BACKSTORY- This an alternate universe story, where in which it is Frank Burns that is sent home from the 4077th unit and not Trapper. A mistake in paperwork offers that horrifying reveal. Horrifying to Trapper, not so much to Burns.
Margaret Houlihan is left appalled and heartbroken, to see just how fast Frank hightails it out of the camp and out of her life. His fake promises of a life together go up in ashes before her very eyes.
Temporarily.
But the oddest thing that takes place after Frank Burns's exit and Henry Blake's death, is the announcement that John 'Trapper' McIntyre, will be promoted from Captain to 'Colonel'. and HE is given control of the M*A*S*H unit! It is not a position Trapper was looking for, especially under these circumstances, or especially wants, but he figures if he has to stay in the hell hole that is that is Korea, he might has well have some perks.
But he knows that there are things he does NOT know. And he is not above asking for help-from Margaret, who outright refuses at first(she finds his promotion appalling and beneath the dignity of the military), but then begins to see Trapper as a 'project'. Someone she can mold into a proper Army officer.
Trapper sees this as an opportunity to get closer to Margaret, now that Burns is gone. And of course, Hawkeye's new closeness with BJ Hunnicutt, has ruffled his feathers slightly, but that is not Trapper's biggest problem.
It is an older man, also a colonel and named Trapper John McIntyre(Pernell Roberts)...
Radar did not know what to think either, about Trapper's promotion. He was in deep mourning for Colonel Blake and yet at the same time, determined to carry on like Henry would have wanted. But at least Henry Blake knew SOME things about what needed to be done around here.
Trapper knew nothing and didn't seem interested in learning. He was pleased to have inherited Henry's liquor cabinet though. And Radar suspected that he also liked having a tent to himself. He wasn't sure, but he sensed a kind of falling out between Colonel McIntyre and Dr. Pierce.
Captain Hunnicutt seemed nice. Radar felt bad for him because it was clear that he missed his wife and daughter. Radar honestly thought he would make a good addition to the unit.
At the moment, Radar was attempting to play his bugle as the group came to attention. Colonel McIntyre was not in his yellow robe, for once, but Pierce and Hunnicutt were in sleepwear! Margaret eyed Hunnicutt. She had hoped for better from him, considering his background, but Hawkeye Pierce with his tomfoolery could be a heavy influence. She kept her eyes on Colonel McIntyre. He had a long haul ahead of him if he was going to make himself worthy of the rank of 'Colonel'. But breaking away from Pierce was a first, good positive step.
"First of all," Trapper began, "I want to have a moment of silence for Colonel Henry Blake. Most people here knew him and he was a good guy. So let's bow our heads, okay?"
Everyone did as they were told, even Pierce, who usually never did. But Henry's death hurt in a way that made him wish for incoming wounded, on the hour every hour, just so he could forget.
BJ had not known Henry, but the one thing he sensed immediately upon his arrival here, was deep loss. It frightened him, if the truth be told. All he wanted to do, was do his tour and get back to his wife, Peg and their little girl, Erin.
He lifted his head early to stare at Trapper, who's head was still bowed. BJ liked Hawkeye. They had an instant rapport from the moment he picked him to bring him here to the 4077th.
But from the moment he stepped foot here in this camp, he had been regaled with stories of Trapper's shenanigans(some funny, some made him feel sorry for whomever this Frank Burns was). That would've been understandable if Colonel McIntyre had indeed went home.
But all anyone could talk about was the 'mix-up'. How much 'fun' things were going to be here with Trapper in charge. BJ would've welcomed the levity that a Trapper-in-charge' camp would mean, if had not been for the 'Peg Picture' incident.
Somehow, a picture of his wife ended up on Hawkeye's bunk. The two of them had been looking at it and then incoming wounded came in. The picture was not put back properly and when they returned to their tent, beat and ready for some sleep, they found Trapper there, looking at it and asking Hawkeye if Peg was the nurse, that had gotten some of his 'hair' stuck in her teeth.
