Hi there !
Welcome in my new story, a little two shot : )
That one was a bit of a challenge to me. I had already thought about writing something with a HeiShin pairing. A dear follower convinced me to do it, and to do it more than seriously in fact, and to include mature parts.
So unlike everything I've done yet, there won't be any canon relationships in there, just BL.
For the shiest of you, I wrote an alternate chapter 2 (chapter 2 "censored"), without the lemon. Please go to that version if you're underage !
Pour mes français, désolée, il n'y aura pas de traduction.
SUMMARY : After a terrible accident, Heiji is left as good as dead, both physically and mentally. But once the visible wounds are healed, will he be able to find the will to go on, to wait for the rainbow that could appear after the storm ? That's what Shinichi would like him to realize... But will he be determined enough to support him all the way ?
CHARACTERS : Heiji and Conan/ Shinichi. We'll be mostly in Heiji's POV and, due to certain circumstances, the style will be a bit jerky, to stick to his mood.
SPOILERS : Vermouth's arc.
PAIRING : HeiShin. Mentions of KazuHei and ShinRan
WARNING : M for sex and mention of suicide.
Chapter 1 : Storm
It hurt. It so damn. Hurt.
Heiji managed, with great effort, to turn his head to see his bike explode in a gigantic flame that lightened all the buildings around, turning them into a bright red despite the dark night.
He knew he should have felt the warmth, being so close but... No. He wasn't even hearing a sound. He couldn't even feel his fingertips. He had been surprised to even be able to move his neck.
But he knew... Knew he was forgetting something important.
But in the silence of his head, where he could only hear the sound of his own unruly breathing, the thoughts didn't manage to come clear.
The dark-skinned closed his eyes an instant, to cut himself from the mayhem around him.
When he opened them once again, he saw someone was bending on him. Someone he didn't know but his uniform told him he was a medic, and there was worry on his face as he looked at him.
The Osakan's attention was fluttering , not really draught by him, but more by his colleague, just behind him. That other man was also bending on someone.
The furthest articulated something, something Heiji couldn't hear but he knew it wasn't good news, seeing how the medic near him darkened.
And then he saw.
And then he remembered.
That he wasn't alone on his bike.
When the medic got up with a sad face, he tried to sit, tried to see who was at the man's feet, half hidden in his shadow. Despite his efforts, the only thing he could see was an orange ribbon.
Tainted with blood.
That's when the green-eyed teen's mind gave up.
The dark oblivion of unconsciousness was far better that what was happening just now in front of him so he gave up and welcomed it with relief.
o.O.o
Conan's eyes fell on Ran, as he was struck by grief.
He hadn't been trying to get in touch with his best friend recently. Perhaps it was because Hattori was usually the one calling, asking for new cases or bragging about the ones he solved with brio. He hadn't been expecting that, in those three weeks he didn't hear from him, the Osakan's life could have turned so wrong.
The small detective had almost begun his call by his usual "Hey, Hattori !" and he had been relieved he didn't for once, as Heiji's mother had been the one on the other side of the line.
"- Oh, Heiji-niichan's mother ? Hello ! Did Heiji-niichan forget his phone ?
- Hello, Conan-kun... "
The azure-eyed boy remembered he had noticed at that moment how tired she sounded, how depressed...
"- Could I speak to Heiji-niichan ?
- I'm sorry, he can' answer right now..." She had answered with a sigh.
"- Did... anything happen ?" The kid had asked, dreading for the truth, frozen in fear as never before.
"- I don' think I can... Ya're too young ta hear that... I'll be callin' yer uncle, it'll be better.
- Please tell me..." Conan asked, almost begging, and it had nothing to do with his role as a little boy. He just couldn't...
The woman sighed once again, before making her decision. "There has been an accident. Heiji has been in a coma fer a week now. An'... Kazuha... She didn' make it."
And that was when the detective's mind went blank.
He barely remembered he had hung up, mumbling something about telling Ran and Kogoro, promising to visit soon.
His phone still in his hands, he left his room to see Ran was in the living room, her usual smile on the face, that smiled he liked so much but was going to disappear in a minute, with what he had to tell her.
Still shaking himself, he took a deep breath." Ran-neechan..."
o.O.o
They had left the following morning, forgetting school or work, this was too important.
