Disclaimer: I could say that own all of these awesome characters. I could say that I am the genius mind behind nine totally amazing seasons. I could say that I know Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki and Misha Collins.

But then I'd be a dirty, no-good, rotten liar... Still, it's always fun to pretend!

Warnings: This story will contain heavy slash (male on male sexual relations), swearing, and bedroom!kinks including cross-dressing. All the good stuff, really.

Pairings: Destiel, Sabriel, Balcifer, Michael/Adam (Madam?)

Enjoy, bitches!

.:All's Fair in Love and Modern Warfare:.

'Gentlemen; start your engines...'

Being in love was such a funny thing. Knowing one single person in such intimate detail; feeling connected body, heart and soul. It was not only profoundly beautiful, but also something of a marvel.

Or, at least, that's how Castiel Novak viewed it.

The twenty-nine year old interior designer was so hopelessly in love he would often swear that he could feel it on a spiritual level, that he was so attuned to his partner's very being that he could feel the man's every emotion like a phantom tug on his own heart.

"Yo, Cas! I'm home!"

Ah, speak of the devil…

Smiling softly, Castiel went to greet his childhood sweetheart and husband of three years by the door. The dirty-blonde was toeing off heavy work boots caked in mud, his lightly freckled cheeks smudged with grease and protective coveralls positively filthy – and yet Castiel couldn't find a single fault with the man as dazzling jade eyes, radiating such affection and warmth, glanced up from beneath thick black lashes to capture and ensnare his own fond gaze.

Castiel first met Dean Winchester when he and his three elder brothers first moved to Lawrence, Kansas, when the youngest Novak sibling was just thirteen years old. Having lost their mother, the gentle and loving Anna, mere hours after Castiel's birth, the Novak men thought that they had survived the worst of Fate's cruel temper, only for tragedy to strike once again when Novak senior perished in a freak road accident some twelve years later.

Freshly orphaned, Michael, the eldest brother and considered a legal adult at the age of twenty-one, took on the leading role of provider and parental substitute for his lost and distraught younger brothers. He moved them away from the cold and painful memories of their childhood home in sunny California, and into an affordable little neighbourhood in Lawrence.

The move was long and emotionally exhausting, but Michael deemed it best for his family.

Lucifer, the next in line at age twenty, didn't take to his brother's rule all too well, and the two eldest were constantly at each others throats. Their fighting was destructive, and put an awful strain on a family already teetering at the end of their tether. At the tender age of just sixteen, the second youngest sibling, Gabriel, had had enough and abandoned them all. It was a hard blow to all of the Novaks, especially young Castiel who had come to rely on his big brother when Lucifer and Michael were being particularly overbearing.

Retreating far into the lonely recesses of his own psyche, Castiel became something of a recluse, burying himself in his studies and barricading himself from the outstretched hands of friendship offered to him by his peers.

And then Dean Winchester came along and changed everything. Fourteen year old Dean who lived down the street, who didn't understand (or care) for the word 'no', who tore down Castiel's every defence and barrier without concern, who dragged Castiel kicking and screaming from the tangled web of self-loathing and into the light, who barged his way unheeded into Castiel's life and, gradually, his heart.

Their friendship had been slow and tenuous, and their budding attraction even more so. Their first kiss had been awkward and uncoordinated; a drunken fumble at Meg Master's graduation party where Castiel had taken his first shots of hard liquor and Dean had been better versed in full, painted lips and hourglass figures.

It had been the spark that ignited a deep and passionate wildfire, one that would knock them off their feet and consume every notion that they had ever thought possible of themselves.

Castiel, the shy and socially inept introvert, suddenly found himself reaching out to others and surrounding himself with the kind of warmth and kinship awarded with such close companionship. And Dean, self-proclaimed 'ladies man' and commitment-phobe, found himself falling quite spectacularly head over heels for male best friend and blossoming socialite, Castiel.

Castiel went on to study Design Management at KU, whereas Dean, who at the age of nineteen was thoroughly done with further education, decided to follow in his father's footsteps and take on the family business; Winchester and Singer Junkyard, an auto repair shop in the heart of Kansas.

When Castiel graduated university, the happy couple started thinking about their own lives and careers, and soon moved out to Manhattan, where Castiel got a very reputable job as an interior designer and Dean opened up his own Junior Winchester Mechanics and Classic Restoration yard.

