The one with Emma's birthday
It was a cool spring afternoon, a perfect day for a birthday party. Especially when the birthday girl has a family so different and special like Emma had. Her Aunt Monica planed and cooked all the food for the occasion (not too hard to imagine how crazy it had been), her Uncle Joey invited a lot of actors and cool people to the party and her Uncle Chandler was responsible for the jokes and entertaining. That part wasn't so great but…She chose to look on the bright side and was having lots of fun.
The kids and the parents were set on the tables in the yards, talking and laughing remembering things from the past.
"Getting old sis! Next thing you will be walking around with a cane and doing cross-words for fun!" Luke joked with his mouth full of the delicious cookies that his aunt had made.
"Luke, honey, don't talk with your mouth full" His mother told him off
"What's the problem with doing cross-words? I love them." Jack asked a lithe offended
"That's why you don't have a girlfriend, you big loser!" Devon playfully insulted the boy, who also was his best friend.
"I can't believe that my little girl is already 16. It seems like yesterday that Rachel was pregnant and being mean to all of us." Ross said
"Yeah." The rest of adults, except Rachel agreed.
"Hey! I was not being mean. It was the hormones." Rachel protested.
"Yeah, right." Phoebe scoffed
"Oh, you're one to talk!" The other blonde fired back.
They continued bickering at each other as the others continued talking.
"Hey, can you imagine your mom pregnant?" Steph asked Erica.
After thinking for a little while, Erica shivered. If her mom was already scary in her normal state, she couldn't even imagine with the hormones.
"I prefer not to." The girl answered
Next to them, the boys we're still talking, when something grabbed their attention.
"Hey dude, isn't that your grandmother playing quarters with the football team?" Junior asked Jack.
Jack looked and saw his grandmother, Judy Geller, playing with a bunch of teenagers from the football team and, apparently, she was having loads of fun or was really drunk because she couldn't stop laughing.
"Oh dear lord" the boy exclaimed. "Luke, dude, call Erica and Emma, I think we have a family emergency right there."
"Where? " The younger boy was totally oblivious and Jack had to grab his head and turn to make him look to scene. "Oh…There."
"Now, we have to do something before it gets worse." And then he got up and went to talk with the girls.
"Wow! I've never seen him act so tough and macho" Junior said.
"Yeah, almost fooled me"
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Jack approached his sister and cousin on the other side of the table and whispered to them:
"We have to stop grandma from getting too drunk and having a crazy night with a sweet football hottie."
"What!?" Both girls asked at the same time
"Jack, have you been drinking?" Erica asked a little concerned.
"No, no, no…look" He pointed to where Judy was and the girls turned their heads to see.
"OH. MY. GOD." Both of them said at same time
"I know."
"Okay. Jack, you distract the adults and Erica you come with me" With that, the older girl got up and grabbed her cousin with her, against her will.
Jack, who was a little shy and awkward had tried to start a conversation with all the crazy people they called parents. God bless him.
"Soooo…What about you people? Don't you miss the time when we were babies?"
"No" Phoebe said.
"Not really" Chandler completed
"Dad?! Most people miss their children's baby years."
"I know, but when you were a baby, the only thing you did was poop, cry and poop."
"You said poop twice"
"Because there was a lot of poop."
Jack looked to his mom for some sort of support, but all he got was a nod confirming his father story.
"You know, I kinda miss when Steph and Junior were little. Of course that I didn't have to deal with Steph pooping her diapers, but Junior was always a mess. Still, I wouldn't change it for the world."Joey said
"I've never really understood how they ended up living with you. Can you explain that again?" Jack saw in that story an opportunity to give the girls time to solve the "Grandma problem".
"Awww no" everybody whined
"Don't make him explain again, please." Chandler begged
"We've all understood!" It was Ross time to whine.
"Okay, okay, if you want so much, I'll explain" Joey said, ignoring the other's whining.
"Luke, honey, go get me some alcohol. I'll need to get drunk to go through this." Rachel asked her son.
"Make it double" Phoebe completed.
"Well it all happened in the year of 2006…" The actor started explaining.
