Remembrance
Fiddleford cannot forget, and points a memory gun at his temple.
Stan cannot forget, and loses sleep daily.
He has no other choice than resorting to science, maker and bane of his entire existence, to chase away horrors no one else has seen;
He prefers to sit awake, cloaked by the shadows of an empty laboratory, to chase after a riddle he alone can solve;
because he has failed enough times, nightmare after nightmare, and he wants a way out at any cost.
because this time, if he can't find a remedy, there is no escaping the effects of his mistakes.
He must give up on his past. Bearing it any more would be impossible.
He must succeed. Just trying will not do this time.
He holds onto the trigger with the force of desperation. Right under it lies the biggest regret of his life – and there, just one pull apart, the solitary bliss of ignorance, the one chance he has to forgive himself.
He only clings to his work thanks to his memories. They are all he has left of a chunk of life he cherishes more than anything – he wouldn't make it, not on his own, without the image of those golden times.
He used to have other dreams, other priorities. Not anymore. What he has done is danger to him and others – he is ready to do anything, as long as it wipes it all away.
This isn't the life goal he expected. Then again, nothing else was. His mistakes did not matter, as long as they were his – but this is about Ford, and he is the one who involved him. He is ready for anything, as long as it brings him back.
He does not think of his family, his old friends, or of lost faces of the past. He no longer cares about disappointing anyone.
It is his only concern, now. He does not care that he is barely a person, and his identity died decades ago. He does not mind that people have forgotten him.
With a sharp click, he pulls the trigger.
Whatever it takes, he will open that portal.
And then, Fiddleford remembers nothing.
Because Stan remembers everything.