And Trapper had not been referring to the hair on Hawkeye's head.
BJ had punched Trapper without thinking! He couldn't help it. They had been in surgery for almost ten hours straight and to find someone who was SUPPOSED to be a commanding officer, in his tent and oogling a picture of his wife, was a bit much.
Hawkeye had tried to run interference and that seemed to offend Trapper. BJ didn't like Colonel McIntyre and he also didn't like that somehow, he had come between him and Hawkeye.
The moment ended and Hawkeye lifted his head to watch his friend, who he really hoped wasn't truly a former one, continue to try and keep up morale. He didn't know what he was going to do about getting Trapper and BJ to mend fences somehow. But the three of them would not survive in this camp with this level of on going hostility.
"Now," Trapper continued, "for all of you that have been following the rules, keep up the good work. For those of you that haven't, straighten up and fly right. Dismissed!" Trapper called out and everyone began to disperse. Hawkeye made his way over to Trapper.
"How long are you going to keep this up?" Hawkeye asked pointedly.
"How long am I going to keep what up?" Trapper asked, feigning innocence. "You mean where I don't talk to your new best friend over there?"
"Oh come on, Trap! You made a pretty salacious remark about his wife!"
"I didn't know it was his wife, Hawkeye! I told him that and he slugged me! I could have him put in the stockade for that!"
"Really? Trapper, come on! Don't let this promotion go to your head, okay? You were wrong and you didn't really give Beej much of an apology."
"He's 'Beej' now? You've known him what? A couple of days?" Trapper asked in disgust.
"You know, I came back here from Tokyo to find that you had actually left here without saying goodbye. I had that in my thoughts as I went to pick up BJ. We then barely made it back here without getting killed! So excuse me if I bonded with the guy!" Hawkeye now shouted.
"This is what this fake friendship is really all about though, isn't it? I didn't have time to say goodbye! For the love of Pete, Hawkeye, I DIDN'T go home, Burns did and WE should be running this camp! But your 'boy scout' buddy over there would probably slug me over that!" Trapper snapped in reply before walking off towards his office.
When he arrived, Radar had some papers for him to sign and he had no idea what they meant. But he decided that Radar also wouldn't let him look like a fool.
"Also, the new doctor to replace Burns has arrived." Radar reminded him. Trapper stared at him blankly and Radar realized that he was not 'reminding' Colonel McIntyre. This apparently was the first time he was hearing about it!
"New doctor? Already?"
"Yeah he's here from Tokyo General." Radar said, handing him the file on Major Charles Winchester. Trapper barely glanced at it. His credentials looked good, that's all he cared about.
"Where is he?" Trapper asked, opening up the liquor cabinet he had inherited from Henry.
"Outside. I'll send him in, sir." Radar said, eyeing the whiskey bottle Trapper had pulled out. Colonel McIntyre looked slightly hung over from just the night before. Maybe he shouldn't be drinking?
Radar went out to get Major Winchester, who looked as unhappy as any soldier he had ever seen.
"Colonel McIntyre will see you, Major." Radar said politely.
"He most certainly will!" Winchester said in a pompous tone. He marched into the Colonel's office and took in Trapper. This man who was supposedly his superior, looked distinctly hung over.
"Colonel."
"Yeah, Major Winchester...look, I won't go into a long spiel here. Keep your nose clean and you'll do alright here. All I want to know is if you want to be called 'Charlie' or 'Chuck'?"
"Neither," Winchester said blithely, "And I prefer 'Major'."
"Oh well, excuse me then, 'Major'. I'll have Radar escort you to your tent."
"What is a 'Radar'?" Winchester asked contemptuously.
Trapper decided in that instant, that he liked this Winchester about as much as he did Hunnicutt!
"Radar is the kid that showed you in here. We call him that for a reason that he can explain, or not explain, to you. But if you ever use that tone of voice again when referring to him, I'll have you transferred someplace worse than this!"
