A/N: I'm writing this fanfic for my best friend, who you guys all know as "SourgrapeSnape24", because she's sick. Plz review. :)
DR. SNAPE
It was the winter holidays at Hogwarts, and 13 year old Harry Potter of Gryffindor and Draco Malfoy of Slytherin couldn't have been more miserable. They had both come down with a bad case of the flu and Madam Pomfrey had gone home early for the holidays.
One night after a large dinner in the Great Hall, both boys found themselves running for the bathroom to throw up. "Out of my way Potter!" Draco snarled, lunging for the last open stall.
"No way!" Harry yelled, throwing himself at his sworn enemy as they began to fight over the last toilet.
"Can't you...use...the...sink?!" Draco panted irritably.
"Can't...you..?" Harry panted back.
Draco threw up all of his chicken wings and treacle tart into the open bowl. Harry cringed and felt a sharp pain in his own stomach, vomiting up his chocolate pudding and some pumpkin juice. By this time, both of them had stopped shoving eachother and resorted to glaring at eachother every time one of them would throw up their food.
Harry ended up missing the toilet, thus barfing all over Draco's shoes. "My... father... will hear ...about this," Draco threatened through shuddering heaves.
"Like...I bloody...care," Harry retorted, vomiting up more of his food.
Draco ran a hand across his light blonde hair , it was plastered to his forehead with sweat. "My face...feels...so hot," he commented tiredly.
Harry's jet black hair clung messily to his own forehead, his face was bright red. "Yeah...mine too..." he wheezed.
They both slumped against the stall walls. "I hate you Potter," Draco said, though insulting, it wasn't his usual snobby tone but a tired and sick tone.
"Same," Harry spat back, tucking his knees against his chest and banging his head against them.
Just then, the all too familiar drone of a certain Potions Master could be heard within the bathroom. "Potter, Malfoy, care to explain why you two are in the same lavatory stall? Sworn enemies no less?" Snape asked, a hint of pure amusement and mocking in his voice.
Neither Harry nor Draco spoke.
"Ergh," Snape grumbled, annoyed. "Follow me," he motioned for them to get up and follow him out of the bathroom. They did.
"Where are we going Professor?" Draco questioned miserably as they followed Snape down to the dungeons.
"My lab, I have potions that may help, Madam Pomfrey has decided to go on early vacation," Snape replied dryly.
They passed the girl's bathroom, 13 year old Hannah Abbott of Hufflepuff was banging on one of the stall doors. "Susan get out I need to go to the loo! What're you doing in there? Crapping a castle?" she whined.
At this, Harry resisted the urge to bust out laughing. Draco rolled his eyes and muttered something about 'stupid Hufflepuffs'. Snape had stopped walking to make sure everything was alright before he left.
Suddenly, Hannah let out a bellowing sneeze, making Snape jump nearly two feet in the air. "Miss Abbott, you nearly caused me to have heart failure, ten thousand points from Hufflepuff!" he snapped, leading Harry and Draco away towards his office. They could faintly hear Hannah sniffeling as they continued in the opposite direction.
Snape opened the door to his dark office filled with various advanced potions, in the corner of the room was a small cot. "Is this your bed?" Draco asked in disgusted disbelief.
"No Mr. Malfoy, that is not my bed," Snape glowered at him. Draco went a deep shade of red and gulped. Harry snickered quietly. Snape searched through his inventory, shifting bottles and viles of all shapes and sizes, cauldrons, and ingredients. "I'll brew a flu curing draught," he told them in his monotone voice.
Harry raised an eyebrow "How do you know we have the flu Professor?" he inquired.
Snape glared "Don't doubt my methods Potter, your face looks like a beet, I guessed," he said.
Draco snickered "Ha Potter looks like a beet! Potter looks like a beet!" he sang.
Snape glared at him also "So do you Mr. Malfoy," he informed him. That shut Draco right up.
Harry and Draco watched curiously as Snape mixed different ingredients into a large pewter cauldron over a blue and orangish-yellow flame. After about an hour or two, the potion was ready. "Now, you will each drink one vile of this," Snape instructed. He poured a foul smelling purple liquid into two viles.
"Hang on, I'm not drinking anything unless I know what it is," Draco said uneasily.
"Relax Malfoy, it's a simple Pepperup Potion, it cures the common cold or flu," Snape told him.
Harry and Draco both downed their potions quickly, suddenly steam began to come out of their ears. "Aaaaah!" Draco squeaked like a little girl.
Snape tisked "Honestly Mr. Malfoy, make that dreadful noise again and I may have to start calling you Hannah Abbott," he said. Harry bust out laughing and Draco's face flushed, his eyes wide in embarassment and anger.
Harry looked at Snape "Why the bloody hell is this happening?" he demanded.
"Language Potter, ten thousand points from Gryffindor. I may have failed to mention that a common side effect of this particular potion causes smoke to come out of the drinker's ears for a few hours after ingesting the potion," Snape said.
Draco glared at him "You couldn't have told us this before?" he snapped.
"As I said, Mr. Malfoy, I forgot," Snape replied in a bored and matter of fact tone.
"So you forgot?" Draco asked in disbelief.
"Obviously," Snape said, rolling his eyes. Harry laughed.
After sitting in awkward silence for a few minutes, Snape spoke again. "I'd like both of you to spend the night in my office, so I can keep an eye on you and make sure the potion is doing it's job," he said.
Draco scowled "As if I would sleep anywhere near Potter," he spat.
Snape glared "You do as I say," he said. He swished his wand and made a second cot appear, and with another swish turned Draco's and Harry's robes into pajamas. Harry wore bright red pajamas and Draco's were bright green.
They both reluctantly climbed into their beds. "Night Daddy's boy," Harry teased.
"Night scar head," Draco snorted.
"Nighty night lovelies," Snape said in a very odd voice with a very odd smile. Harry and Draco's eyes went wide, and they bolted out of the potions room. Behind them, Snape sat in his office roaring with laughter.
A/N: You likeeee? If you aren't SourgrapeSnape24 and just think I'm a weirdo, this is meant to be a parody and this is just our sense of humor...lots of inside jokes in here y' see.