The FLYING SAUSAGE

*Sequel to 'Get Off My Sausage"

Hermione had never quite recovered from the sausage/hot dog incident, for the reason that the poor girl had been severely traumatized by the calamity of the Sausage. She had, ever since It happened, been oddly fond of grabbing any form of breakfast meat and throwing it at the walls or at individuals or multitudes near her. After breakfast, however, she never seemed to recall the throwing of breakfast provisions and was her normal self. Harry and Ron were tremendously timorous at her behavior.

One Wednesday morning Harry and Ron met Hermione in the common room to descend to their meal. Ron and Harry edged slowly past her chair, hoping ferverently that she would not see them. No such luck.

"Harry! Ron! Finally you're up! Let's go to breakfast! How come you guys are looking scared? Honestly, is it that sausage thing again? My goodness, I thought you had come to your senses. For the four-thousandth time, I am reiterating that I am not throwing sausage, bacon, or any other form of breakfast meat at anyone."

Harry and Ron traded a glance. Ron looked pensive. Ron fled. Harry looked after at Ron, then at Hermione. Er… Friend or friend? Crazy friend or crazyish friend? I'm confused… Before Harry could decide, Hermione tossed her hair and yanked him out the portrait hole.

"Oh deity! I can't believe Ron just ran like that! In all decency! My goodness…"

They reached the Great Hall. It was filled with the smell of sausage and bacon. Harry cringed and looked for a good corner to hide in. Hermione jerked and let go of Harry's arm. She bolted for the Gryffindor table.

"SAUSAGE!!!!!!!! C'MERE SAUSAGE!!!!! I GOTCHA YOU LIKE TOTALLY YUMILLICIOUS SAUSAGE !!! LIKE OHMYGOD!! SAUSAGE IS LIKE TOTALLY THE NEW SAUSAGE!!!! LIKE OHMYGOD!" shrieked Hermione the Ditz-Sausage. Unfortunately the air headed qualities were a side affect of the sausage disaster.

"Er- Herm? Er- wouldn't it –er- be a good –er- idea if you –er- stopped eating sausage?" murmured Harry meekly.

"LIKE OHMYGOD! ARE YOU LIKE TOTALLY CALLING ME LIKE Y'KNOW LIKE TOTALLY FAT! LIKE OHMYGOD! LIKE AHHH!!! YOU LIKE TOTAL LIKE JERK LIKE OHMYGOD! I'M LIKE TOTALLY GOING TO LIKE TOTALLY GOING TO LIKE Y'KNOW THROW SOMETHING AT YOU! LIKE OHMYGOD!"

Hermione chucked the sausage at Harry, who bolted for the door. The sausage veered after him. Hermione smirked.

"TAKE THAT YOU LIKE TOTALLY LIKE JERK! LIKE OHMYGOD! I JUST WASTED A LIKE TOTALLY LIKE GOOD LIKE SAUSAGE ON LIKE YOU! LIKE OHMYGOD! LIKE I'M GONNA LIKE TOTALLY GO GET IT LIKE TOTALLY BACK! LIKE OHMYGOD!" squealed Hermione as she pranced out the door, her arms at her sides and her hands sticking straight outward.

Outside, Harry was flat out sprinting for his life. In between short gasps he muttered, "Must… get… to… lake… sausage… Great Harry Potter… sausage can't… death by sausage… not dignified… must… GUUUURRRRGGGLLLLE!!!!!!" Harry tripped over a tree root and sprawled headlong into the lake, tumbling over and over into the depths of the greenish water. The sausage followed.

Hermione skipped after Harry and the sausage into the lake. She was holding an armful of sausage and bacon to throw at Evil Harry, as she had begun to refer to him.

"La, la, la de da… Now where is that horrid Harry?" she sang to herself while swimming down to the dark light at the top of the bottom of the lake. She reached the bottom but still had a ways to go. As Hermione swam she left a trail of breakfast meat marking her way. Unknown to her, the GIANT SQUID was following her. The GIANT SQUID gobbled up all of her trail.

While Hermione swam down toward the dark light and the GIANT SQUID swam after her Harry was fleeing the sausage. He reached the bottom of the lake and spotted a mervillage. He swam for his life!

"SAVE MEEEE!!!!! HELP MEEEE!!!! YOU MUST 'CAUSE IT'S MEEEE!!!! RESCUE THE GREAT HARRY POTTER!!!!" he said. But the merpeople heard:

"SERGLEMURGLE EEEEEEE!!!!! HURPLEINGLE EEEEEE!!!!! OOG MOOSSSEET COSGURGLE IST EEEEEE!!!!! RESCURGLE ETH GURT EEEEEEE!!!!"

Hermione spotted the figure shouting.

"What? Why is he like totally like talking about like sorbet pie?  Like oh! Ooooohhhhhhh! LIKE HARRY ITS LIKE TOTALLY MEEEEE!!!!!! WAIT UP!!!!!" she shouted.

The giant squid yanked Hermione back. She struggled forward as the GIANT SQUID towed her to the surface. She clawed back.

"NOOOO!!! I CAN'T LIKE TOTALLY LIKE Y'KNOW LEAVE! MY LIKE TOTAL YUMILICIOUS SAUSAGE IS LIKE TOTALLY BACK THERE! LIKE OHMYGOD!"

Hermione was vaulted out of the lake. She hit the surface with a dull thud and looked up, amazed. "How did I get up here? And I'm all wet. That's really weird." Hermione headed back up to the castle. Harry came back up later for class.

The next day Hermione was walking to Arithmacy class. She strolled down the hall and turned the corner. Halfway up the corridor was a group of nine third year girls.

"Like, ohmygod! You're like totally like joking!" said one girl

"Like no! I'm not!" said another.

Hermione walked toward them and then stopped abruptly. She began to shake and then fell over flat.

"LIKE OHMYGOD!!!"

"DO LIKE SOMETHING, JAMIE!"

"LIKE WHY ME JULIA???"

"CAUSE YOU'RE LIKE THE WEIRD GENIUS WHO WANTS TO KNOW LIKE TOTALLY LIKES EVERYTHING!!!"

"SHUT UP, ROXIE! CLAIRE! LIKE TOTALLY GET SOMEBODY!"

"LIKE TOTALLY WHAT???"…

EPILOUGUE FOR THE FLYING SAUSAGE- Harry came back soaking wet and no one knows why he shrieks whenever he spies sausage and he looks behind him all the time and flinches when someone tells him to go to breakfast. Ron never did get any sausage. He did get some cold bacon on his birthday, though. The GIANT SQUID got indigestion from the sausage. The merpeople decided to boycott lemons and moved to the Gobi desert and save the Peruvian Ankle-Biters. Hermione got over her little breakfast issue, but she doesn't know why when she hears 'like' or 'ohmygod' she flinches.

A/N: 'sup? Me here. Sooo… Whatd'ya think? A sequel to Get Off My Sausage is good or bad? Flames welcome, creative criticism is welcomer, and praise is most welcome!

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Okay, maybe not. Just a joke people! Joke! Don't kill me!