Hey guys! This story is...well, it has no point really! There is no real reason for me to write it, but I was listening to the song 'the night santa went crazy' by weird al, and i thought 'man i have to put that in a story somehow!" so i did...a silly, pointless story but hey! Arent all stories pointless and silly? Anyway, this is most likely only going to be a couple of chapters long, so i will prolly update soon! Please read and review (no flames please) and i will see you kids in the movies!
I do not own friends/ weird al/ characters/actors, but i would love to see Matt Perry singing 'The Night Santa Went Crazy"
She was so screwed.
Maybe they had forgotten?
Maybe it had slipped their minds?
Maybe it didn't matter that she wasn't prepared. That she had promised them something that she couldn't give them.
She sighed.
The first time she had ever had trouble writing a song, and it was the first time she had promised something special. The first time they had really expected it.
And she had writers block.
Well…singers block really.
She let out another sigh, praying that they had forgotten.
With that one final prayer she opened the door.
"Hey Phoebe!" Monica greeted from the couch. A fake smile covered Phoebe's face as she attempted to hide her guitar from her friends. Maybe if they didn't see it, they wouldn't remember.
"Hey!" she greeted brightly.
"So, Madame Buffay, I believe you have an original song for us? Something that, I'm sure, we have all been dying to hear! I know I have, I've barely slept, because of the excitement!" Phoebe didn't notice the sarcasm in Chandler's voice. She was too busy freaking out.
She could always tell them that she didn't have anything, but that wasn't Phoebe. She had made a promise and she was going to keep that promise. Even if it meant bending the rules slightly.
"Yeah Pheebs, we are all so excited!" Rachel added as Phoebe took off her coat.
"I'm sure you are," Phoebe let out a nervous laugh then picked up her guitar once more. She reluctantly walked over to the group, seeing them looking at her expectantly. She let out another nervous giggle then sat down on the table, taking extra time to position her guitar so that it was just right.
Apparently she took too long because Ross soon cleared his throat.
"Uh Pheebs? I know you love your guitar, but could we, uh, hurry this up? I have to go pick up my son soon."
"Ross, a true artist must be perfectly prepared," Phoebe reminded him in annoyance, then went back to positioning her guitar. She saw Chandler raise his eyebrows out the corner of her eye.
"I think someone's stalling," he singsonged, a small smirk on his face.
"I think someone's stalling," Phoebe mocked, giving him a glare. "I am not stalling! I'm just preparing!"
"I think somebody is nervous," Rachel piped up, smiling.
"Why…why would I be nervous? I never get nervous!" Phoebe's voice said otherwise, and she cleared her throat.
"I think you are! Maybe you aren't…prepared?" Monica's voice irked Phoebe and she glared at her friend.
"I am prepared! I'll show you, right now!"
"Then do it, right now!" Joey had a huge smile on his face, which also annoyed Phoebe. Probably because she had no idea what she was about to do.
"Oh, I'm gonna!"
Phoebe took a deep breath, quickly scanning her mind for a song; any song that her friends may not recognise. A song stuck out among all the others and she smiled. Yep, that was the one.
"Okay, here we go!" she glanced up at her waiting friends, then took another deep breath and began to sing; strumming her guitar strings along to the song she knew so well.
"Down in the workshop all the elves were makin' toys
For the good Gentile girls and the good Gentile boys
When the boss busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death
Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath
From his beard to his boots he was covered with ammo
Like a big fat drunk disgruntled Yuletide Rambo
And he smiled as he said with a twinkle in his eye,
'Merry Christmas to all - now you're all gonna die!'
The night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nick went insane
Realized he'd been gettin' a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in his brain
Well, the workshop is gone now, he decided to bomb it
Everywhere you'll find pieces of Cupid and Comet
And he tied up his helpers and he held the elves hostage
And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage
He got Dancer and Prancer with an old German Luger
And he slashed up Dasher just like Freddy Krueger
And he picked up a flamethrower and he barbequed Blitzen
And he took a big bite and said, 'It tastes just like chicken!'
