Dangerously Thicker
Blue sat in her room, on her patch quilt bed. Her room was a mess. A beautiful mess, which reflected just what she was. Her mind was a beautiful mess of welsh kings, pizza, cardboard towns, Adam leaning in to kiss her, trees and Gansey's rain splattered jumper, his head bowed, eyes sunken in.
'That's all there is.'
She felt her eyes cloud over. Her dark choppy wisps of hair fell over her eyes. Guilt washed over her body, surrounding her limbs, she felt like she was drowning. Drowning on air. She's going to kill him.
She's going to kill him.
Kill Gansey
Kill the boy who wore ugly khaki shorts and boat shoes.
And she couldn't stop it.
She had gone through countless ways in which her kissing him would end his life.
He could drown.
He could have a heart attack.
Is the thought of him kissing her so bad that he would die from a heart attack?
He could be murdered.
Would someone murder him for kissing her?
Tears were now streaming down her face, she was hyperventilating. Her breathing shook, she felt like dying. It would be all her fault. Then she thought of Adam. Him leaning in to kiss her, her refusing. God how horrible that much have been for him. It wasn't that she wasn't attracted to him. Blue knew that if she had a type it would definitely be a guy like Adam. Smart, sweet, not a cocky bastard.
But that was the thing, Adam was the type of guy she wanted. The perfect guy. And because of that she thought that he might be her true love. That it was a possibility. So she didn't.
Well that's what she told herself. In reality.
She just…
She didn't want to kiss Adam.
And that should be her choice right? Whether or not she wanted to kiss a guy. It's her choice, not anyone else's.
Gansey. What if it was Gansey's choice? He was the leader. The one in charge. Maybe she had a sense of loyalty it him or something. Something that made her think about whether or not Gansey would be happy about this. And something in her mind said no. Because with everything Ronan has been saying about her messing things up, the boys thought she didn't care. She did care. She hears what Ronan says.
She knows he blames her for everything that has gone wrong so far. Like the tension between Gansey and Ronan. And his argument is very logical, because what has happened between then and now.
Well she joined. And they were fine before her.
Ronan knows Gansey better than anyone. So if Ronan thought that Blue was the problem between Gansey and Adam, then Blue was the problem. So she knew that Gansey would not be happy with her kissing Adam. He would not act any different but there would be an added layer of tension making it dangerously thicker. And that would be Blues fault.