At twenty-five, Dean proposed to an ecstatic Castiel, and, two years later, they both stood up in front of friends and family alike, promising to cherish and love one another for the rest of their lives – an easy vow for ones so maddeningly in love it made others sick with envy. Then, after the long, gruelling months of planning, of dealing with crazy groomsmen (the Novak siblings), gushing parents (Mary Winchester), overbearing in-laws (Ellen Singer) and cantankerous outlaws (Bobby Singer), the newlyweds jetted off to Nueva Vallarta, Mexico, where Mr. and Mr. Winchester spent three glorious weeks walking the sandy beaches and visiting archaeological sites by day, and hitting the bars and nightclubs by night.

Dean was insatiable, and Castiel a sexed-up nymphomaniac, and when the two lovers weren't busy losing themselves in the natural beauty of the awe-inspiring landscapes all around them, they were busy losing themselves in each others bodies. Had Castiel been of the female persuasion, he would have been knocked-up several times over due to Dean's impromptu and frankly savage lovemaking sessions.

When they returned, they fell into a loving routine of work, rest and play, Castiel waking every morning hardly able to believe his divine luck that, after such a devastating start to life with a mother he never knew and a father that was never around, he found someone as utterly amazing as Dean to share his home and heart with.

For all of his misfortune, Castiel couldn't possibly be any happier with the way in which his life had turned out.

Smiling fondly, he approached his work-weary husband and wrapped his arms around Dean's broad shoulders. "Hello, Dean. Welcome home."

Dean grinned, pulling Castiel flush against his body by the hips. "Hey, gorgeous. Miss me?"

"Like a hole in the head," Castiel jibbed with a cheeky smirk, his enchanting blue eyes glittering with mischief.

"Wow, harsh babe!" Dean mocked, feigning hurt even as his quirky little smile belied the words. Clucking his tongue, he took a step back. "Guess you won't be needing your regular greeting kiss then, huh?"

Dean could only laugh when Castiel practically pounced, sending him sprawling back against the door with an armful of disgruntled husband. Pressing his lips firmly against the elder's, Castiel sighed when Dean cupped the back of his head and drew him in close, sliding that criminal tongue into his mouth and making his bones melt with the kind of practised ease begot from years upon years of experience.

Pulling back with a dreamy expression, Castiel hummed contentedly against Dean's mouth. "You're later than usual," he noted out loud, a thought that had occurred to him earlier that evening. "Busy day?"

"Mm, you could say that," Dean confirmed, gifting Castiel with another doting kiss before shucking his heavy leather jacket. "I'm still working on that '69 Shelby Mustang – god, Cas, you should see her. Gonna be a real beauty when I'm through with her." Not for the first time, Castiel had to remind himself that it was impossible to have a love affair with a car. "Anyway, I guess I got a little carried away and didn't realise the time. Oh, and then I swung by the mall on the way home."

"The mall?" Castiel parroted, arching an inquisitive eyebrow. "Did I forget to pick something up in yesterday's grocery shopping?"

"No, no. Nothing like that," Dean assured him with a dismissive wave, though the excited curve to his lips as he reached into the back pocket of his overalls made Castiel somewhat nervous. He procured a small bag with a familiar logo on the front, brandishing it in front of a now frowning brunette. "Sam's been braggin' like a colossal douche for days about his 'badass skills' – but all of that is about to change. It's time for some major pwnage."

As Dean hurried past him and disappeared into the sitting room, as eager as a small child on Christmas morning to install the latest Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 videogame on their Playstation console, Castiel could only roll his eyes and groan, resigning himself to weeks upon weeks of reams of crass language, random outburst of game-induced violence, and, of course, total ignorance.

It was Modern Warfare 2 all over again…

Some weeks later…

"In the last week alone he has put well over sixty hours into that infernal game! He calls in sick to work, barely eats, doesn't get nearly enough sleep… It's ridiculous!"

Castiel knew he was ranting, and that such negativity wasn't exactly good social etiquette, but for what other purpose was a bi-annual family reunion if not to bitch and moan about ones love life? Or lack thereof, as the case might be.