Never Conan would have thought the trip between Tokyo and Osaka could be so long. He had been taping nervously his fingers against the window's frame, unable to stay still, unable to look at Ran also.
The girl had clearly not been sleeping much, and tears didn't leave her face since he told her about the accident. She was managing to keep a straight face but he could feel her shake on the seat on his right.
How could that happen ? Ok, Heiji wasn't absolutely cautious when he took his bike, that time they chased the Kaitou Kid and he ended with a sprained ankle after a traffic accident proved it. But never when he was with Kazuha. He never accepted her to come with him if there was any risk for her to be hurt, if she forgot her helmet for example.
Knowing that, just how violent had been that accident for her to be killed on the spot ?
Unable to answer those questions yet, he gave up and tried to focus on the landscape he could see through the train's windows, to calm himself.
But that didn't really work.
o.O.o
Conan had been able to sneak back into Heiji's room when the others had decided to force the Osakan's mother to take a break, seeing how tired she was, and share a light collation with them.
They arrived two hours ago already, and could have, more thanks to the staff than thanks to Shizuka's stutters, some more detailed explanations.
A truck had forced his way through a crossroad and, not noticing them until the last moment, had hit the back of the bike at full speed. Kazuha, the closest to the other vehicle, had been sent flying a dozen of meters away, the shock so hard her helmet fell a bit further behind her.
Head unprotected, at high speed.
She probably didn't even have the time to feel she'd been hit.
Since the back of the motorbike had been pushed forwards, the bike had turned around and Heiji had been slammed against the truck itself, before finally falling on the floor, his bike on one side, him on the other.
The small detective's eyes fell on his best friend as he grabbed a seat to settle near him.
He looked incredibly pale, despite his usual dark skin, lost in those white sheets and the monitoring surrounding him. The Osakan was in need of assistance to even breathe so a lot of machines were here, beeping or making sounds at each heartbeat or each breath.
A bandage was around his head, last remains of the severe commotion he had, and Conan knew that, if he looked under the cover, he'd see more around his torso, around his broken ribs, and he'd see the plaster around his left leg.
Even after a whole week at the hospital, Heiji still looked like a mess.
But the doctor had been affirmative.
The green-eyed teen's condition was improving : he should have been able to wake up by himself by now.
The only reasonable explanation was that he wasn't fighting to come back.
And Conan could guess why.
Taking the dark-skinned hand in his, he looked at his best friend. "Hattori, don't you dare to give up... What happen wasn't your fault so no need to inflict than on you... Kazuha wouldn't want you to let yourself die for her, you won't accomplish anything by that. In fact, you may even angry her, wherever she is. And I'm sure that you don't want that.
So... Don't give up... " The boy concluded, the hand holding Heiji starting to shake. "Don't you dare to give up, we have a lot of crimes to solve together when I'll have my body back..."
o.O.o
The small detective had probably been dozing off as he found himself half-lying on the Osakan's bed, his hand still in his. With a quick look around him, he could see Ran, Kogoro and Shizuka were back in, but they hadn't woken him up.
No, what had woken him up was...
"- Hey, I think Heiji-niichan is waking up, I felt his hand moved !" He exclaimed, looking closer at the teen, seeing indeed his eyes were starting to roll behind his closed eyelids.
"- I'm getting someone ! " Ran said, going out as the Osakan's mother rushed near him, Kogoro on her heels.
"- Heiji" She called, gently stroking her son's forehead. "Wake up... I know ya can do it..."
At her touch, Conan's felt the hand he still held was twitching, to finally squeeze his.
"- Heiji-niichan !" He spurted, when he saw two green irises looking vaguely in his direction.
The eyes focused more and more on the boy, starting to fill with wonder at his sight, before a light of comprehension appeared at the doctor's outfit.
Even his blurry mind could get that. He was in a hospital.
Only question was how the hell he had ended there.
o.O.o
Conan grabbed Ran's hand, to draw her attention as he saw she couldn't control her sobs, her eyes on the picture surrounded by flowers in front of her.
As it had been a car accident, the police had forced the family to wait more than a week for the funerals, time for the investigation to take place. And the night of the day the three of them arrived, the wake could finally take place.