Flashback 2006
Joey was comfortably sat on the armchair, watching the Knicks game and drinking his beer. Just another day for him, although he missed his friend Chandler every time he looked to the chair next to his, he was happy that his friend was having a happy life with his family. Sometimes, he thought about settling down and getting married, but then, he thinks of all the hot girls out there and that thought quickly is erased from his mind.
The first time had just ended, and he went to get another beer when there was a knock on the door. He wasn't expecting anyone, so he went to answer the door with a little bit of curiosity. When the actor opened it he saw something really wasn't expecting. A woman, that he was sure he had slept with, standing, with a little girl by her side and a stroller with a baby in it.
"Joey!" The woman hugged Joey and all he could do was pat her on the back.
"It's been so long." The girl said
"I know. It's been a while…" Joey hesitated because he couldn't remember her name.
"Lucy."
"Yeah, right. It's been a while Lucy."
"I know, I know, but I couldn't keep this secret anymore. This kids here are your children, Stephanie and Joey Junior, are your children." She blurted it out.
Joey was totally taken by surprise. He was always so cautious about this things…But wait, they had slept one time and there were two children with different ages. Something was wrong, very wrong.
"What?! How did it happened?"
"You know Joey, when a boy likes a girl and a girl likes a boy, the boy gets happy and they…"
"NO. I know how it happened, but if we only had sex once, how can you have two children of mine from two different ages?" He asked.
"Well…"
"Don't well me. I might be a little slow but I'm not dumb. And if there's something I really know is how not to get a girl pregnant!" The actor exclaimed with a little bit of pride.
"Oh Joey, how can you deny that these aren't your children? Look at them. They look just like you. The same eyes , the same hair, even the same cuteness" she said as she pinched the little girl's chick.
"Yeah, they really are cute" Joey said in a moment of distraction, but quickly came back to reality. "You know what, just wait right here, because I'll have to make a call to a friend that will help us with this."
He let them on the living room and went to his room to call Chandler. He really needed his help in that moment.
"Hello"
"Hello, Chandler, I need your help"
"Oh God Joey, did your hand got stuck in the sink again?" Chandler asked a little annoyed.
"No, dude, listen to me. It's a real problem this time. This chick showed up here with two kids saying that they're mine, but I just slept with her once!"
"Wow. Wait but when did you sleep with her? That could help you to find out which one is yours."
"The thing is, I don't remember!"
"Oh Joey"
"Please, Help me!"
"Okay, okay. Don't let her go anywhere. I'm going there."
Joey hang up the phone and went back to the living room, only to find the kids alone."Hey, what happened to your mom?"He asked the little girl
"I not know. She told me to wait here."Steph said with her childish voice
"So...let's wait."He sat on the arm chair and Steph just sttod there, a little bit scared.
"You might want to take a sit" he offered and she sat o the other chair.
They sat there, waiting, for the woman to come back. The game had just started again and the Knicks had just scored. In that moment, the little gir did something that Joey wasn't expecting. She threw her little hands in the air. Surprised, he asked:
"You like the Knicks?" she blushed, and nodded.
"You know little girl, I think this might the beginning of something very cool."he said and they went back to watching the game.
FLASHBACK OFF
"Two weeks after that, she sent the papers that gave me the rights to raise the children and I became their dad."
"So you don't really know which one is your child?"Jack asked
"Well, I consider both of them my children, so it doesn't matter to me."
"Interesting… So Rachel and Ross, were you or weren't you on a break?"the boy asked, trying to find another topic to keep them distracted.
"We were" Ross screamed.
"That doesn't give you the right to sleep with another woman."
"Uhhh" The others moaned with frustration.
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Meanwhile, Emma and Erica approached their visibly drunk grandmother.
"Nana, I think it's time for you to go sit with us over there."Erica said.
"Erica, darling, I'm fine, playing this game with these handsome young boys."The elder woman said.
"I know, but I think it's time for you to take a little break."
"But I'm wining"
"Oh, I can assure you that you're not wining" Emma exclaimed
"Booo, party pooper" Judy protested.
"Did she just call me "party pooper" on my own party?" The older girl asked offended
"Don't mind her. She won't even remember that tomorrow."