The four brothers, plus guest, were seated around a large table in a quaint little bistro just outside of Lawrence. Michael had wanted to go somewhere more extravagant, arguing that they were all doing well enough for themselves to afford a little luxury – but his younger brothers didn't want luxury and sophisticated atmosphere and fine dining. Oh no. They wanted something simple; something pokey and intimate and full of chatter.

And so, just like every other damn year, Michael was outvoted and bam! Here they were. Plebeian central.

Fucking typical.

It was the same every year. At a prearranged date near the beginning of the month, twice a year, the brothers would all travel back to their hometown and spend the weekend together catching up on current events. Castiel travelled down from New York with entrepreneur extraordinaire Gabriel, who owned a chain of renowned patisseries and happened to live in Jersey with Dean's younger brother, the bright legal mind, Samuel Winchester. Lucifer, a critically acclaimed architect who dabbled in engineering on the side, came up from his beautiful ranch in southern Texas. And lastly, there was Michael, who, in spite of flying all the way from his extravagant beach house in California (having moved back after his brothers had all "flown the nest"), was always the last one to arrive, and was now Chief Surgeon at LA County General.

Normally it was only the four of them, though this month Lucifer had decided to bring along his latest squeeze – a charming little English crumpet by the name of Balthazar Roché whom the redhead had met at a fellow architect's bachelor party. Castiel and his kin were surprised to learn of Lucifer's alleged relationship – the fact that it had lasted longer than a few weeks something to be celebrated – and, even more shocking, the news that he would be bringing the blonde along to meet them all.

Of all the brothers, Lucifer had never been the type to settle down. Castiel had Dean, Gabriel adored his 'Samsquatch', and even Michael had bagged himself a sexy young resident intern by the name of Adam Milligan – whereas Lucifer had always been content to simply fuck his way through the states.

But all of the Novak siblings could see just how besotted the redhead was with his Brit. They had eyes only for each other, and were obviously still riding that perpetual high that fresh new relationships awarded; that blissful stage where it was hard to keep your hands to yourself and every waking minute spent together was used trying to get into each others pants – regardless of time, location or, indeed, company.

Castiel was exceedingly happy for his older brother, if not marginally concerned for his innocence remaining intact come the end of the weekend.

"I wouldn't worry too much about it, bro," Gabriel was saying now, addressing Castiel's concerns as he helped himself to a rather large fudge sundae whilst the rest of them enjoyed a hot beverage. "The whole online gaming thing is just a way for guys to compare dick sizes without actually having to be in the same room as one another. It's a total dude thing."

Castiel frowned, hands curled around his cup of tea. "Am I not a 'dude', though?"

All three brothers chuckled, though it was Lucifer that answered with a sardonic smirk, "Sorry, Cassie, but you're about as much a dude as I am the devil."

"That's debatable, darling," Balthazar purred from beside him, waggling his eyebrows salaciously.

Lucifer's grin was positively wolfish. "Well, I see someone's in a saucy mood…" he murmured, leaning forward to indulge the blonde in a heated kiss.

"Oh for the love of all things unholy!" Gabriel groaned, looking for all the world like he was about to start retching.

Castiel politely averted his eyes, not really wanting to see such a passionate display when his own love life was seriously lacking these days. Michael, on the other hand, had absolutely no qualms whatsoever with delivering a swift kick to Lucifer's shin from under the table. Lucifer pulled away from his own brand of dessert with a hiss, glaring spitefully at his bigger brother. Michael returned the chilling glower tenfold, before turning his attention back to the littlest Novak.

"What Lucifer means to say," he began with another pointed glare at the redhead, "is that you've never really been the most, uh… masculine of men."

Lucifer scoffed. "And how is that any better than what I said, exactly?"

"I didn't mean that how it sounded," Michael was quick to backpedal, his brow furrowed in irritation. "I just meant that he's not the manliest guy out there– that is, I mean… Well, he's got such a delicate nature and guileless disposition that it's hardly surprising he isn't interested in such violent and inane forms of entertainment."

"Would you like a shovel, brother? Might help with that hole you appear to be digging," Lucifer drawled with a vicious grin.

"Leave the poor boy alone," Balthazar scolded the two bickering Novaks, turning kind, stormy-grey eyes on the moping brunette. "You're not alone, love. I happen to know exactly what you're going through."

"Hey now," Lucifer protested with an indignant snort. "I'm not that bad."