The only thing that should have enlightened this day should have been the fact Heiji had at last managed to wake up from his coma but... The boy shook his head with sadness, remembering the face of his friend as he was told about what happened. His memories had been getting clearer and clearer by the minute and he finally broke when he realized the one he loved wasn't alive anymore. Broke was really the word. The only thing that stopped him from trashing in his bed had been the three medics holding him and the sedatives they had given to him. The teen's look had turned blank and he was forced back to his bed, with restraints for the moment.
It had been hard for the small detective to see his best friend like that, it brought a kind of bitter taste in his mouth, and he felt a heavy weight on his chest. If the same happened to him, to Ran, he wasn't sure he'd be in any better condition.
But that wasn't the less heartbreaking to see.
Ran turned to him, to check if he was alright as he tugged her sleeve, quickly passing her other hand through her face to get rid of the remaining tears.
"- You ok, Conan-kun ?
- Could we go out a bit ? " He pledged with a childish face.
Hesitating, the girl turned her head at Kazuha's father, also in tears, under the friendly pat of Heizô. But she had seen the sadness in the boy's eyes, and guessed it wasn't easy for a small kid to witness that kind of event. "Sure." She decided, leading him with the hand out of the crowd.
Once out, the girl understood she needed that break as much as Conan.
"- Are you ok, Ran-neechan ?" The small detective asked, returning her question, a worried face turned at her.
"- I'm... I'm..." The long-haired teen's legs gave up under her and she finally let her grief out while hugging Conan against her.
"- It's... it's so hard..." She sobbed. "I can't believe... Kazuha-chan is gone... And Hattori-kun... there wasn't any life left in his eyes... Did we lose them both ?"
Eyes also shining, the fake child patted her, stroking her back, waiting for her to calm down.
He had been surrounded by death since his youngest age but to see teenagers dying, above all when they were his friends, was clearly affecting.
o.O.o
"- Hello, Mouri-han !" Otaki's voice cheerfully saluted as the detective opened the door of his office. "Come on, say hello too, Hei-chan.
- Hi...
"- Oh, hello !" Kogoro welcomed, trying to put a smile on his face, despite his concern for the boy who just stepped in.
He hadn't any bandages left and only a slight limping was reminding Heiji had been so close to die. But he was clearly thinner and his eyes were almost as dull as last time he saw the teen, one month ago at Osaka's hospital.
The Hattori family had asked him if they could send him a bit to Tokyo, for him to have some fresh air. Osaka and their house were clearly bringing back too many memories of Kazuha, they hoped that staying with Ran and Conan, in a less familiar place, could help him to get a bit better.
"- Why don't you go upstairs ? Ran and Conan are waiting for you." The moustached man proposed, guessing Otaki would want to speak a bit with him about the boy's condition, and very probably not in front of him.
With a nod, the green-eyed teenager slowly headed upstairs, to be welcomed by Ran's hug as she saw him on the doorstep.
"- Hattori-kun ! Come in, come in ! " She invited with a big smile.
At her enthusiasm, the Osaka's lips rose a bit, in a kind of social reflex to answer to her behaviour.
"- Conan-kun, Hattori-kun's here ! "
The boy arrived, kind of expecting what he was going to see but it was still hard to see it with his own eyes. He knew the green eyed was going through a severe depression but it hadn't been that obvious when he had been lying in his hospital bed. Now that the teen was standing, with low shoulders, bags under his eyes, sunken cheeks, so different of his usual easy-going temper, it was really heartbreaking.
Conan had been trying to keep in touch the previous month but had been only getting sporadic answers and had had to do the conversation all by himself but he didn't mind. Having a friend didn't mean to be here only on the good occasions. Supporting each other was also part of the deal and Heiji had clearly done more than his share since he met him, it was time for him to pay down his debt, and calling regularly didn't ask for much.
And the small detective didn't regret it a single bit, remembering with a chill that night Heiji had sounded even darker than usual... Worried, the boy had called the Hattoris and they had been able to stop their son from doing a big mistake but at what cost. He was now filled with meds, kept in a half lethargic state, most of his sharp mind buried under a kind of pile of blankets cutting him from the outside world.
Retaining the sigh that wanted to go out, Conan displayed a smiling face and welcomed his friend.
