I never before understood the purpose for my life. All I seemed to do was get blamed for everyone else's mistakes; 'Kyo, it's all your fault, I wish you'd never been born', 'Why don't you do a favour and just die?' among many other insults. As a result, I never bothered searching for a reason to live; I never treasured my life. I didn't think anything of it, and I thought that to live was a curse itself, not to mention the burden and anguish of being cursed with the spirit of the cat. All I ever did was make other people's lives a misery. At times I wondered if it would be better if I just died. Would people be happy? Would people rejoice? Would they still insult me after I was dead?
But then it all changed. It all changed when I met Tohru Honda. It's funny how such a small person, how just one person with a big heart can light up yours, no matter how dark and scary it is.
Even after meeting Tohru, I still pondered over the same questions. Yet…I found myself becoming happier. She was the sun which shone and gave life to my world. She made my day. My day ended and began with her. Nothing could be better; before confinement with Akito, I would spend my last days outside with her. The thought of the impending doom still scared me, but…but with her by my side, I felt as if I could fly.
I admit that before Kazuma showed her my true form, I was beginning to think of her differently. I began to think of her as a woman, a partner; because essentially, that's what she was; she was always there for me, rain or shine. When she saw me…as a beast…I half expected that light which she poured out to be permanently cut out of my life. But no. The light only intensified; it only got brighter and stronger.
It was at that moment that I began to think I had the answers to those questions I previously asked myself. Yes, I would be missed if I suddenly just dropped dead. I would be missed. Whilst not many people would cry or show any sorrow for my death…I knew that one person would. Tohru.
It was at that moment that I realised I couldn't ever let her go. I couldn't ever give up hope of living, of being there. I had to be by her side, I had to protect her, just like I'd promised Kyoko I would. If I did let Tohru go, then it was just as good as killing myself. Because without her…there was no me. She was the light that filled and warmed up my heart, she was my heartbeat, she was in every breath I took.
You know what the best thing is? The fact that I am with her, right now, in her heart, and that she feels the same way I do. Who ever said that the cat was destined for a life alone? When someone like Tohru Honda enters your life…you know that you've got a friend, someone to care for you. Someone who will always be there for you.
And you know what? I couldn't ask for more. She is my life. She is the reason why I am still living; she is what keeps me going. I guess there's light at the end of the tunnel for everyone, even me…