Disclaimer: I don't own Ranma 1/2. Believe it or not, an ingenious lil' lady named Rumiko Takahashi does.

Author Note: You know, I honestly am not a big fan of "the mallet". Cool as it is, the hefty weapon has been overused in fan fiction to the point where it has become a cliche. Still, the enormous hammer has become a fanfiction staple, and I felt the true story of its origin needed to be told.

As an side note, I've sprinkled several cameos into this story, some of which are obvious and some of which are not. Don't fret, however! I've added a "glossary" of the non-Ranma characters that make an appearance in this story to the end of chapter 2. In the meantime, read, laugh, and enjoy.

"You jerk, Ranma... you jerk, you jerk, you jerk, YOU JERK!"

It was another beautiful day in Furinakan; the birds were chirping, the sun was shining, and Akane was walking away from a flattened Ranma Saotome. The two had stopped for a moment to watch a construction crew erect a new housing complex nearby. Akane pointed out how short and squat the new building was, and Ranma (as protocol demanded) pointed out that it was shaped just like her. Of course, this required a stomping of gargantuan proportions.

As she stalked angrily away, Akane huffed, "I can't believe that he just said that to me! Grrr... What's worse, now I feel exhausted! I know he has to be taught a lesson, but beating him up really takes it out of me. If only there were some way to clobber him with one blow..."

These words had scarcely left her mouth when she heard a high-pitched whistling sound.

"What in the world?" she wondered aloud. "Whatever that noise is, I think it's getting closer!"

Pfffff...

She whirled around to see a tiny, grey dust cloud rise from the ground behind her. Once the wind swept it away, she saw what looked like a severely injured dog. Upon closer inspection, however, she recognized it as one of America's coyotes (apparently, the Tendos subscribe to "National Geographic").

"Oh, you poor coyote!" she gasped, peeling him off the pavement. "Are you okay?"

The poor animal looked like a wreck. It had bloodshot eyes, it had obviously not eaten in a very long time, and it was covered from head to toe in strange bruises that were shaped suspiciouly like car and train tracks.

Nodding weakly, the animal pulled a wooden sign out of somewhere and wrote, "I'm fine. You're pretty clever to notice that I'm a coyote. People tend to mistake me for a dog."

Most people would have run away screaming or stared in astonishment: an intelligent animal who can communicate with signs! Luckily, Akane was used to it (minus the "intelligent" part), so she just smiled at him.

"I read a lot," she humbly replied. "So, how did you get here anyway? Where are you from?"

"Arizona, and I landed here as a result of a runaway catapult," came the answer via sign. "Here: my card."

Akane took it and read it aloud. "Wile E. Coyote, Genius. Specialty: building super-genius devices to acquire lighting-fast poultry."

He then held up another sign that read, "Mind telling me where I am now? East Asia, obviously, but..."

"You're in a suburb of Tokyo called 'Nerima', and more specifically in Furinkan Town," she replied. "Do you need help getting home?"

Wile E. shook his head and smiled. He wrote, "Thank you, my dear girl, but I can manage. This is hardly the first time this has happened. However, there is one thing you could help me with..."

The flea-bitten canine reached behind his back and pulled out an enormous hammer. Chuckling, he wrote, "As you might surmise, I'll have hell trying to get this through customs. Would you mind taking it off my hands?"

A sweatdrop on the side of her head, Akane mutterd, "Well, sure, but..."

"BEEP! BEEP!"

Akane jumped a full four feet in fright at the unexpected honking. When she whirled around, she saw a tall, grey-and-purple bird. "What the--?"

Suddenly, Akane sensed something that made her hair stand on end. Turning white, she thought, "Oh, crud... That HUGE battle aura... Where could it be coming from?"

To her shock, Wile E. Coyote suddenly hopped in front of her, the center of the aura moving with him! How could this mere animal be putting off that much energy?

Shaking with rage, the coyote held up a sign that read (in scrawled, near-demonic looking letters), "So... You have the nerve to come here, do you? Fine. TONIGHT, I DINE ON TERIYAKI ROAD RUNNER!"

What happened next, Akane couldn't say. The bird simply disappeared, leaving a lingering afterimage. As for the coyote, all she could see was a brown blur as he blasted out of sight.

"What... what was that all about?" Akane breathed nervously. Finally coming to her senses, she noticed the enormous mallet Wile E. had left behind lying on the ground next to her. Cautiously, she picked it up.

"Acme-brand Giant Mallet?" she whispered, reading the words on the side.

She couldn't say exactly why, but Akane really liked holding that mallet. It was ridiculously heavy, but for a supergal like Akane this merely meant "bulky". It was of high craftsmanship and sturdy construction, with a solid steel hammerhead and a polished oak handle. Looking at it, she got the feeling it would last 'till Doomsday and beyond.

"I... I... I... I gotta try it!" she burst out, looking rather deranged. Spotting a nearby concrete barrier, she swung at it with all her might.

CRASH! (Crumble, crumble, crumble...)

Akane panted as she looked at what was left of the barrier. Eyes wide, she gulped, "Whoa... what punching power! I bet this thing can clobber anything! It could probably even pulverize--"

A decidedly evil grin spread over Akane's face. "Even Ranma. Ha, ha, hah. Hahahahaha. HAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHA! MWAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Stopping in the middle of her diabolical laughter, she gasped, "Hey, wait a minute! I'll never be able to sneak up on him with this huge thing. Ohhhhhhh..."