"Chillax Emmy, we're just joking around" Danny, the team's runnigback screamed.
"No, YOU chillax and back off my Grandma!" Angered she told him, poking him on the chest.
"Now, come on Nana" She grabbed the woman's arm and took her away from there.
On their way to the table they exchanged looks with Jack, letting him know that the situation was under control.
The boy, who was patently listening to Ross ran Rachel's "break story", understood the message and quickly got rid of both of them.
"Okay, so you're right, you were wrong, that's it. Bye" And then he got up and left the table leaving both adults confused.
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"Nana, are you alright?" The Bing boy asked.
"Jack, you and the other you are so handsome." She blurted drunkly.
"Thanks…I guess." He thanked her.
"Wow, dude, Granny Geller is seriously wasted." Junior, who had joined them said.
"Dude!" Luke protested
"Sorry"
Then, Steph arrived, holding a teacup, with some strange liquid in it.
"Here, make her drink it."
"What is it?" Erica asked with a disgusted face.
"Well, it's a tea that will help her with her drunken state and the hangover."
"Where did you get that? I'm pretty sure it's not in the menu." Emma said
"I know some people. Now, do you want her to get better or not?"The girl asked
They gave the woman the tea and her first reaction was:
"Oh boy, that's strong" And it was the last thing she said before passing out.
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"YOU KILLED MY GRADMOTHER?!"Emma screamed and everybody in the party turn around to look at them.
"Don't worry people, We are all part of the dram club" Luke said.
"You killed my grandma?" Emma asked again, this time, quieter.
"She is not dead, she is just sleeping. Now she won't be walking around drunk causing problems."
"Well, thanks Steph." Erica said sarcastically
"You're welcome." Steph said not getting the sarcasm
"What kind of tea was that?"
"It was made of a Brazilian medicinal plant that helps people with hangover."
"Okay, okay. We have to keep calm. How long she will be sleeping?"
"Maybe 2 to 3 days"
"Two to three days?! And what do we do in the mean time?" Jack asked
"Well, we could put her inside the trunk of your dad´s car." Devon suggested.
Everybody looked at him with a disapproving look.
"Do you have any better idea?" He asked the others.
"Well, yeah! We could just carry her to my room and put her to sleep there." Emma affirmed.
"Well, your idea really is better than mine."
"Now, boys take her there and we will be sure you don't get caught. Go, go." Erica ordered and they went, even if they didn't really want to do it.
The girls were heading to the table when they ran into Jack, the granddad, who was looking for his wife.
"Hey, have you seen Judy?"
"No, Pop, I haven't. Have you, Erica?" Emma said
"Me neither. Actually Pop, Why don't you go look for her there?" Erica said, point to the opposite side of the yard.
"But-"The man tried to protest but the girls didn't let him.
"Go, Pop, go." She insisted and he ended up going.
"That was close." Steph said.
"I know."
"Hey Emma, I was wondering if—" suddenly Ross appeared from nowhere, scaring them.
"No, I haven't seen her."Emma said by instinct.
"Wow. Who's her? I was going to ask if I could have this dance with you. "
"Don't listen to her, Uncle Ross, she accepts." Erica answers for the girl and then pushes her and Ross to the dance floor.
Moments after that, when they were dancing for a while, Luke came to them and said:
"Everything clean, sis."
"Wait, what does he mean with everything clean?" Ross asked confused.
"I-hummm…"
"The cat pooped on the couch and I told him to clean before mom could see it" she answered fast.
"Well done Emma, well done."
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At the table, Rachel was sat, a little bit bored, a little bit drunk when Luke came to talk to her.
"May I have this dance Misses Geller?" He said with a terrible fake English accent.
"Of course." She answered the same way.
They went to the dance floor, where everyone was already slow dancing, and started do dance.
"Oh, my baby is growing so fast. Next time you will be dancing with your girlfriend"
"I hope so, mom."
She hugged him and whispered in his year:
"If you get someone pregnant, I'll castrate you, understood?"
"Yes ma'am."
With that they went back to dancing like the others around them, thinking that they may not be the most normal people but certainly they were the happiest.