler instantly. "Probably traffic trouble."

Artemis frowned, but said nothing.

"Artemis," said Butler suddenly.

"Yes, Butler?"

"What do you think a Daddy is? Is there a difference between a Father and a Daddy?" he asked.

Artemis stared at the bodyguard, a confused expression on his face.

"Father and Daddy are synonyms," he finally replied.

Butler persisted.

"I've always thought to be a Daddy, you had to be special," he said. "Anyone could be a Father, right?"

"Except for women."
"Of-course."
"So what are you saying?"
"To be someone's Daddy you have to be more special than a Father. More intimate, don't you think, Artemis?"
"... I don't know what you're talking about, Butler."
"Am I being too deep?"
"No. Simply too illogical. A Father is no different than a Daddy. They are both men that have offspring."
"But I'm not talking about practical differences. I'm talking about psychological differences. How you would feel about someone you call Father differs from how you would feel about someone you call Daddy. Is there a difference? Do you think there's a difference, Artemis?"

Artemis turned away from Butler.

"Of-course there are psychological differences. But it has only to do with connotations," he said briskly, pacing up and down the study. "If one calls the male parent 'Father', most people immediately assume that it is a much more formal relationship between father and son. 'Daddy' sounds childish, innocent, and quite immature."

"A lot of people call their dads 'Daddy' even after they've grown up," Butler pointed out. "Mostly women from what I've noticed, but some men too. I don't think it's immature. I think it's merely a more intimate way of addressing your male parent."

Artemis snorted, muttering something incomprehensible.

Butler raised an eyebrow. "I beg your pardon, Artemis. What was that?"

Artemis shook his head and sat down in a chair, fidgeting and tapping his slippered foot on the ground impatiently.

"Artemis?"

Artemis stopped fidgeting and sat back in the chair, his eyes fixated on the ceiling, his brow furrowed, a grimace on his face. After a long stretch of silence, Artemis suddenly spoke again. Softly and sleepily this time, his features relaxing as he gave a small, slightly nostalgic smile, his eyes glazing over with fatigue.

"A Daddy plays with you," he whispered sleepily, so Butler had to strain to hear him. "He makes you feel really special and loved because he doesn't get mad at you... he cares about you... he helps you with everything... he protects you from all the bad guys..."

Artemis closed his eyes, yawning before drifting off. He uttered one last phrase before sleep claimed him. Something inarticulate and thick with sleep that made Butler smile fondly in remembrance of before-4 Artemis.

"Sorta like you... Buh-ler..."