"- Hey, Heiji-niichan ! We're lucky this time, Kogoro-jiisan said he was going to let us his room !
- I didn' mind sharin'...
- Maa, you need to rest and that's not with my father' s snoring you'd have been able to ! He'll take the couch, this will remind him is old good days when he quarrelled with my mother..." Ran said with a smirk. "Let's grab something to eat, you're just skin and bones, I can't leave you like that !"
o.O.o
"- Hey, Hattori, you ok ?" Conan worried as he was woken up in the middle of the night by the detective who was turning in Kogoro's bed, with slight groans. "Oi!" He called again, getting up as he saw by the faint light coming from the windows his friend seemed in pain, sweat pearling on his forehead.
The boy tried to touch him, to be pushed away by the Osakan's arm, as if he was fighting some kind of opponent in a nightmare. Seeing how the teen was moving, visibly suffering, the azure-eyed kid decided to call for desperate measures and, avoiding once again his arm, sat on his friend's stomach, both his small hands on his shoulders to try to force him to stay still.
"- Hattori ! Wake up !" He hissed, not wanting to wake the others. "Heiji!"
The teen jerked to free himself and Conan barely avoided the hand thrown at his face, though not completely, and he grimaced as the blow hit his chin, sending his head backwards.
"- Come on, you Baka!" The small detective swore, sending his small hand in a slap across his friend's face.
Finally, Heiji opened his eyes, looking with startle at the kid on his lap who was rubbing his painful chin with a bored face, and brought his hand to the cheek he just slapped.
"- Just what...
- You had a nightmare..." Conan explained, moving away to sit on the bed near the Osakan.
"- Did I..." He wondered, as he saw the boy was still with his hand against his face, proof he'll very probably have a bruise the next morning.
"- And I slapped you after, one point each, so never mind that...
- Sorry..." The green-eyed apologized, hiding his face behind his arm. "Looks like hurtin' the people dear ta me is the only thin' I'm good at...
- Stop this nonsense, Hattori. You've never hurt anyone voluntarily.
- Involuntarily is just as bad... " He sighed with a depressed voice, forcing Conan to react.
"- Stop that !" The boy ordered, wrestling with Heiji to force him to remove the arm he had in front of his head. Once against lying on him, he locked his eyes in his, a serious expression on his face. "Stop blaming yourself from what happened, it was a damn accident ! You've always been thoughtful about the others, Hattori, I won't let you say you aren't. You saved me more than once, may it be physically or mentally, and I know I'm not the only one.
- That's until I have ya killed one day with my clumsiness or my hot bloodedness... Ya'd better leave me alone, it'll be safer fer ya. It'd been better fer everyone if ya hadn' stopped me that night... "
For the first time, Conan seemed to start to lose his calm and grabbed his collar. "I'm here and don't you dare to think I'll leave you ! I won't tell you everything is good but work with me, not against me. We'll find you a way out of this. But don't give up. You're not alone. I don't want you to die and I won't let you, so stop thinking that's the solution ! "
Heiji blankly stared at his best friend, seeing the fierce expression in his eyes and feeling the emotion in his voice with that last statement, as if he was almost pledging him. He didn't even know himself where he was going, he had just wanted all that pain to stop, to just disappear. For the first time for long, he started to understand he'd be only hurting more the people around him if he kept thinking that way.
"- Sorry... Was egoistical once again..." He admitted, with a shaking voice, looking away.
- You bet.
- But it's so..." The Osakan couldn't even finish his sentence, turning on the side, curling into a ball, feeling that tears would soon be coming, trying to preserve what was left of his pride as he could.
"- I know... " Conan whispered, moving to hug as he could his best friend in his tiny arms, feeling he was shaking. "But stay strong. It can only get better, ok ?"
The teen slowly nodded, the boy felt his head move against his chest.
The morning found them in the same position : it had been the first time for long Heiji had been able to sleep so peacefully.
o.O.o
After one week of Ran's cooking and Conan's constant nursing, Heiji was starting to have a bit more life in his eyes and he very probably managed to take one or two kilos. Nights were still a bit hard but, feeling his presence soothed him, the small detective had slept with him, back against back, to keep a physical contact with him.