The night Santa went crazy
the night Kris Kringle went nuts
now you can't hardly walk around the North Pole
without steppin' in reindeer guts
there's the National Guard and the F.B.I.
There's a van from the Eyewitness News
and helicopters circlin' 'round in the sky
and the bullets are flyin', the body count's risin'
and everyone's dyin' to know, oh Santa, why?
My my my my my my
You used to be such a jolly guy
Yes Virginia, Now Santa is dead
Some guy from the swat team blew a hole through his head
Yes little friend now, that's his brains on the floor,
I guess they won't have the fat guy kicking around anymore
But now there's no more presents for children's enjoyment
And the Elves have to wait in the line and file for unemployment
And they say Mrs. Clause, she's on the phone every night
With her lawyer negotiating the movie rights
They're talkin' bout - the night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nicholas flipped
Broke his back for some milk and cookies
Sounds to me like he was sick of gettin' gypped
Woo, the night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nick went insane
Realized he's gettin' a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in his brain
Woo, something finally must have snapped in his brain
Tell ya, something finally must have snapped... in his brain."
Phoebe glanced up from her guitar, and gauged her friend's reactions. They were staring at her, their mouths hanging open.
"Well, that was…" Rachel trailed off, looking at her friends helplessly.
"I thought…" Monica glanced at Joey for assistance.
"The lyrics were…"
"They were very inventive!" Ross finished Joey's sentence. They all nodded emphatically, with the exception of Chandler.
"And very familiar," he said instead of nodding. Phoebe stopped herself from reacting. Crap, she thought. He was on to her.
"F-Familiar? They aren't familiar! I made them up by myself," she insisted. Chandler shook his head.
"I don't think so."
"Ya huh!"
"Phoebe, that was a Weird Al song, I'm sure of it!" Chandler exclaimed.
"Weird Al? I don't even know who that is," Phoebe lied, standing up.
"Yes you do, I've heard you singing along to his songs!"
"No I don't! Seriously!"
"Oh, seriously? Oh, I'm convinced!" Chandler said sarcastically.
"Chandler, if she says she wrote it, then she wrote it!" Rachel broke in.
"Yeah! Thank you Rachel." Phoebe smiled at Chandler charmingly. He stood up so that he could look Phoebe in the eye.
"Oh, she didn't write it. I know she didn't write it…and I'm gonna prove it."
"Oh really?" Phoebe said defiantly, but inside she was freaking out. He was going to ruin everything. It had been going so well, and now he was going to expose her. She couldn't let that happen.
"Yes, really!"
"Chandler, why does this matter so much to you man?" Joey piped up.
"Because…because it gives me something to do! Instead of being bored at work, I can prove Phoebe wrong. And I am so going to prove her wrong."
"I'd like to see you try." Phoebe and Chandler stared at each other, daring the other to say something. Phoebe was going to beat him. She wasn't going to let him reveal her secret. She would do anything and everything to stop the truth from coming out.
"Okay, well, while you two sort this all out, we're going to go get some coffee." Monica stood up, and headed to the door, the other three following.
"I'll be down in a minute," Chandler called after them.
"Yeah, me too!" the door closed and Phoebe stepped closer to Chandler, poking him in the chest. "I am going to fight you Chandler Bing and I am going to win."
"Please! I am so going to prove you wrong, because I know that Weird Al sang that song and I can easily prove it! I have his cd in my apartment."
"You better keep a close eye on that cd, it may suddenly disappear," Phoebe said coolly.
"You wouldn't dare-"
"Oh, oh! Wouldn't I?" Chandler scowled.
"I will find another way."
"And I will fight you every step of the way…every time you leave the room, I will be there. Every time you go searching for proof, I will be there. Every time you do anything…I am totally going to be there! Now, if you will excuse me…" Phoebe started to walk to the door, and Chandler quickly followed her.
"Where…where are you going?"
"Oh, I'm going to your apartment…that cd is going out the window Mr Bing!"
"No, wait! Pheebs!" Chandler raced after Phoebe, who was giggling.
The race was on.