Welcome to Five Minute Furuba, a mad place where I recap Fruits Basket episodes in about five lines... I do not own Furuba, or the series would be about two episodes long and would end with Yuki and Tohru running off and eloping. Or possibly Hana and Tohru. XD
This is my form:
Episode #: Episode Title (My Title For It)
Dialouge
First Episode: The Strangest Day (Living in a Tent Is Normal)
Tohru: I'm so hardcore. I live in a tent, wear colors other than black, I'm cheerful, and I even do homework. My grades, however...
Yuki: Watch me be even more sparkly than my fan club.
Shigure: Yum, high school girls!
Uo: What did you say about my ass?
Hana: Y'know, there's -cough- something -cough- funny, about that Sohma Yuki. -COUGHhestheratfromtheChinezeZodiacCOUGH- Just a theory.
Second Episode: The Sohma Curse (Some Might Call It a Blessing)
Tohru: Kitties and doggies and rats, oh my!
Kyo: I AM SO ANGRY AND ORANGE! PH3AR M3! (fear me)
Yuki: Yeah, well, I'm Superman.
Shigure: Yuki, you can't be Superman...you're not a man to start with. And Kyo, I'm going to make your life hell, so buck up and deal.
Kyo: Well, uh, er...I'M A NATRUAL REDHEAD! So THERE!
Third Episode: All Shapes and Sizes (Just Keep Telling Yourself That)
Tohru: Different types of kindness makes the world go 'round, 'foo. Fo shizzle. 'Cause my momma told me.
Yuki: Kyo's kindness is so tiny it's microscopic.
Kyo: Yuki has no kindness, he makes up for it by being sexy.
Shigure: My kindness comes in the form of my hand on Tohru's butt.
Tohru's Boss: I have got to be pretty damn evil to make a poor, orphan, high school girl work these hours.
Fourth Episode: Here Comes Kagura! (RUN!)
Tohru: I have a slightly odd obsession with cute girls.
Kagura: Kyo's mine, you -BLEEP-.
Kyo: I'm not yours, Kagura.
Yuki: No, Kyo, you're mi -
Kyo: Kagura! I LOVE YOU!
Fifth Episode: A Rice Ball In a Fruits Basket (Why Is Nothing Actually Fruit In This Series?)
Tohru: I suck at children's games.
Yuki: Yeah, well, we can't all be me.
Tohru's Relatives: Tohru-chan, now that we have you back, we're going to abuse you and use you as a slave. By the way...did you ever sell your body to those guys you were living with?
Yuki and Kyo: Hey, peoples, we're here to get our girl back.
Tohru's Relatives: -staring- Well, if you did sell your body to them, I can see why.
Sixth Episode: Invincible Friendship (Frightening Friendship)
Tohru: Card games are the essence of a lively party!
Shigure: You just keep telling yourself that, girlfriend.
Yuki (under porch with Kyo, both in animal forms): Wouldn't it be really bad if we transformed back now?
(MORNING)
Yuki: Good mo- -snore-
Kyo: Is it really that boring to fight me? -coughYEScough-
Episode Seven: A Plum on the Back (Your Plum Is Showing, Kyo-kun)
Yuki: Mortal...humiliation...must...kill...self...
Tohru: -with sunflower- Yuki hates me...Yuki doesn't...Yuki hates me...Yuki doesn't...
Kyo: He doesn't hate you, he just hates life. And himself. And Akito. And me...but he still makes up for it by being sexy.
Yuki: I heard that. -KAPOW-
Momiji: -cusses loudly in German-
Episode Eight: Don't Cry, For the Snow Shall Surely Melt (Yuki's Dead)
Tohru: -is the secret keeper for the Sohma family-
Hatori: -singing badly- I lost my truck and my girlfriend...it really sucks!
Momiji: Hatori gets like this when he remembers his girlfriend, Kana, and his truck, which he named David Bowie.
Tohru: Did he and the truck have an...affair?
Momiji: Duh, that's why Kana had her memory erased.
Episode Nine: A Solitary New Year (Akito and the Delinquents)
Tohru: Yuki sucks at cleaning, but he won't admit it because he's so stuck up.
Kyo: But he makes up for it by being sexy.
Tohru: True dat!
Yuki: Shigure, I'm not going back for New Years. Momiji told me they haven't fixed the karaoke yet, and I really don't want to listen to Akito sing crappy country songs all night.
Akito: -singing badly- I lost my truck and my girlfriend...it really sucks!
Episode 10: Make It Clear If It's Black Or White (Zebra or a Cow?)
Tohru: I suck at running, but at least Hana sucks more. And I get to hold her hand...
Haru: Is my hair white with a black bottom or black with a white top? Yuki, you're mine. Forget Tohru. Forget Akito. Forget Kyo. Forget -insert Jyuunishi/fan club member here.
Yuki: I...see...a...light...Elvis...I see Elvis...
Kyo: Well...he's dead, but he's still sexy.
Yuki: -British accent- I'm not dead yet!
Episode 11: Everybody Loves Chocolate (Hana Loves Chocolate)
Tohru: -singing- Valentines Day sucks for you, sucks for you, sucks for you, but I get Yuki's chocolate!
Uo: Share. Share. Sharing is good.
Hana: Arisa, can I have some of your chocolate?
Uo: -going through a possessive phase- MINE!
Kyo and Yuki: -pondering Momiji's story-...no, nope, she's still an idiot.
Episode 12: White Day (What Happened to African-American History Month?)
Tohru: -singing- We're racist, we're racist, everybody's racist!
Momiji: Well duh. Have you ever seen a black anime character? (Note: Not true)
Yuki: I can pull stuff out of my kimono sleeves, that's just how cool I am.
Kyo: I can...smash your face in with a ping-pong ball, AND I'm a natrual redhead.