"Oh, please," Balthazar scoffed, fixing the redhead with a boorish stare. "As soon as that headset goes on I might as well be invisible for all the attention I can wrangle out of you."

Michael grinned smugly at Lucifer, to which he was promptly given a one-fingered salute. "Bite me, Mikey. Like you're so perfect."

"Actually, with our hectic schedules, Adam and I like to spend our free time broadening our minds. We read new medical journals, visit museums and art galleries together, or go for long walks on the beach," Michael replied with an air of superiority. "I like to think we're a little too sophisticated for neuron-deteriorating activities such as gaming."

Snickering at Lucifer's not so subtle cough of "Nerds", Gabriel decided to throw his own two cents into the ring. "I can relate and all, baby bro. My Sammy is constantly out to prove that his cock is bigger than Dean's…" When Castiel looked fit to argue, Gabriel held up his hand. "Now, now, there's no need to be jealous. It's simple biology. My point is; there are countermeasures that have been proven to be very effective in the combat against Vegetative Boyfriend Syndrome." Gabriel couldn't help but notice that he now had the collective attention of the entire table. Smirking quietly to himself, he focused on Castiel. "Okay, so tell me; just how bad is Dean-o's 'affliction'?"

Castiel paused for a moment in thought, cycling through his most recent memories for the one which might be construed as the worst. "Well, just the other day, whilst he was in the middle of a match, I asked him what he would like for dinner, to which he replied, 'It's about half three, babe'." Balthazar winced in sympathy, whereas Lucifer laughed out loud, earning himself a harsh glare from everyone else at the table. "Then, the night before that, I had come home late from work. Dean was already there, playing online, and when I asked him if he had a good day, he told me I looked great and then shooed me out of the room…"

Smacking Lucifer upside the head when he laughed even harder, Balthazar gave Castiel a pitiful half-smile. "Ouch. That's pretty rough, sweetheart."

"I'll say!" Gabriel exclaimed, leaning back in his chair with a scowl. "If my Sammykins ever brushed me off like that, he'd be gettin' real familiar with his right hand, let me tell you!"

"Gabriel, please," Castiel beseeched, his baby blues pleading for his help. "I feel like a stranger in my own home. What should I do?"

Reaching out, Gabriel clapped a reassuring hand on the brunette's shoulder. "Calm down, Cassie. You're awesome big bro's here to bitchslap your woes back into the Dark Ages!"

"We're all his big brothers," Michael stoically pointed out, to which Gabriel dutifully ignored.

"Tell me about your sex life," he implored instead, giving Castiel a probing kind of look that made the younger squirm in his seat.

"What about my sex life?" Castiel asked warily, not at all comfortable with the turn their conversation had taken.

"Don't be such a prude! We're all brothers here… sort of," Gabriel jibed with a playful grin, nudging Castiel in the ribs with his elbow. "Well, for starters, does it even exist any more?"

Castiel cast his gaze down to the decorative lace tablecloth, his cheeks flooding with warmth. "Dean and I enjoy a very, um… active sex life, I guess you could say." Was it too cliché to wish that a giant, gaping void would suddenly open up beneath his feet and swallow him whole? "But in the weeks since he bought the game, we have only been intimate a handful of times – all of which were at Dean's leisure."

Michael quirked a brow at that. "So, you haven't tried seducing him at all in the last few weeks?"

Castiel ducked his head, picking absently at a fraying thread in the cloth. It was bad enough that Lucifer was belittling his masculinity, and Gabriel was prodding into his sexual prowess – all in front of a complete stranger, no less! – but now even Michael, his eldest brother and acting father figure for so many years, was climbing aboard the USS Torture.

Castiel was suddenly sorry he'd ever brought the subject up…

Clearing his throat, the youngest Novak attempted to sound as nonchalant as his wavering voice and sweating palms would allow. "Well, if you all insist on knowing about my private bedroom activities… I actually attempted to 'seduce' Dean just last night. I knew I wouldn't see him all weekend, and figured it might be a nice way to say goodbye."

Gabriel tutted, shaking his head in evident dismay. "Ya see? Right there, that's your problem."

"What is?" Castiel frowned, the other three men present also inclining forward in curiosity.

Gabriel rolled his eyes, like it should be obvious. "You say seduce like you're quoting the dictionary!" Pulling his chair closer to Castiel, he fixed him with a stern gaze – rare, but highly effective. "I want you to tell me, in exact detail, how you allegedly 'seduced' your stud-muffin husband."