Akane was about to get depressed when she noticed a gaggle of weirdos running down the street. In front was a pretty young girl in a school uniform, behind her was a handsome young man dressed in black, and hot on their heels was the most bizarre creature Akane had ever seen. She thought he was human, but with tiny eyes obscured by sunglasses and lips bigger than his arms, she could be wrong.

"Shinobu! I love you, Shinobu!"

"Eeeeeeeek! Ryuunosuke, save me!"

"Why do I gotta be the one?"

"Hmm... She's in trouble. I guess I'd better help her out," Akane thought, rolling up her sleeves. As it turned out, however, there was no need. Seemingly out of nowhere, a rather stupid-looking fellow in a track uniform ("lucky number 4") jumped into the street.

"Have no fear, Shinobu!" he roared. With that, the track guy pulled a huge wooden mallet from midair, bonked the huge weirdo on the head, and watched as he tumbled to the ground.

"A-Ataru... you saved me from Soban! Thank you!" the pretty girl exclaimed.

"Oh, it was nothing... BUT YOU CAN BOTH REPAY ME WITH A KISS!" he drooled, leaping forward in an attempt to glomp her.

POW!

"Aiiiiiieeeeeeeeeee!" he squealed as he flew out of sight. Standing between Shinobu and where Ataru had been was the boy dressed in black, scowling with fist raised.

"Pervert..." he muttered.

The pretty girl smiled, took his arm, and the two walked off into the sunset. Before they left, Akane overheard Shinobu saying, "You're so nice, Ryu! If you were a boy, even I would love to go out with you."

Akane scratched her head in confusion, unsure about what she had just witnessed. Finally, she shrugged her shoulders and gave up. It was Furinkan; no biggie. She was about to walk home when a thought hit her like... well, like a hammer. In her mind she saw the boy pulling the mallet out of God-knows-where, then the boy... girl... whatever punching him into the stratosphere. When she overlaid the two images, she suddenly realized that she had an amazing new innovation in the martial arts on her hands. This could be even bigger than the karate chop!

"I... I've got it! I've discovered a new technique!" Akane rejoiced, dancing a jig. Calming and becoming deadly serious, she muttered, "But, it's still too early to celebrate. I have to master the technique first..."

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BOOM! CRASH! KAPOW! ZONK! BABOOOOM!

"Geez, Pop, turn the TV down!" Ranma grumbled as he polished off his sixteenth bowl of rice. "I mean, I know you love the old 'Batman' series, but this is ridiculous!"

"Actually, your father went straight to sleep," Kasumi corrected him, looking up from her book, titled How to Become More Assertive. She had borrowed it from Doctor Tofu in desperation, and she now felt ready to give this whole "forceful" thing a try. Her heart rate quickening, she thought, "Okay, okay... I can do this! Just come out and say it..."

"Ranma, don't you..." she began, stopping in mid-sentence.

"Yeah? Wathya wahnt?" he asked between gulps of noodles.

"Y-you shouldn't eat as much! You'll get sick! And it's so much work to cook it all!" she exclaimed, blushing furiously. Ranma just looked at her blankly.

"Oh, he hates me now! I'm a horrible person!" Kasumi thought, hiding her face in her hands. The middle Tendo daughter stared in confusion at her weeping sister.

"What's wrong with her now? I swear, I'll never understand that girl..." she thought, rolling her eyes.

Nabiki finally cleared her throat and said, "Anyway... back to what we were talking about earlier, what's making all of that racket? Surely the construction workers would have all gone home by now."

At her sister's question, Kasumi instantly returned to her normal self. She bubbled, "Oh, it's just Akane! She's been training in the dojo since she got home this afternoon."

"Training?" Ranma asked. "What kind of training?"

"She said something about a technique powerful enough to defeat an opponent in one blow," Kasumi muttered carelessly. "She also said for you to stay the heck away from her until she's finished."

"Yeah, right! I'm the one with all of the fancy-pants techniques around here! If she thinks that I'm just gonna stand around while she learns something cool, then she's got another thing coming," Ranma thought, gritting his teeth.

"Thanks for dinner, Kasumi!" Ranma said hurriedly, rushing out of the room. Sticking his head back in for a moment, he added, "By the way, I'll try to eat a little less. Later!"

Kasumi stared after him with saucer-sized eyes. "Was... was it really that simple all along?"

"YES!" the eldest Tendo daughter roared, slamming a fist onto the table and shattering it into a million pieces. Nabiki backed away slowly as her sister began cleaning up the mess, happily humming "Whistle While You Work".

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Oho! Just like old oatmeal, the plot is beginning to thicken. If you think things are crazy so far, stick around. You ain't seen nothing yet!

Next time:

WATCH! As Ranma infiltrates the dojo at his own peril!

MARVEL! At just how fast Kasumi can clean up a broken table!

THRILL! To the other stuff that won't be spoiled ('cuz that would just be rude)!

Like I said, hang tight because the next chapter will be posted shortly. In the meantime, howsabout a review?