What Have You Done
I was going to meet up with Miss Chambers early Sunday morning because I didn't understand some of the homework she had assigned the older kids. I was 15 yet I knew I had a learning disability.
I was reading by candlelight at my small homestead while my dad was off probably getting drunk as he always did Saturday nights in Colorado Springs.
I sighed heavily closing the heavy book with a thump. I rubbed my forehead trying to calm the headache that was sure to be coming on at any given minute.
"God I don't feel good," I said.
I stood up from the table with the candle in my hand and went to my room on the other side of the small house.
I looked at myself in the mirror. This malnourished pale white girl with long black hair stood back at me with huge black circles under her eyes.
I removed my nightgown off of my shoulder and saw the bruises. Miss Chambers had hit me two days ago and it was showing even more today than it was when I received it. That was because I whispered a comeback at her and she had heard me. That was one thing about me. I was snarky, especially with comebacks. Yes i knew it wasn't ladylike but i enjoyed it. I was a free spirit.
Then I put my nightgown back over my shoulder and looked down at my cut fingers.
Miss Chambers had roughly smacked me with her yardstick as another punishment for spelling a few words wrong but I hadn't. I had merely corrected her and she wasn't tolerating me talking back at her even though I was right.
Looking at myself in the mirror fully I looked like a battered wife. I didn't look 14 years old.
"I look like I'm 30 years old," I say to myself while I braided my hair for the night.
I then crawled into bed, blew the candle out, and let the darkness take me.
It was a brutal night full of nightmares. I hardly slept at all. All I could dream about was Miss Chambers and her yardstick, cracking down on my body, enough to leave gashes and bruises. It seemed to me like I was the only older girl she liked to hit. Colleen nor Becky got it this bad besides Becky being pulled by her ear to move away from Colleen.
I awoke before dawn when the rooster crowed.
I got up slowly. I was certainly dizzy from lack of sleep.
I changed from my nightgown to a simple white dress because after talking to Miss Chambers I was headed to church. I let my hair down before headed out the door.
Grabbing my books I headed out the door and trekked the quarter mile back to school. All the while I was hoping Miss Chambers would lay off the beating for today. It was the Lords day after all.
I arrived at the school house and knocked on the door.
"Miss Chambers, its Faith!" I called out.
"Miss Chambers! Open up please!" I called out again. I looked around an got a glimpse of the sun rises over the trees.
Just then the door opened and Miss Louise Chambers stood in the doorway dressed in her normal red dress that she wore almost every day.
"What are you doing here? It's Sunday," she stated.
"Oh I know but I wanted to ask your help on this report you're having us do, I'm a little confused as to what exactly you want us to write about," I said uneasily.
She motioned for me to come in. So I did and she locked the door behind us.
Even though i had a bit of an attitude, i knew Miss Chambers would help when it came to school work. She did want me to excel at that part, right?
I went to the front of the classroom and had a seat at one of the desks.
I looked at the teachers desk and it looked like Louise was just finishing her bacon and eggs because a knife and fork were left on the eggs that were steaming at the desk.
Why she was eating here and not at Grace's cafe was beyond me. Not that i cared anyway. It was her business not mine.
"Sorry did I interrupt your breakfast?" I asked.
"Yes you did," said Miss Chambers as she sat down at the desk.
"Well sorry," I said with a slight mean tone to my voice.
"Apology accepted," said Miss Chambers.
"I wasn't being serious. I know the difference between serious and sarcasm," I snapped.
Miss Chambers dropped her knife and fork and stood up. I had obvious made her mad with my snarky comeback.
"You know you are more of a problem for me than any of my other students," said Miss Chambers.
"Well I wouldn't be if you did your job correctly and taught us instead of beating us to a bloody pulp," I snarled back.
"I will not stand for this intolerance," said Miss Chambers.
"No but I'll bet you'll lie down for it with the reverend," I said back.
I smiled at myself because not only was I insulting Miss Chambers but I felt in a way I was standing up for myself. And I liked this feeling of control. I wasn't scared now.
Miss Chambers huffed and grabbed her yardstick. I gasped and stood up.
"You're not supposed to hit us," I said.
"This is discipline," said Miss Chambers and she attacked me but not before I caught the yardstick and jammed it back in her face, causing her to stumble back.
"Then just call this self defense," I said back.
I took the yardstick and smashed it over her head. Miss Chambers fell backwards and broke a desk on her way down to the hardwood floor.
I descended upon her. I felt rage.
"Now you know how it feels!" I screamed and hit her hard.
There was a crack and I saw her face was bleeding from where I had hit her.
"Now you know my pain!" I yelled again. This time Miss Chambers groaned and rolled over so her back was on the floor and she looked up at the ceiling..
I straddled Miss Chambers so she couldn't get up. She was totally defenseless against me. She raised her hands when she saw another blow coming.
"NO! PLEASE!" she begged.
"Why?! So you can hit me again?!" I asked her.
"Please I'm sorry! Please forgive me!" begged Miss Chambers.
"I don't forgive sins as God does!" I yelled at her.
I wasn't myself. I didn't know what had come over me but I was hitting Miss Chambers over and over again with the yardstick until it broke.
All I saw was red in my vision.
I placed my hands around her neck and started to choke her.
Miss Chambers gagged and tried to breathe but I wasn't letting her up.
I screamed in agony then I let Miss Chambers go.
I panted hard as I got up off of her, while she was whimpering but still alive. She coughed and clutched her neck while trying to get air back into her lungs.
I turned away and saw the knife on the table with the breakfast.
I grabbed it fast.
Then I went back.
I straddled her once again and began stabbing her in the arms, neck, and chest.
"How does it feel?!" I yelled again. Then I stabbed her deep in the shoulder.
"You're not a teacher! You're an abuser!" I screamed. Then the knife went into her chest.
