Disclaimer : Ron Cowen & Daniel Lipman.

Character : Brian Kinney

Rate : T

Genre : Angst

my first song fic/drabble, be gentle please :) gap filler after Rage party

Broken Vow

I slammed the door back to the loft furiously, oh maybe not furious, just annoyed, disappointed. Why did Justin have to go with the fucking fiddler in front of my eyes at the same time I threw a party for his celebration on Rage. Couldn't he find better time for that? Fuck! But I don't know when would the best time for that shit, because every other time was also bad enough if he left me.

I really need a fucking JB, I took my last bottle from the kitchen and walked to the dvd set and stereo, I found an unknown CD laying in the desk, maybe it's Justin or even Michael's. I put the CD on the player and listening to it, I didn't feel like doing anything. the song that spread all over the loft reminded of him, and this stupid feeling i have for him.

Tell me his name
I want to know
The way he looks
And where you go
I need to see his face
I need to understand
Why you and I came to an end

Fuck! Who wanted to know that fucking fiddler, that's none of my business, why did I even listen to this kind of song. But I couldn't turn it off, it was like the song know how I felt, the feeling that I didn't want anyone to found out, even I didn't want myself to discovered this such feeling out. I drank the JB while the song spread all over the loft.

Tell me again
I want to hear
Who broke my faith in all these years
Who lays with you at night
While I'm here all alone
Remembering when I was your own

Have I ever your own? Fuck if I know, I don't know what this so-called relationship means to me, I just know that I don't like it if he wasn't around.

I let you go
I let you fly
Why do I keep on asking why
I let you go
Now that I found
A way to keep somehow
More than a broken vow

Maybe Justin is better off without me, who wanted to stay with live with me? Who wanted to love me? After all I was not worth to be loved, that was the big bad old Jack always tell me, that I wasn't worth to be loved. Maybe Justin will be happy with him, but why did it hurt so bad?

Tell me the words I never said
Show me the tears you never shed
Give me the touch
That one you promised to be mine
Or has it vanished for all time

Maybe I was stupid to ever believe that Justin will always be with me, that Justin will always want me, I was stupid enough to start believing that I was good enough to be loved, so I broke the wall that I built years ago to simply protect myself, protect my own heart.

I close my eyes
And dream of you and I
And then I realize
There's more to love than only bitterness and lies
I close my eyes

I drank the whole drink, wishing this pain I felt to washed away by this drink, but it's not. I took Justin's shirt that laid in the sofa. Breathing his smell from the shirt

I'd give away my soul
To hold you once again
And never let this promise end

could I wish to touch you once again? Wishing that you can still be here with me tonight. Could I let you back with me if one day you decided that you want me again?

I drank the whole JB, wishing that I could passed out, and forget about everything. I drown into that stupid song, the song that lull be into darkness, fuck! Who left that CD here!

I let you go
I let you fly
Now that I know I'm asking why
I let you go
Now that I found
A way to keep somehow
More than a broken vow

(Broken Vow – Josh Groban)

Review please ^^