H.Valentine: Ok. I have an incredible case of writer's block, in case any of you who read my other work have noticed by the vast absence of actual chapters. So I have a plan: write useless crazy crap and romance. It has actually worked for me before, so after I put this completely useless thing that my mind somehow produced up, I will update "Weirdo and Freak."(maybe) I actually got that idea from a review I just got. So, here you go, completely crazy stuff from the dark and terrifyingly ridiculous corners of my mind:
Disclaimer: If you think this is Hellboy by Mike Mignola, well... read on, you'll find you are sorely mistaken.
Through the empty hallways of the BPRD, Hellboy, alight with his own personal glow, which was glowing red, ran through the hallway. His stone arm waved, a look of desperation showing in his golden orbs of eyes.
"I'm radioactive, I'm radioactive!" He shouted to the crowds of agents, who parted like the red sea as their large charge ran through. Several people screamed, some wondered out loud how Hellboy got radioactive, and someone called for Superman or Star Trek or someone else who probably had a scene where they dealt with radioactivity to come help them.
Myers however, stepped out from the crowd. He saw his friend, in completely random and unexplained radioactivity, and knew he had to help him. "I'll save you Hellboy!" He called out, waving his own scrawny little arms.
Myers didn't know however, that Hellboy had gotten this radioactivity from the computer, somehow, while he was on this website called fanfiction dot net! Which meant Hellboy had been affected by the craziness of that site. Suddenly filled with random lust for Myers, and a lot of other random girls who weren't actually in the comics or movie, Hellboy ran forwards, the radio-activity affecting his brain, and bit Myers in the neck.
"Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!" Myer's yelled, as Hellboy's teeth sunk into his flesh. Though, he had to admit, he kind of enjoyed it... Anyhow, Myers felt the words of a narrator going through his brain
"Changed by a radioactive fanfiction site, Hellboy now becomes 'Hell-Man!' and John Myers, bitten by a radioactive Hell-Man, now becomes: Hell-Lad! Cue opening music."
"Wait!" Abe yelled, rushing forwards.
"You forgot your goggles, Doug Jones. Hell-Lad said, now suddenly with black leatard and a bright red cape flying behind him in a nonexistent wind. The letters HL were written in scary looking orange on the front of his shirt. He and Hellboy posed for cameras that didn't exist, since this is a written story, looking very majestic with the nonexistent wind blowing their cloths and Hellboy's hair, which he had taken down so it would be long and flowing.
"What? Oh, I'm using contact lenses now. Anyhow, I was wondering, even though I'm not radioactive, if I could join the group!" He said, looking up at them hopefully.
They stared blankly down at their blue friend.
"Uh... jeez Abe, I don't think that will work." Hell-Man said.
"Yeah. There's already two of us here. With me, a random made up character, around, Hellboy doesn't have time for your part and friendship in this movie, I mean heroic alliance." Myers said thoughtfully, looking at Abe.
"Aw, let him join!" Meg shouted from the sidelines.
Everyone stared at her.
"Whoops, sorry, wrong story." Meg said, scrunching up her eyebrows. "Come on Kimala." Meg reached out and grabbed the rolling beg of a hospital patient, who looked pretty dead, probably from lack of updates. Meg didn't look too well herself though.
"Yeah... that was weird..." Hell-Man said. Then he turned back to Abe. "And even besides that other stuff, you don't have a disguise or costume."
Abe blinked "What kind of disguise would I need? I'm blue."
"Or," Myers started "You could be a love interest. I mean, you never got Liz like in the animated feature number one."
Abe shrugged. "Well, I don't know, I'd just rather be a main character for once." He said.
They stared at him, and then turned away, probably to fight crime or something like that. Or maybe for the closing credits, but then they'd probably laugh for an exaggerated amount of time over a highly idiotic joke. "Sorry Blue." Hell-Man said, lifting his great stone hand, with which he planned to use for 'clobbering time.' Yeah, that's original...
"Wait!" Abe called, running forward again.
They turned around. Abe blushed a slight purple. "Well, as it is, I have a heroic costume."
They looked at him.
"It's Captain Planets. It actually goes nicely with my skin." Abe said.
"Why do you have a Captain Planets costume?" Myers asked, as if he could talk, what with having a Hell-Lad costume already made and under his cloths at all times.
"I don't know. I probably got it because I thought I was actually going to be a heroic character in the movies. Or maybe in anticipation of creepy role playing I'll do with the girlfriend I'm supposed to have in the next movie." He said.
"Ok, works for us!" Hell-Man said.
Moments later, the three of them stood on the roof of the BPRD, which would look much more heroic on their parts if it didn't look like they were standing on top of a waste management building, looking off into the setting sun. Abe had been right, and his costume really did go nice with his skin color and complection. In fact, he kind of looked like the real Captain Planets. Except there was no weird nonexistent 5th element for the Mexican guy...
Hell-Man stared off into the setting sun, his hair blowing very anime-e about his face. They did that until the credits.
Writer: Right. So that was a really weird thing I just thought up one day while I was bored in class. If you don't like it, I don't know if I care, since I really didn't try... anyhow, review even if you didn't like it. Oh, and on the next Hellboy movie: There's going to be tooth fairies, Johann, Elves, Runaway Elf Princesses (is this a video game???), Barry Manilow, and Abe in love. Oh my. By the way, anyone else guess those last two are connected? Review!