"And that would be where, from the looks of things?" Winchester asked coolly.
Trapper stood up and began to call out Radar's name, but he showed up before he could be called.
"Yes, Colonel?"
"Show the Major here to his new quarters. And introduce him to his new roommates." Trapper now grinned. Oh this Winchester was going to LOVE Hawkeye!
Margaret began to undress so she could change into a cleaner Army uniform. The one she had just been wearing was still soaked with her tears. Tears from crying over a man that wasn't worth crying over.
Tears were a stupid, useless waste of time. And she was through shedding them. Especially for Frank 'Needle Nose' Burns. Her thoughts moved from Frank to Trapper, who was now a Colonel. The idea of it was appalling and yet he had asked for her guidance. And that made her think that despite outward appearances, Colonel McIntyre did indeed intend to act the part.
She turned to face the mirror and removed her bra. Her firm, full breasts were released from their restricting confinement and Margaret looked around for another bra. Finding one in a nearby drawer, she turned back to face the mirror only to find Trapper's reflection in the mirror!
"Colonel! I am going to have to insist you leave this instant!" Margaret hissed. She should have known he would be worse than Henry Blake had been! Granted, Henry would've never dared come into her tent in this manner, but still!
"I'm here asking for help. You said you'd help me, Margaret." Trapper reminded her, as his eyes roved over her appreciatively.
"With running this camp and nothing else!" Margaret snapped. But she was fighting her own conflicting emotions in the moment. She had always been wildly attracted to Captain McIntyre and she suspected she might have told him that...when she was drunk. She ignored the urge to allow him to have his way with her at this point in time. Things were too muddled these days around here anyway. Sleeping with him wasn't going to make things any better for anyone.
Trapper watched her in her beautiful fury, as she covered her unclad breasts with her hands, protectively. He didn't want to play anymore games with her. He also didn't want to make any promises that he couldn't keep. He would not be leaving his wife or children for her. This was war and war made strange bedfellows. And right now, all he wanted to do was kiss her pouty, pink lips...
Trapper ignored her warnings and reached out to cup her face within his hands. Margaret, as if under a spell, responded when he kissed her tenderly. She shamefully began to relax as his lips parted hers in a searching manner, and his hands moved from her face and down to her back, pressing her closer to him.
It was when Trapper's lips left hers and moved to the concave of her neck, that common sense kicked back in. She suddenly shoved him away!
"Get off of me and get out of here!" Margaret yelled again and resumed to covering her breasts with her hands.
"Come on, Margaret! There is something between us. Are you going to lie to me about that?"
Margaret said nothing at first, then sighed.
"I will agree there is a tiny bit of something. But I resent your coming in here as if you're going to take up where Frank left off. You're married."
"And I plan to stay that way." Trapper told her.
"Then nothing is going to happen between us." Margaret said bluntly.
"But...what would it take for you to change your mind about that? At least once?" Trapper asked coyly. Margaret eyed him, looking him up and down for a moment, before she answered.
"I'll tell you what, 'Colonel'. YOU straighten up and fly right. Act like the Colonel this place deserves. And I will consider letting you spend one night here. Or two. NOW GET OUT!" she yelled.
"I accept the terms!" Trapper said before turning to leave her tent. He gave her one last lustful look before walking out of her door. Once outside, he allowed the fresh air to clear his head. Did he or didn't he? Could he act like a real Colonel? Even better than Henry Blake just to get Margaret Houlihan to give him a chance?
Those thoughts were put on hold as an ambulance came roaring up! Trapper hurried over to it, along with Winchester, who had apparently gotten settled in. The driver got out and opened the back door so that Winchester could get a look at the patient. It was an older man with the uniform of a colonel!
"He's from the 4076th! He was found out in the road!" the driver explained.
"Probably sniper fire," Trapper guessed, "let's get him prepped for surgery."
But this patient would not be like any other. And his presence in the 4077th would cause a lot of confusion and strife-because his name was also Colonel John 'Trapper' McIntyre.