Miss Chambers was choking as I saw blood come from her mouth.
I stabbed her over and over again. Blood shot up in my face and covered me from head to toe.
I finally stopped when my arms got tired. I panted with my mouth open.
I stood up off of Miss Chambers and looked at myself up and down.
All I saw was blood everywhere on my ex white dress. It was even dripping off my face and it was in my hair.
I looked down at Miss Chambers and she wasn't moving. Her eyes were open and her head was tilted as blood came out of her mouth.
Realization crept upon me like a bad cold. I had killed her.
I knew deep down what I had done. I looked around at the school house that was stained in blood from where Miss Chamber lied dead. The blood flowed down along the floor and in between the desks.
I gasped aloud at the realization that I had killed someone.
Slowly I walked to the back of the school house trailing bloody footprints where I walked. I didn't let go of the knife.
I unlocked the door and descended the stairs.
Then I heard the church bell ringing.
I slowly walked towards the church. I had to.
It felt like forever before I got the courage to walk into the church.
I could hear the reverend doing a sermon about forgiveness of sins.
I walked around the corner and stood at the base of the pews.
Then the reverend stopped when he saw me.
"Oh dear God," he said and he covered his mouth with his hand.
Everyone turned around and saw me standing in the church covered in blood.
Gasps and screams erupted from the church as everyone either ran towards me or away from me.
"I killed her. I killer her," I whispered silently.
The parents quickly got their children and shielded their eyes from me when some of the older classmates of mine gasped in horror.
Dr. Quinn was the first to me and put her hands on me, checking me for injuries.
"Where are you hurt?" she asked me.
Through my tears I looked at her.
"It's not mine," I whispered out. I knew what she was talking about.
"Give me the knife sweetie," came the reverend's voice.
I looked from Dr. Quinn to the reverend and then I realized I still had the weapon in my hand.
"Give me the knife," he said again when I wouldn't let go.
Slowly I released the weapon.
"Whose blood is this if it's not yours?" asked Dr. Quinn.
"Miss Chambers," I said.
"Louise?!" asked the reverend.
He raced out the door and to the school house.
I was so weak I almost collapsed but I grabbed onto a pew to steady myself.
"What did you do to her?" asked Dr. Quinn.
"I had to defend myself. She was going to hurt me again," I said.
I sat down and started shaking and crying.
"Again? She beat you too?" asked Dr. Quinn.
"Yes, and I wasn't going to sit back and take it anymore," I said to her.
I then looked up the cowering children and parents in the church.
"She never has to hurt any of us again. Never. I took care of her. She's gone," I said with a slight smile while still crying.
I was just saying what was on my mind and I also sounded like a maniac.
Matthew was the first to come up to me.
"I'm going to go get Sully," he said.
"That's a good idea. We are going to need him anyway," said Dr. Quinn.
Matthew nodded and left the church.
Colleen and Brian came up to me after wards.
The sight of me in this situation didn't seem to faze them.
"Why did you kill her?" asked Brian.
I glared at the child. He took a step back into his sister from fright.
"I had to," I said back.
"Colleen take Brian to the clinic and wait for me there," said Dr. Mike.
I then let my head fall and let my sticky black hair shield my eyes.
The church goers started to leave family by family.
Most of them were afraid to pass me.
I sat at the pew with my head down. I felt sticky and sick. I also knew I was going to go to jail.
Then Sully arrived and looked at me.
He, Dr. Mike were the last ones in the church with Jake, Mr. Bray, and the reverend.
They had removed Louise's body and where they put it I didn't care.
"We need to arrest her. She committed murder," said Jake.
"It's as simple as that," said Mr. Bray.
"I agree with you but first I think it's best to get her cleaned up. She's going to start to stink after a while," said Dr. Mike.
"Jake, Sully will you two accompany me and Faith to the clinic?" asked Dr. Mike.
"We are not letting her out of our sight," said Sully.
"Faith honey?" asked Dr. Mike.
She shook my body slightly and I looked at her through teary eyes.
"Come with me and we are going to get you cleaned up," she said.
"Okay," I replied.
I got up from the pew. I was almost stuck to it from the blood being so sticky.
I followed her out and passed the men who looked at me like I was a crazy person.
I tilted my head down and watched my own feet. Everyone was outside waiting for me. It was almost like a lynch mob.
Even my dad who had sobered up, couldn't even stand to look at me. He turned away in disgust.
"Daddy!" I cried.
I tried to run to him, but Sully was on me first.
He gathered up my bloody body in his arms and pulled me back.
"Let go of me!" I cried.
"Calm down," said Sully who wouldn't let up his strength to stop me from running to my dad.
"Dad! Help me!" I cried again.
I put my bloodied hands on Sully's arms for support.
My dad turned his back on me and walked away.
"Daddy! Dadddy!" I called again.
"Why won't you help me?!" I cried.
I was making quite a scene and I cried even more.
My body gave up the fight and I let Sully pull me to the clinic.
"Why?" I whimpered out.
I clutched onto Sully's sleeve.
"Why?" I asked again.
"Come on," said Sully.
I felt my body give out completely but Sully lifted me up bridal style for the rest of the way.
I just went into a cocoon after that. I didn't cry. I didn't do anything but breathe. My mind had gone elsewhere.
"We are going to give you a bath," said Dr. Mike.
I said nothing.
The men left and thankfully Brian and Colleen had run a small warm bath for me in the clinic main room.
I didn't feel anything after that.
I just completely gave up. From then on, my life was never the same.
I committed a horrible crime and I was ready to pay for it, despite what others thought of me I knew what I had done.
But I also knew I had gotten revenge for all the kids Miss Chambers had hurt.
I felt a small smile form on my face.
Justice or Revenge? They both seem to go hand in hand don't they?