Castiel narrowed his eyes for the stud-muffin remark, but conceded all the same. "Well, I waited for him to finish his match so that he wouldn't be distracted, then I sat down close beside him, wrapped my arms around his neck, and kissed that little spot behind his ear that usually, uh, gets him going…"

Gabriel blinked, waiting for the punch line. "And then…?" he prompted when it became obvious that he wasn't going to continue.

Castiel just stared blankly at him. "And then, nothing," he shrugged. "Dean told me he would be up to bed soon, kissed me on the forehead, and went back to his game." Glancing away from the troubled looks from his brothers and Balthazar, he chewed on the inside of his cheek. "Needless to say, I fell asleep waiting up for him."

"You poor thing," Balthazar cooed, feeling for Castiel's plight.

But where Balthazar was concerned for his fragile state of mind over such blatant rejection, the three elder brothers were concerned for an entirely different reason.

"Wait… You mean that's it?" Lucifer asked, disbelief painted in thick lines all over his face. "A glorified cuddle and a measly little peck on the neck, and you expect the man to put out? Fuck me. I wouldn't put down my morning newspaper for anything less than a guaranteed blowjob."

"I'll have to remember that," Balthazar murmured, flashing Lucifer a Cheshire grin. Lucifer smirked, hauling the blonde's chair over closer to his own and throwing an arm around his shoulders.

"No disrespect, Cassie, babe, but I totes agree with Luci here," Gabriel chimed in before the two lovebirds could start making out again. "Your skills of seduction are just embarrassing, bro. I mean, are we even related?"

Castiel sat back with an audible huff, crossing his arms tetchily over his chest. "Well don't just sit there and mock me! Tell me what the hell I should be doing differently!"

"Okay," Gabriel clapped, happy to finally be getting down to the meat of the problem. "First and foremost is your approach – it's all wrong. You don't sit around and wait for your man to finish what he's doing – whether he's playing a stupid game or not. That gives him the illusion of being in control over you, and no Novak simpers under the boot of authority." Lucifer and Michael both nodded their agreement, and Gabriel grinned. "Rule number one; if you want something, you take it. When Sam's online, or even just sitting in the den doing paperwork and other such boring things, and I want his attention, I simply park my tush in his lap and demand it." Lacing his fingers behind his head, he shot Castiel a sassy wink. "The big lummox can't ever resist the opportunity to throw down cowboy style in his office space."

Michael made a soft noise of concurrence. "With such a heavy workload, Adam and I don't always have a lot of time for sex." Oh god, there it was; Michael had used the word sex. Castiel was officially scarred for life. "But whenever I find myself in the mood, and Adam's not too preoccupied with his studies, I've discovered that cornering him in a vacant janitor's closet or empty patient's room usually does the trick. The boy has quite the exhibitionist kink; just the thought of getting caught is enough to get him off."

"Nice," Gabriel praised, sorely tempted to give his uppity big bro a high-five. Castiel merely grimaced.

"Oh, that's nothing," Balthazar spoke up next, his grin positively oozing indecent intent. "This one here," he purred, walking his fingers up a rather ravenous looking Lucifer's chest, "has a real domination fetish going on. There's nothing he loves more than to pin me down, tie me up, and have his wicked, wicked way with me…"

Lucifer growled, midnight blue eyes dark with desire as he dragged Balthazar in for a steamy kiss. Gabriel and Michael rolled their eyes in perfect unison, whereas Castiel buried his face in his hands and bemoaned his entire existence. There were just some things about ones own brothers that a man shouldn't ever have to know – their sexual preferences and favourite positions undeniably at the very pinnacle of said list.

"Your turn, Cassie," Gabriel grinned when Lucifer and Balthazar finally released one another, and suddenly the youngest Novak had four pairs of inquisitive eyes boring holes into his very core.

Scratching the back of his neck, Castiel swallowed thickly. "There's nothing to tell, really…"

"Don't give us that bullshit," Michael surprised them all by cursing, and completely unprovoked as well.

Chuckling, Lucifer backed up his brother. "Everybody has a naughty little secret that only comes to light in the bedroom," he drawled, smirking at Castiel's obvious discomfort – a clear sign that he was hiding something from them.