Tohru: I can contact the dead through photographs!
Episode 13: A New School Term Starts! (Suicide Rates Go Up)
Tohru: Guess what? Momiji and Haru go to our school now! And Momiji wears the girl's uniform!
Kyo: Shigure wasn't kidding when he said he was going to make my life hell.
Haru: I THREATEN THOU WITH YUKI'S SEXINESS!
Yuki: A...A...Akk...Ak...Aki...Aki...
Tohru: Akira Kurosawa?
Episode 14: The Adult's Episode - Yuki's a Messed-Up Snake (Homicide Rates Go Up)
Tohru: I'll have the...tempura.
Ayame: You want the gyoza?
Tohru: Tempura!
Ayame: That's what I said. Gyoza.
Tohru: I'll show you "gyoza"! -throws gyoza at Ayame-
Episode 15: There Are No Memories It's Okay To Forget (Except Your Mom's Attempt At Meatloaf)
Yuki: -singing- My mom's rich, and your mom's dead, my mom's rich, and your mom's dead!
Kyo: Who you talkin' 'bout? Me or Tohru?
(At Tohru's work)
Momiji: Hello, minimum wage slave!
Tohru: I'm Tohru. You know me.
Momiji: Whatever, wench. Start working.
Episode 16: If We've Three Then We Don't Need To Fear Jason (Unless We've Five)
Tohru: OMG A LAKE OMG A LAKE OMG I'M SO SPAZTIC!
Yuki: Jason is a horror movie character, you dumbass.
Kyo: Yuki's such a smart-ass, but he makes up for it by -
Tohru: - being sexy, we know, already.
Hatori: -dreaming of giant pink bunny rabbits wearing Ayame's dress-
Episode 17: It's Because I've Been Loved That I've Become Stronger (Love Makes The World Go Round)
Tohru: Hey, Haru, what'cha got under that jacket?
Haru: A tiger.
Yuki: You're selling drugs, aren't you?
Kisa: -CHOMP-
Tohru: She was so cute before she opened her mouth.
Episode 18: The Strongest Tag - The Cursed Electric Wave Brother and Sister (Fruits Basket Meets Poison Reef)
Tohru: If I skip work this much, it's no wonder I get paid so little.
Hana: Electric equipment does not work around me. I'm like Hogwarts, only smaller and more emo-like.
Motoko: I'll show you cursed, you -BLEEP-.
Megumi: My name means "blessing". How awesome is that?
Motoko: Do not make eye contact...
Episode 19: The Source of Cheer Can Be Afected By Colds, Too (ATCHOOO)
Tohru: OMG I'M SUCH A DUMBASS!
Yuki: Yeah...I guess those study sessions didn't do much.
Kyo: What were you doíng in those -cough- study sessions?
Tohru: I shall faint now and make you guys take care of me.
Kyo: -cooking- A little slice of Yuki, stirred up by Kyo, makes Tohru better!
Episode 20: Ayame's Secret Life (The Not-So-Secret Garden)
Tohru: Wow...a porn shop.
Mine: No, no, no, a FANCY porn shop! Say...Tohru-san...do you mind dressing up as a whore for me?
Tohru: Yeah, kinda. I do mind.
Ayame: Ask Yuki if he minds Tohru dressing up as a whore.
Kyo: Ask Yuki if he minds dressing up as a whore, period.
Episode 21: Sohpist Boy Has Captured the Prince (Suicide Rates Skyrocket)
Tohru: Ha! A short little boy! I love short people! All short people. No matter who they are.
Kisa: I feel threatened.
Hiro: This is mine (pointing to Tohru's bag), and this is mine (Tohru's wallet), and this is mine (Kisa)...
Tohru: I'll have a shortcake crepe! Haha, get it?
Kisa: I'm sorry, Hiro. I have to turn down your, uh, offer...I'm going to go wash my hands nine times, pledge myself to the Lord, and become Amish.
Episode 22: Prince Yuki Fan Club (OCD Maniacs Unite)
Tohru: Motoko was crying today.
Uo: Does Yuki really kiss that bad?
Tohru and Kyo (in unison): Yuki kisses fine! (awkward pause)...or, uh, so I've, er, heard...
Yuki: ...
Uo: -glares at Yuki- Slut.
Episode 23: Is The Rumoured Ri That Mother's Daughter? (No, He's Actually Her Second-Cousin Twice Removed)
Tohru: The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, eh?
Ritsu: I'M SORRY! DO YOU NOT LIKE APPLES?! I'M SOOO SORRY! By the way, I'm actually a guy underneath all this pink and bows and estrogen.
Tohru: I think I liked you better when you were a girl.
Yuki and Kyo: Ah, yes, Tohru's obsession with cute girls.
Shigure: I am to takoyaki as Popeye the Sailor is to spinach.
Episode 24: The Curse of the Cat (Blessing Desu Ka?)
Tohru: Under my umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh...
Kyo: COOT--...ies...
Kazuma: My child has grown so beautifully, like a cherry blossom filling out it's petals.
Yuki: That's poetic.
Kyo: That's pathetic.
Episode 25: True Form (Shaddup, It's Cute)
Tohru: Kyo's true form is -
Uo: OMG, it's -
Hana: Holy crap, it's like -
Yuki: - sexy, in an evil-beast kind of way!
Tohru: Not what I was going to say...
Episode 26: Let's Go Home (Kitty Angst)
Tohru: I'm so weak and pathetic it's funny.
Kyo: I'm feeling extra cranky and pubescent today, so I'm going to take it out on people I like!
Tohru: Then why are you killing Yuki?...wait for it...um...oh...oh.
Shigure: Have you found it?
Akito: Yes. The question to the ultimate answer is -
Owari