The only problem was, for the Osakan, that he was supposed to leave that very day, to go back to his own house. And he didn't think he could face it yet.
"- Hey, Hattori, it's ok, we're not that far away... " The azure-eyed boy was saying, his eyes on his best friend's face as he crouched near his bag, seeing he was reluctant to pack.
"- I know... I can' stay forever here, one freeloader is already enough fer the Mouris..."
Heiji was trying to joke but the kid could tell he wasn't really in the mood to, with his sad look despite the little smirk on his lips.
"- ... Clearly. " He brushed off the joke, before locking his eyes in the other's, putting his tiny hand on the dark-skinned detective's shoulder. "But call me if you don't feel well, ok ? That's no request, that's an order.
- Yes, mum..."
"- Good." Conan smiled, happy to see that last answer was given with humour, real one, not something that was half a facade.
With a last squeeze, he released him, hoping the teen would be able to improve his condition, even back to that place filled with memories of Kazuha.
But he knew depression was an insidious creature, able to force someone to show a happy face and just waiting in a corner to drag him back to the deepest sorrow, and that scared him.
The boy, eyes on Heiji's back as he was starting to really pack his things, promised to himself he'd call even more often that last month.
o.O.o
Once alone the following day, back at home with his mother after his father left to work, Heiji had been trying to order his thoughts, trying to focus on what Kudô had been telling him, trying to find in those words the force to live. It was still a bit hard to him : he very often felt lost between the desire not to suffer anymore and the desire not to hurt anyone anymore.
That second day home, for the first time since the accident, the dark-skinned had been grabbing a shinai in the training room and was now exercising a bit, wanting to move his body to find the peace of mind his sport could bring to him. After a little while fighting imaginary enemies, a satisfied smile was starting to appear on his face, but fell as fast as it came.
Unable to understand why at first, he found himself on his knees, his breath knocked out. Raising his head towards the daylight, the Osakan finally realized. Realized he had never noticed how that little window in the training room, when it was opened, looked like the one he had spotted his first love through in Kyoto, with its wooden bars.
And that single memory was enough to throw him to the floor, his body limp with sorrow.
His first love.
Kazuha.
Heiji hadn't even been able to confess to her.
He had known for a little while already she was more than a friend to him. And hoped, perhaps even knew, that the feelings were mutual.
But it was over... He had been too slow and she was gone now...
He was lost in his dark thoughts when his mother's hand on his shoulder made him jump. And that's when the detective turned his head at her he understood he had been more than daydreaming. The afternoon was already gone and it was dark outside.
"- Heiji... ya ok ?" Shizuka asked with concern, seeing his eyes were red and that there were some dried tears on his cheeks.
"- ... Yea..." He managed to articulate, trying to get up, to find out he couldn't feel his toes, after being so long in the same position.
"- It's time ta eat...
- I'm comin', meet you there." He answered, grabbing his shinai on the floor to hide his uneasiness.
"- OK..." His mother answered, leaving the room silently.
After she left, the green-eyed teen winced a bit but managed to stand, and headed without a word to put back the wooden sword on its shelf and to grab his phone he had left there.
With a surprised look, he saw Kudô had tried to call him three times and texted him twice. It wasn't the small detective's style to be calling that much, so he guessed he had worried him, as he didn't pick up his phone.
Not looking or hearing at the messages, he quickly dialled his best friend's number, heart beating fast, hoping to find some comfort, the kind he really missed last night as he was alone, looking at the ceiling as he couldn't sleep, too lost in his dark thoughts.
"- Hattori ?! The hell, I've been so worried, you didn't answer my calls the whole afternoon !" Conan's voice spurted, speaking fast, letting his concern show in his voice.
"- Sorry, I was... " Heiji began, before his eyes fell on the window that troubled him earlier. "I was...
- Hey, you ok ?" The azure-eyed boy asked, feeling at his tone his friend was down. "Truth please." He added after a short pause, realizing he had let enough time to the Osakan to compose himself, to the point he could try to lie to him.
"- ... No." His friend admitted in a depressed sigh, keeping for himself whatever polite formality he'd find to lie and say he was good, knowing his friend would notice.
