AU: doesn't follow HBP, inspired by Ways to Infuriate a Potions Master by KaylaAyleen

A.N.: I don't own Harry Potter or even the plot; it was pretty much all inspired from KaylaAyleen and includes elements of some of my other favourite books by Louise Rennison. I didn't even make the list of ways to annoy Snape; it came from a lovely lady named Amanda who I hope is not offended by this (In my defence I tried to send her an e-mail to check, but it didn't work). I make no cash from doing this (only enemies lol though I will try my best not to offend anyone).

SS/HG – who else?

Alternating points of view but mostly narrative I think.

Chapter 1: Something To Live For

I am, even if I do say so myself, a genius! I can't take all the credit but I do claim most of it. I have a plan! A plan which will ensure that our final year at Hogwarts will be talked about long after the antics of Fred and George Weasley have been forgotten. Even they never imagined embarking upon such an amazing, perhaps slightly insane, mission as the one I was about to undertake with my friends Ron, Ginny and Harry. What with Voldemort well and truly out of the way we need something to occupy our spare time and Professor Snape has unwittingly given us something to live for - revenge!

OOOOOO

Breakfast in the Great Hall was generally a rather noisy affair due to the arrival of the owls with the post and the constant chatter of the students about the day ahead. The morning started out much like any other. Harry, Ron and Hermione sat in their usual seats at the Gryffindor table while Hermione read aloud an article about Gilderoy Lockhart's release from St. Mungos.

"… his new biography detailing his miraculous recovery and plans for the future will be available in stores at the end of the month."

"Ah, well, at least I know what to get you for Christmas now," Harry joked.

However, it seemed she was no longer listening; instead her eyes were focused upon the doors of the Great Hall. Harry noticed her inattentiveness and whipped his head around, almost cricking his neck, to watch the doors as well only to see his Potions professor enter.

At first, no one seemed to notice anything out of the ordinary, but before Professor Snape could take more than a few sips of his coffee, every head in the Hall had turned in his direction and silence descended upon the room.

Due to the abrupt drop in noise level as the students gaped at their professor (a few hastily trying to stifle their laughter); Professor McGonagall was clearly heard asking, "Severus, have you looked in the mirror this morning?"

"If this is some sort of joke, Minerva, then …" Snape began until he realised that everyone was looking at him, including the other staff members.

Professor Sinistra, who was sitting on his right, did not even attempt to hide her amusement as she handed him a mirror.

Snape's eyes widened in shock as he took in the change in his appearance. On his face, in thick black ink, a pair of circular glasses had been drawn along with an unpleasantly (for Snape anyway) familiar lightning bolt shape on his forehead.

Professor Snape's look of surprise rapidly changed to an expression of rage as he abruptly left the Great Hall.

Shortly after his departure and amidst the wave of laughter and chatter that broke out about their potions teacher, Ginny made her way into the Hall and sitting in an empty seat next to Hermione.

"That was brilliant Ginny, how did you pull it off without him noticing?" asked Ron, clearly impressed.

"What can I say? Some of us have a natural talent for wordless magic," she said, shrugging. "So which of our three lucky, remaining contestants wants to take the next mission?"

Ron answered, "Well this is Hermione's idea."

"What do I have to do?"

Ron looked slightly suspicious at her lack of protest but answered, "Well I think you'll like this one. In class when he leans in to check your work, you have to pin a S.P.E.W badge on him."

"No problem," Hermione said as they left Ginny and the Great Hall for the dungeon class room, her mood slightly more cheerful than normal.

OOOOOO

"Open your text books and turn to page 241 for today's list of ingredients. There will be no need to talk," barked, a now scar-less, clean faced, Professor Snape.

The seventh years immediately started work, turning to the correct page in their books before collecting the various ingredients needed for the day's potion.

Not one student dared to make even the tiniest noise, knowing the kind of mood he would be in considering the events at breakfast.

As usual Snape swept around the dungeon taking points from all houses, except his own, for the smallest of mistakes and making nasty comments and vague insinuations as to what made them such terrible students.

Finally he reached Hermione's cauldron, she was just adding the crushed bats fang into her cauldron so it could simmer before she added the next ingredient.

He leaned in to inspect her potion. Now was her chance. She leaned over and hastily fastened the badge to his robes before he could pull away.

"Miss Granger, what do you think you are doing?" he asked the question loud enough for the rest of the class to hear.

"I thought you might like to join S.P.E.W and support the house-elves' rights," she replied promptly and simply.

"You thought wrong," he sneered, removing the badge. "Ten points from Gryffindor for making false assumptions."

'Well that could have been a lot worse,' thought Hermione giving Harry and Ron a reassuring smile while Snape wasn't looking. 'Little does he know the worst is yet to come.'

A.N A little short and a bit of a slow start but I didn't want to use my all the good stuff in the first chapter. It will get move eventful and informative. Thanks also to my beta Emily for making my story readable (instead of jiberish)! Please review with any comments, ideas or requests for pranks, ect you may have. In fact I would appreciate any serious ideas and suggestions.