Rationalisations by Chibiness87

Pairing: GSR
Spoilers: Up to and including LD
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summery: "Moments make up your life, some big, some small. But it is the 'Smack you in the face' ones that are to be treasured."

A/N: So this was a birthday present from me to me… however, I happened to be in Italy on the 24th… and this was the first change I've had since getting back on the 29th to post…

There are times in life when you realise just what a mess of missed opportunities your life really is. Moments flash through your mind without your consent.

"You want to sleep with me?"

"Since when were you interested in beauty?"
"Since I met you."

"Honey."

And then there are the times you wish you could keep locked away, ready for playback whenever you need a smile.

"I don't even need to turn around. Sara Sidle."
"That's me!"

"You've always been more than a boss to me."

"You make me happy."

Oh how true that last one is. You thought you knew happiness. Your bugs were what kept you going. And then, one day, she walks into your life. And suddenly you realise you never knew what happiness was.

But, like the idiot you are, instead of embracing a future with her in, a future where you could be happy, you push her away. For YEARS.

And yet she somehow continues to come back to you. Every. Single. Time. Sometimes you wonder what you have done to deserve this. Doesn't she get your doing this to protect her? Or maybe to protect yourself. Forget Jesus in the desert; temptation was in the form of Sara Sidle.

You push her away for close to a decade. Until, one day, a madman holds her life in his hands. And you are helpless. You are going to watch the one person you have ever really loved, (because, you realise, you do) die and you can't do a thing about it.

When she manages to escape with her life intact, it's all you can do not to pull her into your arms, never to let her go again. Never to let the world hurt her again; she has had enough hurt in her past.

As you stand in the layout room now, you wish you had. The model is mocking you. And suddenly you get it. It's about you. And her.

"This woman blames me for the death of Ernie Dell. I took away the only person she has ever loved, so she's going to do the same thing to me."

You didn't mean for the team to find out about your feelings for her this way. Maybe they already knew anyway. But that's not important right now.

The important thing is to FIND SARA!

Closely followed by MARRY SARA!

Moments make up your life, some big, some small, but it is the 'Smack you in the face' ones that are to be treasured. You love Sara Sidle. You have to find her. Nothing else matters.

Fuck rules. Fuck regulations. Fuck decorum. There is one person who knows where she is, and if you have to sell your soul to the devil to get her back, you will.

Because Sara Sidle is the only person you will ever love.