"- Hey, hold on this week, ok ?" Conan tried to cheer him up, quickly thinking about a way to have his friend by him without disturbing the Mouri again. "It'll be the golden week after, I'll ask to Hakase if we can go to his home, that'd be ok to you?
"- Hmm..." The dark skinned hesitated, not wanting to impose his presence again on the bespectacled detective.
"- I want to see you next Sunday at his door, you got that ?" The boy finally ordered with a strong voice, knowing he had too if he wanted his friend to accept.
"- OK, ok, I got it..." Heiji gave up, remembering how having the small detective by him had been helping earlier, hoping it could work again.
"- Good. I'll call tomorrow again, be sure to have your phone near you !
- I will..."
Conan looked at his phone with a sad face as he hung up. His friend had been so quick to darken again, when he'd been improving so much at the office...
What was he playing at ?! He wasn't to be depressed, that wasn't just him ! To think he'd even consider suicide at one point was just so not Hattori-like. Just how could he have been so...
He had to find a way to bring him to his normal self, it hurt him so much to see the Osakan like that !
With a sigh, the fake boy made his mind to force himself to think about a way out, knowing he'd have until the next weekend to think about it.
o.O.o
When he heard his friend started to move with small whimpers, Conan, who had not been sleeping, expecting something like that to happen, approached with worry.
Once more, the green eyed detective was lost in a nightmare... No wonder it went bad again so fast, if his nights were filled with memories of the accident.
With a sigh, the boy nudged the other awake. "Come on, leave me some place in your bed, it seemed to work last week.
- What ?" Heiji asked, jumping awake as he felt the small kid was sneaking under the covers to put his back against his. Once he felt the other's back, slowly moving at the rhythm of his breathing, The Osakan had a sigh of satisfaction. "Uh, thanks...
- You're no kid anymore, Hattori" Conan grumbled, throwing the blanket over his head. "You'll have to remember how to sleep peacefully alone once day.
- Sorry... I don' know why, I kind o' need it at the moment..." The green eyed admitted, as he felt that being close to the small detective was indeed helping him to feel better.
Well, he knew a bit why of course. That was what had been missing at home. Human warmth. And the only one that was satisfying him at the moment, the only that gave him the feeling he was whole, not broken in a thousand pieces like after the accident, was Kudô's. He had that kind of reassuring presence that would send butterflies into his stomach, overwhelming his mind with just satisfaction.
The other detective was a pillar in his life.
His lifeline even, in those darks times.
To the point he couldn't imagine himself without him, without his warmth, without his presence, the only one who understood him, the only one that could sooth him.
His eyes snapped open as he realized it reminded him of another feeling.
"- Hmm, you're not sleeping... ?" The boy asked, half asleep, turning to nudge his head against the other's back.
"- It's... it's ok..." Heiji stuttered, embarrassed, blushing as he tried to turn into words that feeling he just identified.
There was one thing he knew for sure. What he felt was clearly beyond recognizance.
o.O.o
It was with startled eyes, mouth still half opened by surprise, that Conan saw the Osakan's face move away from him.
After he kissed him.
After he so damn kissed him on the lips !
Heiji was supposed to leave the next day and, when the boy had woken up, still half curled around his pillow, back turned to the dark-skinned detective, he had approached him and, after checking he was now awake, he bent on him to put a chaste kiss on his mouth.
"- What the heck... Hattori ?!" The azure-eyed swore, sitting and rubbing his mouth with a kind of disgusted look on his face, not really believing what just happened, still feeling the other's lips on his, along with his scent. "What the heck are you... If that's your idea of a joke, then let me inform you it's poor !" He concluded with an angry look.
The green-eyed, on his side, was displaying a slight embarrassment, a faint blush on his dark skin, but his look was peaceful and clearly not malicious. "It wasn't." He calmly stated, still surprised he had dared to do that, blaming his own hot bloodedness but knowing he wasn't the kind to be able to hold back very long.
The teen had thought about it the whole week, after he identified that feeling that was making him feel so better with the other teen. That feeling that had until now been destined to one single person in his life before fate wrenched her away from him.
He didn't want to break his friendship with Shinichi but he couldn't just keep that for himself. It had to go out. He had done the same mistake with Kazuha, it wasn't possible for him to let that occasion pass and take a risk once again.