"We showed you ours…" Balthazar hummed, to which Gabriel finished with, "…Now show us yours."

Castiel knew there was no way out of this, that his brothers (and Balthazar) wouldn't ever let up until he gave them what they wanted – that they would continue to pester him long after this weekend was over unless he told them every sordid little detail. He realised that he could just make something up, something trivial and boring, but didn't exactly see the merit in lying when the topic of conversation was as sensitive as it was.

In for a penny, right…?

"Well, I, ah…" Fucking hell. May the Lord just strike him down and end his suffering already! Scrubbing a hand over his face in the grim hope of scouring the heated blush from his cheeks, Castiel decided to dive in head first. "I would sometimes, on occasion, put on… Uh, that is, I would wear– Only for Dean! Never just because, because I wanted to or anything…"

"For fuck's sake, Cassie!" Gabriel snapped, startling everyone. "Spit it out already! You're killing me here!"

"I sometimes wear women's underwear," Castiel suddenly blurted out, his face unbearably hot and his pulse pounding in his ears. "Dean bought me a pair of lacy blue panties one year for Valentine's Day – I guess it was supposed to be a joke, I don't know. But I put them on anyway." Okay, so apparently he was just talking to fill the deafening silence now. "I had some of the best sex of my life night. Dean was very dominating, and in charge, and I enjoyed that, so I started wearing them more often." Smiling mostly to himself, he glanced fleetingly around the table. "Every time he caught sight of me wearing them, it was like a switch had been flipped and he would turn into this prowling, carnal beast. He would follow me around, sneaking touches of the fabric and stealing quick kisses if we were out in public, and ravishing me senseless if we were at home…" Feeling slightly more confident now that the truth was laid bare for all to see, he swallowed back his fear of judgement and continued on. "For our honeymoon, I wanted to do something really special, something that would blow his mind the way he does mine every time we touch… so I surprised him on our first night as husband and husband with a silky white negligee and thigh high stockings – and I've never felt more powerful and dirty and loved in all my life."

There was a pregnant pause that hung over the table like a thick fog, and for every second that Gabriel, Lucifer and Michael spent gawping at him like so many fish out of water, Castiel felt his mounting dread of imminent ridicule rise another whole notch.

Rather unsurprisingly, it was Gabriel who broke the tension first, and with a raucous bark of laughter.

"Hoo-boy!" he guffawed, slapping his thigh as his eyes welled with mirth. "Who'd have thunk it, ey? Our little Cassie is a closet-freak!"

"The baby of the family is all grown up," Lucifer smirked, reaching across to ruffle Castiel's dark brown locks.

Michael didn't comment, but there was the unmistakable glimmer of amusement and affection in his azure blue eyes. Balthazar was merely grinning along with the others.

"So, our Deany-baby has a bit of a cross-dressing kink, hn? This is perfect." Gabriel's smile was wide and bordering on maniac, his hazel eyes brimming with untold mischief as he gazed at an increasingly suspicious Castiel. "Better buckle up, bro – 'cause by the time I'm done with ya, Dean-o's gonna be eating out'a the palm of your hand…"

Balthazar and Lucifer exchanged obscene grins, and Gabriel actually managed to goad Michael into a collaborative fist bump. Castiel could only watch with a cagey expression darkening his features and a sinking feeling twisting deep down in his gut. He wasn't entirely sure what was in store for him; when his brothers banded together like this, using their collective and vast repertoire of skills toward a common goal, it never spelled anything good. But there was one thing he knew for damn sure…

…Dean was going to pay a hefty price for his ignorance at the hands of the Novak brothers.

A/N: Okay, so I totes got all caught up in the new release of Call of Duty: Ghosts, and then this little beauty was born. Originally I wanted this to be a one-shot, but the plot got completely out of hand, and everybody just had to have their own backstory and lovers and they wouldn't leave me alone and... ulgh.

So yeah. It'll now be a two-shot. I'll get the second part up just as soon as I finish it - it may take a couple of days due to work, but hopefully I won't keep ya's hanging too long.

Anywho, please do enjoy, and if anyone has any requests/suggestions/desires that they might like to see brought to life in the next instalment, please feel free to leave a review or drop me a line and I'll see what I can do for y'all (:

Until next time,

FMV