Heiji felt Kudô was deeply attached to him but to what extent ? Ignoring that last question, knowing he was taking the risk to be rejected, he knew he still had to and had bent on him.
"- Ww.. what ? ! " The small detective asked, his bored cool fading away, startled as he understood his friend was serious.
"- Kudô, I think I'm in love with ya."
Conan's face turned blank, not really at ease, not getting what was happening. Until a light of comprehension switched on in his mind. "Hattori... Just think about it... When did it start ?
- I think I've been able ta put a name on it at the beginnin' o' the week.
- And what did you think of me before ? Let's say, two months ago ?
- ... Felt close but not that much..."
The boy sighed, getting off the bed to walk in circles in the room. "Listen to yourself, Hattori, you're just describing some kind of Stockholm syndrome... You've been hurt, I've been helping you since and your mind, clouded by sorrow and meds, thinks I'm some kind of lifeline. I'm sure you thought about it... "
Heiji bowed his head as his best friend used the same word he himself used when he had thought about it earlier that week. "Lifeline". He nevertheless looked into his eyes again.
"- Yea... o' course. I'm not absolutely able ta say it's not but... I feel that's not that. It's more than that..."
Conan shook his head with sadness, feeling indeed his friend wanted to be serious but it was just...
"- Sorry, Hattori but... I... got Ran, I'm not into ... this." He concluded with a shrug, his face still a bit distorted with disgust as he remembered the kiss.
Spotting his expression, Heiji had a small sigh, before forcing a smile on his face. "Yea, I know that, sorry I forced...
- Sorry..." The boy deplored, trying to decipher the other's face. "You okay ?
- Don' worry, I'm good..." The dark-skinned stated, raising his hands and waving them as to erase that discussion from both their minds. "I just need ta breathe a bit, I'll be right back."
The small detective looked at his friend as he got up and grabbed some clothes, before nodding at him when he left the room.
Throwing himself back into the bed, Conan crossed his arms under his head and tried to order his thoughts.
Since he met him, the Osakan had been taking an important part of his life. They shared everything ... The cases... His "size" problems... He was really feeling in sync with him, as a kind of lost brother you'd meet years after being so long together and so long separated...
"But that ?" The boy thought with a chill, bringing his fingertips to his mouth, remembering the kiss they shared.
It's not that he found that disgusting... Clearly not ! But... it wasn't natural, right ?
Maybe Hattori was able to accept those kind of feelings but he... And he had Ran... Well, not in this shrunken body but... Yea, he had Ran...
He'd never...
Nah.
Boys love wasn't his thing, he decided.
o.O.o
The kid had perhaps been dozing off a bit, all he knew is that, when he got up, a dark expression still displayed on his face, he was welcomed as he reached the last step of the stairs by Ai's glare.
"- What?" He snapped at her cold eyes.
"- What happened again ?" She retorted with a bored face. "Aren't you supposed to help that friend of yours ? Why was he half crying when he left the house ?
- I'm looking after..." Conan didn't finish his answer and fell silent halfway.
He finally realized.
He had been trying to get rid of his friend's too deep affection, unable to accept his feelings but...
But pushing Heiji away at such a moment would only...
The small detective shrieked in his head with a blank face.
" What if... what if..."
He couldn't even finish expressing his own thoughts in his mind, remembering the sad smile on the Osakan's face and the "I'm good", the exact same one he heard at the phone the day the dark-skinned tried to...
"Oh my, where is he ?!" He worried, knowing he had to rush to find his friend before he'd turn to commit anything irreparable.
The boy's eyes fell on Haibara, and he remembered that time Hattori's father intervened to stop his own son to end his life, barely able to brace him despite his size, the teen having been really determined.
"- Haibara ! Would you happen to have some antidote ?" He urged her, knowing he'd need his grown-up body.
"- Kudô-kun, this is not some kind of aspirin you know..." She retorted with her best haughty look.
"- I think Hattori is going to try to do something stupid and I may not be able to avoid that with Conan's strength... His father had barely been able to retain him last time..." The detective explained, knowing being honest should be the quickest solution to force the little scientist to act.
And indeed, she gasped at the news and headed with wide eyes as fast as her little legs allowed her to her underground lab.